Friend left without saying goodbye

[amb]

Me and my old roommate/good friend of mine winded up sleeping together right before he moved overseas. We lived together for a year and I considered him to be a close friend. I had feelings for him for awhile and wanted to tell him months prior, before we slept together, but it never felt like the right time.

 

I texted him a couple days after it happened and he didn't respond for several days. He said he was sorry for replying late, but had a work function on Friday and had been catching up with family all weekend, then asked how my weekend was going.

 

The time for him to move was getting closer and closer and I told him that we needed to talk before he left, but he seemed like he was avoiding it. We kept agreeing on times to meet up to see each other before he left and the day finally came. He said he would be in my area later and that he would call me once he was there. He was on his way when he suddenly told me that he was going to see his other friend first then come to see me. Well, a couple hours went by and then he said that he was now on his way home and he wouldn't be able to see me before he left.

 

Dumbfounded and shocked, I called him, but no answer. I sent him a message saying that I needed to talk to him but I guess I would write him an email instead. I told him I was really hurt that he would leave without saying goodbye and that I would never do that to him and that he was important to me and that I really cared about him. He texted me a few days later saying he saw my email and didn't "mean to leave without saying goodbye."

 

He took one month to reply to me and wrote me a completely impersonal message saying that just because he didn't say goodbye doesn't mean that he doesn't care... and some other crap about how he hopes we can hang out soon (even though he just moved overeas??)

 

Anyways, he didn't address anything that I said about my feelings so I replied and him point blank that I had had feelings for him for a long time and I really wanted and needed to tell him that before he left. It was a nice email and I basically told him that I wanted him to be happy but left it up to him to keep in contact with me.

 

That was 3-4 months ago and he never even replied after I basically said that I loved him.

 

I'm sure he was afraid after we slept together and dealing with feelings isn't his favorite past time, but why would someone be so cold and callous and move away from someone they supposedly "care" about without saying goodbye? I know that he had feelings for me too and even told me that he thought we had something special awhile back.

 

I've had a hard time trying to let go and move past it, just because there was no closure and it was so sudden. I know it's not worth my time, but maybe someone can help me make sense of it all.

Edited August 19, 2013 by amb

[sunrise24]

Everything you've written about him points to empty hype on his end: keeping you in a state of anticipation without fulfilling your needs.

 

 

I replied and told him point blank that I had had feelings for him for a long time and I really wanted and needed to tell him that before he left.

..he never even replied after I basically said that I loved him.

You fulfilled your end of the relationship; you bit the bullet. Apparently, he doesn't reciprocate your companionship or your feelings.

 

I know that he had feelings for me too and even told me that he thought we had something special awhile back.

That was then; people can change, or have their true colors revealed in unexpected ways. Besides, anyone can say anything; actions speak louder than words.

 

there was no closure and it was so sudden. I know it's not worth my time, but maybe someone can help me make sense of it all.

Ultimately, closure comes from within; all you can do is give it time and find ways to move forward.

 

 

If it's any reassurance for you, you've already endured the most difficult aspects of this situation; with No Contact and your love for yourself, you can only continue to heal from here.

 

If you have any further questions or comments, feel free to let us know. I wish you all the best.

Edited August 19, 2013 by sunrise24

[Onward_Upward]

Amb,

 

It is most likely that he was looking at the situation realistically... Knowing that he was moving overseas soon, he would have known that there was "no chance" for you two to be together...

 

Some people find it hard to confront such emotional situations; he also may have feared that if he visited you that day, that you would have had sex again, thus he would have lead you on even more...

 

It is unfortunate that he couldn't "man-up" and simply tell you straight, but in the end, he has let you down relatively easily, in my view.

 

He has obviously moved on... and now it is time for you to, as well

[Teknoe]

Amb,

Sorry. I am currently going through a similar situation where I confessed my feelings for my "best female friend" and it went largely unrequited.

 

Bottom line: as a poster already said, actions speak louder than words, and people can change over time/reveal their true colors.

 

The healing takes time, and inner strength, but I can promise you it will get better eventually.

 

God bless, and take care of yourself.