"Women's intuition" how the hell do you counter that?

[Shocksock]

Break up with your girlfriend and make your "friend" into your new girlfriend since you clearly want her more. Your girlfriend doesn't like being 2nd string and almost every person on your previous thread said the same thing.

 

Why the HELL did you even make a 2nd topic about the same thing when you already got your answer?

[It-is-what-it-is.]

It's hard to really know what this guy should do, because we don't know for sure whether or not his g/f really has her head on straight. It could be she would freak out, citing "women's intuition" and so on, in response to ANY woman he tried to have in his life. In that case she's just irrational and insecure, and being controlling in a way that most of society would NEVER tolerate a man trying to be with his wife or girlfriend.

 

I have a close female friend, and I wouldn't forsake that friendship to appease an irrational girlfriend. We have no romantic or sexual past, and what past the OP and his friend have seems to be minimal at best. I'm guessing the causes of this girl's intuition add up to, "I think she's cuter than me, therefore you can't hang out with her."

 

So ultimately, I guess, I would say what the OP should do here is dependent on his own conscience. If he truly believes his motives, and his friend's motives also, are pure in trying to maintain this friendship, he should stick to his guns. He should offer to try and broker some degree of understanding between his friend and his girlfriend, but he's not beholden to cut the friend out of his life because his girl's decided to throw a fit about it.

 

 

Summer - since you only agree with this guys advice, maybe you should talk to him directly. It seems that you will get the kind of validation and guidance you would give yourself from him. Which is what you are looking for here right? Shopping around until someone agrees with you?

 

So his advice is to try to broker an "understanding" between your friend and girlfriend, but ultimately if that doesn't work, break up with the girlfriend, because she's "controlling", and a psycho, and "insecure"

 

There you go. The advice you wanted.

[CptSaveAho]

Hilarious thread, women being friends with all of their exes is never a problem and any man to suggest otherwise is an insecure control freak.

 

But the OP should totally listen to his woman and get more male friends.

 

Marvelous.

 

Op is full of ****.... If you can't see that and believe his words I've got some beach property in Mississippi I want to sell you

[ChessPieceFace]

Women are much better at recognizing each others' signals of attraction for men. They're wired for it. You should hang out with who you want, but also acknowledge your gf's concerns. I'd go at it from the angle, maybe she's right about this girl, but she's also being distrustful of you and that's on her.

Edited August 20, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[hppr]

If my BF hung out with a girl he had history with, doing date-like activities, and she dressed inappropriately and made passes at him (or treated me poorly), and he then disregarded my concerns as unimportant, he would be out on his butt so fast his head would spin.

 

Exactly.

 

If a girl pulled this stuff on me I'd dump her ass without thinking twice.

[AMusing]

Ok, you're asking for advice, so I'm going to assume you aren't as bad a boyfriend as your posts convey. I'll also assume you don't just want to be right (although I agree with previous posters here in this regard), but rather you want to put your girlfriend at ease, while still maintaining some kind of a friendship with this girl. So, how do you counter your girlfriend's (completely valid) concerns?

 

You don't.

 

You acknowledge her fears (finally). Before talking with her again, you really put yourself in her shoes, and do your best to empathize with her. When you see her again, tell her you've never meant to put your friend above her, but you can see how it feels that way to her. You apologize for it, and thank her for putting up with your nonsense for so long.

 

Then, for the love of God, you tell her that she is absolutely beautiful, that you find her far more attractive than your friend, and that you only want to be with her. You tell her that while you may not share all your superficial hobbies in common, what you do share (your love, your lives, your sense of humor, your values, your private hopes/fears) is far more important to you than that. Then, tell her you want to start finding more things you two both enjoy doing together (and then actually come up with more things you two can start doing together--that this friend doesn't do).

 

Next you ask her what you can do to make her 100% comfortable with this friend of yours. If she's reluctant to make any suggestions, offer some. Tell her you'll only see this friend with other people around. Tell her you'll cut back the amount of time you see your friend (yes, twice a week is a lot). Tell her you won't meet your friend at her house anymore. Tell her you won't see your friend without your girlfriend there, until she feels confident that there is nothing between you two.

 

Finally, you tell your "best friend" that she needs to be a better friend to your relationship. As other posters have said here, women who are platonic friends with men make a point to bend over backwards so that their girlfriends don't see us as a threat. We make it very clear that we are not jockeying for her position in his heart. Your friend needs to do the same. Ask her to make every effort to get to know your girlfriend, and help her feel included. When the three of you spend time together, remember that your FRIEND is the third wheel when you three go out, not your girlfriend. Don't let the conversation steer towards subjects you and your friend have in common that your girlfriend doesn't.

 

One last point: do NOT tell your friend that your girlfriend is jealous and making demands on you. This implies a conspiratorial attitude, again at the exclusion of your girlfriend, and if your girlfriend realizes you've done this she will be--rightfully--PISSED. Instead, tell your friend that your girlfriend is the most important woman in your life, and it's past time you started acting like she is.

 

For the record, if your girlfriend were posting on LS, I would be advising her to dump your ass (as would ALL of the other female posters here, and most of the men). Keep that in mind, when you talk to her again.

[GravityMan]

Summer, I think you and your girlfriend should break up. She deserves someone better than you. You have no business being in a relationship with any woman right now. Stay single for awhile and do some growing up. Relationships require maturity and a respect for the other person's feelings and emotions. Sometimes those emotions have to take priority over what's seemingly logical or rational. People who truly care about their partner will want to make that person feel good, even if it means making sacrifices and changes elsewhere in your life (within reason) including your associations with other people. It is possible to do all that while still standing up for yourself.

 

It is OK to have friends of the opposite sex; most secure people have both male and female friends and would be fine with their partner having likewise. I would personally be wary of dating someone who felt otherwise. However there is a fine line between an opposite sex person being just a friend...and that person wanting to be more than a friend. And remaining "friends" with someone that you had some sort of sexual history with is treading very dangerous waters. Going out alone frequently with a "friend" of the opposite sex AND being vague or secretive about it while in a r-ship is not cool and a blatant sign of disrespect for your SO. Real friends...both male and female...will respect your relationship and will make a strong effort to engage your GF/BF and make her or him feel comfortable. Those that don't aren't true friends and may need to be distanced or ejected from your life.

[Knoxpwns]

Ok, you're asking for advice, so I'm going to assume you aren't as bad a boyfriend as your posts convey. I'll also assume you don't just want to be right (although I agree with previous posters here in this regard), but rather you want to put your girlfriend at ease, while still maintaining some kind of a friendship with this girl. So, how do you counter your girlfriend's (completely valid) concerns?

 

You don't.

 

You acknowledge her fears (finally). Before talking with her again, you really put yourself in her shoes, and do your best to empathize with her. When you see her again, tell her you've never meant to put your friend above her, but you can see how it feels that way to her. You apologize for it, and thank her for putting up with your nonsense for so long.

 

Then, for the love of God, you tell her that she is absolutely beautiful, that you find her far more attractive than your friend, and that you only want to be with her. You tell her that while you may not share all your superficial hobbies in common, what you do share (your love, your lives, your sense of humor, your values, your private hopes/fears) is far more important to you than that. Then, tell her you want to start finding more things you two both enjoy doing together (and then actually come up with more things you two can start doing together--that this friend doesn't do).

 

Next you ask her what you can do to make her 100% comfortable with this friend of yours. If she's reluctant to make any suggestions, offer some. Tell her you'll only see this friend with other people around. Tell her you'll cut back the amount of time you see your friend (yes, twice a week is a lot). Tell her you won't meet your friend at her house anymore. Tell her you won't see your friend without your girlfriend there, until she feels confident that there is nothing between you two.

 

Finally, you tell your "best friend" that she needs to be a better friend to your relationship. As other posters have said here, women who are platonic friends with men make a point to bend over backwards so that their girlfriends don't see us as a threat. We make it very clear that we are not jockeying for her position in his heart. Your friend needs to do the same. Ask her to make every effort to get to know your girlfriend, and help her feel included. When the three of you spend time together, remember that your FRIEND is the third wheel when you three go out, not your girlfriend. Don't let the conversation steer towards subjects you and your friend have in common that your girlfriend doesn't.

 

One last point: do NOT tell your friend that your girlfriend is jealous and making demands on you. This implies a conspiratorial attitude, again at the exclusion of your girlfriend, and if your girlfriend realizes you've done this she will be--rightfully--PISSED. Instead, tell your friend that your girlfriend is the most important woman in your life, and it's past time you started acting like she is.

 

For the record, if your girlfriend were posting on LS, I would be advising her to dump your ass (as would ALL of the other female posters here, and most of the men). Keep that in mind, when you talk to her again.

 

If you are a woman, then I assume you know what women want to hear.

If you are a man, how the hell do you know women that well, and if you arent dating a woman you are doing the female sex a great disservice.

 

Either way, for the love of christ OP, do exatly what this person says. The advice you just got from them is freaking pure gold to a guy.

[Summerslam]

Summer,

 

You really should go back and re read this thread and the last without your defensiveness.

 

Ok, I'll keep an open mind in my next replies.

 

Many if us said we have male friends. (And women friends for the guys) I have male friends. The difference is WHEN YOU ARE IN COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP YOU.CARE.ABOUT.YOUR.GIRLFRIENDS.FEELINGS.

 

I do care about her feelings

 

She has said, after you pushed her to discuss it...that she is uncomfortable with this one friend. She has given you the following reasons.

 

She is prettier - to which you agreed

 

Not to me, I find my GF prettier.

 

You and the friend have more in common - to which you agreed

 

Irrelevant to me.

 

Your girlfriend is uncomfortable with the way she dresses - so I assume your GF knows your fetish on suits? I assume that your GF notices when you notice the friend is hot.

 

Her wearing suits is purely coincidental since when our lunch breaks happen to be at the same time, we have lunch together, or sometimes after work, she has to wear suits at work in order to look more professional.

 

Your girlfriend doesn't like the WAY the friend talks to you in front if her (or talks to her, not clear from your writing) - well this is telling...are you saying that your friend has made every effort to be friends with you GF? You never said that.

 

She said she doesn't like the way she looks at me (not talk), but all I see is her looking at me like every other person.

 

Your words and actions only show you care about yourself.

 

Your Friends actions, as described BY YOU, show she is not trying to help your girlfriend with her feelings either.

 

I just told her to ask her out, hopefully something good will come out of it.

 

You are waiting for justification from a poster (who I believe is single by the way) and ignoring alllllllllllll the advice from all the women, and from the men, and from people who have made this mistake before.

 

I'm willing to listen to any advice that would stipulate that my GF is 100% okay with me hanging out with female friends, even at their place, since that's exactly what she said, her problem is with this particular friend, an advice like "don't hang out at her place & go to coffee shops instead" or "tune down your time together" doesn't help since that's not the problem here, the problem is that my GF doesn't like her.

 

Actually, the more you write...the more I am convinced to have the hots for the friend, would prefer to be with her, are "setting" for your girlfriend.

 

I don't, I consider her a friend, that's it.

 

Your friend doesn't want to share you, whether or not she wants you so she is sabotaging your relationship as are you.

 

I don't know where you got that from, early in our relationship she helped out a lot when me & my GF had a misunderstanding & took the blame for something I did.

[PlumPrincess]

I was right with your girlfriend knowing about you sleeping with your friend in the past, I'm probably also right with your friend being interested in you.

[AMusing]

If you are a woman, then I assume you know what women want to hear.

If you are a man, how the hell do you know women that well, and if you arent dating a woman you are doing the female sex a great disservice.

 

Either way, for the love of christ OP, do exatly what this person says. The advice you just got from them is freaking pure gold to a guy.

 

I'm a woman who's been in a similar situation to OP's girlfriend. I wrote what I wish my ex had done, many years ago.

 

Thanks for the vote of confidence!

[Summerslam]

Ok, you're asking for advice, so I'm going to assume you aren't as bad a boyfriend as your posts convey. I'll also assume you don't just want to be right (although I agree with previous posters here in this regard), but rather you want to put your girlfriend at ease, while still maintaining some kind of a friendship with this girl. So, how do you counter your girlfriend's (completely valid) concerns?

 

Maybe I came off looking like a bad BF, but communicating via text isn't the best way to show emotions.

 

You don't.

 

Okay.

 

You acknowledge her fears (finally). Before talking with her again, you really put yourself in her shoes, and do your best to empathize with her. When you see her again, tell her you've never meant to put your friend above her, but you can see how it feels that way to her. You apologize for it, and thank her for putting up with your nonsense for so long.

 

Her problem isn't me putting my friend above her, since that didn't actually happen, she just doesn't like this friend.

 

Then, for the love of God, you tell her that she is absolutely beautiful, that you find her far more attractive than your friend, and that you only want to be with her. You tell her that while you may not share all your superficial hobbies in common, what you do share (your love, your lives, your sense of humor, your values, your private hopes/fears) is far more important to you than that. Then, tell her you want to start finding more things you two both enjoy doing together (and then actually come up with more things you two can start doing together--that this friend doesn't do).

 

We have a lot of things we enjoy doing together, Movies, Chess, Sex, Pool, Politics...and more, we do all those things together, the issue is that she thinks we don't have "as much" in common.

 

Next you ask her what you can do to make her 100% comfortable with this friend of yours. If she's reluctant to make any suggestions, offer some. Tell her you'll only see this friend with other people around. Tell her you'll cut back the amount of time you see your friend (yes, twice a week is a lot). Tell her you won't meet your friend at her house anymore. Tell her you won't see your friend without your girlfriend there, until she feels confident that there is nothing between you two.

 

I mentioned in my previous post that those things aren't the problem, the problem is with this particular friend.

 

Finally, you tell your "best friend" that she needs to be a better friend to your relationship. As other posters have said here, women who are platonic friends with men make a point to bend over backwards so that their girlfriends don't see us as a threat. We make it very clear that we are not jockeying for her position in his heart. Your friend needs to do the same. Ask her to make every effort to get to know your girlfriend, and help her feel included. When the three of you spend time together, remember that your FRIEND is the third wheel when you three go out, not your girlfriend. Don't let the conversation steer towards subjects you and your friend have in common that your girlfriend doesn't.

 

I just did, & my friend was pretty happy about it actually, they should go out alone at first, I don't know how my GF would respond though.

 

One last point: do NOT tell your friend that your girlfriend is jealous and making demands on you. This implies a conspiratorial attitude, again at the exclusion of your girlfriend, and if your girlfriend realizes you've done this she will be--rightfully--PISSED. Instead, tell your friend that your girlfriend is the most important woman in your life, and it's past time you started acting like she is.

 

I usually tell her all relationship my problems & she always gives helpful advice, my guy friends are horrible at giving advice, but this time I did not tell her since the problem involves her too, that's why I decided to create an account here.

 

For the record, if your girlfriend were posting on LS, I would be advising her to dump your ass (as would ALL of the other female posters here, and most of the men). Keep that in mind, when you talk to her again.

 

I can see that, but it would probably be for the wrong reasons, most posters think I hang out with this woman a lot or that we shouldn't hang out at our places, my GF doesn't mind that, she minds the person.

[Star Gazer]

I usually tell her all relationship my problems & she always gives helpful advice, my guy friends are horrible at giving advice, but this time I did not tell her since the problem involves her too, that's why I decided to create an account here.

 

That makes the fact you spend so much alone time with this woman (who you've had sex with!) at each other's houses all the more inappropriate.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Summer...

 

No seriously...seriously...what you want is for your girlfriend to get over it.

 

Ideally get over it without any changes on your behalf.

 

Minimally, with you changing nothing but telling your Best Friend to call her and have them go out?

 

Throughout pages and pages and pages of advice, from men, women, single, married, young, older, you have gotten almost the exact same response. But that's not what you want it to be. You want her to be perfectly ok with it.

 

So....what if she's not...I think you said in your very first post on your very first thread that you would not give up your friendship.

 

So why all the drama? Your girlfriend and best friend must be aware of your priority. Your priority is with your best friend...you have stated it over and over in a dozen ways. Your girlfriend has tried to be cool with it and she isn't.

 

You are expecting your girlfriend (and everyone on LS who has played the part of your girlfriends defender) to come up with a justifiable argument to stop doing something that is hurting her. But there is no good enough argument because the fact that it hurts her, isn't enough for you.

 

So this is what's going to happen, I predict...your girlfriend will shortly realize you will never care enough or be willing to fix it and will move on, cause really who needs this much drama... You will be back to bar hopping with your best friend wingman.

 

And your girlfriend will move on to someone else.

 

Everybody gets what they want.

[Summerslam]

I was right with your girlfriend knowing about you sleeping with your friend in the past, I'm probably also right with your friend being interested in you.

 

Yeah you were right the first time, but no you're wrong here, if you read all my posts, the evidence is overwhelming, she's not interested in me, but I'll repost it:

 

- We've been single & had been roommates for a long time, nothing happened.

- She sets me up with other women.

- A lot of times she befriends the women I date.

- She had plenty of times given me relationship-saving advice.

 

That doesn't sound like she's romantically interested in me at all.

[PlumPrincess]

I always found it weird that in the title of your other thread you said, "female friends" knowing that it's only one specific female is the source of trouble with your girlfriend.

[AMusing]

Her problem isn't me putting my friend above her, since that didn't actually happen, she just doesn't like this friend.

[...]

I mentioned in my previous post that those things aren't the problem, the problem is with this particular friend.

[...]

I can see that, but it would probably be for the wrong reasons, most posters think I hang out with this woman a lot or that we shouldn't hang out at our places, my GF doesn't mind that, she minds the person.

 

Your girlfriend minds the person because of how poorly you've handled the situation. If they'd met as strangers on the street, I highly doubt your girlfriend would've felt a sudden inexplicable animosity towards your friend. Again, I advise you to really try to see things through your girlfriend's eyes. You clearly aren't there yet.

 

Handle the situation well, and her reasons to dislike the woman will eventually go away. There is no overnight fix though; it is going to take time and work to repair your relationship. Assuming you really do want to fix it, that is.

[Summerslam]

That makes the fact you spend so much alone time with this woman (who you've had sex with!) at each other's houses all the more inappropriate.

 

Why?

 

Summer...

 

No seriously...seriously...what you want is for your girlfriend to get over it.

 

Ideally get over it without any changes on your behalf.

 

Minimally, with you changing nothing but telling your Best Friend to call her and have them go out?

 

Throughout pages and pages and pages of advice, from men, women, single, married, young, older, you have gotten almost the exact same response. But that's not what you want it to be. You want her to be perfectly ok with it.

 

So....what if she's not...I think you said in your very first post on your very first thread that you would not give up your friendship.

 

So why all the drama? Your girlfriend and best friend must be aware of your priority. Your priority is with your best friend...you have stated it over and over in a dozen ways. Your girlfriend has tried to be cool with it and she isn't.

 

You are expecting your girlfriend (and everyone on LS who has played the part of your girlfriends defender) to come up with a justifiable argument to stop doing something that is hurting her. But there is no good enough argument because the fact that it hurts her, isn't enough for you.

 

So this is what's going to happen, I predict...your girlfriend will shortly realize you will never care enough or be willing to fix it and will move on, cause really who needs this much drama... You will be back to bar hopping with your best friend wingman.

 

And your girlfriend will move on to someone else.

 

Everybody gets what they want.

 

The change she wants is for my friend to be a different person, she doesn't want me to spend less time together with her, she doesn't want me to stop going to her place, she just wants me to change my friend.

 

I'm willing to change if the problems she has with my relationship with this friend is the same as you & other posters have suggested, but the problem is that she dislikes this friend.

 

Stop hanging out at our places? that's not a problem to me, it doesn't happen a lot anyway, she just crashes on my couch after a break up or after she has a fight with her mother.

 

Stop going to movies together? no problem to me, I'm willing to cut back to as much as only lunch together, but that is not the issue here, the issue is that she doesn't like this friend.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

 

Maybe I came off looking like a bad BF,

I don't think there is any question you are a bad boyfriend. Prove us wrong.

 

 

 

Her problem isn't me putting my friend above her, since that didn't actually happen, she just doesn't like this friend.

 

We have a lot of things we enjoy doing together, Movies, Chess, Sex, Pool, Politics...and more, we do all those things together, the issue is that she thinks we don't have "as much" in common.

 

I mentioned in my previous post that those things aren't the problem, the problem is with this particular friend.

 

Why do YOU think that her issue is with this particular friend. You have argued every explanation given to you so what is your girlfriends problem?

 

 

I just did, & my friend was pretty happy about it actually, they should go out alone at first,

 

I just bet she is.

 

I usually tell her all relationship my problems & she always gives helpful advice, my guy friends are horrible at giving advice, but this time I did not tell her since the problem involves her too,

 

So you vent all your relationship problems with your girlfriend, to your BFF? Just not THIS issue because it was about her? Omg...the fact that you don't see the issues here is just shocking to me.

 

So...how about you tell us how come your girlfriend should stay with you, cause I just don't see anything in the way you talk about her that says you value her at all. That's why we keep telling you to dump her, because you have all kinds of amazing things to say about your friend.

 

It makes no sense.

[Star Gazer]

Why?

 

Do I really need to explain it to you?

 

Stop hanging out at our places? that's not a problem to me, it doesn't happen a lot anyway, she just crashes on my couch after a break up or after she has a fight with her mother.

 

Why does she have to SLEEP OVER at your house, EVER?

 

This thread is so unbelievable that I'm having a hard time believe in it's real.

[PlumPrincess]

Yeah you were right the first time, but no you're wrong here, if you read all my posts, the evidence is overwhelming, she's not interested in me, but I'll repost it:

 

- We've been single & had been roommates for a long time, nothing happened.

- She sets me up with other women.

- A lot of times she befriends the women I date.

- She had plenty of times given me relationship-saving advice.

 

That doesn't sound like she's romantically interested in me at all.

Ok, there are two possibilities:

 

a) Your girlfriend's intution is right and your friend is interested in you or behaves in a possessive way that is inappropriate since you are in a relationship.

b) Your friend happens to be the type of woman who will trigger your friend's insecurity and jealousy.

 

I think it's a).

[Summerslam]

 

 

I don't think there is any question you are a bad boyfriend. Prove us wrong.

 

 

 

 

 

Why do YOU think that her issue is with this particular friend. You have argued every explanation given to you so what is your girlfriends problem?

 

 

 

 

I just bet she is.

 

 

 

So you vent all your relationship problems with your girlfriend, to your BFF? Just not THIS issue because it was about her? Omg...the fact that you don't see the issues here is just shocking to me.

 

So...how about you tell us how come your girlfriend should stay with you, cause I just don't see anything in the way you talk about her that says you value her at all. That's why we keep telling you to dump her, because you have all kinds of amazing things to say about your friend.

 

It makes no sense.

 

She said so herself, she had no problem with me hanging out with any female friend, she just doesn't like this one because of the way she dresses or the way she looks at me, I'm trying to keep an open mind here, tell me exactly what am I supposed to do? tell my friend to take a hike cause she looks at me in a way my GF doesn't like? I told you I'm willing to cut back a lot of my time from her, but my GF has no problem with that, & she said so herself.

 

Do I really need to explain it to you?

 

 

 

Why does she have to SLEEP OVER at your house, EVER?

 

This thread is so unbelievable that I'm having a hard time believe in it's real.

 

I just told you it doesn't happen a lot, sometimes she gets really upset since her mother is a real b****, so I let her crash at my place, & one time my GF was actually with me, that isn't an issue at all, not with my GF & not with me.

[colombiana28]

Why?

 

 

 

The change she wants is for my friend to be a different person, she doesn't want me to spend less time together with her, she doesn't want me to stop going to her place, she just wants me to change my friend.

 

I'm willing to change if the problems she has with my relationship with this friend is the same as you & other posters have suggested, but the problem is that she dislikes this friend.

 

Stop hanging out at our places? that's not a problem to me, it doesn't happen a lot anyway, she just crashes on my couch after a break up or after she has a fight with her mother.

 

Stop going to movies together? no problem to me, I'm willing to cut back to as much as only lunch together, but that is not the issue here, the issue is that she doesn't like this friend.

 

ok either you're incredibly obtuse, dumb, or possibly trolling all of us.

 

i've been in an exact situation. I was your "friend." I loved hanging out with my "buddy" who had a girlfriend because I enjoyed his attention and was, when compared to his girlfriend, the "cool one." I knew we had had a drunken tryst one night (before they had gotten back together) that we never spoke of again - it was like it never happened. I never had to broach any serious topics with him, have icky, awkward convos about the state of our relationship, try to define anything, bring up any needs of my own whatsoever. I was getting my sexual needs met elsewhere so I never needed to cross that boundary again. I got off on the tension, it fulfilled some sort of emotional need for validation, and I definitely had my sights set on chipping his attention away from his girlfriend...it was a game to me. Exciting. I loved it. I was so good at it, in fact, that sometimes I would push them together - give him some great sweet advice or talk up his girlfriend and how awesome she was - so as to plant a bit of confusion in him. I knew that hot-cold thing pushed his buttons like mad.

 

It's fun having that "platonic" friend you play sexual tension chicken with, isn't it? it's such a safe set up, you're not going to make a move (not cuz you WOULDN'T), she's not going to make a move (cuz she doesn't want to spoil this nice tense friendship where she gets a huge chunk of an attached man's attention. ATTENTION. That's ultimately what she wants and what she gets with you.

 

i'm not proud of being *that* girl in the past, but i'm just showing you what SHE'S thinking. it's completely inappropriate and I bet deep down both you and your friend know this.

[Taramere]

Do I really need to explain it to you?

 

 

 

Why does she have to SLEEP OVER at your house, EVER?

 

This thread is so unbelievable that I'm having a hard time believe in it's real.

 

I don't. I've been that girl who was told she was paranoid and insecure for having (as it turned out) very good instincts about a boyfriend's allegedly platonic female friend. I really feel for the OP's girlfriend. If he slept with this female friend before, and hasn't disclosed that to the gf then no wonder she's got a hunch that there's something off about all this.

[colombiana28]

if this best friend was fat and schlubby, you think OP would still value her "advice" and "friendship" so much?

 

i'm guessing the couch crashes and one-on-one hangouts would diminish drastically.