The Game

[hayewils]

Last night, while relaxing outside on my deck, I started thinking about this game in life.

Its a game of survival. A game of taking, stealing, cheating, lies, all to get ahead in life.

In this life we live in, ive seen companies begin, if seen companies fail, ive seen companies overtaken by other companies.

The same with relationships. They begin, they fail, even overtaken by someone who wants what you have.

Even in this game we are all involved with, sometimes we lose a hand that was dealt. Kind of like playing monopoly.. They want your real estate and buy it from you. Kind of like your wife running off with the guy with the most money. This game is all about our future, our happiness, being with our best friend for life, but its also a sensitive game. If you don't play your cards right, you can lose. If you don't make the correct bets, you can lose.

It can be a complicated game. Having to guess what you've been dealt, having to figure out your next move so you can survive.

I sat outside last night thinking about how I am so done playing the game.

All I care about today is me, my kids, my dogs. I want to find a new team mate for playing this stupid game of life but there are times where I just don't care, and it is most of the time. I only think about myself, my future so I don't get hung up in this game.

I even have a shotgun shell in my bathroom sitting in the corner from my sink. Its a reminder of my lowest point losing my hand with what I was dealt. Its a reminder of what I don't want to happen to me again in my life, and its a reminder of a night I almost checked out completely from lifes game. This game is tough, and its unforgiving. Its also like the reality series "survival". I feel that my best friend who I put so much belief in, so much trust.. She only used me to get to another place in the game, I was only a stepping stone. That sucks.

Fortunately for us who have lost our hand playing, we are all still here to play another day. The board is still in front of us, were all contemplating our next move. Were all contemplating carefully so we don't lose again.

[Porridge]

There's plenty of references from people who claim life to be one big 'game'. In respect of relationships, the intention should be to share a life with somebody where games are not necessary.

 

A life where you have to be on your toes and devise strategies to progress or maintain - well, that may be some people's instinct but plenty of folk don't care for it. They just want mutual trust and support.

[hayewils]

There's plenty of references from people who claim life to be one big 'game'. In respect of relationships, the intention should be to share a life with somebody where games are not necessary.

 

A life where you have to be on your toes and devise strategies to progress or maintain - well, that may be some people's instinct but plenty of folk don't care for it. They just want mutual trust and support.

 

That's the whole point. It should not be a game. There should be no games.

All relationships, true relationships should be built all on mutual respect and understanding. Life game should just be easy, you would think..

[hayewils]

its like the saying..

he who dies with the most toys, wins..

[WreckedDan]

Dude, love your post! You are so right. I have a couple observations based on your point of view... we are all playing the same game, that should make things less complicated, one would think. But, we are sadly not all at the same point in the game, therefor we all have different goals as to what lies ahead, and what we have passed through. I don't think we play this game with anyone really. We all have our own piece on the board, no question about it. What you have to ask yourself is who do you want sitting at the same table. Who will make the game fun, exciting, and a valuable experience.

 

I look at it more like one of those choose you're own adventure books from when I was a kid. You go through life then you are left with choices. Do we always make the right one? Of course not... just take your time and find your page and choose better next time. You learned what choice not to make last time, don't do it again.

 

Just my 2©

Dan

Edited August 17, 2013 by WreckedDan
typos

[hayewils]

the whole point of this is,

realize it, be a part of it, play or not to play..

We all get into relationships with the realization of no games.. I did. there were no games. I refused at the time to play games, the point is, we don't realize how involved we do become in games till its over.

Did any of us stop to look at what happened in our relationships and where we were involved to try to save our relationship? it was a game...

we try to beg and plead.. (aka) sell ourselves..

We try to make promises of being or making things better.. (aka) negotiating

we try to tell the others their fault, (aka) blame shifting or, the guilt trip

 

its not about playing games. Its not about saying, I am not into games.

none of us are into playing games.

the thought is, we don't realize how involved into games that we really are,until the end. we ourselves become gameshow hosts at times.

we become embroiled into lifes games trying to save our happiness, our security in our lives. our comfort.. we don't realize the game that ourselves play, the very ones who say, I don't play games.

we do, we in the end, beg plead and negotiate to try to win over and keep the very security and happiness we have and have known, our spouses, the one we married . our best friend.

There was never any intention of a game when we asked them to marry us

[WreckedDan]

So is your point, that it is unavoidable? That in order to be in a relationship we must play the game? If so, hand me the dice, I'm passing go and not looking back! (Hope this time I can skip that stupid Luxury Tax)

 

Dan

[2.50 a gallon]

It has long been called the mating game.

 

Like things in life we usually don't win the first time we play. How many falls did it takes us to learn to ride a bike?

 

And it wouldn't be all that special if it was as easy as buttering toast.

 

Some of us, give up and quit the first time we lose. But the smart ones, learn from their loses, put them in a folder titled "life's lessons", and like learning how to ride a bike eventually try again. Only this time we draw on what we have learned from our failures and successes, and apply what we have learned, towards the next time we play.

 

Take it from one who has lost several times in the past. For the past 18 years I have been I looking into the eyes of love and it is real

 

And the key reason it is real and has lasted so long, is that I learned from my past failures and apply my "life's lessons" daily

Edited August 18, 2013 by 2.50 a gallon

[2.50 a gallon]

deleted double post

Edited August 18, 2013 by 2.50 a gallon
missing word

[2.50 a gallon]

triple post

Edited August 18, 2013 by 2.50 a gallon

[Misadventure]

I think to those of us who have a heart we realize it is not a game but to those spouses who play them, the game is alive for them.

[hurts_so_bad]

In the beginning of any relationship there can be a game, Then at the end if your on the losing side you feel you need to play that game to win back what you want so dear..If there are games in the beginning I head for the hills before I catch feelings..Cause I never chase anyone, and if I have to that person isnt into me that much. So there is going to be nothing but heartache down the line for me...

 

If you were in love with someone who mutually loved you and they leave you there is also a game...The game to try and act a certain way in hopes to win them back...You read my post yesterday and I already changed my mind from giving her the letter..

 

That letter was showing my true feelings and letting her know I was pissed and not to contact me again..However, That in its own way was a game in hopes that if I stood up to her she may gain respect for me or be afraid that this time I am serious and run back to me..So in almost everything we do..If we care and still want them back there is a hidden agenda or a game!

 

The bottom line is to decide who you want to be! Do you want to be an honest guy who says what he feels? Do you want to play the game? Its a toss up! You never really know which route is going to be the right one!

But at some point we have to decide which we want to be so that we have a path or plan to take that we do not defer from..A plan that gives us the answers we need.. whether we win, lose or draw! I have been searching for this and still very confused about it myself...

 

I came up with a solution for myself yesterday to just be me and stand up and be a man and say to her in that letter what I felt.. So I did..Last night I threw it out! The problem with saying what you feel as I did in the letter is telling her I still care and as we all know "He who cares less wins" so I decided to get rid of it and play the game..Follow the rule in life to treat people the way I want to be treated but also treat people the way they treat me!

 

I was all happy about that thinking I finally have the concrete answer I am looking for that will give me all the answers I need..So I decided that im going into the game full force and going to treat her exactly the way she treats me! Give her a taste of her own medicine! It felt good to feel I finally have the right answer and control of what I am going to do!

 

Today mowing my lawn I said to myself...Do I really want to go on playing games and thinking of all these manipulative things in order to win her back? If thats the case is she really worth it? So now I am back again thinking I should just tell her hey! You are not giving me what I want so goodbye! Isnt it all about what we want anyway?

 

But thats flawed as well cause again you tell her what you want and goodbye you again are telling her you want her and you also better be damn well able to stay away from her after that cause then you will really get played!

 

It comes down to who you want to be as a man..The one who plays the game in hopes to win? Or the one who says how it is and lets go of the bull****!

 

Love and heartache can really screw your mind up cause i think everyone wants to be that honest man who tells it like it is... but we all have that fear of, if I do that she/he will be gone for good..

 

I think it all comes down to self respect and what you will allow people to get away with in your life and how much they can control you..If you have in your head that I am a catch! you will find a new self respect that will make you give a crap less cause there will be less fear of not having them..

 

How many of us guys would probably feel much much better if someone else walked into our lives that we fell in love with? Raise your hand! How many of us would give a crap about getting back with the ex after you fell for someone else? Raise your hand! I know I wouldnt if I fell for someone else I would feel 100% better and care less what my ex is doing..

 

I think it comes down to the fear of being alone and not being able to find love in anyone else, and thats insecurity for some of us which makes us keep running to what keeps hurting us!

 

At some point we have to end the game, be yourself, and know that there is light at the end of the tunnel which will give us the confidence to finally say..Im DONE!

[hurts_so_bad]

In the beginning of any relationship there can be a game, Then at the end if your on the losing side you feel you need to play that game to win back what you want so dear..If there are games in the beginning I head for the hills before I catch feelings..Cause I never chase anyone, and if I have to that person isnt into me that much. So there is going to be nothing but heartache down the line for me...

 

If you were in love with someone who mutually loved you and they leave you there is also a game...The game to try and act a certain way in hopes to win them back...You read my post yesterday and I already changed my mind from giving her the letter..

 

That letter was showing my true feelings and letting her know I was pissed and not to contact me again..However, That in its own way was a game in hopes that if I stood up to her she may gain respect for me or be afraid that this time I am serious and run back to me..So in almost everything we do..If we care and still want them back there is a hidden agenda or a game!

 

The bottom line is to decide who you want to be! Do you want to be an honest guy who says what he feels? Do you want to play the game? Its a toss up! You never really know which route is going to be the right one!

But at some point we have to decide which we want to be so that we have a path or plan to take that we do not defer from..A plan that gives us the answers we need.. whether we win, lose or draw! I have been searching for this and still very confused about it myself...

 

I came up with a solution for myself yesterday to just be me and stand up and be a man and say to her in that letter what I felt.. So I did..Last night I threw it out! The problem with saying what you feel as I did in the letter is telling her I still care and as we all know "He who cares less wins" so I decided to get rid of it and play the game..Follow the rule in life to treat people the way I want to be treated but also treat people the way they treat me!

 

I was all happy about that thinking I finally have the concrete answer I am looking for that will give me all the answers I need..So I decided that im going into the game full force and going to treat her exactly the way she treats me! Give her a taste of her own medicine! It felt good to feel I finally have the right answer and control of what I am going to do!

 

Today mowing my lawn I said to myself...Do I really want to go on playing games and thinking of all these manipulative things in order to win her back? If thats the case is she really worth it? So now I am back again thinking I should just tell her hey! You are not giving me what I want so goodbye! Isnt it all about what we want anyway?

 

But thats flawed as well cause again you tell her what you want and goodbye you again are telling her you want her and you also better be damn well able to stay away from her after that cause then you will really get played!

 

It comes down to who you want to be as a man..The one who plays the game in hopes to win? Or the one who says how it is and lets go of the bull****!

 

Love and heartache can really screw your mind up cause i think everyone wants to be that honest man who tells it like it is... but we all have that fear of, if I do that she/he will be gone for good..

 

I think it all comes down to self respect and what you will allow people to get away with in your life and how much they can control you..If you have in your head that I am a catch! you will find a new self respect that will make you give a crap less cause there will be less fear of not having them..

 

How many of us guys would probably feel much much better if someone else walked into our lives that we fell in love with? Raise your hand! How many of us would give a crap about getting back with the ex after you fell for someone else? Raise your hand! I know I wouldnt if I fell for someone else I would feel 100% better and care less what my ex is doing..

 

I think it comes down to the fear of being alone and not being able to find love in anyone else, and thats insecurity for some of us which makes us keep running to what keeps hurting us!

 

At some point we have to end the game, be yourself, and know that there is light at the end of the tunnel which will give us the confidence to finally say..Im DONE!

[hayewils]

In the beginning of any relationship there can be a game, Then at the end if your on the losing side you feel you need to play that game to win back what you want so dear..If there are games in the beginning I head for the hills before I catch feelings..Cause I never chase anyone, and if I have to that person isnt into me that much. So there is going to be nothing but heartache down the line for me...

 

If you were in love with someone who mutually loved you and they leave you there is also a game...The game to try and act a certain way in hopes to win them back...You read my post yesterday and I already changed my mind from giving her the letter..

 

That letter was showing my true feelings and letting her know I was pissed and not to contact me again..However, That in its own way was a game in hopes that if I stood up to her she may gain respect for me or be afraid that this time I am serious and run back to me..So in almost everything we do..If we care and still want them back there is a hidden agenda or a game!

 

The bottom line is to decide who you want to be! Do you want to be an honest guy who says what he feels? Do you want to play the game? Its a toss up! You never really know which route is going to be the right one!

But at some point we have to decide which we want to be so that we have a path or plan to take that we do not defer from..A plan that gives us the answers we need.. whether we win, lose or draw! I have been searching for this and still very confused about it myself...

 

I came up with a solution for myself yesterday to just be me and stand up and be a man and say to her in that letter what I felt.. So I did..Last night I threw it out! The problem with saying what you feel as I did in the letter is telling her I still care and as we all know "He who cares less wins" so I decided to get rid of it and play the game..Follow the rule in life to treat people the way I want to be treated but also treat people the way they treat me!

 

I was all happy about that thinking I finally have the concrete answer I am looking for that will give me all the answers I need..So I decided that im going into the game full force and going to treat her exactly the way she treats me! Give her a taste of her own medicine! It felt good to feel I finally have the right answer and control of what I am going to do!

 

Today mowing my lawn I said to myself...Do I really want to go on playing games and thinking of all these manipulative things in order to win her back? If thats the case is she really worth it? So now I am back again thinking I should just tell her hey! You are not giving me what I want so goodbye! Isnt it all about what we want anyway?

 

But thats flawed as well cause again you tell her what you want and goodbye you again are telling her you want her and you also better be damn well able to stay away from her after that cause then you will really get played!

 

It comes down to who you want to be as a man..The one who plays the game in hopes to win? Or the one who says how it is and lets go of the bull****!

 

Love and heartache can really screw your mind up cause i think everyone wants to be that honest man who tells it like it is... but we all have that fear of, if I do that she/he will be gone for good..

 

I think it all comes down to self respect and what you will allow people to get away with in your life and how much they can control you..If you have in your head that I am a catch! you will find a new self respect that will make you give a crap less cause there will be less fear of not having them..

 

How many of us guys would probably feel much much better if someone else walked into our lives that we fell in love with? Raise your hand! How many of us would give a crap about getting back with the ex after you fell for someone else? Raise your hand! I know I wouldnt if I fell for someone else I would feel 100% better and care less what my ex is doing..

 

I think it comes down to the fear of being alone and not being able to find love in anyone else, and thats insecurity for some of us which makes us keep running to what keeps hurting us!

 

At some point we have to end the game, be yourself, and know that there is light at the end of the tunnel which will give us the confidence to finally say..Im DONE!

 

I am with you on all that you wrote. your correct!

[Meatballsmom]

From the posts on this thread, the sadness is that most of the posters don't realize the game that you think you are playing does not exist. It takes two to play a game, and from what I have read you are the only ones playing as your spouse has already left the building.

 

From my personal point of view, a couple of years after we married my Ex began to change into very abusive alcoholic. He never hit me, but when he was on a binge, I would be accused of being unfaithful, our kids were not his, of being dumb, the list could go on for a page or more.

 

Then he would sober up, and the I'm so sorry's would begin, along with the I'll changes, and never drink agains.

 

With the passage of time he drained all the love I once had for him, until there was nothing left.

 

After we separated he began to accuse me of playing games similar to what I read of in this thread. He was sure that I had a boy friend.

 

He never realized that he was the only player. There was no game. The love was gone and I no longer cared and there was nothing he could do to change the way I felt.

[M30USA]

In order to not play the game and break the system, you have to make the scary choice to not even place your own life above doing what God requires. This is what Jesus did. Take up your cross and follow him. There is a cost to discipleship. You will get trod upon and people will push ahead of you. But what are they pushing ahead to get? It all is for nothing.

[hurts_so_bad]

again it comes to what kind of a person you want to be? Do you want to be a person who plays games in hopes to make someone see a different light and maybe wake up? Or do you want to be a authentic person who tells how it is..A person who tells the one he/she loves this is how I feel and if thats not good enough please just move on with your life and let me move on with mine...

 

Sometimes it comes down to acceptance and realizing that You cannot make someone love you..No matter what! With 180's..tricks, nothing!

Its hard not to play cause when we do it keeps that thought "There is still a chance" in our heads..

 

But playing games can be a long hard road to nothing with us still lingering on the same thoughts and pains for a long long time when if we just accepted the fact that its over the pain may have gone away a long time ago!

[todreaminblue]

If life were a game no one wins in the end,

 

games are short lived........

 

11When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

 

 

1 Corinthians 13

 

 

games are childish, they serve a purpose they are a way to interact with someone,a way to spend some spare time or make yoru kids smile for a while...i prefer scrabble...love creating words and convincing people they are real...i am ace at it

 

 

 

should not define love though or life as being a game...i once thought would try to get my ex back....looking back at it now...i thought about it a bit like a game....how i would win him back what coudl i do..that actually to me in my mind now....was a bit childish.....he is with soemoen else and thats fact...i think i grew up......and then i moved on to my life and put that game away.....you are right.......love should never be a game.....playing with peoples hearts....pretty sad way to live.....deb

[debtman]

Life and relationships are both too serious for me to considers them "games" but, if you're using that as a metaphor for how involved you are or what choices you make, yes, they are games, but they're games where YOU are in charge of who you play with, what the layout of the board is and, most importantly, what the rules are. So, be sure YOU'RE playing the game that YOU want to play. When you find someone who understands the rules you play by and enjoys playing the game WITH you and not against you, let them play...

[revitup]

HAYEWILS,

 

You are progressing really well.

What you speak of is the RAT RACE, even the "winner" , is just another RAT!

 

It seems like this sometimes but really it's not that simple.There is so much more to this life.It's a wonderful thing and a painful thing.It's just life.It keeps going,with us or without us.

 

Life has a way of testing us all, we win or lose not because of the hand we were dealt but by how soon we fold or raise.Some bluff and some have "tells" that we missed or overlooked.Some seem to win at everything,some are born losers (it seems).

 

The only way I see to "lose" is to never PLAY! I wouldn't trade my life and experiences-both good and bad, for anything in this world.

 

A mentor to me had me to create a book- F.T.I.D. .......

 

Fool

Things

I

Done

 

When I screw up- and I do,I just write that thing in my FTID book.When looking back ten, twenty or thirty years later,I am surprised at how small and silly the things really were, that worried me back then! These things seemed to be huge and now they make me laugh at how squirelly and unimportant they really were.

 

Today,I get to decide who is picked for my team and whose game I want to play.I never get picked last or sit on the bench anymore.

 

Don't hate the playa.....hate the game!

 

REVITUP

[hayewils]

Good reply Revitup,

 

You really said it well. I look back and think about all this and its really strange because, some talk about we shouldnt play games,, theyre right, we shouldnt.

Relationships should not have any games at all. Its all more of just something we seem to get caught up in and i still havent found the best word to describe it.

Rat race is a good description. Someone even called it the mating game. Thats another one.

I dont know though, still think about this mess. I know that relationships should not have any games, period. I think what im really thinking about is that those of us who lost our best friend, cheating, out of love, whatever it may be. It just seems that we, the hurt ones, try to get back what we had before. We try to make things right again when all we are doing is playing games with ourselves.

Unless youve already checked out from the get go, thats different.

Then there is nothing.

[hurts_so_bad]

From the posts on this thread, the sadness is that most of the posters don't realize the game that you think you are playing does not exist. It takes two to play a game, and from what I have read you are the only ones playing as your spouse has already left the building.

 

From my personal point of view, a couple of years after we married my Ex began to change into very abusive alcoholic. He never hit me, but when he was on a binge, I would be accused of being unfaithful, our kids were not his, of being dumb, the list could go on for a page or more.

 

Then he would sober up, and the I'm so sorry's would begin, along with the I'll changes, and never drink agains.

 

With the passage of time he drained all the love I once had for him, until there was nothing left.

 

After we separated he began to accuse me of playing games similar to what I read of in this thread. He was sure that I had a boy friend.

 

He never realized that he was the only player. There was no game. The love was gone and I no longer cared and there was nothing he could do to change the way I felt.

 

I agree with what you said in some cases but your story isnt always the case....Many times the dumper, Man or women do play games from time to time with the dumpee and its not right! It leads the dumpee to believe if the game is still on there is a chance!

 

Sometimes those little texts that ask you how you are doing, how was your day, etc..Or conversations that the dumper shows interest again give the dumpee false hope..

 

Many of which its the dumper being a selfish piece of crap that just wants to see if the dumpee is holding on so that they can feel secure in knowing he/she is still there which in my eyes is a GAME

 

Many dumpers dont even know they are playing it and also cant see their true feelings for the dumpee cause they are so content and have no worries because of all the power the dumpee game them..

 

Its not until the dumpee wises up to the game and starts fighting fire with fire or genuinely loses interest that the dumper then becomes the dumpee..

 

Thats why I follow the saying "treat people the way I want to be treated but give what you get in return" Many people would disagree but everyone is entitled to their opinions just as I am..Bottom line is you give back what you get..If a person shows no interest in you show none to them! If a person is playing you play them!

[revitup]

In order to not play the game and break the system, you have to make the scary choice to not even place your own life above doing what God requires. This is what Jesus did. Take up your cross and follow him. There is a cost to discipleship. You will get trod upon and people will push ahead of you. But what are they pushing ahead to get? It all is for nothing.

 

M30USA,

 

I agree and I don't like the game either.

It's everywhere.Politics,medicine,the stock market and even the church.I have spent years studying the scriptures,even when I was drunk (youth) I still studied my bible in depth.

 

I am amazed when people say to me... "What would Jesus Do?".....They are trying to help me to not be angry (about something totally different than relationships BTW) and I say.......

 

Jesus was angry...and sinned not.Then he fashioned a whip and beat the snot out of those who abused others....then he ran them out.....he also threw their tables into piles and destroyed their property...this was inside of a temple!

 

My anger , which is actually passion for a cause,is nothing compared to that of Jesus.

 

I too wish we were able to avoid the pitfalls of "the game" but as long as sin exists....the game will be played and we will be in it, whether we choose to "play" or not.Currently my life is on hold, for the sole purpose of being obedient to the Lord.I am on a mission.

 

Life is but a vapor......

 

REVITUP

[M30USA]

m30usa,

 

i agree and i don't like the game either.

It's everywhere.politics,medicine,the stock market and even the church.i have spent years studying the scriptures,even when i was drunk (youth) i still studied my bible in depth.

 

I am amazed when people say to me... "what would jesus do?".....they are trying to help me to not be angry (about something totally different than relationships btw) and i say.......

 

jesus was angry...and sinned not.then he fashioned a whip and beat the snot out of those who abused others....then he ran them out.....he also threw their tables into piles and destroyed their property...this was inside of a temple!

 

my anger , which is actually passion for a cause,is nothing compared to that of jesus.

 

I too wish we were able to avoid the pitfalls of "the game" but as long as sin exists....the game will be played and we will be in it, whether we choose to "play" or not.currently my life is on hold, for the sole purpose of being obedient to the lord.i am on a mission.

 

Life is but a vapor......

 

Revitup

 

r e v

 

i t

 

u p!

[M30USA]

This topic goes hand in hand with discussing the meaning of life. We are here, placed by God, to realize through much time and gentleness that the purpose of our life is to give it away--and not just to generally give it away, but specifically to the will of God which conforms us into the likeness of Jesus Christ. That is why we are here. Jesus was the "firstborn" of the resurrection and creation. Though he will always be higher than us (since he is God), Paul says that "we shall be like him". I can't wait for that. What a destiny. Unfortunately now, in this world run by Satan, to follow Christ means that we must also suffer and temporarily be persecuted. By persecuted, I don't mean we will be mocked or tortured (though is some countries we are), I mean that we will often not succeed or advance in the world's system since it operates under Satan's ways. But consider it an honor, as scripture says, when this happens--because it's a sign that you serve God, not the world. Forget the "blessing" nonsense you hear in most churches. This world ain't where it's at. We are strangers in a strange land, just passing through.

Edited August 22, 2013 by M30USA