He's LYING about me!!

[vla1120]

Trippi, there are so many valid points in your post that hit home dead on, I couldn't pick just one. Thank you.

 

The days of his blatant disregard for me while I bend over backwards to accommodate him are OVER as of today. I'm already on a quest to rediscover and fall back in love with myself. For the past few weeks, every time he has done something hurtful, I've done something to treat myself. Today, it was the new apartment with an actual move-in date and having my hair done. Tomorrow, I go back to the jeweler's to pick up the beautiful emerald ring I just bought for myself to take the place of my wedding rings - a promise ring from myself, so to speak. He is now someone else's problem.

[vla1120]

Thank you, bk! I can't stop looking at my new ring. It is so symbolic to me. I LOVE it!

[vla1120]

It's official! I move into my new apartment on 10/9. By "new", I mean brand new construction!! I am SO excited!

 

Of course, I got a lengthy email from him about how he's happy for me, but it sucks for him because he can't afford to move. I told him I have no sympathy. The night he slept over at his gf's was it for me. I'm not about to support his disrespectful arse any more!!

 

He asked our landlord if he could stay until January. The landlord is giving him until 11/30. The landlord doesn't like him either. Lol

[revitup]

yes confront him and even though this part is going to be hard because you are frustrated and angry with his lies i have handled a situation like this before with positive results....this is what i said it might give you some ideas....

 

 

hey (my ex),

 

i dont want to start an argument with you, i have no energy or desire to fight, i have to say something though because i am hurt by something i have heard second hand and i just want to clear it up with you........

 

 

i heard that you have been................ (tell what you have heard)...........

 

now i dont know if this is true....i havent heard you say it personally,but i would appreciate in the future if you have this sort of compulsion to make me look bad...please dont........we both know its not true,and what is important is our daughter and that is who we need to concentrate on...her happiness.....us as fighting parents isnt going to make her happy......

 

 

 

NOW FROM ME TO YOU

i wish you loads of luck.....if people or exes tell lies to make you look bad..that is pretty sad on their behalf.they must feel guilty aboUt something to want to taint you AND PAINT A FALSE PICTURE OF YOU.....they themselves feel a taint maybe..in the end......it is them who look bad not you.....lies have a habit of coming back to hurt the sender.....keep your dignity.......hugs to ya.....FROM deb

 

Wow,I don't know how I missed this thread before today!

 

Yes they lie and blame you and then make you the villain of all evil in the world. I actually believed STBXWW sometimes-she was very good.Other times I pretended to not hear the lie or dismissed it completely.

 

It gets really bad when it happens like the bold writing above though.This is when the liar actually has you at wits end trying to remember what happened,literally questioning your own sanity.I lived the same thing as you did.Wow was I foolish.

 

Today (13 mos STBXWW left-after 18 yrs M) DD15 nor Rev pay her distortion campaign any attention but we do "counter attack" if it's a serious lie that may be used to destroy us.

 

So I guess I am saying it depends on the lie and it's possible effect on your livelihood or ability to live as to whether or not you confront the liar.

 

I just don't respond to anything with her unless it's a legal issue I have to deal with.When I do ask anything I get lied to again anyway or just distracted by the deflection STBXWW shoots the questions down with.

 

VLA I am sorry you are in this....you're not alone.

 

REVITUP

[vla1120]

I just want to thank everyone for all your words of encouragement, and for a swift kick in the rear, when I needed it. I'm not out of the woods yet, I know. In fact, this may be when the fun really starts. With a move-in date of 10/9, I expect attempts at manipulation, more lying, trying to make everyone feel bad for him (I'm fiercely independent, especially now! If my family and friends want to support him and feel the need to criticize me, I'll show them the proverbial door, no problem.)

[revitup]

VLA, If my family and friends want to support him and feel the need to criticize me, I'll show them the proverbial door, no problem.

 

I wouldn't show the family the door,I would tell the family they can move in with the dingbat!

 

REVITUP

[Misadventure]

It's official! I move into my new apartment on 10/9. By "new", I mean brand new construction!! I am SO excited!

 

Of course, I got a lengthy email from him about how he's happy for me, but it sucks for him because he can't afford to move. I told him I have no sympathy. The night he slept over at his gf's was it for me. I'm not about to support his disrespectful arse any more!!

 

He asked our landlord if he could stay until January. The landlord is giving him until 11/30. The landlord doesn't like him either. Lol

 

I am so happy for you!

 

You shouldn't have to support his lying cheating @$$!!! I am very happy for you. Please tell us how every step will be. I know I will eventually have to start all over on my own again, its scary to me really.

[vla1120]

So, the closer I get to my move in date of 10/9, the more anxious I get that he will sabotage something! Yesterday, he said "We have to talk. I can't find a place to live." I told him "I'm not your 'person' any more. You need to go to your girlfriend with this stuff." He said "I've only known her 2 months. I've known you 34 years. You're still my person." WTH? Then I said "Maybe you need to move in with her if you can't find a place." He said "She offered and said I could bring the dog." (Which is one reason he's having trouble finding a place.) Part of me was thinking "What makes you think it'll work with this woman when you've known her for 2 months?" Another part was thinking "Go for it! You definitely won't be my problem anymore!"

 

I cried myself to sleep last night and I'm not even sure why. I'm getting choked up right now and I don't know why. This is what I want - to be done with him and move ON with my life! I guess old habits die hard and it's difficult to see your life change so drastically after 32 years of marriage, even if you know it's for the best. 10/9 cannot come soon enough, though I expect that will be an emotional day and night, as well.

[vla1120]

I haven't posted in awhile. I needed to get things in perspective. Much has happened. Last week, my 17-yr-old had a gig (she sings lead vocals for an 80's cover band). He told me he was bringing his new GF. I thought I was prepared. I wasn't prepared to see this woman all over him. I'll just have to get used to it. He's allowed to bring anyone he wants to my daughter's gigs. I know he doesn't have to care about my feelings. He just has no clue how he affects his daughters when flaunting this new GF. The only poetic justice was that she got plastered. She's a mean drunk and offended everyone she spoke to after awhile. He was embarrassed that he had to carry her out to the car. Good luck with that!

 

I moved into my new place on 10/9. I'm not all moved in yet. I still have things to get at the house. He finally found a place, too. We got into a big fight last week because he continually asks me for money, etc. It's very clear my only purpose for him was financial. I told him if he keeps it up, I WILL divorce him and he can go out and get his own health insurance!

 

Today is our 32nd Anniversary. I'm having some mixed feelings. I'm sure it's normal. I'm just waiting for the day I really do feel okay about all of this, like I keep trying to convince myself! My friend from work is having a Halloween party Saturday. I'm looking forward to that! I need to get out more.

 

I think I'll go take a walk. Have a good day!