Jealous of his ex

[TeaCook]

I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now and I still cannot shake the intense jealousy because of his ex. I'd never been in love before him... in fact I'd never even had a relationship. But he had been in love with this woman for 3 years and even though I met him a good year and a half after she left him, he was still heartbroken and told me often how he was still very much in love with her. Now that a year has passed and his feelings have changed, I still can't stop thinking about that intense love for her he brought in to our relationship.

 

In the last couple of months I've found out that he is still friends with some of her friends on facebook so that he can look through her pictures and see what she's up to, he still asks their mutual friends what she's doing and how she is, and he's had (what he claims was) one innocent phone call with her that he didn't tell me about for months. So naturally my petty jealousy has gone in to overdrive and I'm forever wondering if there's more he's kept from me. It's at the point where I'm digging through her twitter, instagram, linkedin, facebook... anything to try and find out about her and maybe get a clue if they've been in contact more than he tells me.

 

He deletes his internet history when he knows I'm coming over, he absolutely refuses to let me use his phone for even something as innocent as a game unless he's standing over me, he even has a secret personal e-mail account he thinks I don't know about! He tells me that I'm crazy to be jealous and should get over it but my instincts are telling me he's hiding something he'll never admit.

 

I just don't know, is he right that I'm just letting my jealousy and mistrust unnecessarily blow up tiny things he does? Do I confront him? Snoop? Get over it? I'm so conflicted here.

[CrimsonEmber]

Having been in what seems to be an almost identical situation to yours, my advice would be to start poking around, or "snoop". However, don't look around if you arent ready to do something about it (give him an ultimatum, you or her, or dump his ass). Because all having that knowledge will do if you arent ready to use it is make you miserable.

I dealt with my boyfriend speaking to his ex in a romantic fashion for two years, and it eventually got to the point where he planned to see her (sleep with her) and I found out. That was my line, and it was crossed.

It was a very long, painful two years, in which I didn't know the extent of what was going on, until I finally did some digging. Even after that, I let myself get dragged through the mud thinking "he'll see that Im better, that I treat him well and she treats him like ****, itll be ok." It doesnt work like that. HE NEEDS TO CHOOSE YOU AND ONLY YOU, AND UNDERSTAND THAT ANY **** WITH HIS EX HAS TO STOP. He can't have one foot and one foot out.

I finally formed the resolve that if he didnt do things my way, he was gone. Even now, if he screws up after he agreed not to, the slightest slip up, hes gone.

This isnt a good situation, but chances are, when someone acts like that, they have something to hide.

Form your resolve now, and start looking.

I wish you the best of luck, and hope you dont expose yourself to the same misery I went through.