Final plea to ex.. i'm desperate to reach out

[Dez]

so lately i haven't been doing well. i've been depressed because my ex doesn't want to talk to me. i still have things i want to tell her before its too late. i'm going to give you an example of what i want to say to her.

 

"hi, i know you don't want anything to do with me... but i wanted to tell you something. i know i plead and begged for you to come back, i know it was foolish but since we broke up i've been in panic mode. i haven't been acting myself at all. my emotions have been all over the place. i know the last couple of weeks i've said things to hurt you, and i've been inconsistent of how i feel for you. i'm sorry. you know where my heart is, i didn't mean to say those things.

 

you say you deserve better and you want to find the "one" for you. but the grass isn't always greener on the other side. you're always jumping from relationship to relationship trying to find the perfect man. you need to realise no one is perfect. you're looking for someone who doesn't exist. i have flaws, yes, and you broke up because you were no longer happy. you told me i have the potential to be great, and you wish to see me become the man you could have experienced. but you want me to find a partner who i will do this with. you have this defeatist mindset that i never can meet your expectations, but i felt pressured every time i was given the opportunity.

 

i don't want to be with other girls, being with you was everything i ever wanted. i know i'm never going to find someone like you again and i'm not going to settle for less. i know right now we're both not ready to get back together because our wounds haven't healed. our relationship isn't broken, we have flaws just like everyone else, they can be overcome with time. i was never given a genuine second chance even though you may think so. we were always fighting and i couldn't please you to my full potential. if only we had space and time, maybe we could have gave our relationship another shot. i'm not begging you to come back, i just wanted clear things up, and hope you reassess this break up."

 

 

so that's basically what i want to share with my ex. we are currently in no contact and i need your guy's opinions. what should i add, what should i take out???

[iouaname]

If you are going to send a letter (honestly, I'm not sure that you should. If she doesn't want anything to do with you, the best thing that you can do is not have anything to do with her), then I think you should at least not be accusatory in your letter. Nobody is going to like hearing "this is what is wrong with you!"

 

I find that the more you chase people, the further they run and the worse you feel.

 

I'm really sorry for what you are going through

[Dez]

If you are going to send a letter (honestly, I'm not sure that you should. If she doesn't want anything to do with you, the best thing that you can do is not have anything to do with her), then I think you should at least not be accusatory in your letter. Nobody is going to like hearing "this is what is wrong with you!"

 

I find that the more you chase people, the further they run and the worse you feel.

 

I'm really sorry for what you are going through

 

its not that she doesn't want anything to do with me, she just needs space. she still wants me in her life and to hang out in the future.

[iouaname]

its not that she doesn't want anything to do with me, she just needs space. she still wants me in her life and to hang out in the future.

 

Did she tell you that?

 

If that is the case, then the best thing that you can do is give her that space. Work on making yourself happy, and then she will see that you are happy and you will be much more likely to get her back in your life in a meaningful way. If she didn't mean it and doesn't want you in her life - then that's your answer right there. Either way, I think that you should hold off on the letter. The more you chase, the further she'll run, and then the more space she'll need.

[Ireallydontknow]

Do not send this

[Dez]

Did she tell you that?

 

If that is the case, then the best thing that you can do is give her that space. Work on making yourself happy, and then she will see that you are happy and you will be much more likely to get her back in your life in a meaningful way. If she didn't mean it and doesn't want you in her life - then that's your answer right there. Either way, I think that you should hold off on the letter. The more you chase, the further she'll run, and then the more space she'll need.

 

she did tell me that. at one point i told her i can no longer have you in my life and she began to cry. she just space for a while, we're not going to cut each other off.

[Simon Phoenix]

Do not send that letter.

[jesse93]

sometimes fighting for someone you want, is the wrong decision to make, let her miss you. You need time to heal, pleading is something that pushes people away I've wanted to plead and beg for my ex back for a long time now but I know thats not the thing to do, if you get her back then great.. but if you don't you will have to find the strength to move on and heal yourself the pain wont always be there keep your head up and push forward.. When the time is right, if she wants to talk to you she will come to you.

[templeofmax]

sometimes fighting for someone you want, is the wrong decision to make, let her miss you. You need time to heal, pleading is something that pushes people away I've wanted to plead and beg for my ex back for a long time now but I know thats not the thing to do, if you get her back then great.. but if you don't you will have to find the strength to move on and heal yourself the pain wont always be there keep your head up and push forward.. When the time is right, if she wants to talk to you she will come to you.

 

DITTO!!!! Don´t send this letter. I repeat, DO NOT send this letter...

[Dez]

if i don't send this and go nc, will things get better over time?

[templeofmax]

if i don't send this and go nc, will things get better over time?

 

Of course they will because YOU start healing, bit by bit, little by little. More than that, it shows you respect her decision, it makes you mature and COULD be THE ONLY WAY towards her missing you and considering contacting you. In either case, you will be healing, even if you long for her.

[iouaname]

if i don't send this and go nc, will things get better over time?

 

Yes. Without a doubt, yes. I think that your best chances for having the most positive outcome possible is to go no contact. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that it will win her back, but I will say that respecting her decision for space can only benefit you. If you don't, it will drive her further away. Keep no contact. If she wants to contact you, she will, but don't send the letter and don't reach out first.

 

Make a list of things that you can do instead of contacting her, and just wait it out. It will get easier and it will get better.

[Dez]

Of course they will because YOU start healing, bit by bit, little by little. More than that, it shows you respect her decision, it makes you mature and COULD be THE ONLY WAY towards her missing you and considering contacting you. In either case, you will be healing, even if you long for her.

 

she did tell me in the past, "once you let me go, then i know you're ready. once you give me space, then i know you're ready."

[templeofmax]

she did tell me in the past, "once you let me go, then i know you're ready. once you give me space, then i know you're ready."

 

There you go!!!!!! At least yours says things...mine doesn't!!!

[iouaname]

she did tell me in the past, "once you let me go, then i know you're ready. once you give me space, then i know you're ready."

 

So there you have it. The best thing you can do is give her that space. Pick up a couple of hobbies, figure out some new things about yourself... give it time.

[Dez]

i guess so. i took it as if we'd never be together again. she said "i don't want to be with you again, you can't give me space." so she didn't say never... she told me to trust the process, so i will. i need to chill out and just give her time.

[Simon Phoenix]

i guess so. i took it as if we'd never be together again. she said "i don't want to be with you again, you can't give me space." so she didn't say never... she told me to trust the process, so i will. i need to chill out and just give her time.

 

You need to treat it like you'll never be together again. But yeah, she told you what she wants. So do it, don't contact her and do your own thing. You might very well realize that you don't really want to get her back. Or you'll realize you don't need her and if she comes back around, you'll be the one with power. But with every weak, clingy contact attempt you undermine your own healing and self-respect. So don't do it.

[JDPT]

Letter looks good, now trash it.

[Dez]

You need to treat it like you'll never be together again. But yeah, she told you what she wants. So do it, don't contact her and do your own thing. You might very well realize that you don't really want to get her back. Or you'll realize you don't need her and if she comes back around, you'll be the one with power. But with every weak, clingy contact attempt you undermine your own healing and self-respect. So don't do it.

 

 

thats true. i told her before, that in the future, we're just going to become strangers and i won't even want you anymore, so i gave her an ultimatum to be with me or i'm gone forever.

[Simon Phoenix]

thats true. i told her before, that in the future, we're just going to become strangers and i won't even want you anymore, so i gave her an ultimatum to be with me or i'm gone forever.

 

Ultimatums are bad news. Don't ever do that again.

[aspiringuitarheroine]

How do you know you won't find anyone like her again? How old are you?

 

Your dramatic response to the situation and ultimatum suggest... 20s?

 

You know what happens when you send letters like this to exes? It's not like it is in the movies. They don't weep with joy that they're so loved a person is closing themselves off to other people permanently. They don't go "Holy crap, they love me so much, how could I not be with someone who needs me like oxygen?" They read it and go "Well... that was an ego trip. How awesome am I?!" Then they bin it and laugh to themselves.

 

Trash the letter, go NC. The next move is hers. Your control on this siutation has officially ended.

[JDPT]

How do you know you won't find anyone like her again? How old are you?

 

Your dramatic response to the situation and ultimatum suggest... 20s?

 

You know what happens when you send letters like this to exes? It's not like it is in the movies. They don't weep with joy that they're so loved a person is closing themselves off to other people permanently. They don't go "Holy crap, they love me so much, how could I not be with someone who needs me like oxygen?" They read it and go "Well... that was an ego trip. How awesome am I?!" Then they bin it and laugh to themselves.

 

Trash the letter, go NC. The next move is hers. Your control on this siutation has officially ended.

 

Speaks the truth.

[Dez]

How do you know you won't find anyone like her again? How old are you?

 

Your dramatic response to the situation and ultimatum suggest... 20s?

 

You know what happens when you send letters like this to exes? It's not like it is in the movies. They don't weep with joy that they're so loved a person is closing themselves off to other people permanently. They don't go "Holy crap, they love me so much, how could I not be with someone who needs me like oxygen?" They read it and go "Well... that was an ego trip. How awesome am I?!" Then they bin it and laugh to themselves.

 

Trash the letter, go NC. The next move is hers. Your control on this siutation has officially ended.

 

you're correct me and my ex are both mid 20s. i will go NC. i don't want to find someone else because i found her already... but i'll wait and be patient..let things fall into place on her terms then.

[Simon Phoenix]

you're correct me and my ex are both mid 20s. i will go NC. i don't want to find someone else because i found her already... but i'll wait and be patient..let things fall into place on her terms then.

 

Going NC to wait on her is a waste of time. You go NC to settle your emotions, work on your self and move forward from the breakup. If she comes back, then awesome. If not, then you are equipped to find someone else.

[aspiringuitarheroine]

you're correct me and my ex are both mid 20s. i will go NC. i don't want to find someone else because i found her already... but i'll wait and be patient..let things fall into place on her terms then.

 

$50 says you'll probably be waiting forever, but good luck.

Edited August 20, 2013 by aspiringuitarheroine