Kizza Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 This letter is not for her. It's for you. To get all the things you want to say out of your head. Go ahead, write a bunch more, it will help with the process but DO NOT SEND THEM! Trust me! I have done this after having a number worked on me by someone. I have written so many 'novels' they just sit in my computer saved. It helps to get the thoughts and dialogue out of your head. Then when I am ready I am going to print them all off and have a little bonfire There will be no positive outcome in sending the letter to her. Just better yourself and concentrate on getting yourself out of the emotional tailspin you are in right now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jesse93 Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 you're correct me and my ex are both mid 20s. i will go NC. i don't want to find someone else because i found her already... but i'll wait and be patient..let things fall into place on her terms then. I think almost everyone feels this way, especially if its their first love I'm not sure if she is your first love but, this feeling normal at first "omg she left me how will I move on she is the only girl I will ever love! she is perfect!" Sitting there waiting for someone to come is probably the worst thing you can do, of course when we all go NC we have a small amount of hope that theyll text us or call us one of these days, admitting there true love for us and how they wanna try again with us, but majority of the time that doesn't happen.. So what you need to do now is focus on healing yourself you need to find hobbies and anything that will get your mind off her, block her on social media sites and just disappear for a while, at first the NC might be used to try and get her to miss you and text you, but after a while after the days go on without seeing a message from her without receiving a call it helps you realize that its time to move on you'll eventually stop checking your phone so much to see if she texted you, she will start to realize that you're truly trying to move on because you haven't pleaded for her to come back, which will most likely make her curious as to why you disappeared and you're not trying anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
iouaname Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 I understand the situation that you're in. You felt as though he was so perfect that nobody else can possibly compare, and so you'd rather be single, hoping that one day she will find her way back to you, than try to find someone else. I am 8 months post-breakup with no chance of getting back together with my ex, and I still don't feel like I could ever find someone that I'd want to be in a relationship with. I'm glad to hear that you're not sending the letter and that you are going to stay no contact. It's the best thing either way. If she said that she wanted space and that you giving her space was imperative, then that's the best thing to do. It's also the best thing to do for you, because it'll give you time to focus on your happiness outside of him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dez Posted August 20, 2013 Author Share Posted August 20, 2013 i need to have self control. she told me i don't listen. if i listened things would be different. maybe if i started NC right after the break up things would be better. Link to post Share on other sites
iouaname Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 i need to have self control. she told me i don't listen. if i listened things would be different. maybe if i started NC right after the break up things would be better. Well, start now. Have self-control. Show her that you have self-control. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
barky2 Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 Disappear now and quick , stay off fb and everything else. Clear your damn head dude...ur running around like a mad man. Begging pleading crying doing jumping jacks or NC will not bring her back unless she wants to. Go be a single damn male in his mid 20s for a little while. I went thru it, same as you, out of a 10 year relationship, I'm going to spare you the details but it was the best summer/time of my life....and guess what, I BARKY as a person was back, not the relationship barky. She came back once she saw I got myself back...but after a period a time. Don't count days dude...just go be free for Christ sakes. Barky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dez Posted August 20, 2013 Author Share Posted August 20, 2013 Disappear now and quick , stay off fb and everything else. Clear your damn head dude...ur running around like a mad man. Begging pleading crying doing jumping jacks or NC will not bring her back unless she wants to. Go be a single damn male in his mid 20s for a little while. I went thru it, same as you, out of a 10 year relationship, I'm going to spare you the details but it was the best summer/time of my life....and guess what, I BARKY as a person was back, not the relationship barky. She came back once she saw I got myself back...but after a period a time. Don't count days dude...just go be free for Christ sakes. Barky i'll try to enjoy myself. but i felt better while in a relationship, it was fun traveling, going on dates with her and just having her in my life... its hella lonely right now. Link to post Share on other sites
barky2 Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 I know the feeling man. But the thing is your accustomed to BEING in one. Now its a new chapter. Your lonely because your not diving into hobbies gym friends and being young and free. Summer is almost over bud, I swear to you, when I finally nutted up, it was the best time of my life and got me back on the best shape to get my ex back.....and it worked. Barky Link to post Share on other sites
aspiringuitarheroine Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 i'll try to enjoy myself. but i felt better while in a relationship, it was fun traveling, going on dates with her and just having her in my life... its hella lonely right now. That's why you have to make friends and keep them whilst in a relationship. Putting all your eggs in one basket is foolish. Everyone in a relationship should have a friend group that they hang out with in addition to their partner. Otherwise, you end up co-dependent. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dez Posted August 20, 2013 Author Share Posted August 20, 2013 I know the feeling man. But the thing is your accustomed to BEING in one. Now its a new chapter. Your lonely because your not diving into hobbies gym friends and being young and free. Summer is almost over bud, I swear to you, when I finally nutted up, it was the best time of my life and got me back on the best shape to get my ex back.....and it worked. Barky you're right, i use to work out all the time during the relationship. played football, baseball, biking and running. made my ex fall in love with me. then i slacked off, and became flabby, she told me that i wasn't physically attractive anymore, and she didn't want to even have sex.. that f**ked me up in the head. Link to post Share on other sites
iouaname Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 I had kind of the same situation. I was independent. We got together and (maybe it was something that was festering underneath and waiting to be exposed), but throughout the relationship it seemed like I lost myself in it and became less and less appealing to him. Sad how that works out. The difference is that I really don't think that my situation is repairable, but maybe yours could be! Do what she asked. Give her some space, focus on becoming a better man and better person and then see what the future holds for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dez Posted August 20, 2013 Author Share Posted August 20, 2013 I had kind of the same situation. I was independent. We got together and (maybe it was something that was festering underneath and waiting to be exposed), but throughout the relationship it seemed like I lost myself in it and became less and less appealing to him. Sad how that works out. The difference is that I really don't think that my situation is repairable, but maybe yours could be! Do what she asked. Give her some space, focus on becoming a better man and better person and then see what the future holds for you! even if she tells me shes moving on, and wants me to do the same? or is it just to see if i let go...then she'll know i'm ready? Link to post Share on other sites
iouaname Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 even if she tells me shes moving on, and wants me to do the same? or is it just to see if i let go...then she'll know i'm ready? Either way. If she tells you that she's moving on and wants you to do the same, then the deal is done. No amount of pleading is going to win her back. From all of the experience I have had, I know that the more you chase someone the further they run. I don't like the idea of this being some kind of 'game' for her to test to see where you are, but the best thing you can do in that situation is keep no contact, come up with a list of hobbies or goals that you'd like to achieve and get to work on them. Let time take care of the rest, because no matter what there will be a positive outcome. Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 I had kind of the same situation. I was independent. We got together and (maybe it was something that was festering underneath and waiting to be exposed), but throughout the relationship it seemed like I lost myself in it and became less and less appealing to him. Sad how that works out. The difference is that I really don't think that my situation is repairable, but maybe yours could be! Do what she asked. Give her some space, focus on becoming a better man and better person and then see what the future holds for you! Two people in a RS start out so desirable to each other. Then, it starts to shift and then becomes 'push/pull'. Next thing ya know, one person is scrambling to get out. Such a weird phenomenon. Not even sure how it happens. But it does happen. Happened to me We were so good together and had so much fun together. Now she can't stand me and probably wonders how she dated me for three years Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dez Posted August 31, 2013 Author Share Posted August 31, 2013 Either way. If she tells you that she's moving on and wants you to do the same, then the deal is done. No amount of pleading is going to win her back. From all of the experience I have had, I know that the more you chase someone the further they run. I don't like the idea of this being some kind of 'game' for her to test to see where you are, but the best thing you can do in that situation is keep no contact, come up with a list of hobbies or goals that you'd like to achieve and get to work on them. Let time take care of the rest, because no matter what there will be a positive outcome. is n/c suppose to be forever? i still want her in my life... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dez Posted September 1, 2013 Author Share Posted September 1, 2013 There is no time limit. What do you want her in your life as if she doesn't want you? we both want to be in each others lives, but not at this moment. we're both not ready. she told me i'm a good person, and have good intentions, that's why she's not cutting me off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dez Posted September 1, 2013 Author Share Posted September 1, 2013 She's not cutting you off because she wants a back-up option when her little adventure finishes... i know that's true. all her other boyfriends were cut off completely, except me. idk about what little adventures she's up to, but i know she's not seeking out other guys. she told me she's not ready to be in a relationship because it's not a need. i'm just going to give her time and she'll come knocking at my door one day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dez Posted September 1, 2013 Author Share Posted September 1, 2013 I think it's foolish to put your life on hold for someone that doesn't want you. People who dump you to find themselves, don't love you, and don't deserve your love. not on hold. just leaving it open for her to come back if she wants. i really don't feel like dating and all that with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
travelonic Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 "you say you deserve better and you want to find the "one" for you. but the grass isn't always greener on the other side. you're always jumping from relationship to relationship trying to find the perfect man. you need to realise no one is perfect..." Seems to me that if this is a case of her seeking greener grass, then this hard lesson is one she must learn on her own. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dez Posted September 1, 2013 Author Share Posted September 1, 2013 It is though. It's OK to not be interested in dating, but what has she done to warrant a second chance with you? she told me give it time, and maybe she could come back. i should stop forcing things to happen and let things fall into place on its own. keeps telling me to learn from mistakes, one day i'm "going to make the perfect husband, every woman would want.":rolleyes: Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 she told me give it time, and maybe she could come back. i should stop forcing things to happen and let things fall into place on its own. keeps telling me to learn from mistakes, one day i'm "going to make the perfect husband, every woman would want.":rolleyes: So you do all of this and she still doesn't want you, then what? You can't sit there like a pud waiting for something that probably won't happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Salvatore85 Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 Honestly answer this...why do you want her back? What is so wonderful about someone who will string you along until she's done having her fun? And instead of arguing about her intentions with people understand that we've been through it and we're trying to save you the heartache. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dez Posted September 1, 2013 Author Share Posted September 1, 2013 maybe you because you don't know the whole situation. if only you knew my ex like i do, then you'd understand. Link to post Share on other sites
Brown-Eyez Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 Here we go. Because we don't know you personally, or your ex, then how could we possibly understand? The fact is, all relationships might be different, but all break ups are essentially the same. If she loved you, she'd be with you. She'd move mountains for you. If she thought you were awesome husband material, she'd put a ring on it in case some other girl cottoned on and stole you away. If she loved you, she'd be with you. It is THAT simple. There is only TRUTH in the above statement, it really is just that simple.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FebruaryAmor Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 Please focus on yourself . We r around the same age. I know how it feels... I wouldnt be on this forum if I didnt. Right now...focus being the best u can be. Hang out with the guys..go to the gym..see some family more. Pick up a hobbie. Just fill yourself up with happiness and joy. Dont wait on something to fill you up. Or dont do the above mentioned to win her back. Its not about her its about you. Things will fall into place. Im going thru this right now and its so hard...but ive been in 3 relationships..and ive survived all breakups..like I will survive ... so will you. Link to post Share on other sites
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