scullyDLS Posted January 3, 2001 Share Posted January 3, 2001 Hello. My boyfriend and I have been together for the past three years, and things are really rough right now. He and I started living together over the summer, and since then I think we have begun to get on each other's nerves. We have compromised on a number of things, like how I like to have a spotless place, and he doesn't mind things being a little messy. Most of it's just petty, everyday stuff, and I know I am very anal retentive, but we try to get over the stupid things. Ever since we started dating I think we knew that we were/are worlds apart. He's very practical, logical, reasonable. Hard to rock the boat with him. I am the quite typical emotional woman. Sure I can be irrational if it's that time of the month, but most of the time I have my head on straight. Yes, I am artistic, and think more creatively and optimistically. So we are at two ends of the spectrum- but usually it's ok. I think we kind of balance each other out. But I find that lately, I just can't stop being mad at him. All the men in his family are pompous a**h***s, and he definitely inherited a bit of that. I am a Pisces, almost always trying to be the glue that holds it all together, too easily apologizing for things that aren't my fault. Not to say that a fair share of bitchiness isn't my fault. But he does things like expecting me to do whatever he asks at the drop of a hat, while my requests may go unanswered for hours, sometimes days. Also, if something I do bothers him, he just expects me to stop doing it and never do it again, while he gets mad at me for asking him to stop something or not do it as much. Basically, I think he sees his needs as more important than mine and is quite selfish. He's only 23, but I know younger people who are more mature. I am a Mary Kay Consultant, and only work my business part time. He works at a Computer store full time, but he has more debts than I do... as long as we each come up with our share of the rent we don't discuss it too much. But lately he has been disrespecting me and my work. I am on break from college for Christmas, so I am not as busy. One day, I did all sorts of household chores. When he came home, I told him about everything I did, and he said, "I made money today, how much did you make?" That really hurt. But most of the time, he does't say mean stuff like that. But he is desperate for money, owes college debts, and I feel like everything is on my shoulders. He says that the only thing in the world that he even gives two s***s about is me and our relationship, but he has a funny way of showing it. I know he is in a fragile state of mind, but I don't want to be with someone just to help them. I am very much in love with him, but sometimes I feel like I am in over my head and need to get out.What do I do? Any advice would be great- sorry so long. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 3, 2001 Share Posted January 3, 2001 So what is it you love about this guy??? He's a first class jerk of the highest magnitude. He is extremely immature so he doesn't even realize he's supposed to respect and honor your feelings. If you love guys like this, you will never run out of men to love on this planet. Beyond getting away from this chump, no suggestions for you at all. It seems you have really tried to get him to honor and value the relationship. I don't think he's capable and it will take many years for him to grow up. Link to post Share on other sites
leah Posted January 3, 2001 Share Posted January 3, 2001 he sounds a little caught up in himself and his situation - in your post you mentioned how you appologize to him for various things...you also appologized about yourself in your post. you seem to take alot to heart. this guy may not be here for you right now...you might want to reconsider your living arrangements to get some space in the situation and start feeling better about yourself. you have done nothing wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
camille Posted January 3, 2001 Share Posted January 3, 2001 Based on what you've written, he sounds extremely selfish and immature. Plus, he sounds like he has quite the attitude. He doesn't sound like he respects you all that much. His comment about him working all day and making $/and you having done household chores that day...that was really uncalled for. I know you said he doesn't speak that way often, but still....once is too much. A good man would respect the fact that although you didn't do something to get paid, you took the time to do something for the two of you.....took pride in your home. Let me tell you, from years of experience........if you're with someone who is on a different wavelength when it comes to household duties (they're a slob and you're an organized, tidy person), you'll forever be at odds.....and it will definitely promote resentment and discontent. You'll find yourself busting your a$$ to make a nice home, and your efforts will always go unnoticed and unappreciated. I've lived with guys like this and it was extremely frustrating. They were very self-centered...and if I ever asked for "a hand" in cleaning things up, I'd get a look like, "you expect ME to help YOU? things look fine to me!" Your differences when it comes to keeping things clean/organized.....that's just a small symptom here of a greater problem. It's really indicative of his level of respect for you and your relationship. Sounds like you're the type of person to bend over backwards for someone, to do things that please them and benefit your relationship as a whole...he sounds like someone who couldn't care less. Sounds like you have different priorities, too. My suggestion is to sit down and really try to talk about things....in a non-confrontational way. If he still gives you attitude, then I'd seriously re-evaluate your relationship.....and take inventory of what YOU'RE getting from this relationship. best of luck, camille :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts