Dantee Posted August 18, 2013 Share Posted August 18, 2013 My situation is kinda specific. Let me describe myself first. I'm 25 years old. I'm average-looking. I'm a bit shy (only a little). I'm confident in most situations (but not really when it comes to dating). I don't have a lot of experience with girls (never considered relationships a priority). I'm crazy about a gril whom I've known for quite some time. She's 24. We went through college together. After college she returned to her home town while I remained in mine. Nowadays we see one another about 4 times a year but we also text one another almost every day. I've had a strong feeling about her right from the begining. The problem was that she had a boyfriend (still has as a matter of fact). Yesterday we met and after a couple of beers she revealed to me that she's probably gonna break up with him due to the fact that she want to be independent. I wanna be with her so bad but I have 2 problems: 1. I believe that she sees me as nothing more than her friend. I can't explain why I believe it to be true. You would just have to be a part of our conversations to notice this... 2. I can't force myself to tell her that I'm in love with her. It's extremely hard for me to express myself in these kinds of situations. Whenever I'm about to tell her I freeze and can't say anything. It's probably due to the fact that I've been rejected before and I fear that I couldn't handle a rejection from her It comes down to one simple thing. I can't be friends with her anymore (I need our relationship to be something more). Whenever I think about her I get sad because I know that time is ticking and I might not get a chance to tell her how I feel. I'm sorry about the lengthy post. Can someone help me? Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted August 18, 2013 Share Posted August 18, 2013 There's no advice that you can get here or anywhere that will get her into your arms for sure. If she never ends up being interested in you, that's going to be a sad, painful fact of your life that you need to face with some stoicism or else pay with your dignity. But you can always sit back and, with no thoughts of her or what might appeal to her, decide what elements of your life could use a tune up. Are you building your life toward a good future? Are you in shape and taking care of yourself? Are your hair and clothing clean and stylish enough? Are you able to maintain friendships? Are you paying enough attention to your relationships with family? You can't make her dig you. But you can be the kind of guy some high quality girl will really like someday. You should start preparing for that day right now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BeholdtheMan Posted August 19, 2013 Share Posted August 19, 2013 Grills are inanimate objects. Your quest is doomed. Link to post Share on other sites
WordvAction Posted August 19, 2013 Share Posted August 19, 2013 She definitely sees you as only a friend, maybe even a brother. Don't even need to read the text messages between you, you can just tell from the information that you gave us. I can tell you that just telling her now that you like her will probably get you rejected. So you've got pretty much only a few options if you can't handle being just her friend. 1. Let her know how you feel. Stop talking to her and deal with the rejection. 2. Just stop talking to her out of the blue. 3. Tell her that you need some space to find yourself; start working on yourself and find someone new. 4. Tell her a lie to try and get her jealous, and try to gauge her reaction. I advise option #3 Link to post Share on other sites
lionoftheforum Posted August 19, 2013 Share Posted August 19, 2013 (edited) Bad news bro... The chances of her being anything more than someone to hang around with are slim to nil. If she has decided and told you so, that’s how its going to be. In regards to sex, females make up their minds rather quickly. What you can try: Make more female "friends" and hang around with them around her Show her pictures of your other female "friends" Text her occasionally and ask her if she wants to hang out, with your other female "friends" Get the picture? Females LOVE involved men. Its up to you to create that impression. If you can't or refuse to do that. Move on and meet someone else. How she can help you! She is a "friend" to hang around with in social settings attended by other females. New women don’t care about the status of the girl you are with, all they care about is that your doing it. Edited August 19, 2013 by lionoftheforum Link to post Share on other sites
Sovvixx Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 I think you already have made up your mind, you're just looking for confirmation that it is the right thing to do. If you can no longer be friends, then you have to tell her realistically. I won't lie, from what you have said, there is a good chance she will only want to remain friends... but you will never know that unless you take the plunge. Rejection is always hard, I have just made the most epic of mistakes all to avoid rejection & i'm still working out how I can undo my errors... but you still have an option. If telling her in person is too difficult, email her - sure it is a ****ty way to do it, but it is better than nothing. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Sovvixx Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 Oh, also equally - I grew up in a period that did not have facebook... I found out when I finally joined & added old school buddies that a few of them had crushes on me at the time, but never had the balls to do/say anything about it... guess what? I felt the same, so we lost out lol It doesn't have to end badly... just be aware that it might. Link to post Share on other sites
Teknoe Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 Wow I was caught in a very similar situation, except part of me believed I had a legit shot. It's still to be determined I suppose, but for the most part I am keeping my expectations low. Bottom line: you will probably get rejected (based off what you said) and you will lose her friendship. It's up to you whether you think it's worth it. Or, can you pull back, go no contact for a bit, and live your life, let her live hers, and see if something down the line pulls you 2 together? If not, it just was never meant to be. Sorry, not easy or fun to hear, but it's true... if a relationship is too much work, that means one person isn't doing their part, and it's doomed to fail, hell, it's doomed to never even launch. Best of luck whatever you decide to do. Know that things do get better and easier over time. I have already found a "new" girl that has caught my eye and so far has been reacting much better to me. Life always goes on, bro. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 i think that you shouldn't do anything until she is single.......she is with someone.......then when she is single you need to give her some time to deal with the break up.....and then maybe.....one day when you feel ready and you will know the right time you might ask...the reason why i feel you are struggling.....is because you know it isnt right to go for someone whose heart is not free.......be patient.....and when it is right for you and right for her....i think you will be able to ask..she may however not break up with her boyfriend....and then it is the time that you know, for you, you need to move on..i wish you luck ......deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dantee Posted August 22, 2013 Author Share Posted August 22, 2013 Thanks, everyone. Your replies gave me a lot of insight. By reading some of your comments I realized that I have a better shot when being analytical than emotional. I think I'm gonna wait a bit until her situation stabilizes and then make my move. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Onward_Upward Posted August 25, 2013 Share Posted August 25, 2013 Thanks, everyone. Your replies gave me a lot of insight. By reading some of your comments I realized that I have a better shot when being analytical than emotional. I think I'm gonna wait a bit until her situation stabilizes and then make my move. You got it in one, buddy No point rushing things now... And going to the extreme of NC'ing her would only alert her to your plight, possibly making her run too, in this emotional time for her... Play it cool, as you have already decided, and ... wait... for the "right" moment. Link to post Share on other sites
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