janetcoats Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 (edited) Hello. I am new here. My first post.. It has been a year since my ex broke up with me. We have had minimal contact. I am thinking about wishing him a happy Birthday via email next week. Nothing else in the message. No "how are you" or "I love you" or "I miss you" etc. The reality is I love him and unless he does something terrible I think I will always love him. But I am no longer in love with him. Just "Happy Birthday" Janet We were Facebook friends post break and at the beginning of the year I did send him a message telling him I still had feelings for him. He did not reply. But nor did he tell me "stop contacting me" or delete me as a friend. I think it was hard for him too the break up. In fact I know it was. He told me talking didn't seem to be helping and we should not contact each other as much. I respected his wishes after that and we had a few mutual conversations. Anyway unfortunately my Facebook was hacked and I deleted it. Without telling him what had happened or any of my other friends actually. I have gotten on with my life as much as possible. I have not done nothing and pined for him. I have gotten pro-active and improved myself since we broke up. I admit I have my down days and if I could do it all again (not sure why I would want to go through break up hell again) I would probably not have begged as much and retained my dignity. As desperate is just not sexy or attractive. I thought long and hard about "Do I really love him"? Or do I just miss the closeness of a relationship?! Unfortunately I admitted to myself no I really do love him but begging him to take me back etc is not going to help matters. I think that had I accepted the break up a lot sooner and not constantly said I still wanted him in the early days then we would be friends right now. I care about him deeply. He is a wonderful, amazing person and I quite frankly want the emotional maturity in myself to be able to conduct myself respectively with my ex. Rather than running away forever or asking for a second chance (which I admit to having done in the past). Having no chance of contact with him I have found is not as helpful as some people who advocate "NC". My personal experience. My concerns are because of the messages in the past I am worried that he may see "happy birthday" as another attempt to basically plead for him to come back to me. I am worried because of my actions in the past rather than see me as a friend he may just see me as an ex who wants to get back with him and he may have a new partner. What do you guys think? I guess you are the experts. Edited August 19, 2013 by janetcoats
Faith13/2 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Hello. I am new here. My first post.. It has been a year since my ex broke up with me. We have had minimal contact. I am thinking about wishing him a happy Birthday via email next week. Nothing else in the message. No "how are you" or "I love you" or "I miss you" etc. The reality is I love him and unless he does something terrible I think I will always love him. But I am no longer in love with him. Just "Happy Birthday" Janet We were Facebook friends post break and at the beginning of the year I did send him a message telling him I still had feelings for him. He did not reply. But nor did he tell me "stop contacting me" or delete me as a friend. I think it was hard for him too the break up. In fact I know it was. He told me talking didn't seem to be helping and we should not contact each other as much. I respected his wishes after that and we had a few mutual conversations. Anyway unfortunately my Facebook was hacked and I deleted it. Without telling him what had happened or any of my other friends actually. I have gotten on with my life as much as possible. I have not done nothing and pined for him. I have gotten pro-active and improved myself since we broke up. I admit I have my down days and if I could do it all again (not sure why I would want to go through break up hell again) I would probably not have begged as much and retained my dignity. As desperate is just not sexy or attractive. I thought long and hard about "Do I really love him"? Or do I just miss the closeness of a relationship?! Unfortunately I admitted to myself no I really do love him but begging him to take me back etc is not going to help matters. I think that had I accepted the break up a lot sooner and not constantly said I still wanted him in the early days then we would be friends right now. I care about him deeply. He is a wonderful, amazing person and I quite frankly want the emotional maturity in myself to be able to conduct myself respectively with my ex. Rather than running away forever or asking for a second chance (which I admit to having done in the past). Having no chance of contact with him I have found is not as helpful as some people who advocate "NC". My personal experience. My concerns are because of the messages in the past I am worried that he may see "happy birthday" as another attempt to basically plead for him to come back to me. I am worried because of my actions in the past rather than see me as a friend he may just see me as an ex who wants to get back with him and he may have a new partner. What do you guys think? I guess you are the experts. Since you've done quite well with the NC thing, I think you should ask yourself if you really want to take a chance in opening up a sore subject for you. Just would hate to see you message him and maybe get no reply or get a reply and then start feeling all those emotions again. I don't think there's anything wrong with wishing him a simple "Happy Birthday" though. Just let's him know indirectly that you still haven't forgotten about him. Up to you in the end, just make sure it's something that won't throw you off this new positive vibe you seem to have going for yourself.
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