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Is it a mere illusion?


Mui Mui

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Please be patient when you reading my story ...

 

I am from Singapore, but is now in the States for my higher degree.

 

When I was still in Sing., there was a boy among

 

my classmates. Maybe he should not be regarded

 

as particularly "agressive" and "loathsome",

 

but he was very straightforward and some people told me that he did not hesitate in talking about his view

 

points, in an "unpolished" way, even when his ideas were different from those of others.

 

Among his other classmates, the girls disliked

 

him most. I don't know the exact reason, because

 

I did not belong to their circle (well, he and several

 

of them lived on campus, and therefore always

 

had dinner together - despite the fact that

 

he was intensely disliked). A girl, whom people secretly thought

 

should make a fine pair with him (their

 

appearance matched , maybe), started out to like

 

him, then hated him, and babbled a lot of complaints

 

about him. Another girl complained that he

 

was like a barbarian and had no consideration

 

for others (esp. girls). Once, she even demanded to

 

be switched to another group, when accidentally and fatefully, she was arranged to work with him under the same professor (though no cooperation was needed actually).

 

I was not familiar and close to him, as I knew him only

 

in the fall of 1997, and rarely met him alone,

 

except I had a certain class with him and the others.

 

In the summer of 1998, for some reason he

 

switched his office room, and came to share with my office

 

(together with two other classmate-colleagues) -

 

those who hated him say it was probably because

 

he ultimately could not bear to be with them in the

 

same office, and prefered a quieter environment

 

(mine room was quieter and had fewer people) - because

 

he was always so "selfish" and did not want to share his things with others ...

 

Since then, we became more familiar to each other -

 

though not exactly "friendly"

 

In summer, before I graduated, I had to attend an oral

 

test and give a presentation of some sort. Nobody

 

attended this sort of test, save for the professors

 

who acted as examiners and myself. It happened that

 

I mentioned the test in our conversation, and

 

he initiated to be present there. Was it because

 

I looked worried - and he wanted to give support?

 

Or did he want to gain some sort of experience? (it will be his turn next year) Or was it due to his curiosity?

 

(well, his classmates would definitely say he

 

had nothing to do, or wanted to please the teachers there)

 

After the test, we seemed to have become friendlier.

 

I discovered that he was not as bad as others said

 

him to be. He was no barbarian, and not formidable

 

at all. For most of the time he was quite nice, talkative,

 

smart and sometimes quite humourous.

 

I thought people had merely been "unfair" to him

 

and giving him such bad comments. Or it might be that

 

I had never really been close to him, and

 

therefore did not have the chance to discover

 

his "worst" qualities ...

 

Well, all the time I told him and other classmates,

 

that I would stay in the same school for another 2 years.

 

But secretly I had another plan. One day I revealed to them

 

that I would leave school, but I would tell them my exact plan when time was ripe.

 

A few weeks later, the boy learnt my plan from

 

his professor (!) and knowing that I

 

was in the computer room, he came in on purpose

 

and talked about the whole thing with me.

 

I was going to the top (toppest really!) graduate school

 

in the States, and my future (optimistically)

 

is as promising as could be, in just three years.

 

I thought he was envious (at least he seemed to be)

 

and I somehow felt embarrassed - because I

 

did not use to be praised and admired in such a straightforward manner.

 

When talking about his own future, he seemed

 

more uncertain and confused.

 

Well, now I am in the States, and working fine.

 

However, though I seemed to have had a fine time

 

with that boy, we did not contact each other anymore.

 

To be frank, I don't think we really are so "friendly"

 

- ACCORDING TO THE STRICTEST

 

DEFINITION. But I do think that we would have

 

become much friendlier had I stayed in the same school.

 

I loved to talk to my family about my friends at school.

 

Strangely, my mom and sister think that the boy really "liked" me - at least according to my story, what

 

other people thought about him, and how he had treated me

 

in the extremely short time we got on together.

 

I had not thought of this before. But then,

 

after hearing what they said, and thinking about

 

what happened after the lapse of half a year,

 

I began to feel that they might not be totally "wrong" ...

 

Or is it just an illusion of mine, borne out

 

of loneliness?

 

However, when I thought of the fact that he had

 

not sent an email to me, or contacted me,

 

I began to feel sad. Of course, he did not

 

have my email add. But one of his female

 

classmates (one that criticises him frequently)

 

does have it. And if he had given me his

 

email address before I left school, I would gladly

 

have sent him mails (as a friend, perhaps) by now.

 

Sometimes, I really miss him. Perhaps it's cos

 

I dont have many friends, particularly,

 

friends like him who are so nice and yet sincere (at least

 

he appeared so ...)

 

Sorry for boring you with such a long, uninteresting

 

episode of my life. But based on what I told you,

 

do you honestly think that the boy might

 

in fact "like" me? But whether the answer is yes

 

or no, I can't help feeling disappointed, because

 

if yes, why doesn't he try to get in touch with me?

 

if no, he really seemed so friendly !

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Well, I just want to add that I discovered

 

later from those who dislike him

 

that he in fact had a more "complicated"

 

background than most of us (this is the word

 

they use to describe him) - regarding

 

the type of job he did before he was in this school.

 

But then, I never implied that I did

 

not want to get in touch with those

 

whose background is different from myself!

 

It really makes me so sad! It is unfair -

 

could he possibly see me just like the others?

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Well it seems you could be also lonely like

 

many of us out here in the trenches of Life.

 

He also might have just wanted to make you

 

and want to be more than friends, which seems

 

to be a crime these days. So many women these days

 

dont' really want a nice, caring , loving, giving,

 

generous man. They look at these men as not manly,

 

tough and rugged. You keep searching and God will show

 

you the true way.

 

Life is such a Joy

 

Enjoy every Breath

 

Terry

Well, I just want to add that I discovered

 

later from those who dislike him that he in fact had a more "complicated"

 

background than most of us (this is the word

 

they use to describe him) - regarding the type of job he did before he was in this school. But then, I never implied that I did not want to get in touch with those whose background is different from myself!

 

It really makes me so sad! It is unfair -

 

could he possibly see me just like the others?

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Well it seems you could be also lonely like

 

many of us out here in the trenches of Life.

 

He also might have just wanted to make you

 

and want to be more than friends, which seems

 

to be a crime these days. So many women these days dont' really want a nice, caring , loving, giving, generous man. They look at these men as not manly, tough and rugged. You keep searching and God will show you the true way. Life is such a Joy Enjoy every Breath Terry

Hey Terry

 

Why does it matter if the man is bad to others, but good and generous and caring enough for you? Does a guy need to be good to everyone?

 

What do you mean by "a crime these days", and the boy wants to be more than friends? How is it a "crime"?

 

Jeff

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