Are we too close? Coworker/close friends/roommates

[Lilywhite]

This is kind of relationship I have never experienced before and I believe both of us are extremely confused and trying to fight against whatever the close connection we are sharing. I want to lay it down and see what your opinions are as what the hell we have here and how should we deal with it? Because if we look at what we have, this is what soulmates would share.

 

I met him through work about over a year ago. We had instant chemistry and pretty much shared all the core values, common goals and strange hobbies that no one else really cared for. But I was married and he is a much younger guy. We became close friends very quickly and we worked well together as well. We started spending all the time together. I see him at work 8 hours a day, and we would workout after work or going out with group of common friends on weekends.

 

My husband and I finally dissolved our marriage and I moved out of the house and moved in with my best friend. We acted just like couples except the physical part. We cooked together, ate together, played together, watched tv together... Just no physical. But about a month ago, we sort of tested the physical barrier after a few drinks. He said he wanted me but we work together. And sex and relationship complicates things. He is not sure if he will wake up the next morning and still see me the same. Because he has strong emotional attachment with me. I agree. I am attached to him as well.And I am so afraid of losing him if sex or relationship would scew this up. We are each other's support system and we can't function without each other. We r each other's go to person whenever something comes up. We cried to each other and we shared the most intimate secrets with each other. I can't lose that and he doesn't want to lose it either. But same time, we are extremely compatible in every aspect from a couple perspective. We even have the same living habits and we r loving living with each other.

 

I decided to try going out with other guys but he strongly objected it saying I am not ready for guys yet since I am still dealing with my divorce. He wants me to just hang out with girls and some close friends and not to go out too much. Meantime, he is rejecting all the girls as he has always been doing ever since I have known him.

 

I am so confused. We have deep feelings for each other and we both admit it's beyond friends. We have sexual tension but both of us are extremely good at self control so we don't act it. I now work with him, live with him, play with him and our roommates situation is more than common roommates. Like I cook for him, he cleans and even scrub my bathroom, buys me food and fruits, etc...

 

What are we? Where are we going? What do I do? Is he really afraid of getting intimate with his work partner?

[Standard-Fare]

I hope others chime in here but here's one perspective to consider:

 

Without a clear romantic/sexual context, the only way I see this progressing is an unhealthily close and possessive friendship. It sounds like you two are already well on that track. You function like a couple, you're intimate, you're making a point of not dating other people, etc. It sounds like if either of you did start seriously pursuing dating, your friendship would implode and it wouldn't be pretty.

 

The fact is you've already got a lot to lose here. You've already created a high-stakes friendship.

 

So if that's the case, if you already have this intimacy, isn't it worth diving in all the way and exploring the romantic side of things? If it doesn't work out in the end, wouldn't it be better to have at least tried and figured it out that way? Instead of straining a friendship beyond all reasonable boundaries until it just cracks?