Be honest, most people don't want to see you happy.

[NGC1300]

Maybe it's not acknowledged so much, but the reality is most people outside your immediate family would like nothing more to see you fail, and be down and out. The Germans have a word for it: schadenfreude.

 

I would apply this to coworkers, neighbors, acquaintances, or even some so-called "friends". Please discuss, but I don't think I'm paranoid or delusional here. It's just a fact about humanity that isn't often acknowledged.

 

How does one become content in this type of world? I find it's like walking through an obstacle course, and one mistake or slipup and they will pounce.

 

If most people can do me no good, it only seems logical to exit this world.

 

How can I save myself, and find good in people given their toxic mannerisms?

[ScreamingTrees]

I've never had a thought like that. I don't think it's really natural.. Unless a lot of people are just naturally and inherently aggressive and malevolent. I've certainly never looked at someone and thought "huh, wow, I hope that guy slips and falls and busts his ass!" and I'd maybe sometimes laugh at a friend falling on his ass if I know he's not hurt.. I don't find humor or relish in the misfortune of others.

 

I think that lots of people sort of suck in ways, but that's just how it is. Popular culture hasn't really helped with promoting respectable behavior in our fellow man.

 

I wouldn't say that most people don't want to see others happy.. At my worst, I still wouldn't want to make life harder for anyone or hurt them. If anything, I'd simply not care about how bad others have it..

[tbf]

It's not that most people mean you harm. It's that humans are self-serving, including you.

[Taramere]

Generally I don't wish ill on people at all. Not serious ill anyway. I'll laugh if somebody who's being an arsehole is called out/made a bit of a fool of, but not if it crosses the line into bullying, or if something bad happens to them.

 

If I fall out with somebody I usually just lose interest in their life. For instance I remember a fairly spiteful boss I had ranting to me about how a woman I'd been friends with seemed to have all sorts of good fortune falling into her lap. She said to me "It's not fair. Why should good things happen to such a bad person? Don't you feel it would be justice if something bad happened to her?" I can honestly say that I had no interest in something bad happening to the woman. Not because I'm a super-nice person, but just because I wasn't interested in her life any more. I'm sure if some misfortune did befall her I wouldn't think "oh great!" I certainly hope not.

 

There have been a couple of exceptions to that usual rule in my life. One was an ex boss (not the one in the ex paragraph) who sacked me in a really nasty, underhand way and the other was an ex boyfriend who was a cheat, a narcissist and an all round bad egg. I recall wishing unhappiness on both of them, and it's not a good feeling. To me, it's a personal failure to dislike somebody so intensely that you wish them ill. It's certainly not a feeling I'd court - but I do think if you have it you need to admit it, so that you can do something to improve the situation.

 

In any event, there have been enough times that something bad happened to somebody I didn't like very much and I felt sorry for them despite the personal dislike. If people are actually wishing you ill (and I'd challenge your assumption that they are - they're probably too caught up with their own lives to spend much time thinking about yours) they would probably feel genuinely bad if ill did actually befall you.

 

the reality is most people outside your immediate family would like nothing more to see you fail, and be down and out. The Germans have a word for it: schadenfreude.

 

I would apply this to coworkers, neighbors, acquaintances, or even some so-called "friends". Please discuss, but I don't think I'm paranoid or delusional here. It's just a fact about humanity that isn't often acknowledged.

 

You won't like this answer, and you don't have to take it as any truth if you don't want to, but I think you might be seeing yourself in other people. That's what they mean by "projection". What a person doesn't want to recognise in themselves, they project onto others. Others are controlling, or filled with schadenfreude, or have malignant motives etc etc. The individual who's projecting feels "pure" by projecting all that onto other people, and recognises those others as "toxic".

 

Know yourself, recognise your flaws and own them but try to manage them. Demand the best of yourself rather than focusing too much on what others might be thinking about you/wishing on you, and you'll start to feel better hopefully.

Edited August 18, 2013 by Taramere

[Ryan R.]

Yeah, I've realized in my own life that most of my so called "friends" were actually jealous of me the entire time. People have been jealous of me for my so called "intellect" since I was younger and would often make fun of me for being such a "nerd". I've also found that people were jealous of me when I got my new job. I cut out all of those people from my life. Well, too bad the grass isn't greener on the other side because I still have multiple troubles with attracting the opposite sex. To think about it, I would gladly trade my so called smarts in order to be better looking and attract women with ease. My intelligence will only get me so far.

[Seductive]

I do believe that misery loves company. If someone is unhappy, they will want to bring you down to their boat.

 

Some people do want to see you succeed. Those are the people that are also content in their life.

[theonlyjuan]

Hmmm more motivation to prove people wrong

[Southern Cal Dude]

I don't think most want to see others fall. I think they're just indifferent. If someone wants to see you fall, then you have something they don't.

[KathyM]

I do believe that misery loves company. If someone is unhappy, they will want to bring you down to their boat.

 

Some people do want to see you succeed. Those are the people that are also content in their life.

I think this is often the case. Happy people who are content with their lives will be happy at your success and want to see others succeed. People who are unhappy with themselves don't like to see others succeeding or enjoying themselves, so they take delight in your misfortune. Happiness is a state of mind, not reliant on your current circumstances. There are happy people who don't have much themselves, but would still be happy for you if you succeeded at something.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Hmmm. If I sense that someone is wishing me ill, I don't associate with them.

 

I think that most people just don't care if you succeed or fail, at least not as much as you think.

 

I know that when someone I know is succeeding in something that I am failing at, I do get a bit down and think of where I went wrong but still don't wish them ill.

 

There is only one person that I wish failed at life and that's my ex. I can't let go of the hate for him, how he mistreated me and how he fools everyone into thinking that he is such a great guy. So if things somehow, randomly didn't work out for him (be it work or love life) I would feel happy. I just can't get past that. Like when I ran into him and saw that he gained heaps of weight - when he criticized my weight through the whole relationship - I couldn't help but feel pleased

[treezy]

I don't think they don't want to see you happy, they probably just don't want to watch themselves fail by seeing you succeed. Everyone's so competitive in the modern society, even when there's no real competition going on. I personally haven't sensed anyone wishing me ill, maybe because I haven't really got anything they'll be jealous of anyway. I don't wish anyone ill either, because I cannot be bothered enough to. I just try to be the best I can be.

[SpiralOut]

If most people you know want to see you fail, then you're hanging around the wrong people.

 

Those who are happy, OR are unhappy but believe in their ability to succeed, won't want you to fail. I feel unhappy sometimes about being single, but when I see a friend meet the perfect person for them it gives me hope and reassurance that stuff like that really can happen and maybe it will happen for me too.

[mea_M]

Ngc. Unfortunately, It seems in this day and age that people are more self serving then ever and its pretty sad. My wish for our world is relatively simple to think, but it seems almost like its an impossible task to see come to fruition. That wish is peace and love. Perhaps if people were less self focused and more giving to others things could change. Hold hope!!

 

Mea :-)

[Anela]

I do believe that misery loves company. If someone is unhappy, they will want to bring you down to their boat.

 

Some people do want to see you succeed. Those are the people that are also content in their life.

 

Some of us try not to drag others down when we're miserable. Misery doesn't always love company. Unless it's company that distracts us, makes us laugh.

[thefooloftheyear]

Simple...Just do your thing and dont worry about what others think or say..I never even worried about what my parents had to say, once I became autonomous. It always served me well.

 

I certainly dont wish anyone to fail...I admire and get inspired by those who achieve success in life. I dont revel in people's misfortune, its mostly apathy-unless its someone close to me personally.. While I do consider myself "competitive", its never in a way that is directly at the expense of others..

 

TFY

[pointfive]

I think depends on the people you're around. If you're always around negative people who feel the glass is always half empty, they're not doing anything to improve themselves or their own circumstances. They just stay miserable and that energy starts to rub off on those around them.

 

If you're around positive people, the energy is contagious. I think it's actually more beneficial to have people who are successful and doing well around you. You can learn from them, and they can help you as well. Also these people can serve as a source of motivation and inspiration.

 

Now it sounds all black and white but for example, I find with the people I work with, the ones that work with you to help you improve are also people who do their jobs well. It creates a good collaborative environment and creates growth. I also enjoy working with them more than people who just put down your mistakes and get mad at every little thing.