The girl I'm crazy about has moved away...

[MightyHeracross]

There's this family friend of mine that I have liked for years. I'm a 19 year old guy, and she's 2 years younger. She lives near me and we went to the same high school (we have virtually no mutual friends), but she recently moved to a different country due to her dad taking a new job. Now, she comes back during the summers. Before she left, I took her out to a concert, and she really ha d a good time with me. Unfortunately, I'm shy, and didn't make a move, which is something I now regret.

 

This was her first summer back, and when we saw eachother, she talked about a guy who was so sweet because he was the only one who really stayed in touch with her while she was gone. I tried to keep in contact, but didn't want to seem overbearing and smothering. So we would talk usually 2 or 3 times a week.

 

Well she just left again, so what I'm wondering is, how much is too much? If I text her everyday, is that too much? How often should we skype? (I didn't skype with her last year). Its also hard because of the time difference, she's 13 hours behind me. So when it may be a good time for me, she may be in school, or when she can talk, It may be the middle of the night for me.

 

She said that this other guy was so sweet because he stayed in touch, but I'm worried that either I will creep her out or get friend zoned.

 

What should I do? I really like this girl. I think she's perfect in every way.

 

Before she left, I wanted to tell her how I felt, because I think she should know, and I kinda think she likes me. However, I was advised not to because it wouldve come off weird being that I told her my feelings right before she left.

[justwhoiam]

how much is too much?

You're far from there anyway, so why would you worry about that?

 

If I text her everyday, is that too much?

I'm not sure... but I can tell you what I think from my point of view. Be careful when you text her, always be aware of what time it is on her side of the world, so that you don't wake her up in the middle of the night, scare her, etc. Text her when it's daytime there, but not every day. Just now and then. Send her emails instead. And not every day. That won't embarass her... If she comes to the point when she misses contact with you... then you hit the mark.

 

How often should we skype?

There's no rule about that. But due to the time difference, if you want to make it happen, be online when you know she's there... and make it happen.

 

She said that this other guy was so sweet because he stayed in touch, but I'm worried that either I will creep her out or get friend zoned.

I would say you're being friend zoned... you had a great chance when she mentioned that. You could have said playfully: I love being your friend... but hearing such things might make me jealous...

 

What should I do?

You need to let her know in some way, or make her think you might really like her. Once the thought is on her mind... then it's up to her to start thinking about you in a certain way... that can happen or not, but at least you tried. Your chances will rise depending on your behaviour and the way you talk to her. The rest will follow.

[MightyHeracross]

You need to let her know in some way, or make her think you might really like her. Once the thought is on her mind... then it's up to her to start thinking about you in a certain way... that can happen or not, but at least you tried. Your chances will rise depending on your behaviour and the way you talk to her. The rest will follow.

 

How would you recommend I let her know? You said I have to let her know in some way, but how is this done? Mind you, I have absolutely ZERO dating experience.

[justwhoiam]

The best thing you can do if you don't want to be friendzoned is let her know you're available to her as more than a friend. The risk here is losing her as a friend. So if you're afraid of that, take it a bit slow, until when she gets attached to you. As I said, you had a great chance when you were with her in person. Now, being communication through chat or text, misunderstanding can be around the corner. I would say your next best chance is using skype with cam and voice on. Take the first chance you have when she makes one of her statements like the one you mentioned above. Or during conversation ask her: What about that sweet guy you were in touch with?

Then hear what she says and respond consequently. Let her know you're not jumping for joy at the thought of her with other guys... but not in a creepy way. She might even say something like: you sound jealous now..

That's your chance to say you are. After that she might start wondering about your feelings.

[MightyHeracross]

The best thing you can do if you don't want to be friendzoned is let her know you're available to her as more than a friend. The risk here is losing her as a friend. So if you're afraid of that, take it a bit slow, until when she gets attached to you. As I said, you had a great chance when you were with her in person. Now, being communication through chat or text, misunderstanding can be around the corner. I would say your next best chance is using skype with cam and voice on. Take the first chance you have when she makes one of her statements like the one you mentioned above. Or during conversation ask her: What about that sweet guy you were in touch with?

Then hear what she says and respond consequently. Let her know you're not jumping for joy at the thought of her with other guys... but not in a creepy way. She might even say something like: you sound jealous now..

That's your chance to say you are. After that she might start wondering about your feelings.

 

Im just not that kind of person though. Im just not comfortable saying that to her. I would think she knows that I like her, she's not stupid. I thought taking her on a date to that concert was a good move, but neither of us called it a date. When she asked me how much the tickets were, I told her it was my treat before she left, and she was like "ooooh how sweet thank you so much"-- or something like that. But it was never called a date, and we didn't kiss (I can't remember if I've already posted that or not lol). I did put my arm around her and she was fine with it. Ive got no dating experience before this, so its all foreign to me lol.

[coffeebean201]

Take a genuine interest in her activities/interests/friends over there and the rest should take care of itself:)

[MightyHeracross]

Take a genuine interest in her activities/interests/friends over there and the rest should take care of itself:)

 

So just basically become a good friend? Im just worried about becoming friend zoned, but I guess BFGF is just being glorified best friends, right? Or is there something that Im missing? lol

[justwhoiam]

You are trying hard to be friendzoned. Congrats.

[MightyHeracross]

uugggghhh OP what country does she live in?

 

Because this story sounds identical to something my sister, who is 17, is going through!

 

lol Japan, why? Where did your sister move to? That would've been too weird

[MightyHeracross]

You are trying hard to be friendzoned. Congrats.

 

Why do you say that? Id appreciate some help instead of just saying that I'm "trying" to be friend zoned...

[justwhoiam]

Why do you say that? Id appreciate some help instead of just saying that I'm "trying" to be friend zoned...

I suggested you give her hints at least and you replied with "I'm not that kind of guy"... No one is going to do the job for you... if they do... they get the girl, and you go fishing on the lake.

 

Anyway, how much is too little, how much is too much... that's all trivia. If you want to find a way into her heart, you can't just sit and wait that something happens. You need to take risks. How much, when and how, that's up to you.

[MightyHeracross]

I suggested you give her hints at least and you replied with "I'm not that kind of guy"... No one is going to do the job for you... if they do... they get the girl, and you go fishing on the lake.

 

Anyway, how much is too little, how much is too much... that's all trivia. If you want to find a way into her heart, you can't just sit and wait that something happens. You need to take risks. How much, when and how, that's up to you.

 

I know, I can't say that I'm not "jumping in joy that she likes other guys," but isn't there another way I can tell her, without actually telling her?

[MightyHeracross]

else where in Asia, but a bit further east and south... too bad!

 

Ohh hahaha, thats weird man... and yeah, we're not from Northern Virginia either lol, that could've been really weird tho hahaha

[justwhoiam]

I know, I can't say that I'm not "jumping in joy that she likes other guys," but isn't there another way I can tell her, without actually telling her?

You either tell her, or you give her hints, or you make a move.

[MightyHeracross]

You either tell her, or you give her hints, or you make a move.

 

Well how would you tell her over text? We haven't talked at all except for over text? I can't just say "I like you" over text. What would the hints be?

[MightyHeracross]

You either tell her, or you give her hints, or you make a move.

 

How would you say something like that over text? What kind of hints would you give?

[ThisGal]

Well how would you tell her over text? We haven't talked at all except for over text? I can't just say "I like you" over text. What would the hints be?

 

You're over-thinking this. You don't have to over-analyze the situation, just take it for what it is. During one of your text, when you say hello to her and she responds...just take it from there. Ask her at some point if she has a boyfriend or if she's met any guys there that has caught her interest... and if she responds with something along the lines of 'no' then tell her that you're interested in her and have been for quite some time now but wasn't too sure how to let her know and you were sad to see her go but you're happy to be communicating with her now. And just continue from there...

 

If she takes it well and she responds with something good then go with the flow, if you get the vibe that she's not interested then let it go. Just take a chance, you're not really losing much; I mean the girl is like 7000 miles away and you're behind a phone and not in person so let your feelings out, it's less fearful when you're not face-to-face so be brave. If she's not interested at all then nothing you do will make her interested anyway and you were already friend-zoned a long time ago.

 

It's OK to be shy, everyone is different so don't feel bad about that, but don't let that shyness hinder you. Go after what you want and if she's what you want, hell, go for it! If the feelings are not mutual then hey, at least you tried. There will be no regrets or could have, should have, would have on your part because you let her know how you felt. Good luck! Keep us posted

Edited August 30, 2013 by ThisGal

[MightyHeracross]

You're over-thinking this. You don't have to over-analyze the situation, just take it for what it is. During one of your text, when you say hello to her and she responds...just take it from there. Ask her at some point if she has a boyfriend or if she's met any guys there that has caught her interest... and if she responds with something along the lines of 'no' then tell her that you're interested in her and have been for quite some time now but wasn't too sure how to let her know and you were sad to see her go but you're happy to be communicating with her now. And just continue from there...

 

If she takes it well and she responds with something good then go with the flow, if you get the vibe that she's not interested then let it go. Just take a chance, you're not really losing much; I mean the girl is like 7000 miles away and you're behind a phone and not in person so let your feelings out, it's less fearful when you're not face-to-face so be brave. If she's not interested at all then nothing you do will make her interested anyway and you were already friend-zoned a long time ago.

 

It's OK to be shy, everyone is different so don't feel bad about that, but don't let that shyness hinder you. Go after what you want and if she's what you want, hell, go for it! If the feelings are not mutual then hey, at least you tried. There will be no regrets or could have, should have, would have on your part because you let her know how you felt. Good luck! Keep us posted

 

I agree, but I also think that this shouldn't be something said over text. Its kinda important, and I don't want her to think I'm a pussy for saying this over text. I am very shy, but even I know that its not something to say over text. The same way you not ask someone to be your GF over text.

 

Can I PM you the rest? I don't want to post it publicly incase she's reading this.. lol

 

EDIT

 

I guess I can't figure out how to PM you... Oh well.

 

Anyways, when we were up north together (with our families), we walked down to a beach and were sitting there (she had a friend with her), but we just started talking and she kept asking who I liked from our high school, and I just kinda avoided the question and danced around the answer... her. If her friend wasn't there, I would've probably said it. I kinda regret not doing it, but oh well. Ill get my chance, I guess.

Edited August 30, 2013 by MightyHeracross

[ThisGal]

I'm new to the site so not sure how to PM either but when I figure it out I'll shoot you an email.

 

I'm not saying you have to ask her over a text to make it exclusive with you lol. I'm simply saying that you should let her know that you are interested. During one of your back-and-forths via text just ask has she met anyone she's interested in while over there...then let her know that you're interested in her, you think she's a cool girl. Not to be her boyfriend, not for her hand in marriage, merely letting her know in a roundabout way 'hey, I dig you, you've caught my interest' without actually saying it like this but it will hint it to her. No, she will not think you're a wuss, if she likes you she'll take it from there.

 

Well do as you please. Nonetheless, I wish you'd take that opportunity to be upfront while she's overseas. You're behind a phone, not face-to-face, stating it over the phone is a lot less intimidating than telling her this in person. And the next time you two see each other in person when she returns you will have already gotten that load out of the way and you two can proceed from there lol

Edited August 31, 2013 by ThisGal

[MightyHeracross]

I'm new to the site so not sure how to either but I'm not saying you have to ask her to make it exclusive with you lol. I'm simply saying that you should let her know that you are interested. During one of your conversations via text just ask has she met anyone she's interested in over there...then let her know that you're interested in her. Not to be her boyfriend, not for her hand in marriage, simply letting her know in a roundabout way 'hey, I dig you, you've caught my interest' wihout actually saying it like this.

 

Well do as you please. Nonetheless, I wish you'd take that opportunity to be upfront while she's overseas. You're behind a phone, not face-to-face, stating it over the phone is a lot less intimidating than telling her in person. And the next time you two see each other in person you will have already gotten that out of the way and will proceed from there lol

 

I know. How would you say it? I have little to no dating experience, I know, Kinda sad. What would you say?

 

Also, judging by your name, I'm assuming you're a girl... right? lol Im not sure how old you are, but if you were in her situation, would you like a guy telling you while you're gone? I just kinda think that her thoughts will be something like this:

 

"Why is he telling me this now? He had all summer while I was here. He had the night when he took me out. Now I'm just confused. Does he like me because I'm gone and he can't have me right now, or does he actually like me? Why didn't he tell me earlier? Is he only telling me this now so he can avoid awkward conversations? If we are together, will he do this for all awkward conversations?"

 

Lol, thats kinda what I think she would think. It might make her second guess herself.

[ThisGal]

Lol yes I'm a girl (last time I checked)

 

You're 19 so it's alright that you haven't had any dating experience, I'm much older, 28 y/o so I know how it was like @ your age, and guys your age at the time being shy yo let me know how they felt until way later and have dealt with men in their 20s who are still in that shy stage and it's perfectly fine. My b/f now was the same way until he got comfortable with me, now he can't shut up about how he feels lol.

 

If I were her I would think like you said, "why is he telling me this now while I'm away and he already had the opportunity to tell me that night" However, I would think "awww, he was shy. How cute"

 

Believe me, she won't take it personally. We all try to avoid awkward situations; this is no exception. She'll understand. If anything you're making her second-guess herself now because you haven't told her how you feel, you're just a guy friend who keeps texting her but it hasn't led to anything but messages. Next time you talk to her do as I suggested and you'll feel so much better. You're just letting her know she's caught your interest, nothing more, nothing less. You'll survive lol.

[ThisGal]

Oh and it seems like you want me to tell you what to say word-for-word so here you go! Looks scary but believe me, you'll be alright.

 

MightyHeracross: "(insert her name here), just curious, have you met any guys you're interested in over there?"

 

Her: blah, blah, blah/Whatever she writes here...

 

MightyHeracross: Ah OK, I ask because I think you're a cool girl, always have. I was going to let you know I was interested in you that night when I took you out but didn't want to come off too strong"

 

Proceed.................make plans to hang out when she's back.

[MightyHeracross]

Lol yes I'm a girl (last time I checked)

 

You're 19 so it's alright that you haven't had any dating experience, I'm much older, 28 y/o so I know how it was like @ your age, and guys your age at the time being shy yo let me know how they felt until way later and have dealt with men in their 20s who are still in that shy stage and it's perfectly fine. My b/f now was the same way until he got comfortable with me, now he can't shut up about how he feels lol.

 

If I were her I would think like you said, "why is he telling me this now while I'm away and he already had the opportunity to tell me that night" However, I would think "awww, he was shy. How cute"

 

Believe me, she won't take it personally. We all try to avoid awkward situations; this is no exception. She'll understand. If anything you're making her second-guess herself now because you haven't told her how you feel, you're just a guy friend who keeps texting her but it hasn't led to anything but messages. Next time you talk to her do as I suggested and you'll feel so much better. You're just letting her know she's caught your interest, nothing more, nothing less. You'll survive lol.

 

Well before she left and we went to the concert, I had texted her asking if she wanted to grab dinner or a movie or ice cream and catch up (I don't remember if I already said this, but this is her second year away and she was only in for the summer), but she said yeah, ill let you know when I'm free. Never heard from her. Oh well. My sister (who is friends with her sister, and the way we know each other) said that she felt awkward being asked out over text. I mean, I guess theres not another option now, but still.

 

And, IF I tell her I like her, and IF she says she likes me too, then what? Are we a couple? Where does that put us?

[MightyHeracross]

Oh and it seems like you want me to tell you what to say word-for-word so here you go! Looks scary but believe me, you'll be alright.

 

MightyHeracross: "(insert her name here), just curious, have you met any guys you're interested in over there?"

 

Her: blah, blah, blah/Whatever she writes here...

 

MightyHeracross: Ah OK, I ask because I think you're a cool girl, always have. I was going to let you know I was interested in you that night when I took you out but didn't want to come off too strong"

 

Proceed.................make plans to hang out when she's back.

 

Lol, you don't think thats too strong???? Maybe I just think thats cuz I'm a shy guy lol...

 

We've already talked about going out when she comes back. We were talking the other night, and I said I was at some restaurant and that we have to go there when she gets back. She was like, promise?? and I was like, yeah! So, idk, I think she likes me, but I'm not sure.

[ThisGal]

Well before she left and we went to the concert, I had texted her asking if she wanted to grab dinner or a movie or ice cream and catch up (I don't remember if I already said this, but this is her second year away and she was only in for the summer), but she said yeah, ill let you know when I'm free. Never heard from her. Oh well. My sister (who is friends with her sister, and the way we know each other) said that she felt awkward being asked out over text. I mean, I guess theres not another option now, but still.

 

And, IF I tell her I like her, and IF she says she likes me too, then what? Are we a couple? Where does that put us?

 

Ah OK, well she mentioned itso I guess she was at some point flattered that you asked her out.

 

Then what? Then you continue the same way as you have. As long as you let her know there is an interest then you're off to a good start, but not saying anything is just pointless, she's not a mind-reader. How do you expect her to ever know that you like her? No, you're not a couple lol. Not until you both have established that you both want to take it to the next level and have made it official by you asking her to be your girlfriend and making it an exclusive relationship. BUT focus on the now...take baby steps...start with letting her know you're interested first. The rest will follow-suit.