"Women's intuition" how the hell do you counter that?

[Summerslam]

My GF had a problem with me hanging out with a female friend, you can get better background information in this thread:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/416967-why-only-female-friends-cause-jealousy-4.html#post5144555

 

so I've decided to talk to her.

 

At first she refused to talk about it, but then she just blew up & told me she hated this particular friend, I asked her why, & she gave me vague answers like "the way she looks at me" & "the way she dresses when she's with me", I told her I'm not gonna discuss this until she calms down, after staying silent for about 10 minutes, she began to talk, but in a calm rational manner this time.

 

She said that she had no problem with me hanging out with a female friend, but she had a gut feeling that this friend is interested in me, or "women's intuition" as she put it & she insisted on it, I told her I'm gonna need to process this & then left.

 

So how the hell am I supposed to counter that? I can't prove her wrong even though I know for a fact that me & this friend are not interested in each other, she says she trusts me 100% but that is irrelevant to her, she just doesn't trust my friend.

[JourneyLady]

My GF had a problem with me hanging out with a female friend, you can get better background information in this thread:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/416967-why-only-female-friends-cause-jealousy-4.html#post5144555

 

so I've decided to talk to her.

 

At first she refused to talk about it, but then she just blew up & told me she hated this particular friend, I asked her why, & she gave me vague answers like "the way she looks at me" & "the way she dresses when she's with me", I told her I'm not gonna discuss this until she calms down, after staying silent for about 10 minutes, she began to talk, but in a calm rational manner this time.

 

She said that she had no problem with me hanging out with a female friend, but she had a gut feeling that this friend is interested in me, or "women's intuition" as she put it & she insisted on it, I told her I'm gonna need to process this & then left.

 

So how the hell am I supposed to counter that? I can't prove her wrong even though I know for a fact that me & this friend are not interested in each other, she says she trusts me 100% but that is irrelevant to her, she just doesn't trust my friend.

 

You want to counter it, because you want to persuade her otherwise - that's very clear. It doesn't matter to you how she feels, whether she is right or not.

If you wanted to keep her as a girlfriend, you'd show her that her emotions and intuition are important to you, not invalidate them. If it's just one instance, you have to decide if she's worth it or not. You've been told this before here, I believe.

 

You just want to invalidate her position. Therefore just let her go. Your "freedom" to hang out with this particular person is more important to you than your relationship with your girlfriend. Isn't that absolutely clear to you? She's not the one you would make any sacrifice for, therefore you are wasting both her time and yours.

[darkmoon]

so your woman is wrong - but the female friend is a saint??

do the right thing by your woman, before some other guy does, srs

Edited August 19, 2013 by darkmoon

[Summerslam]

You want to counter it, because you want to persuade her otherwise - that's very clear. It doesn't matter to you how she feels, whether she is right or not.

If you wanted to keep her as a girlfriend, you'd show her that her emotions and intuition are important to you, not invalidate them. If it's just one instance, you have to decide if she's worth it or not. You've been told this before here, I believe.

 

You just want to invalidate her position. Therefore just let her go. Your "freedom" to hang out with this particular person is more important to you than your relationship with your girlfriend. Isn't that absolutely clear to you? She's not the one you would make any sacrifice for, therefore you are wasting both her time and yours.

 

- She says this particular friend has a thing for me, & I know for a fact that she doesn't.

- She also said that she had no problem with me hanging out with my female friends.

 

Maybe I was wrong in not talking to her or telling her about my past with her, but after that, she gave me absolutely no reason to stop hanging out with this friend other than "women's intuition".

 

I can just as easily tell her to stop hanging out with her sister cause I feel she's coming on to me, I'd just tell her its "men's intuition".

[CptSaveAho]

get some male friends, stop being a tool and hanging out with women you have had something with in the past and those that do like you

 

even guys on this forum can see you are full of crap... its not womens intuition... its common sense

[nescafe1982]

Is being "right" more important to you than being in this relationship? Because from the sounds of it (this thread and the previous one), you're headed straight for the intersection between "right" and lonely.

 

If my BF hung out with a girl he had history with, doing date-like activities, and she dressed inappropriately and made passes at him (or treated me poorly), and he then disregarded my concerns as unimportant, he would be out on his butt so fast his head would spin.

 

Your need to prove your GF "wrong" is highly concerning considering what look like bright red flags in your friendship with ex-lover. If you don't revise your attitude quickly, you will lose her.

[Maleficent]

Seriously, this is still going on?

gosh...

[ThaWholigan]

What is special about this particular female friend that you're willing to jeopardize your relationship with your GF? Regardless of whether you think she is being reasonable or not....

[Knoxpwns]

Lol I remember that weird feeling I had about the guy friend my ex-gf had. I didn't like him, never really could put my finger on it. I pleaded for her to kinda ease up just a little, but she was adamant they were just friends.

 

Cut to now, she broke up with me for him. Her "just friend".

Lol I dont blame your gf for that gut feeling/womens intuition/whatever.

 

It makes your gf uncomfortable. What is she asking you do to make her more comfortable? Are you willing to do it?

Or here we go, lets put WORST CASE on the table -- if (and when) you have to choose, which one would it be?

 

Heres another, is it REALLY just a friend, or are you telling yourself that?

 

Put yourself in her shoes. Another woman is making obvious advances at her man, and her man shows no interest in stopping it, and even participates in it ("friend" dates, etc)

 

Having been in her shoes myself, you have pidgeon holed her into a soul-crushing, hopeless situation she has 0 control over. The guy who is supposed to love and protect her.

Edited August 20, 2013 by Knoxpwns

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Well well well...Summer

 

Interesting how this turned out the way we said huh? Why do you think that is?

 

So you really really want to be right, which is why you didn't listen to the advice which covered this in your last thread. But I will give you the benefit of the doubt here.

 

Unless you are gay, or a relative, you cannot dismiss the male female component of this relationship. It does require a little extra caution.

 

Several women on your last thread said that in their truly platonic relationships we BEND OVER BACKWARD to make our friends significant other comfortable.

 

Your friend has not. Evidence - you brought your girlfriend along and she sat quiet and uncomfortable, your friend SHOULD HAVE been the one to engage her in the conversation.

 

YOU referenced that you don't have a problem with your girlfriend "tagging along" which also references that both you AND your friend treated her like she was the third wheel.

 

I mentioned that girls give off a vibe, that boys do not see that "claims" a male. I told you that I bet your "friend" did that.

 

You don't appear to be willing to make any compromise of any kind, you seem to be set that you are right and no adjustment should be made...after, what 8 pages of people telling you YOU ARE WRONG.

 

So what do you want here? Some people to tell you that your supposed girlfriend is wrong because she doesn't want you to hang out 1-3 times per week with someone who you have had a sexual relationship with and who is your best friend?

 

So let me tell you one more thing....

 

I would bet money that the "we're not interested in each other" "we only had sex once and it was a mistake" blah blah has more to it than you are letting on.

 

One of three things are true and you can have people vote? How's that.

 

1. You and Best Friend are just friends and even though you spend a LOT OF 1:1 time with this single unattached girl there is nothing at all going on.

 

2. Your best friend doesn't like your girlfriend so give off all the "he's mine" signals trying to run her off.

 

3. Your best friend has feelings for you, maybe she wants you, maybe she just doesn't want anyone else to have you. (Why exactly doesn't she have a boyfriend...how have her boyfriends reacted to the two of you having out 1-3 times a week alone?)

 

4. You have unresolved feelings for the best friend, you would do her again but you think you have been friend zoned and missed your chance. But she knows it so uses it to control you.

 

 

In any of these cases your girlfriend isn't wrong. Her feelings are her feelings. You either deal with her feelings or give her up. But you aren't going to be able to change her feelings.

 

Since you don't seem to care, and since you don't seem to be willing to compromise. I think you should break up with your girlfriend. Send her here for some support.

 

If you are open to listening, and understanding. You might talk to your friend. Tell her that your girlfriend thinks she is interested in you and that she is jealous? IF SHE REALLY IS YOUR FRIEND she will do whatever she can to fix it.

 

I would lay money she won't.

 

My best is on 3

[Knoxpwns]

Well well well...Summer

 

Interesting how this turned out the way we said huh? Why do you think that is?

 

So you really really want to be right, which is why you didn't listen to the advice which covered this in your last thread. But I will give you the benefit of the doubt here.

 

Unless you are gay, or a relative, you cannot dismiss the male female component of this relationship. It does require a little extra caution.

 

Several women on your last thread said that in their truly platonic relationships we BEND OVER BACKWARD to make our friends significant other comfortable.

 

Your friend has not. Evidence - you brought your girlfriend along and she sat quiet and uncomfortable, your friend SHOULD HAVE been the one to engage her in the conversation.

 

YOU referenced that you don't have a problem with your girlfriend "tagging along" which also references that both you AND your friend treated her like she was the third wheel.

 

I mentioned that girls give off a vibe, that boys do not see that "claims" a male. I told you that I bet your "friend" did that.

 

You don't appear to be willing to make any compromise of any kind, you seem to be set that you are right and no adjustment should be made...after, what 8 pages of people telling you YOU ARE WRONG.

 

So what do you want here? Some people to tell you that your supposed girlfriend is wrong because she doesn't want you to hang out 1-3 times per week with someone who you have had a sexual relationship with and who is your best friend?

 

So let me tell you one more thing....

 

I would bet money that the "we're not interested in each other" "we only had sex once and it was a mistake" blah blah has more to it than you are letting on.

 

One of three things are true and you can have people vote? How's that.

 

1. You and Best Friend are just friends and even though you spend a LOT OF 1:1 time with this single unattached girl there is nothing at all going on.

 

2. Your best friend doesn't like your girlfriend so give off all the "he's mine" signals trying to run her off.

 

3. Your best friend has feelings for you, maybe she wants you, maybe she just doesn't want anyone else to have you. (Why exactly doesn't she have a boyfriend...how have her boyfriends reacted to the two of you having out 1-3 times a week alone?)

 

4. You have unresolved feelings for the best friend, you would do her again but you think you have been friend zoned and missed your chance. But she knows it so uses it to control you.

 

 

In any of these cases your girlfriend isn't wrong. Her feelings are her feelings. You either deal with her feelings or give her up. But you aren't going to be able to change her feelings.

 

Since you don't seem to care, and since you don't seem to be willing to compromise. I think you should break up with your girlfriend. Send her here for some support.

 

If you are open to listening, and understanding. You might talk to your friend. Tell her that your girlfriend thinks she is interested in you and that she is jealous? IF SHE REALLY IS YOUR FRIEND she will do whatever she can to fix it.

 

I would lay money she won't.

 

My best is on 3

 

 

My spider-senses tinge when I read 4.

 

I mean it's this simple: "Hey, I'm sorry but my girlfriend is picking up some weird vibes and shes uncomfortable with the way our friendship carries on. I think you're a good friend and wouldn't come between us, but I love her and want her to be comfortable so I just need some time to work on our relationship."

 

Boom if she is a real friend now, she will still be your friend when you talk to her down the road. Thats the joy of REAL FRIENDS. They will AWLAYS be there in the end.

 

If you can't even do that to save your relationship, then I agree witb last person. Send your gf our way, we will help her get over it.

Edited August 20, 2013 by Knoxpwns

[inamity]

Haha amazing.

 

I went through something like this before. Boyfriend in college... we lived together. Kept hanging out with a girl. She clearly had no respect for me and would call him and invite him to come over at 2AM or some time that was absolutely ridiculous. And he would go, telling me, "She's fat... I'm not going to do anything with her."

 

He didn't get that he already had done something with her--he prioritized his friendship with her over his relationship with me.

 

Fast-forward 6 months, we get into a big fight, and he comes out and admits that one of the times he was over at her place, she kissed him.

 

Did he think that was going to happen? No. But I saw it, because by giving her that attention and priority, he made it not only clear to me what he valued more... but to her as well.

 

Your "friend" knows you care more about her than your girlfriend.

[TB Rhine]

It's hard to really know what this guy should do, because we don't know for sure whether or not his g/f really has her head on straight. It could be she would freak out, citing "women's intuition" and so on, in response to ANY woman he tried to have in his life. In that case she's just irrational and insecure, and being controlling in a way that most of society would NEVER tolerate a man trying to be with his wife or girlfriend.

 

I have a close female friend, and I wouldn't forsake that friendship to appease an irrational girlfriend. We have no romantic or sexual past, and what past the OP and his friend have seems to be minimal at best. I'm guessing the causes of this girl's intuition add up to, "I think she's cuter than me, therefore you can't hang out with her."

 

So ultimately, I guess, I would say what the OP should do here is dependent on his own conscience. If he truly believes his motives, and his friend's motives also, are pure in trying to maintain this friendship, he should stick to his guns. He should offer to try and broker some degree of understanding between his friend and his girlfriend, but he's not beholden to cut the friend out of his life because his girl's decided to throw a fit about it.

[Els]

Why are you still so hell-bent on 'countering' your gf? Point blank, she isn't okay with the dynamics between you and this female friend whom you meet alone at each others' places 1-2x every week, and she has every right to feel that way. Most of us have told you that repeatedly in your last thread and here you are, still trying to find a way to 'convince' your gf to be okay with something that probably 90% of women would have dumped your ass ages ago for (and men, too, had the genders been reversed).

 

What exactly are you expecting from us?

[nescafe1982]

My spider-senses tinge when I read 4.

 

I vote #4 too. we can't confirm whether the "friend" has feelings really... but it is pretty darn clear that he's got some unresolved attachment to her. It's skewing his perspective on his current relationship and he'll probably lose both women in the end (the GF because he's being totally unreasonable towards her, the "friend" because she's not really all that into him but likes the attentions of an attached male).

 

I feel bad for OP's GF. Sounds like he's been gaslighting her for a while, and if she's still in the picture, she's still sort of falling for it. As someone who's been on the receiving end of such manipulation, I hope she takes charge of her romantic destiny asap.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

I vote #4 too. we can't confirm whether the "friend" has feelings really... but it is pretty darn clear that he's got some unresolved attachment to her. It's skewing his perspective on his current relationship and he'll probably lose both women in the end (the GF because he's being totally unreasonable towards her, the "friend" because she's not really all that into him but likes the attentions of an attached male).

 

I feel bad for OP's GF. Sounds like he's been gaslighting her for a while, and if she's still in the picture, she's still sort of falling for it. As someone who's been on the receiving end of such manipulation, I hope she takes charge of her romantic destiny asap.

 

Yeah probably 4 too.. I just realized the GF says she doesn't like the way the friend dresses and implied the "mine" vibe.

 

But funny thing is, he probably sealed the death when he pushed her to talk about it then told her he wouldn't discuss it till she calmed down?!?! Wtf?

 

She will wake up soon. It's clear he values the friend more, so I am sure it shows to his girlfriend in person even more than on here. And even if he were the most amazing boyfriend, with acrobatic sexual techniques I can't imagine that being second best indefinitely sits well with her.

 

But as I said before Summer...you want to be right...so you are right. Hope that works for ya.

[TheGuard13]

You cannot counter "women's intuition". You can't disprove an emotional reaction. And on the offchance that she's being irrational, you can't rationalize the irrational. You can either care about how this relationship makes your girlfriend feel, or not. She's clearly not secure with the idea of you seeing this friend by yourself.

[Woop1337]

My GF had a problem with me hanging out with a female friend, you can get better background information in this thread:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/416967-why-only-female-friends-cause-jealousy-4.html#post5144555

 

so I've decided to talk to her.

 

At first she refused to talk about it, but then she just blew up & told me she hated this particular friend, I asked her why, & she gave me vague answers like "the way she looks at me" & "the way she dresses when she's with me", I told her I'm not gonna discuss this until she calms down, after staying silent for about 10 minutes, she began to talk, but in a calm rational manner this time.

 

She said that she had no problem with me hanging out with a female friend, but she had a gut feeling that this friend is interested in me, or "women's intuition" as she put it & she insisted on it, I told her I'm gonna need to process this & then left.

 

So how the hell am I supposed to counter that? I can't prove her wrong even though I know for a fact that me & this friend are not interested in each other, she says she trusts me 100% but that is irrelevant to her, she just doesn't trust my friend.

 

 

Obviously your girl likes you alot. You should be alarmed, when it gets to the point where, she doesnt even say anything anymore when you go out..with anyone. She's livid about you hanging around another girl. Especially that your best friends with that particular woman. It's a testament on how much she likes you, cuz she tolerating your actions (or inaction) towards resolving this issue.

 

Woman's intuition is most of the time right, and she smelled it on you. You keep saying that your best friend doesnt like you anymore? How do you know that? Cuz she said so? Does it really matter if she said so, with a straight face? Her actions, from what you described, say otherwise.

 

If you honestly think that this girlfriend of yours is the "one". Then you have to give in, and cut this other woman loose.

 

Just 2 weeks ago, I went to have a smoothie, with a girl as a pre date. She brought up, that her best friend is her ex boyfriend. Didnt let that whole thing last more than 45 mins. Got up, paid for our drinks. Deleted her number, that night. How do you say it nowadays?? "Im not about that life".

 

Not really similar to your situation, but you get the point.

[xxoo]

If this friend is a true friend, what is she doing to build a comradeship with your girlfriend and ease her worried mind?

 

If it were me, I'd be making an effort.

[RogerWallace111]

get some male friends, stop being a tool and hanging out with women you have had something with in the past and those that do like you

 

even guys on this forum can see you are full of crap... its not womens intuition... its common sense

 

There we go !

[RogerWallace111]

And I'm sure your friend is giving off the "I've claimed him" vibe. I have a few homegirls in my extended crew of friends who do that sh*t to any new female who doesn't blindside them with confidence/likability before they get a chance. That being said, it's not necessarily indicative of romantic interest on their part. Just that the male attention gives them validation as humans so they like to try and stake it for themselves.

 

The line between male-female "friendship" and more is VERY thin. The majority of the friendships I see between girls and guys have an ongoing flirtatious undertone. Even in cases where it's more-or-less established that they'll never be acting on it. And most of these friendships don't end up heating up. But regardless of if one's boyfriend/girlfriend's body ever comes in contact with their friend's, the fact that they're getting that kind of sexually-tilted attention/validation from someone else is uncool.

 

And I'm not saying that someone good-looking giving your man/lady a smile on the street shouldn't make them feel good or attractive. And that's perfectly cool. In fact, being in a very happy relationship where you would never think of straying and deflecting advances from other girls gives you a uniquely great feeling. The problem is when it's a supposed "friend" giving you a prolonged, understated dose of that feeling, in 1-1 situations, on a regular basis. Even if it's somehow not the case, it's liable to (and understandably so) make your partner think they're that much less important in making you feel desired.

Edited August 20, 2013 by RogerWallace111

[sweetjasmine]

Why are you still so hell-bent on 'countering' your gf? Point blank, she isn't okay with the dynamics between you and this female friend whom you meet alone at each others' places 1-2x every week, and she has every right to feel that way. Most of us have told you that repeatedly in your last thread and here you are, still trying to find a way to 'convince' your gf to be okay with something that probably 90% of women would have dumped your ass ages ago for (and men, too, had the genders been reversed).

 

What exactly are you expecting from us?

 

Precisely. This is a relationship, not debate club. What do you want? Some masterful debate tricks that will convince her to suppress her feelings so you can go on doing whatever it is you want to do?

[BeholdtheMan]

She said that she had no problem with me hanging out with a female friend, but she had a gut feeling that this friend is interested in me, or "women's intuition" as she put it & she insisted on it

Looks like her woman's intuition is right...

I have no problem with her having male friends, she just chose not to have them, even if its someone she slept with in the past, despite the fact that she doesn't even know we've slept together years ago which makes her checking up on me make less sense

OP, pull your head out of your a**. If the tables were reversed, you'd be rather annoyed, to put it mildly. Part of your post underlined for bullsh*t

 

Would you like your girlfriend to hang out with her "close male friend" at his house, watch movies together, eat dinner etc. Then when you voice your concern, she tries to paint you as the jealous, insecure boyfriend.

 

You'd be OK with her having male friends with boundaries. It doesn't seem like you have healthy boundaries with your female friend.

[Summerslam]

I don't get it, all she said was that she feels like this woman is interested in me, why is it wrong for me to ask for legitimate reasons? If I just give in to her "women's intuition" every time, then she'd be controlling my entire life.

 

I also noticed something in this thread, most of the posts seem to ignore that in her views, she doesn't mind the concept of male-female friendships, even very close ones, but seem to reply by applying their own set of morals...Fine, you're not fine with male-female friendship, my GF is, so a post like "She's a woman you can't be her friend" is irrelevant since she is completely fine with the concept, she just has problems with this particular friend.

 

I'm trying to understand her, but the whole "the way she dresses with me" is just confirmation bias, I find suits w/short skirts or tight pants hot (not exactly a fetish, just the way they hug the body is my cup of tea) so me seeing her in our lunch break (we work in nearby buildings) or after work is considered to her "dressed inappropriately", the rest of the times she doesn't even dress out of the ordinary, the only times I see her in low cut dresses are parties & clubs (which we only go when we're both single), that to me says she's just being irrational, since even one of her "intuitions" isn't true.

 

Looks like her intuition was right. You HAVE hooked up with this girl in the past.

 

I would be LIVID if my boyfriend made me out to be some insecure, paranoid wench when all along he was hiding this very important piece of information about a girl he was going to dinner and movies with, and hanging out at each others houses alone.

 

 

You are playing her for a fool. Shame on you!

 

She made it pretty clear that those things don't matter to her, this particular woman is what bothers her.

 

Lol I remember that weird feeling I had about the guy friend my ex-gf had. I didn't like him, never really could put my finger on it. I pleaded for her to kinda ease up just a little, but she was adamant they were just friends.

 

Cut to now, she broke up with me for him. Her "just friend".

Lol I dont blame your gf for that gut feeling/womens intuition/whatever.

 

It makes your gf uncomfortable. What is she asking you do to make her more comfortable? Are you willing to do it?

Or here we go, lets put WORST CASE on the table -- if (and when) you have to choose, which one would it be?

 

Heres another, is it REALLY just a friend, or are you telling yourself that?

 

Put yourself in her shoes. Another woman is making obvious advances at her man, and her man shows no interest in stopping it, and even participates in it ("friend" dates, etc)

 

Having been in her shoes myself, you have pidgeon holed her into a soul-crushing, hopeless situation she has 0 control over. The guy who is supposed to love and protect her.

 

I'm sorry about what happened to you, but I am 100% positive we're not interested in each other, otherwise we would be together by now, when we're single & want some sex without commitment, we'd go to a club together & we help each other out (well, she only helps me, she doesn't need help), if she was really interested in me, she would not be participating in helping me sleep with strangers. Beyond this, she has also set me up with two women in the past, although those relationships didn't last long, it proves that we have absolutely no interest in each other.

 

Well well well...Summer

 

Interesting how this turned out the way we said huh? Why do you think that is?

 

So you really really want to be right, which is why you didn't listen to the advice which covered this in your last thread. But I will give you the benefit of the doubt here.

 

Unless you are gay, or a relative, you cannot dismiss the male female component of this relationship. It does require a little extra caution.

 

Several women on your last thread said that in their truly platonic relationships we BEND OVER BACKWARD to make our friends significant other comfortable.

 

Your friend has not. Evidence - you brought your girlfriend along and she sat quiet and uncomfortable, your friend SHOULD HAVE been the one to engage her in the conversation.

 

YOU referenced that you don't have a problem with your girlfriend "tagging along" which also references that both you AND your friend treated her like she was the third wheel.

 

I mentioned that girls give off a vibe, that boys do not see that "claims" a male. I told you that I bet your "friend" did that.

 

You don't appear to be willing to make any compromise of any kind, you seem to be set that you are right and no adjustment should be made...after, what 8 pages of people telling you YOU ARE WRONG.

 

So what do you want here? Some people to tell you that your supposed girlfriend is wrong because she doesn't want you to hang out 1-3 times per week with someone who you have had a sexual relationship with and who is your best friend?

 

So let me tell you one more thing....

 

I would bet money that the "we're not interested in each other" "we only had sex once and it was a mistake" blah blah has more to it than you are letting on.

 

One of three things are true and you can have people vote? How's that.

 

1. You and Best Friend are just friends and even though you spend a LOT OF 1:1 time with this single unattached girl there is nothing at all going on.

 

2. Your best friend doesn't like your girlfriend so give off all the "he's mine" signals trying to run her off.

 

3. Your best friend has feelings for you, maybe she wants you, maybe she just doesn't want anyone else to have you. (Why exactly doesn't she have a boyfriend...how have her boyfriends reacted to the two of you having out 1-3 times a week alone?)

 

4. You have unresolved feelings for the best friend, you would do her again but you think you have been friend zoned and missed your chance. But she knows it so uses it to control you.

 

 

In any of these cases your girlfriend isn't wrong. Her feelings are her feelings. You either deal with her feelings or give her up. But you aren't going to be able to change her feelings.

 

Since you don't seem to care, and since you don't seem to be willing to compromise. I think you should break up with your girlfriend. Send her here for some support.

 

If you are open to listening, and understanding. You might talk to your friend. Tell her that your girlfriend thinks she is interested in you and that she is jealous? IF SHE REALLY IS YOUR FRIEND she will do whatever she can to fix it.

 

I would lay money she won't.

 

My best is on 3

 

1- That's correct, why is it hard to believe.

2- Not true, she likes her, & she has never been shy to tell me her opinion on the women I'm dating, in the past she many times said (mostly early in the relationship) many things about the women I'm dating, "she's a slut", "she's too attached", "she's not attractive", "she's needy", but she likes my current GF, & she said so every time they met.

3- She was never in any meaningful long term relationship, the longest relationship she had was 10 months when we were in college, her pattern is usually to have a three months long relationship, then stay single for three months, rinse & repeat, its the way she is more than anything.

4- I won't deny that sometimes she looks really really sexy especially in certain revealing clothing when we're at parties, but I'm not interested in her at all, I see a lot of sexy women in the gym or anywhere I go, doesn't mean I'm interested in them, its just my brain reacting to something I see & raising my blood pressure.

 

It's hard to really know what this guy should do, because we don't know for sure whether or not his g/f really has her head on straight. It could be she would freak out, citing "women's intuition" and so on, in response to ANY woman he tried to have in his life. In that case she's just irrational and insecure, and being controlling in a way that most of society would NEVER tolerate a man trying to be with his wife or girlfriend.

 

I have a close female friend, and I wouldn't forsake that friendship to appease an irrational girlfriend. We have no romantic or sexual past, and what past the OP and his friend have seems to be minimal at best. I'm guessing the causes of this girl's intuition add up to, "I think she's cuter than me, therefore you can't hang out with her."

 

So ultimately, I guess, I would say what the OP should do here is dependent on his own conscience. If he truly believes his motives, and his friend's motives also, are pure in trying to maintain this friendship, he should stick to his guns. He should offer to try and broker some degree of understanding between his friend and his girlfriend, but he's not beholden to cut the friend out of his life because his girl's decided to throw a fit about it.

 

THANK YOU, Finally a helpful non-judgmental advice, that's actually a good idea, I'd just let them hang out with each other every single day until they're friends.

 

When you are dating someone, all opposite sex friends who aren't real friends need to -go- out of respect to your SO. If you haven't known this woman for a long time other than in a drinking buddy context, she needs to go.

 

Real friends do things for each other back and forth, are involved in all aspects of one's life, not just going out for drinks or nightlife. If this woman is truly a valuable friend who does things for you, you do things for her, would call her to come pick you up somewhere in the middle of the night or vice versa, then you have something of a case. Otherwise she needs to go while you are dating someone, especially if what your GF says about the way she looks at you and dresses is true. It isn't a matter of woman's intuition, but a matter of consideration and respect.

 

If on the off chance this woman is a real friend, you must take proactive steps to make her a friend of the relationship. You must seek to involve your GF with her, have her to dinner, involve her in socializing in your relationship, not just your going out with her without your GF. Kind of rambling, sorry. Good luck.

 

Would knowing this friend since we were kids qualify?

Edited August 20, 2013 by Summerslam

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Summer,

 

You really should go back and re read this thread and the last without your defensiveness.

 

Many if us said we have male friends. (And women friends for the guys) I have male friends. The difference is WHEN YOU ARE IN COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP YOU.CARE.ABOUT.YOUR.GIRLFRIENDS.FEELINGS.

 

She has said, after you pushed her to discuss it...that she is uncomfortable with this one friend. She has given you the following reasons.

 

She is prettier - to which you agreed

You and the friend have more in common - to which you agreed

Your girlfriend is uncomfortable with the way she dresses - so I assume your GF knows your fetish on suits? I assume that your GF notices when you notice the friend is hot.

 

Your girlfriend doesn't like the WAY the friend talks to you in front if her (or talks to her, not clear from your writing) - well this is telling...are you saying that your friend has made every effort to be friends with you GF? You never said that.

 

Your words and actions only show you care about yourself.

 

Your Friends actions, as described BY YOU, show she is not trying to help your girlfriend with her feelings either.

 

You are waiting for justification from a poster (who I believe is single by the way) and ignoring alllllllllllll the advice from all the women, and from the men, and from people who have made this mistake before.

 

Actually, the more you write...the more I am convinced to have the hots for the friend, would prefer to be with her, are "setting" for your girlfriend.

 

Your friend doesn't want to share you, whether or not she wants you so she is sabotaging your relationship as are you.

 

Good luck with that.