imbetteroff Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 (edited) Why do BS bury their heads in the sand? Why do they believe their husbands didn't "mean" to have an affair? Why do they believe their husbands will change for them? Why do they stay even after being given evidence that the affair DID happen, multiple times and in their own homes and marital bed? Why do they still marry their boyfriends even after being shown evidence that he was cheating on them the whole time they were dating? Why do they choose to believe their spouse and think that the OW must be psycho, crazy, has multiple personalities, is a liar, lives a secret life, etc. But yet they believe their spouse is telling them the truth when they swear up and down that it was the OW fault? I find this mind boggling. Edited August 17, 2013 by imbetteroff 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sarabi Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 Oh my gosh...... In my country its currently very dark and edging closer to midnight...& you have posted this fresh bait for the elite Coven to respond to... I expect you will hear the broomsticks swooping through your thread very soon...casting spells, ready to bewitch you(if you are an OW?) into believing you alone are evil and that these men marry/stay with the ones they truly love etc etc etc... Yes!!! I'm waiting...! The witching hour is nearly upon us... (& I will respond properly soon lol) 7 Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 Why the need to take inventory of another? Why the need to reference BS as being in coven,and thinly veiled calling them witches? For every question you posed...you can just as easily ask that of an AP. 13 Link to post Share on other sites
So happy together Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 Hoooooly merde. Have a good time guys. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 I may be wrong but I think the BS in my situation would kick MM's ass to the curb so fast he wouldnt see it coming if she solidly knew about our A. I think BS stay and rug sweep for the MM/MW to keep status quo, life goes on, treating the aituation as "now that that's out of your system we can move forward". This angers OW/OM and we take this as a defeat, although we also would have stayed with MM/MW to continue the A love, validation and "fairytale". Either party staying with WS for the wrong reasons... but thats life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
tbf Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 Why do they choose to believe their spouse married partner and think that the OW BW must be psycho, crazy, has multiple personalities, is a liar, lives a secret life, etc. But yet they believe their spouse married partner is telling them the truth when they swear up and down that it was the OW BWs fault?Thought I would fix this for you. I suspect the fix won't help but hey, why not? 12 Link to post Share on other sites
Sarabi Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 Why the need to take inventory of another? Why the need to reference BS as being in coven,and thinly veiled calling them witches? For every question you posed...you can just as easily ask that of an AP. Absolutely anyone can read this and respond... ...what makes you think I would say the coven consists of BS's only? I'm sure we all observe posts. From all types of people...certain things said all the time... When it comes to my mind, there are a great many BSs/APs who offer good advice/sound judgement...& there are also some people with no experience of affairs or infidelity who are so harsh and judgemental in their comments and opinions that I wonder what constructive advice they could offer to BS's/AP, if any Those...could be part of a coven... Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 Oh my gosh, I know this answer lol* I'll be right back, gotta copy/paste from a few months ago!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cocochai Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 Because a lot people say what they will do if they caught so and so cheating on them but... You've invested years, you have kids, a family, and folks would be disappointed. They stay for many reasons but, they are also enabling the behavior just like the OW is. Both are to blame once you know they are cheating but continue to stay. Sorry but nobody wins in this expect the MM who still gets the cake and gets to eat it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 Always growing, Amen And AMEN. the mirror concept can be and IS played incessantly inthe ongoing bs/ow/ws discussions. OP or Imbetteroff* If this is your stance, your belief, your substantiated experience that the BS in Your stitch buried and rug swept, can you give a breakdown of the details so we have (I have) a better picture of why you think this way? thank you for this in advance ((smile)) Link to post Share on other sites
sweet_pea Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 Why do BS bury their heads in the sand? Why do they believe their husbands didn't "mean" to have an affair? Why do they believe their husbands will change for them? Why do they stay even after being given evidence that the affair DID happen, multiple times and in their own homes and marital bed? Why do they still marry their boyfriends even after being shown evidence that he was cheating on them the whole time they were dating? Why do they choose to believe their spouse and think that the OW must be psycho, crazy, has multiple personalities, is a liar, lives a secret life, etc. But yet they believe their spouse is telling them the truth when they swear up and down that it was the OW fault? I find this mind boggling. Lord have Mercy Here we goooo.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thecharade Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 Yikes! I don't like when the BS hates on the OW, but I equally dislike OW lashing out at BSs. All I can think of is high school! LOL! Do we ever change, ladies??? I wanted to Like Cocochai's post a hundred times. These guys just aren't worth all this. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
So happy together Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 Yikes! I don't like when the BS hates on the OW, but I equally dislike OW lashing out at BSs. All I can think of is high school! LOL! Do we ever change, ladies??? I wanted to Like Cocochai's post a hundred times. These guys just aren't worth all this. Can we have mascots???? Link to post Share on other sites
Sarabi Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 Why do BS bury their heads in the sand? Why do they believe their husbands didn't "mean" to have an affair? Why do they believe their husbands will change for them? Why do they stay even after being given evidence that the affair DID happen, multiple times and in their own homes and marital bed? Why do they still marry their boyfriends even after being shown evidence that he was cheating on them the whole time they were dating? Why do they choose to believe their spouse and think that the OW must be psycho, crazy, has multiple personalities, is a liar, lives a secret life, etc. But yet they believe their spouse is telling them the truth when they swear up and down that it was the OW fault? I find this mind boggling. Is it really burying heads in the sand? Not sure...everyone's relationship is different. They don't know they AP...they are a random stranger. Would you believe a stranger over the one you love? Maybe they are willing to forgive or believe people can change... A marriage is not as easy to say "see you later" as compared to being boyfriend/girlfriend...more to fight for perhaps? I don't know...all situations are different... And with that I will get a cup of tea and something sweet P.S. apologies to all who may have been offended by my comments. It was meant as nothing more than a caustic bit of humour(you really need to get used to my moments of dry humour...) I am tired. I am fed up. I am majorly p!ssed off & its day 1 of my "cycle"...& more of this "who is better than who" type of debate just set me on edge!!! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author imbetteroff Posted August 17, 2013 Author Share Posted August 17, 2013 I told his girlfriend that he has been texting me asking me to meet him at their house for sex. I thought this woman was married to him, but as it turns out they were planning on getting married in a month and are just living together now. I just found out this info from her yesterday. She believed me at first, but as soon as she confronted him he made me out to look like a psycho, a liar, he said I have MPD, (which I don't), he said I live a secret life. Which is true, I was cheating on my husband with him so yeah, I guess I was living a secret life, but I am not crazy. He threw me under the bus so fast, but of course I was expecting that. I think she wants to believe that he had no intentions of meeting me for sex, at their house no less, despite the fact that I provided her with several of the texts he sent me requesting we meet and have sex. I'm pretty sure she is still planning on marrying him in a few weeks, even though they do not have children together, she does have 3-5 kids (I'm not sure) and he has 3. Link to post Share on other sites
thecharade Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 I'll say just a couple other things, too. I have got about 20 different answers to the question of why people stay, and that's just off the top of my head!!! There are as many answers as there are people. The issue is THAT complicated! Sometimes it helps to look at the big picture when addressing a problem like infidelity, and sometimes you need to look at the specific details to get your answer. You can never understand anyone else's marriage but your own; it's too personal. So, you certainly could never know why people want to work on or save a marriage, either. The benefits and drawbacks are best known to only that couple. BUT, I found the best answer to the question of my xMM's marriage was to remove myself from his life so that I no longer wondered or cared! That was the best answer of all! Everyone try to be nice. Ugliness is no fun. Peace to everyone trying to find happiness and resolution. We all deserve it. We really do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author imbetteroff Posted August 17, 2013 Author Share Posted August 17, 2013 I'm not sure how long they have been dating for, but I believe she said 6 months, they moved in together in June. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 So why do you stay with your husband? YOU know you're having an affair, so why are you happy to stay married to someone who you don't care enough about to be faithful to? Also, many AP make it very easy for the BS to believe the MP when they say the AP is crazy! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author imbetteroff Posted August 17, 2013 Author Share Posted August 17, 2013 I also told my husband and his ex wife, since our affair started in 2011 while she was still married to him. My husband is moving out of our home, he is not sure he wants a divorce, but wants time apart to think about what he wants to do. I am hurting so much right now, I know I deserve to feel like crap and if I could back in a machine and not have this affair I totally would. It was so not worth it.!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 Oh.... I see! What you meant to say was 'some bs' do that. Because clearly you couldn't be extrapolating from the woman in your case to all bs, could you? Could you? That would be absurd... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 Were you sleeping with him in hopes that you two would be together as a couple? Did you tell hoping she would leave and you would be with him? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 Not referring to anyone, but maybe because the OW is nothing but a piece of ass and the BS is someone of virtue...Like the previous poster said. Sex or no sex, how does one person just show up on the scene and expect to erase 25 years of marriage, kids, family, assets, etc? Take your lumps...If you lost. stop blaming the refs...Make better decisions for the future.. TFY 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author imbetteroff Posted August 17, 2013 Author Share Posted August 17, 2013 I think you're on the wrong thread.^^^^ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sarabi Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 I think you're on the wrong thread.^^^^ No no. He's in the right place...honestly. You are hurting and looking for support...but honestly as part of that, understand that not everyone here is going to sympathise or sugarcoat their answers and tell you what you think you need/want to hear ... Trust me! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author imbetteroff Posted August 17, 2013 Author Share Posted August 17, 2013 I said he was in the wrong thread because they aren't married, and have no kids together. They have been dating for 6 months or less and living together for less than 3 months. As far as her being a woman of virtue.... Well she filed for divorce at the very end of March and moved in together at the beginning of June, this leads me to believe she was already seeing him while she was still married to her husband. So yeah, there's a pretty good chance she is a cheater too. Link to post Share on other sites
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