hairspraybottle Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 My BF and I got engaged after three years of dating. Both of us have never dated anyone else. I just graduated and got a job at a tech firm and have developed a huge crush on an unmarried but much older (20 years) coworker. I've always been attracted to the shy awkward type and I think it's adorable that he drops things when I look at him or stares at me from afar when he thinks I'm not looking. There aren't that many females in the company so I'm used to having men flirt with me but he is the only one I pay attention to-only that he never gets up the courage to talk to me. I find myself hiding my ring, and making up reasons to walk by his desk. I don't want to lose my BF (he knows about the crush), and I do not see a future with my coworker. The only thing is I've become obsessed with my coworker and my mood the entire day seems to depend on how much reaction I can get from him.Contrary to my actions, I do care about my BF and I know this is wrong-but I'm willing to do it anyway and I feel awful later. How do you see this playing out? Also,I support my bf and I while he's in school so I cannot quit the job nor am I willing to. I almost want to call off the engagement to feel less guilty but he doesn't want to since I haven't done anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Pookie5 Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 I think you are making a huge mistake and you will regret this a ton later. You need to control yourself. What you have share with your fiancé ! Your engaged, he's not your bf anymore. He's your soon to be husband, is so valuable and deep that a simple physical attraction infatuation is stupid and really really really absent minded. There will always be super attractive amazing people out there but the person you are with should be enough for you. Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalCastles Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 What the above poster said. All you have with this guy is a silly infatuation. This won't be your last. Even when you're married, you'll get them. It's just a fleeting, non-serious thing. Kind of like, ooh! Someone new! But you'll get over it soon. You are an adult. Adults practice self-restraint. This situation is wrong. Don't let it escalate. It doesn't seem worth it risking your engagement for a silly infatuation that will probably not lead anywhere, even if you were to dump your fiance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 Crush rush Link to post Share on other sites
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 I'd be pretty pissed if I was your boyfriend. He sounds like a pansy. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
The Way I Am Posted August 18, 2013 Share Posted August 18, 2013 I agree with the other posters who said you're making a huge mistake. But I disagree on what that huge mistake is. You just graduated, so I assume you're in your early twenties. And now you're engaged to the only man you've ever dated. Statistically, this isn't likely to be a successful relationship. Statistics aside, the signs are there that you're not yet ready for marriage. But you're both determined to hold onto what's comfortable even if it's eventually going to make you miserable. Break it off with your fiance, don't date your coworker, learn to love yourself outside of a relationship, and do some growing up before you decide who you want to marry. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 It's normal to feel attracted to other people. it's human nature, I guess what you have to ask yourself is if it's worth losing your fiance to be with a person you barely know. That is up to you. To me, the answer is obvious but I'm not you. Link to post Share on other sites
MrBossMan Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 Is this stupid little game worth permanently damaging your REAL relationship??? Don't think in terms of right now, but 10, 15, 20 years down the road. The loss of trust can never be fully restored, and your fiance will have a tougher time being with you for years. Grow up for your own good. Link to post Share on other sites
emva07 Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 You are way too young to be marrying someone who you aren't sure about. Whether it be the coworker, or someone else in the future, the grass will always look greener on the other side for you because YOU DON'T LOVE YOUR FIANCE. Not a bad thing, you just dont. Why knock out the possibilty of being with someone you DO feel those feelings for just because you're in love with the idea of being married? Or worse, you will cheat later on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
crazy1234 Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 My BF and I got engaged after three years of dating. Both of us have never dated anyone else. I just graduated and got a job at a tech firm and have developed a huge crush on an unmarried but much older (20 years) coworker. I've always been attracted to the shy awkward type and I think it's adorable that he drops things when I look at him or stares at me from afar when he thinks I'm not looking. There aren't that many females in the company so I'm used to having men flirt with me but he is the only one I pay attention to-only that he never gets up the courage to talk to me. I find myself hiding my ring, and making up reasons to walk by his desk. I don't want to lose my BF (he knows about the crush), and I do not see a future with my coworker. The only thing is I've become obsessed with my coworker and my mood the entire day seems to depend on how much reaction I can get from him.Contrary to my actions, I do care about my BF and I know this is wrong-but I'm willing to do it anyway and I feel awful later. How do you see this playing out? Also,I support my bf and I while he's in school so I cannot quit the job nor am I willing to. I almost want to call off the engagement to feel less guilty but he doesn't want to since I haven't done anything. well you'r the only one who can help yourself in such situations.Its called self control.There is nothing human beings cant do and this is huge for you i mean you'r engaged.So stop this immediately and pull urself back from this situation.You'r fiance doesnt deserve this.You can do it if only you want to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 Ask yourself this. Would you like it if it was your fiancé doing what your doing? How would it make you feel? I don't care if you say that it doesn't bother him, what your doing is disrespectful. Either you want to be with your fiancé or you don't. Actually your coming across as a tease and that's rather cheap if your engaged. Try growing up a bit and have some consideration for your soon to be husband. The only thing that can come from this is that it will become a bad habit that will be hard to break. Link to post Share on other sites
tman666 Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 Very surprised that your fiancee knows about the crush and didn't immediately postpone the wedding. Even if he wants to stay with you and try to move past this, calling off the engagement until this has been long resolved is the best thing to do. You guys don't sound like you're at a point in your relationship where marriage even remotely makes sense. Marriage doesn't make problems go away. If anything, it will amplify them. Same goes for kids, in my opinion (off topic for now, but still). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 You have a crush. They can be intoxicating and overwhelming. You get butterflies, you have daydreams, and in those daydreams, your crush is everything you ever wanted in a partner. He sweeps you off your feet, says beautiful words to you, and is unfailingly sexy and strong. But in real life - what do you know about this guy? In reality, he may not be able to maintain an erection. He may be the world's worst kisser. He may be a "5 second man". He may be a very selfish lover. He may have a very strong fetish and instead of sweeping you off your feet, he just wants to sniff them when they are sweaty. He may not know how to use toilet paper properly. You just don't know the truth of who he is or what it would be like to be with him. When you start daydreaming about him, try to replace his face with your fiance's face. Imagine your fiance making all your fantasies come true instead of this random work guy. When your crush enters your daydreams, imagine bad breath or him saying someone else's name, or him letting a huge wet fart while you are making out. You CAN change your thoughts, which will change your feelings. Or - you can indulge in your fantasies while realizing they are just fantasies and aren't based on who this guy is in reality. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 This is a nice trainwreck waiting to happen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom888 Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 You can't marry a man and have a crush on someone else. The fact that you have this feeling for another man means you don't want to marry your fiance. Why lead him on? Break off the engagement, and pursue what you want. This is your last chance to be honest to yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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