Why do BS bury their heads in the sand?

[Goodbye]

I'm not absolving the role that either party (MM or OW) have in the affair, I'm just saying that this idea that MM are always the manipulative pursuer is not the case. Sometimes it's the OW that relentlessly pursues, and if a man is going through a rough patch in his marriage, he can start to be tempted to her offers. My sister tells me about women who come right up to their table when her and her husband are out somewhere, make small talk pretending to include both, but it is obvious the woman's attention is directed almost exclusively on my sister's husband, and the woman drops hints about where she likes to hang out. I experienced women throwing themselves at my husband as well. He's always turned them down, but they still keep trying. My ex friend was like this as well. Came on strong to every man she took a fancy to, regardless of whether they were married, single, or in a relationship. I'm not saying the MM is some victim of a manipulative woman, anymore than an OW is a victim of a manipulative man if she knew he was in a relationship and still participated. They can each own their own ****. And as far as the topic of this thread, why do BSs bury their heads in the sand, I doubt that is usually the case. Usually, the BS is unaware of what is going on, and when the affair comes to light, she either throws the guy out or, if he is remorseful and she feels compelled to try to get the marriage back on track, she will try to reconcile. I'm sure there are marriages where the wife is aware her husband is stepping out, but because of cultural factors or dependency or whatever, she chooses to reluctantly tolerate it, rather than stand up to it. I know one woman personally who fits that bill (sticks her head in the sand). She stays in the marriage for the sake of her kids, but once they are up and out, she will be gone.

 

 

Wait...it's not so bad if he is tempted by a seductive OW "during a rough patch?" What about the vows, once again. Isn't there something in there "for better or worse?" Hello? The OW can to a strip tease on your MM's lap...she doesn't control what HE does next. T

[ComingInHot]

Wooooaah minute, what does the blame game have to do with burying head in sand?

This thread has some pretty good points from All sides on the topic. I'd hate for that to be shut down*

 

After reading all the different comments on the topic, I think I realize that ALL parties in an or hurt by an A can do the head burying thing. But not everyone does all the time, however Some believe another is burying when they aren't.

 

Again the biggest thing to be proven once again is that A's are messy and hurtful to one, some or all involved and/or affected. ((sad face))

[KathyM]

Wait...it's not so bad if he is tempted by a seductive OW "during a rough patch?" What about the vows, once again. Isn't there something in there "for better or worse?" Hello? The OW can to a strip tease on your MM's lap...she doesn't control what HE does next. T

Like I said, I'm not absolving the MM in any way. He is totally responsible for the actions he decides to take, and the OW is totally responsible for her part in damaging a marriage.

[KathyM]

My exMMs ex wife was a head in the sand wife. It always seemed so strange and foreign to me because it is not how I would react at all. I am convinced (as are many others who are in the know about our situation) that I was the glue for that marriage for a lot of years. I met his intimacy needs, emotional and physical, and she mothered him (cleaned the house, did his laundry, etc.).

No, dear, you were not the glue that kept their marriage together. You were the wedge that drove them further apart.

When he started seeing someone after I ended it with him, that someone went all kinds of crazy on him, his wife, even his child. She lost her **** and blew their marriage out of the water in front of everyone. There was no dday, it was just that his gf (who knew he was married, and he was not the first married person she has been with by a long shot) lost her **** when she didn't get her way.

 

Many people do stay and decide not to rock the boat. I guess they think at some point, they will be old together and the other person just won't be able to have affairs, physically, you know. So, they just bide their time until it's all over. I just think it's a terribly sad way to live your life. I wouldn't want it, but we all have to choose our lives and we all have factors to consider that are solely our own.

Yes, it is sad, that some women feel they have no choice in the matter, and feel their situation will be worse by leaving a cheating man, so they put up with it, with great personal pain, and "stick their head in the sand", because they are afraid of the consequences of leaving him, both for themselves and their children.

I think with exMM and his ex wife, when his new gf entered the scene ( and she told EVERYBODY everything they were doing, no filter at all, not even the normal filter forget about an affair filter), the now ex wife just couldn't pretend she didn't know anymore. People were confronting her with it, about it, asking her questions, bringing it up, and not maliciously. So, at that point she had to do something and she decided to divorce him. Sad thing is the new gf really thought that would win him over. I think she has a personality disorder or something because I have no idea in what universe the **** she pulled would win anyone over, married or not, it was crazy ****.

Sounds like the MM finally got what he deserved. His wife left him, and his crazy OW ruined his reputation.

[velvette]

 

After reading all the different comments on the topic, I think I realize that ALL parties in an or hurt by an A can do the head burying thing. But not everyone does all the time, however Some believe another is burying when they aren't.

 

Again the biggest thing to be proven once again is that A's are messy and hurtful to one, some or all involved and/or affected. ((sad face))

 

 

This is so true. OW like to think they know what is going on in a M, but you never really know what is going on behind the closed doors of someone else's M.

[Lostinlife4now]

Why do BS bury their heads in the sand? Why do they believe their husbands didn't "mean" to have an affair? Why do they believe their husbands will change for them? Why do they stay even after being given evidence that the affair DID happen, multiple times and in their own homes and marital bed?

Why do they still marry their boyfriends even after being shown evidence that he was cheating on them the whole time they were dating?

Why do they choose to believe their spouse and think that the OW must be psycho, crazy, has multiple personalities, is a liar, lives a secret life, etc. But yet they believe their spouse is telling them the truth when they swear up and down that it was the OW fault?

I find this mind boggling.

 

Oh imbetteroff.......

 

EX OW here.....dear....I could give you a million reasons why BS bury their heads in the sand or between their legs (saying where I come from)

 

But I won't I will just laugh......:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:

[Lostinlife4now]

Many, many MM end up hating the OW, and I never really understood it until recently. I read a wayward say he hated her for not saying no, for allowing him to hurt his family when she KNEW he loved them and didn't want to hurt them. Holy Toledo! Really?!?! She was supposed to protect him from him? Because he couldn't do it himself? How about the fact that she maybe loved him and wanted to believe the actions she was seeing in him? Yep, it's an OW fog, but can't we understand the fog of love? And yet he ends up using the LOVE she felt-and believed he felt-against her, to end up being "repulsed" by her, for not seeing through his bs and helping him stay devoted to the woman he is actively willing to betray????

 

Oh, l see. I am supposed to be logical and rational all the time, even in the face of all sorts of seductive actions! Real actions! And I need to always, always think with my head and not my heart as my heart is getting confused and wooed by all these actions. Because I am a woman. I should be able to overcome it ALL.

 

But us men need all the women we meet to help us be strong, because our male members are going to make us say things and do things completely against our will! Because that's what a male appendage does, and we're very sorry. But hey, you can't be walking around all young and cute, with breasts and v-jay jays and expect us not to get dizzy and confused about who we love. You need to tell us No! It's your job. Don't blame us if we say and do all sorts of loving or passionate or caring things. Or blame us if we end up having an affair. Or raping you. We're men. Need we say more?

 

Yep, all evidence suggests that this is truly what people believe.

 

 

Yes, I agree thecharade, the mm does wind up hating the OW...but not for the reasons you described above And the OW hates the mm......in my case anyway...And I made sure he heard every word, every time, I decided to spew any type of hatred his way. Was I SCORNED...HELL NO...I just wound up hating the CRAP out of him...Oh well...sucks to be me I guess!!!

 

I told xmm what an effin loser he is, and I hope karma bites him in the arse someday...He was an egotistical narcissistic best in life kind of prick....

AND I TOLD HIM SO.....lol lol lol.......love it!!!

[thefooloftheyear]

Men don't only prey on weak and desperate women (aka the "she's askin for it" kind). They also prey on fine and fabulous women with high self esteem ...who just want love and are lonely. Men chase. That's biology. In the single world, women who chase don't even get dates. It's a turn OFF. I mean, maybe, just MAYBE it's possible to stiffen someone up under duress and take a flying leap on his c*ck but I've never known anyone whose tried it with any success.

 

You can be lonely for love and otherwise in perfect mental health. It happens. Shucks, that's how all a y'all marriages started, right?...with two completely grounded people who had their **** together in every single way, who had no need for validation, and came to the table with a well-sussed out list of desired attributes and found themselves a fine match. Right? Didn't all these marriages besmirched by the filthy goings-on of the A start out in such a perfect way? Because that's the feeling I get here on LS...

 

When I got together with my MM, he and I had been friends, yet I remember saying to him once: ÿou know, I don't really know you all that well, " and he said "S**t, I know you way better than I ever knew my W by the time we'd started living together...."

 

And he was right.

 

Piece of ass, my ass.

 

I made a mistake saying MM's prey 99.9999% of the time. I'll amend that and say it's 90% of the time, maybe MAYBE. I'm being REEEEALLY generous.

 

Really????

 

Several esteemed posters have commented that women come on to guys..It happens EVERY day...It might not have been acceptable, say..50 years ago, but its commonplace today..especially with social media..One simple FB request from a female to a male and away they go...Dont think that happens?..

 

Do yourself some research before you make assumptions on what people do or dont do..You arent correct...Period...Most(all) guys are flattered by female attention..

 

Not referring to anyone when I say this, but OW talk about how special their relationship was and how they werent just a piece of ass and maybe they werent...but they werent special enough not to get dropped on their head when the time came for them or the wretched BS...

 

" I knew you better than I ever knew my wife"...did he lift that from the handbook? Because practically EVERY OW says the exact same thing about their AP...Its a broken record...

 

People in perfect mental health and of high esteem dont pick up Rattlesnakes and then complain that they got bit...End of story..

 

TFY

Edited August 19, 2013 by thefooloftheyear

[fanine]

Some single women will chase married men, others don't. Some married men or women will cheat, others won't. Some married people will bury their head in the sand if their partner is having an affair, others won't.

 

Who knows the percentages? Fact is this world is full of people with different characters, different morals, different attitudes to cheating and relationships...