Kitchen Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 She's been dating this guy for a month. We've hooked up several times, and we both have feelings for each other, though neither of us want to be with each other again. She cut me off a week ago, after she told him about how she's been cheating with me. Knowing her, however, I know she didn't tell him the whole truth, and definitely understated the level of cheating, while probably making me seem like a sex abuser or something. And she also said that she is denying to him that she has feelings for me still, even though she's told me multiple times how she still likes me. I want to email him with the whole truth. Everyone tells me not to. But I am so angry and upset over this. She just cut me off and acts like I don't exist. And she said some really terrible and hurtful things to me before we stopped talking, just because she felt guilty about all that we've done. I am aware that I will push her away if I do this. But it doesn't matter since she doesn't want me back no matter what anyway. And I don't think I want her either. As painful as the breakup was, it is 10x more painful to see her with another man. So I figure if I can break them up, I will at least not have to see her with someone else. And it's not like I'll be making stuff up to end them, I will be telling only the truth of what happened, and how she feels towards me, which she is clearly lying to him about. I am so hurt/angry over the way she treated me, so I want this revenge so bad. And worse, I'll feel like a dud if I don't do it. And my indecisiveness is driving me crazy. So I figure that if I just do it, I can at least stop torturing myself. Any advice is appreciated. To people who have done this before, how does it feel? Thanks for all help. Link to post Share on other sites
Foulton Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 okay. First off, getting revenge isn't the way forward. So your best trying to wipe all those thoughts away. To help, just always think to yourself, 'be the better person'. Whats kind? Whats considerate? Trust me, you'll feel better about yourself making the decision not too. Never react to anything when your feeling negative emotions, including anger and hurt. If you want to use your ex for sex, then go ahead. I don't think its wise, but each to their own. My advice is work out if you like her or not, whether you want to be with her. If you do, then hang out with as friends, that means no touching/kissing/hugging/sex. And you tell her when she asks why are you pushing her away, that she has a boyfriend and its not fair on him. Tell her its cool to hang out and spend time with her, but further than that its not fair on him. She'ss respect you more, and if this continues, she'll realise that if she wants that with you then she must finish her boyfriend. Then you've got to ask the question as to whether you can trust her... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kitchen Posted August 21, 2013 Author Share Posted August 21, 2013 okay. First off, getting revenge isn't the way forward. So your best trying to wipe all those thoughts away. To help, just always think to yourself, 'be the better person'. Whats kind? Whats considerate? Trust me, you'll feel better about yourself making the decision not too. Never react to anything when your feeling negative emotions, including anger and hurt. If you want to use your ex for sex, then go ahead. I don't think its wise, but each to their own. My advice is work out if you like her or not, whether you want to be with her. If you do, then hang out with as friends, that means no touching/kissing/hugging/sex. And you tell her when she asks why are you pushing her away, that she has a boyfriend and its not fair on him. Tell her its cool to hang out and spend time with her, but further than that its not fair on him. She'ss respect you more, and if this continues, she'll realise that if she wants that with you then she must finish her boyfriend. Then you've got to ask the question as to whether you can trust her... Thanks for your reply. I don't think I should take her back; she's seeing another guy! I don't know if I'd be able to handle that. I just feel so cheated and thrown onto the curb. She cut me off 2 weeks ago actually, after she felt so guilty for cheating. So she just cursed me off one day and that's the last time we spoke. I feel so used/cheated/hurt, and this is why I keep getting the urge to email the guy. I don't know what to do. I can't think straight. It's been rough. Can anyone shed some light? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kitchen Posted August 21, 2013 Author Share Posted August 21, 2013 No. You're just as bad as she is. Walking away is the appropriate course of action. How so am I just as bad as her? She's the one who cursed and cut me off because of her own guilt Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 I understand how you feel, she essentially used you, cheated on her now boyfriend with you and when she was done she sent you to hell and cursed you out. You must be furious and will like for her to be accountable for her actions. You can try speaking to her boyfriend and enlighting him but keep also in mind how they will react. And how you will feel after its done. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kitchen Posted August 21, 2013 Author Share Posted August 21, 2013 I understand how you feel, she essentially used you, cheated on her now boyfriend with you and when she was done she sent you to hell and cursed you out. You must be furious and will like for her to be accountable for her actions. You can try speaking to her boyfriend and enlighting him but keep also in mind how they will react. And how you will feel after its done. How do you think I will feel? I am in no state of mind to be able to judge that. The only thing that is holding me back from doing this is any potential backlash from her that will hurt me even more. My own happiness is the #1 goal here, but it's hard to be happy while she is seeing someone else! Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 She's been dating this guy for a month. We've hooked up several times, and we both have feelings for each other, though neither of us want to be with each other again. She cut me off a week ago, after she told him about how she's been cheating with me. Knowing her, however, I know she didn't tell him the whole truth, and definitely understated the level of cheating, while probably making me seem like a sex abuser or something. And she also said that she is denying to him that she has feelings for me still, even though she's told me multiple times how she still likes me. I want to email him with the whole truth. Everyone tells me not to. But I am so angry and upset over this. She just cut me off and acts like I don't exist. And she said some really terrible and hurtful things to me before we stopped talking, just because she felt guilty about all that we've done. I am aware that I will push her away if I do this. But it doesn't matter since she doesn't want me back no matter what anyway. And I don't think I want her either. As painful as the breakup was, it is 10x more painful to see her with another man. So I figure if I can break them up, I will at least not have to see her with someone else. And it's not like I'll be making stuff up to end them, I will be telling only the truth of what happened, and how she feels towards me, which she is clearly lying to him about. I am so hurt/angry over the way she treated me, so I want this revenge so bad. And worse, I'll feel like a dud if I don't do it. And my indecisiveness is driving me crazy. So I figure that if I just do it, I can at least stop torturing myself. Any advice is appreciated. To people who have done this before, how does it feel? Thanks for all help. You just want to tell him so he will get mad and your ex will hurt....and you are saying this because you still want to be with her. You can say "neither of us want to be together" but it obviously bothers you enough to come on this site and discuss it. You want her, probably more now because she "shuned" you. There is no gain whatsoever in this. Wont do anything in the revenge department, you guys wont get back together or anything because of it, it may or may not break them up, but that just makes her furious at you and will probably date someone again soon and BACK to square one bucco. Dont be that guy..... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
oracle Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 NO. Not your place to Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 How do you think I will feel? I am in no state of mind to be able to judge that. The only thing that is holding me back from doing this is any potential backlash from her that will hurt me even more. My own happiness is the #1 goal here, but it's hard to be happy while she is seeing someone else! I think you will feel pretty horrible and it will haunt you as I was in a very similar situation as you were, executed my intentions and then felt terrible about it. Sometimes is best to leave things alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Soat Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 They are right about not your business or problem and the right thing to do is just stay away and out of it! However if you're still angry etc i say "revenge is a dish best served cold!" And go for it! Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 They are right about not your business or problem and the right thing to do is just stay away and out of it! However if you're still angry etc i say "revenge is a dish best served cold!" And go for it! Are you f***ing serious? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 They are right about not your business or problem and the right thing to do is just stay away and out of it! However if you're still angry etc i say "revenge is a dish best served cold!" And go for it! The absolute worst advice you can take on this site. Do it and see what happens. Apples to oranges, you'll be creating another thread asking "what do I do my ex hates me now and is seeing someone new" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 No man. You;re not doing it to help him out. You're doing it to hurt your ex. I think you've done enough damage, let them work it out on their own terms. On the flip side, if I was in his shoes, I'd probably want to know......so...... I dunno. If I were you though, I wouldn't say anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kitchen Posted August 21, 2013 Author Share Posted August 21, 2013 I think you will feel pretty horrible and it will haunt you as I was in a very similar situation as you were, executed my intentions and then felt terrible about it. Sometimes is best to leave things alone. Would you mind explaining further? Link to post Share on other sites
Soat Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 Are you f***ing serious? The absolute worst advice you can take on this site. Do it and see what happens. Apples to oranges, you'll be creating another thread asking "what do I do my ex hates me now and is seeing someone new" I did say first in my comment it wasn't the right action and he should stay out of it! However, if he feels wronged, and if I were that person being lied to by her I would want to know and appreciate it. She's an ass, and perhaps being called out on her lying isn't so wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 Would you mind explaining further? It's rather personal. I just like you was angry, bitter or perhaps I still am and allowed these emotions to impulsively get the best of me. Now I feel like a horrible human being. I successfully managed to open up more wounds that will clearly take me longer to heal. Trust me when I tell you that I do KNOW how you feel but listen to me when I tell you that it will be much better for YOU to leave it all alone and walk away, just walk away man. I know you want revenge but that's one of the worst things you can seek. Look at it this way, your ex is the one in a new relationship not you, and she made the conscious decision to fool around with you clearly knowing she has someone else who she should have been committed to, so who is the better person here? obviously not her. Walk away with that, knowing the type of person you used to date and loved. And if she is as easily doing it to him with very little remorse she could have easily done it to you as well, is this the type of person you try to win back? do you honestly want to set yourself up for future failure? Find peace, I forgot what that was long ago hence why I acted on emotions. I need to find peace within myself all over again. Be the better and bigger man and just walk away, please believe me when I tell you this, don't make the same mistake I did, I speak with personal experience under my belt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kitchen Posted August 21, 2013 Author Share Posted August 21, 2013 It's rather personal. I just like you was angry, bitter or perhaps I still am and allowed these emotions to impulsively get the best of me. Now I feel like a horrible human being. I successfully managed to open up more wounds that will clearly take me longer to heal. Trust me when I tell you that I do KNOW how you feel but listen to me when I tell you that it will be much better for YOU to leave it all alone and walk away, just walk away man. I know you want revenge but that's one of the worst things you can seek. Look at it this way, your ex is the one in a new relationship not you, and she made the conscious decision to fool around with you clearly knowing she has someone else who she should have been committed to, so who is the better person here? obviously not her. Walk away with that, knowing the type of person you used to date and loved. And if she is as easily doing it to him with very little remorse she could have easily done it to you as well, is this the type of person you try to win back? do you honestly want to set yourself up for future failure? Find peace, I forgot what that was long ago hence why I acted on emotions. I need to find peace within myself all over again. Be the better and bigger man and just walk away, please believe me when I tell you this, don't make the same mistake I did, I speak with personal experience under my belt. Thanks for your explanation. Would you be okay with talking about it through PM (though I'm not sure if this site has PM), if it's too personal to post here? I really want someone to relate to, and I think you would be a good person for that. Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 Thanks for your explanation. Would you be okay with talking about it through PM (though I'm not sure if this site has PM), if it's too personal to post here? I really want someone to relate to, and I think you would be a good person for that. You can PM me but I think you need to reach a certain amount of posts or purchase a membership if I'm not mistaken. Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 1. the new bf probably won't believe you and think youre trying to break them up. 2. he may believe you and then want to kick your ass. 3. your ex will not come back to you for doing this. 4. if they do break up, she's gonna go bang some new dude anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 Stop being an idiot and having sex with your ex, especially when she's seeing someone else. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kitchen Posted August 21, 2013 Author Share Posted August 21, 2013 1. the new bf probably won't believe you and think youre trying to break them up. 2. he may believe you and then want to kick your ass. 3. your ex will not come back to you for doing this. 4. if they do break up, she's gonna go bang some new dude anyway. Not trying to get my ex back. And definitely not worried about getting my ass kicked. And not worried about her banging another dude. I was only the 2nd guy she was with. As far as your first point. I have a very detailed email that is hard not to believe. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kitchen Posted August 21, 2013 Author Share Posted August 21, 2013 Stop being an idiot and having sex with your ex, especially when she's seeing someone else. Great, thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kitchen Posted August 21, 2013 Author Share Posted August 21, 2013 You can PM me but I think you need to reach a certain amount of posts or purchase a membership if I'm not mistaken. Hm I see. Yea, no wonder why it didn't work. Can you try PMing me? And if it works, would you mind sending your email so we can chat where I am able to message? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 You can tell him if you want to but more than likely if he really likes her he isn't going to believe you but her. If he does find out it is true he probably will be on the fence about letting her go because he will still want her. If he does let her go she will have a newer bf soon after so the truth is you wouldn't be hurting anyone but yourself if you tell. She's going to have somebody else regardless. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 Hm I see. Yea, no wonder why it didn't work. Can you try PMing me? And if it works, would you mind sending your email so we can chat where I am able to message? I tried PMing you as well, It didn't work either. Link to post Share on other sites
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