udelgirl Posted November 8, 2004 Share Posted November 8, 2004 I asked this guy out indirectly. We listen to the same bands and I told him about a movie screening on-campus (in a couple weeks) which has a soundtrack w/ a lot of those bands, and said if he wanted to know more about it to just let me know. We see each other a couple times a week and say Hi and stuff. Nothing big. I still don't know him that well. So...if he doesn't bring up the movie screening again, does it mean he's not interested? Was this a too indirect way or totally uneffective way of asking him out? Thanks in advance for any responses... Link to post Share on other sites
anon Posted November 9, 2004 Share Posted November 9, 2004 Just ask the guy out.Men take these chances everyday so it won't hurt for you as a women to try, asking someone out is not easy on the nerves.This will also put you on the recieving end of things so the next time you turn a guy down when you actually like him which happens in school settings cause you believe you'll see him again and you want to how interested he is or whatever ya'll females do.Just remember we go through what you going through now all are lives guessing and taking chances. Link to post Share on other sites
hulavie Posted November 9, 2004 Share Posted November 9, 2004 Originally posted by udelgirl So...if he doesn't bring up the movie screening again, does it mean he's not interested? Do you want to go to that movie with him? If you do, then just casually remind him when the time comes. If you don't want to go with him, then just wait and see if he will ask you about it and decide then. If the two of you end up going, just relax, enjoy the show, be yourself, see where things go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted November 9, 2004 Share Posted November 9, 2004 DO NOT ASK HIM OUT AGAIN If he liked YOU, he'd ask you out. He hasn't forgotten to remember you. He knows you like him. You see him casually in public. If he wanted to go out on a date with you, he'd ask you...... Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted November 9, 2004 Share Posted November 9, 2004 Just ask him and get it over with. There's no faster way for you to find out. There's no rule that says you have to wait. Go for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author udelgirl Posted November 9, 2004 Author Share Posted November 9, 2004 Yes But I don't want to ruin it by just asking him. I mean...one part of me says It'll take time, the other side says There is no time.. Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted November 9, 2004 Share Posted November 9, 2004 ask him causually if he was planning on going to the movie, maybe say you cannot wait....and ask if he wants to meet up with you there. Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted November 9, 2004 Share Posted November 9, 2004 Yeah you can always make it sound casual. Imagine that he is a shy guy and you are a shy girl, how are you two eve going to go out? Someone has to get over the shyness and go for it, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted November 9, 2004 Share Posted November 9, 2004 tattoo you have five toes well I never expected that! I guess it's way to celebrate your anniversary on the Shack!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted November 9, 2004 Share Posted November 9, 2004 Do not ask him out. If you like him, flirt with him by all means but DO NOT ASK HIM OUT. Why the hell should you? Let HIM flipping ask you on a date. If he doesn't, it's because he doesn't like you that way. Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted November 9, 2004 Share Posted November 9, 2004 i do not agree spock....why should she wait and see if he does anything? Some guys- and girls too- are totally clueless about hints that get dropped........ why does it matter if she asks again? the first time was more of an FYI, and this can be a direct propoasal for him to attend with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted November 9, 2004 Share Posted November 9, 2004 If you like him why wait until he asks you? Now a days women are strong and confident enough to ask the men that catch their eye out. Some guys actually prefer for you to ask them out. If you don't feel comfortable enough or you just can't do it then that's a different story. Link to post Share on other sites
MiuKiel Posted November 11, 2004 Share Posted November 11, 2004 I say Go for it! What's it hurt? Besides, the adrenaline rush is amazing! Just be real cool about it and if you get rejected bad, then play it off all cool-like. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted November 12, 2004 Share Posted November 12, 2004 Don't ask him out. Just don't. You can spout that crap about empowering yourself all you want, but if he doesn't like you enough to ask YOU on a date, you're only setting yourself up for failure. If he liked you enough, clueless or not, he'd find a way to ask you out. Link to post Share on other sites
Flying Goose Posted November 12, 2004 Share Posted November 12, 2004 Originally posted by Mr Spock Don't ask him out. Just don't. You can spout that crap about empowering yourself all you want, but if he doesn't like you enough to ask YOU on a date, you're only setting yourself up for failure. If he liked you enough, clueless or not, he'd find a way to ask you out. Nice logic - but supremely biased. If everyone took up that position (male and female), then no relationships could ever be initiated. You make assumptions about the guy's nature/interests. Such as that it is a simple matter of how much he likes the girl, without considering the complications that females feel they're entitled to have but males not. What if he is shy? What if he is afraid? What if he's never asked someone out on a date? Surely these things don't affect whether or not he likes the girl and whether or not things would work out. Surely all people are entitled to their reservations, and not required by virtue of their maleness to be proactive, nor by their femaleness to be reactive. To me it's simple - if you want something, YOU go about getting it - don't expect someone else to do the 'hard work' for you. And if it fails, it's because YOU didn't try hard enough, or it wasn't actually a possibility to start off with. Consider this - how many girls are there that a guy could possibly go out with? Quite a lot imo (similar age, background, proximity, etc being limiting). In reality though, the person would take interest in only a small subset of this population, for reasons of personal preference (mostly acquired from the society). The chances of this small group of interesting including any one girl is small. Therefore the chance that he is going to be particularly aware of subtle signals from this girl is also small. You see the problem? If the girl has interest, the most fail-safe way of satisfying it is to do something herself (i.e. give direct, 'overt' signals to show her interest) and to proactively include herself into this subset of his - not rely on chance. Chance alone would (by the consideration before) have a very small probability of yielding any positive results - unless of course she's the only girl he knows. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted November 12, 2004 Share Posted November 12, 2004 Oh, she can let him know she's interested, no problem. But, chances are, since SHE asked him out, he'll go-but he won't be that into her. (read the damn book) So, now she gets a guy she's had a date with that doesn't call, and leaves her wallowing in a pool of self doubt. Or, she can find an guy she's madly attracted to that ASKS HER OUT because he's interested.... Go on, ask him out then, we'll see how the relationship progresses. Link to post Share on other sites
Flying Goose Posted November 12, 2004 Share Posted November 12, 2004 LOL... come on ... Not all guys would act like that. Especially since they can empathise readily with the difficulty of asking someone out yourself, and not relying on them to do the hard work for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author udelgirl Posted November 18, 2004 Author Share Posted November 18, 2004 Yes...but it's weird...I'll stop and say Hi and hesitate to talk more to him, he'll stop and hesitate, and we'll both turn away... I've already done enough 'pushing', I think, with initiating convos and all that...and I'm sorta waiting for a response from him now, for him to make an initiative...b/c isn't that the only way I'll truly know if he's interested, without flat out asking him? I have a lot of guy friends, but none usually 'hesitate' like he does..I feel like there's something weird between us? I don't know, tension or shyness or something? Should I just wait it out? Part of me scared to be too friendly, b/c in the past, I've gotten too friendly with guys, which leads us to just being friends and them not seeing me as anything more...and usually, them just being interested in hooking up with my own friends. Stuff like that. So I don't want this kind of thing to end up like that. How is it possible to stay in-between, like not be too pushy or friendly by initiating ALL our convos, and not be too shy as to let him think I'm insecure? I'm having trouble finding that happy medium, or finding out if he's interested at all! Whenever we pass by, He seems to check me out and hesitate at making further convo....what could that imply? I also feel weird asking him all the questions whenever I initiate a conversation...do I just keep initiating convos, wait for him to ask me something, or....? Link to post Share on other sites
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