Should I be worried about bf and bestie?

[kiara94]

I would just like a few opinions on whether I should worry about this or not.

 

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years since we were 16.

 

We went away camping with a heap of people and we ended up with not enough tent space and so we all had to share. We only had a 2 man tent but ended up sharing with my best friend.

 

Nothing happened as far as I know for the first 3 nights but on the last night I woke up in the middle of the night and saw him spooning her with his arm around her over her boobs.

 

I started yelling and screaming and of course everyone woke up and they pleaded their innocence. He swears he has done nothing and that he must have just cuddled up to her thinking it was me in his sleep. She doesn’t recall feeling anything. We were all pretty drunk but I don’t think that excuses anything.

 

We both still live with our parents so we haven’t spent overnight sleeping together very often. From the times we have I would say he does like to spoon but I have not noticed him doing it while asleep.

 

This happened over a week ago and the thing that gets me is that while he has rang everyday saying sorry my friend has not rang once. She takes my calls when I ring but something is not right. It could be that she knows she did something wrong or that she is grossed out that my boyfriend groped her in her sleep.

 

Does his explanation sound plausible? Does he deserve a chance or is it over? Have I lost my boyfriend and best friend both at the same time?

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

I would just like a few opinions on whether I should worry about this or not.

 

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years since we were 16.

 

We went away camping with a heap of people and we ended up with not enough tent space and so we all had to share. We only had a 2 man tent but ended up sharing with my best friend.

 

Nothing happened as far as I know for the first 3 nights but on the last night I woke up in the middle of the night and saw him spooning her with his arm around her over her boobs.

 

I started yelling and screaming and of course everyone woke up and they pleaded their innocence. He swears he has done nothing and that he must have just cuddled up to her thinking it was me in his sleep. She doesn’t recall feeling anything. We were all pretty drunk but I don’t think that excuses anything.

 

We both still live with our parents so we haven’t spent overnight sleeping together very often. From the times we have I would say he does like to spoon but I have not noticed him doing it while asleep.

 

This happened over a week ago and the thing that gets me is that while he has rang everyday saying sorry my friend has not rang once. She takes my calls when I ring but something is not right. It could be that she knows she did something wrong or that she is grossed out that my boyfriend groped her in her sleep.

 

Does his explanation sound plausible? Does he deserve a chance or is it over? Have I lost my boyfriend and best friend both at the same time?

 

Yeah, I'd say this is cause for concern.

 

I've been drunk around many people before and I've never accidentally spooned anyone or ever had anyone accidentally spooned me.

 

"Being drunk" is just an excuse. Both of them wanted to do it.

[kiara94]

Yeah, I'd say this is cause for concern.

 

That is sad

 

I have known my bff since we were 6 and I never thought she would do that to me. I still can't get it through my head that she would, but to do it literally lying right next to me just doesn't seem right. I thought it was just too blatant and couldn't be true.

 

Maybe I am just in denial?

[It-is-what-it-is.]

That is sad

 

I have known my bff since we were 6 and I never thought she would do that to me. I still can't get it through my head that she would, but to do it literally lying right next to me just doesn't seem right. I thought it was just too blatant and couldn't be true.

 

Maybe I am just in denial?

 

I think it's possible nothing happened, but her subsequent behavior is suspicious.

 

Only thing you can do is ask for the complete unvarnished truth.

[Nik1]

And this is why you're supposed to sleep in the middle, especially in a two man tent.

[SensitiveTJ]

I think you're overreacting in this situation, to be honest. Like you say, everyone in the tent was drunk. Hell, one time my college roommate crawled into my bed and spooned me when intoxicated. Was pretty hilarious when we woke up, lol.

 

I seriously doubt he was putting the moves on another girl when you were literally laying right next to him.

[emva07]

I wouldn't be so quick to judge.

 

If you have known your best friend most of your life and you feel that she wouldn't do this then trust your instinct. You did say you were all drunk so maybe she legitimately did not feel him spooning.

 

.

 

Um....have you seen the thread on here about the brother who slept with his brother's fiance? Don't put anything past anyone. Not saying go around being paranoid. But don't think everything is peachy either.

[CC12]

And this is why you're supposed to sleep in the middle, especially in a two man tent.

 

Agreed. My first thought was, "Why did you all sleep in such a way that your boyfriend was the meat in the sandwich?"

 

As for something not being right with your friend, maybe she feels embarrassed about what happened, and the yelling and screaming that ensued. Maybe she feels wronged because of that and maybe that's why she hasn't apologized and resumed contact with you. Do you think that's possible?

[kiara94]

My first thought was, "Why did you all sleep in such a way that your boyfriend was the meat in the sandwich?"

 

The first night I was in the middle and I just couldn't sleep. The second night I moved to the outside and my friend was in the middle but I felt too far away from my bf. The third night he moved to the middle and everything was sweet. You know what happened the 4th night.

 

As for something not being right with your friend, maybe she feels embarrassed about what happened, and the yelling and screaming that ensued. Maybe she feels wronged because of that and maybe that's why she hasn't apologized and resumed contact with you. Do you think that's possible?

 

This is exactly what I think has happened but so many people are saying don't trust them and putting negative thoughts in my head. I don't want to make peace with them both and find out months down the track that they are f--cking behind my back.

 

I sent my best friend some flowers and rang to say sorry, we have organised to go out for a few drinks after work tomorrow. I hope we can sort it all then.

 

I really don't think she would do wrong by me but I don't want to find out months away that she has been playing me. I feel so guilty for this attitude but I can't shake it.

[Try]

I woke up in the middle of the night and saw him spooning her with his arm around her over her boobs.

 

I started yelling and screaming and of course everyone woke up and they pleaded their innocence. He swears he has done nothing and that he must have just cuddled up to her thinking it was me in his sleep. She doesn’t recall feeling anything.

The odds of him thinking that it was you are very small; couples know early on how each other smell and feel even when drunk. The odds of her not feeling someone cuddled up to her and her boobs are even smaller; even small things wake people up, and smelling and feeling your boyfriend would have done that. The odds that both of them at the same time did not know what was going on is exponentially smaller than either one taken individually.

 

When a famous con man was asked how he got people to believe the unbelievable, he said that it was easy to get people to believe anything if they wanted to believe it to be true. You want to beleive that the cuddling was innocent no matter the odds, so you do. You need to keep your eyes open and pay attention more to their interaction. You should not have sent her flowers, and you should not be apologizing, as odds are it only makes you look like the fool.

[kiara94]

So I now have an ex-boyfriend and an ex-best friend.

 

I still don't believe she is such a slut. We shared almost everything over the years, boyfriends was not one of them.

 

I will never forgive her for this.

 

I don't know if I should believe anything she says but she claims it only happened once about a year ago when he dropped her off home after a party. He tried again that night in the tent and she pushed him away, she didn't know that he was spooning her, it must have happened after she was asleep.

 

He of course as a typical guy still claims none of it is true and she is just trying to split us up. He thinks she wants me for herself, what a tool.

 

I can't believe for a year she looked me in the eye almost every day, shared secrets with me. I told her so many things about him and she never said a word. She wants me to forgive them, it was just a mistake and only one night, not ****ing likely.

 

Relationships just aren't worth it. You invest all your time and effort and trust in someone and they just don't give a stuff about you.

 

I'm single, I'm staying single, I'm going to get what I want and need and screw the consequences.

[LonelyInsomniac]

Apologizing for your pain doesn't even scratch the surface of this, Kiara. We're here. We've been here, right where you are.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

So sorry. Take care of yourself.

[kiara94]

Why do people do this?

 

I gave my boyfriend everything he wanted. I probably would have even had a threesome if he wanted someone else. He didn't have to cheat.

 

I have shared everything with me best friend. I was there when her boyfriend dumped her, I put my life on hold for her. I truly hate her like I've never hated anyone before.

 

I can't believe this. From now on I am looking after #1.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Why do people do this?

 

I gave my boyfriend everything he wanted. I probably would have even had a threesome if he wanted someone else. He didn't have to cheat.

 

I have shared everything with me best friend. I was there when her boyfriend dumped her, I put my life on hold for her. I truly hate her like I've never hated anyone before.

 

I can't believe this. From now on I am looking after #1.

 

I know it sucks to have the two people closest to you betray you.

 

They deserve a special kind of hell for it.

 

Take care of yourself.

[SoleMate]

They deserve a special kind of hell for [this spooning episode].

Wow, so unbelievably harsh for something that could have been inadvertent for sleepy, drunk people in the dark. Or, frankly, a conscious, fairly innocent move in the face of great temptation.

 

I still don't believe she is such a slut.....I will never forgive her for this.

You seem to blame her much more harshly that the BF. Yet if there was any guilty party, it was him, with his arm in the wrong place. Not her.

 

Why do people do this?

Either inadvertently or in the face of serious temptation. I definitely wouldn't share a tent for 4 nights with a member of the opposite sex I found attractive just to avoid this possibility. But I'm a 50 year old woman, probably find it easier to control myself than a 19 year old manboy sleeping for 4 nights next to a charming, friendly, yet new woman. And all he did was cuddle her. I could forgive.

[kiara94]

I could forgive.

 

What?

 

They f**ked a year ago and have been keeping it a secret trying to sweep it under the carpet.

 

They can rot in hell. My ex-bf can rot in hell but my best friend, for my WHOLE LIFE, she deserves worse. I hope she gets hit by a bus.

 

Maybe a kiss I could forgive, maybe. Not this.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Wow, so unbelievably harsh for something that could have been inadvertent for sleepy, drunk people in the dark. Or, frankly, a conscious, fairly innocent move in the face of great temptation.

 

 

You seem to blame her much more harshly that the BF. Yet if there was any guilty party, it was him, with his arm in the wrong place. Not her.

 

Either inadvertently or in the face of serious temptation. I definitely wouldn't share a tent for 4 nights with a member of the opposite sex I found attractive just to avoid this possibility. But I'm a 50 year old woman, probably find it easier to control myself than a 19 year old manboy sleeping for 4 nights next to a charming, friendly, yet new woman. And all he did was cuddle her. I could forgive.

 

Go back and read OP says the friend admitted to sleeping with her boyfriend in the past. She broke up with both of them.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

What?

 

They f**ked a year ago and have been keeping it a secret trying to sweep it under the carpet.

 

They can rot in hell. My ex-bf can rot in hell but my best friend, for my WHOLE LIFE, she deserves worse. I hope she gets hit by a bus.

 

Maybe a kiss I could forgive, maybe. Not this.

 

So Kiara, what did your friend say? I mean YOU apologized for overreacting?

 

You BF said she was lying? Does he admit it now?

[kiara94]

So Kiara, what did your friend say? I mean YOU apologized for overreacting?

 

We went out for a drink. I said sorry. She kept telling me not to apologize. I asked why. She broke down and told me. Then she tried to play it down by saying it was a mistake and only once and some other rubbish, I stopped listening to her at that point.

 

I went straight to his place. She must have already rung him because he knew and kept saying she was lying. I never said a word to him, I got my stuff and left. I told his mum on the way out what he did.

 

You BF said she was lying? Does he admit it now?

 

No, he still maintains she wants to be with me. Friggin idiot ! I can't believe I wasted 3 years with him. I thought he was different to other guys but they're all the same. They all do whatever they want with no concern for anyone but themselves.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Good riddance...

 

At least you know he is a cheater. I say is because you only know about this one, chances are there are others. He's clearly a liar. Liars minimize.

 

And with friends like her who needs enemies? She's clearly a liar. Liars minimize.

 

You should block them both, so you can heal. Go meet some new people, some people who are not mutual friends.

 

Get out and focus on you.

 

I am so sorry for your pain.

[kiara94]

Good riddance...

 

Yeah. I posted on both of their facebook pages that they have been f**king behind my back. I want everyone to know what they have done.

 

I am so angry, I have never been this mad before. I can't believe she would do that to me. What did I ever do to her apart from being a good friend?

 

At least she finally told me I guess, what a whore.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Yeah. I

 

I am so angry, I have never been this mad before. I can't believe she would do that to me. What did I ever do to her apart from being a good friend?

 

At least she finally told me I guess, what a whore.

 

You will probably regret doing this. Not that I don't understand. But living well is the best revenge.

 

I would delete the post if you can. Enough people saw it

[Emilia]

I gave my boyfriend everything he wanted. I probably would have even had a threesome if he wanted someone else.

Probably part of the problem. Men tend to want and respect women who don't give them 'everything they want'.

[kiara94]

You will probably regret doing this. Not that I don't understand. But living well is the best revenge.

 

I would delete the post if you can. Enough people saw it

 

No way. I want the world to know. People shouldn't be able to act like this and escape without public shaming.

 

If I delete the posts and "live well" where is the repercussions for them? How will the next person know that he will cheat or that she will f**k her best friends man?

 

I am not going quietly.