"Women's intuition" how the hell do you counter that?

[Summerslam]

I'll say it one more time, & I'll put it in bullet points to make it as clear as possible:

 

- My GF has no problem with the concept of male-female friendship, even very close ones that include sleepovers.

 

- My GF hates a friend of mine that happens to be a female, the time or the way I spend my time with her is irrelevant, she just doesn't like this friend.

 

Please read that again & again, the majority of posters seem to ignore that even though I have posted this on many of my posts, I don't mean to offend anyone, but please consider the two points above, ignoring one of them makes your post irrelevant since it doesn't really match the problem here.

[Summerslam]

if this best friend was fat and schlubby, you think OP would still value her "advice" and "friendship" so much?

 

i'm guessing the couch crashes and one-on-one hangouts would diminish drastically.

 

Why would I ask for advice if I'm gonna withhold information? I have no interest in her AT ALL, I promise.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

I agree this thread has been so frustrating because it feels like nobody could really be this obtuse so it must be an act.

 

She does not like THIS PARTICULAR GIRL...she is not saying she is against all male female friendships but that this particular one is threatening to her. How hard is that for you to understand?

 

If for example she WERE a lesbian, then your girlfriend would not likely be as wound up over the time you spend together...true. But she's not.

 

But the fact that you have had a sexual relationship and a long term friendship certainly is an issue.

 

So I will list all the things that are red flags that YOU HAVE SAID YOURSELF.

 

1. You spend an awful lot of one on one time with this girl

2. You have had a long term friendship, with lots of shared experiences,

3. You have had a sexual relationship with her

4. You talk to your friend about relationship issues and problems

5. She is very attractive

6. You have more in common with her

7. She doesn't have long term relationships, no boyfriend and doesn't like to be fixed up

8. She is not friendly to your girlfriend

9. She dresses provocatively when in your presence

10. She does not work to make your girlfriend comfortable

11. She sleeps over at your house

12. You call her your best friend

13. You will not change your relationship with her unless given reasons that meet your personal validity. Your BFF takes priority between the two of them.

13.b Your BFF must like your GF, because she has bad mouthed other girls you were seeing before, so the absence of that must mean have likes her.

 

 

Now some things we have assumed from what you say and don't say.

14. The BFF is giving off the MINE vibe to your girlfriend (no you would not know)

15. The BFF and you are enjoying the sexual tension and fail to see that it is visible to others.

16. One or both of you have unresolved feelings about each other, I am guessing its you.

17. This relationship with you BFF has never interfered in any of your other long term relationships...or have you had any other long term relationships?

 

 

About your girlfriend that YOU SAID

 

17. She's not as attractive as your BFF and you didn't want to insult her intelligence by suggesting otherwise. But you think your GF is attractive

18. You have less in common with up your GF, but that doesn't matter

19. Your GF bothers you, is insecure and jealous, about this particular girl. (But for no reason you will accept)

 

I really want to believe you are not so set in your ways or dense that you don't get it.

[Emilia]

- My GF hates a friend of mine that happens to be a female, the time or the way I spend my time with her is irrelevant, she just doesn't like this friend.

 

Please read that again & again, the majority of posters seem to ignore that even though I have posted this on many of my posts, I don't mean to offend anyone, but please consider the two points above, ignoring one of them makes your post irrelevant since it doesn't really match the problem here.

That's because it's blatantly untrue.

 

You have to take responsibility for your actions. Why the hell post this thread otherwise?

[StarsOnFire]

Your girlfriends intuition is correct, you HAVE slept with this chick.

 

Maybe your girlfriend even found that out and is waiting for you to be completely honest with her.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Thanks for the bullet points- it makes it so much easier!

I edited your bullets for accuracy

 

-My GF has no problem with the concept of male-female friendship, even very close ones that include sleepovers.

 

-My GF has no problem with the concept of male-female friendship, even very close ones that include sleepovers, as long as one party is gay and not a hobag, boyfriend steeling biotch.

 

- My GF hates a friend of mine that happens to be a female, the time or the way I spend my time with her is irrelevant, she just doesn't like this friend.

 

- My GF hates a friend of mine that happens to be a female, the time or the way I spend my time with her is irrelevant, she just doesn't like this friend, because she is a hobag boyfriend steeling biotch.

 

 

Please read that again & again...

[Summerslam]

They're having dinner together tonight, my friend called my GF & asked her, hopefully something good will come out of it.

 

Thanks everyone for the posts.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

They're having dinner together tonight, my friend called my GF & asked her, hopefully something good will come out of it.

 

Thanks everyone for the posts.

 

Yeah...me too...but don't be shocked if this results in the beginning of a Cold War between them...cause it's not like your BFF didn't know before you asked her to do this that there was a problem.

 

So you tell your BFF that your girlfriend is all jealous and insecure and upset so she makes an effort THEN to reach out and include your girlfriend?

 

Right.

 

My comments still stand.

 

You still are unwilling to accept any changes to make this better. They both know it. Your BFF holds all the power.

 

Dinner tonite is so she can make sure your GF knows it too.

[tbf]

Assuming that there's really no attraction on either your side or the female friend's side, sometimes female friends can get proprietary about friends. They do this with female friends too and are worse with male friends, particularly ones they're attracted to. This is a similar dynamic between mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws. It's also a similar dynamic in affair triangles.

 

As far as the ladies getting together for dinner, it might work, it might not.

[JustSomeoneHurt]

My GF had a problem with me hanging out with a female friend, you can get better background information in this thread:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/416967-why-only-female-friends-cause-jealousy-4.html#post5144555

 

so I've decided to talk to her.

 

At first she refused to talk about it, but then she just blew up & told me she hated this particular friend, I asked her why, & she gave me vague answers like "the way she looks at me" & "the way she dresses when she's with me", I told her I'm not gonna discuss this until she calms down, after staying silent for about 10 minutes, she began to talk, but in a calm rational manner this time.

 

She said that she had no problem with me hanging out with a female friend, but she had a gut feeling that this friend is interested in me, or "women's intuition" as she put it & she insisted on it, I told her I'm gonna need to process this & then left.

 

So how the hell am I supposed to counter that? I can't prove her wrong even though I know for a fact that me & this friend are not interested in each other, she says she trusts me 100% but that is irrelevant to her, she just doesn't trust my friend.

 

DUDE! You must live on some alternate universe, honestly. You have slept with the female friend. You were and still are interested in her. How would you feel if your girlfriend spent personal time with a HOT buff muscular guy she once had sex with and is clearly attracted to?

 

As I said before, you must get over yourself, get over your dumb female friend, and apologize profusely to your girlfriend. Otherwise I hope she leaves you. I would leave you for sure.

[2sunny]

What matters most is that your GF is telling you how to respect her feelings - yet you are intent on disrespecting what she's blatantly outlined for you to do that.

 

You still want it your way? It may be that you get your way - but in the meantime you may lose your GF because you purposely chose not to end it with the other gal trying to grab your attention.

[JustSomeoneHurt]

Tonight, before she goes to meet the friend, tell your girlfriend you have previously slept with the friend. Just be honest. Then watch how she handles it.

 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA. I'm serious. Do it! What's the problem with telling her the truth, it's not like you're attracted to your friend right??

 

:bunny::laugh:

[M30USA]

It's hard to really know what this guy should do, because we don't know for sure whether or not his g/f really has her head on straight. It could be she would freak out, citing "women's intuition" and so on, in response to ANY woman he tried to have in his life. In that case she's just irrational and insecure, and being controlling in a way that most of society would NEVER tolerate a man trying to be with his wife or girlfriend.

 

I have a close female friend, and I wouldn't forsake that friendship to appease an irrational girlfriend. We have no romantic or sexual past, and what past the OP and his friend have seems to be minimal at best. I'm guessing the causes of this girl's intuition add up to, "I think she's cuter than me, therefore you can't hang out with her."

 

So ultimately, I guess, I would say what the OP should do here is dependent on his own conscience. If he truly believes his motives, and his friend's motives also, are pure in trying to maintain this friendship, he should stick to his guns. He should offer to try and broker some degree of understanding between his friend and his girlfriend, but he's not beholden to cut the friend out of his life because his girl's decided to throw a fit about it.

 

Exactly. Nobody can tell what the right thing to do is. I have seen firsthand some highly troubled and disturbed women who go off the deep end even when their men so much as talk to other women. It's more about trying to control the man. Women know that a good man is supposed to follow the advice on here by "validating" her feelings, so they take advantage of him and see just how much they can get their man to do for them.

[Knoxpwns]

This absolutely absurd thread is all the proof I need that your girlfriend has the patience of a saint.

 

When this folds due to your unwavering hard-headedness and absolute indifference on making any changes on your part, I hope she finds better.

[emva07]

OF COURSE your BFF sets you up with girls, she doesn't like you enough but LOVES seeing how you prioritize her over countless women. Just because you are her little play toy doesn't mean you should have a gf just to have her as 2nd best. Just because you can't have your BFF doesn't mean you should play with another. I don't care what you say, you have a thing for her bc you feel she does too. News flash, you are her toy, and you will end up alone. Sucks you couldn't enjoy being with a good woman, you have to lust for this slut who will never make you happy. But hanging on like a sad puppy makes you happy enough.

[emva07]

So is your friend going along with the ruse and keeping up your secret past with each other?

 

You two deserve each other.

 

Yeah, at this point i'm thinking that the only reason they aren't with each other is because they both know how rotten the other is. They WANT to do better, but can't.

[emva07]

That and that Summer knows that slut BFF would never take him as a BF so rather than be lonely he settles for any other girl.

At no point was it "I don't have a thing for this girl because my gf is hot, sexy, smart" etc etc.

We know all the ways BFF is wonderful. We have no idea what makes GF wonderful.

 

Such a shame.

[SoaringPhenix]

The fact is it does not matter who is right and who is wrong. The most important thing in any situation like this is your GF feelings.

 

Women know what kind of signals they send out to men they are interested in. It's called flirting. Just like you can tell when a man is interested in a woman by the way he looks at her and acts around her. When a woman sees another woman giving these signals to their SO they KNOW what it means. Even if your friend really isn't interested in you she may subconsciously on some level find you attractive and could be sending out these signals without knowing it. Though I highly doubt this. I think she is putting out these signals on purpose even if she really isn't interested in you there are other reasons women do this.

 

The fact of the matter is you are treating your girlfriend like s***. You say that her feelings are important to you but that is obviously untrue. You can say it till your blue in the face and it will still be untrue. THIS IS HURTING HER!!!!!! Plain and simple. She has told you in no uncertain terms that IT IS HURTING HER!!!!!! They way you are so focused on proving yourself right in this situation, and the fact that you are completely dismissing her feelings clearly proves BY ACTION THAT YOU DO NOT CARE ABOUT HER FEELINGS!!!!! There is a reason the saying actions speak louder then words is so often used and well known, because it's true. If you did care about her feelings at all you would do everything in your power to not only make her feel better and stop the pain this whole situation is inflicting on her. You would also do everything in your power to make sure it never happened in the future.

 

Another disturbing thing that you are doing is ignoring all the opinions you are getting in response to the 1 single person that has agreed with you. Seriously?!? Doesn't the fact that there is only 1 person that agrees with you and EVERYONE else doesn't clue you in on the fact that you are so obviously wrong.

 

Also even if your were right and your not. And even if you could prove you were right that still won't change the fact that it is hurting her. I predict your going to get dumped very soon unless you change your tune and realize what really is the most important thing... her feelings. In all relationships the most important thing is feelings not who is right and who is wrong.

Edited August 20, 2013 by SoaringPhenix

[darkmoon]

if she does not like her, she is perfectly entitled to her opinion, these two will not gell, not enough in common, the friend should back off

 

she might not quite the wonderkid that the OP sees, so she should put her face somewhere far away not fuel some crappy drama

Edited August 20, 2013 by darkmoon

[Summerslam]

So is your friend going along with the ruse and keeping up your secret past with each other?

 

You two deserve each other.

 

Maybe you haven't noticed, but I already mentioned that I told her about it, she said she felt that we had a past.

 

The fact is it does not matter who is right and who is wrong. The most important thing in any situation like this is your GF feelings.

 

Women know what kind of signals they send out to men they are interested in. It's called flirting. Just like you can tell when a man is interested in a woman by the way he looks at her and acts around her. When a woman sees another woman giving these signals to their SO they KNOW what it means. Even if your friend really isn't interested in you she may subconsciously on some level find you attractive and could be sending out these signals without knowing it. Though I highly doubt this. I think she is putting out these signals on purpose even if she really isn't interested in you there are other reasons women do this.

 

The fact of the matter is you are treating your girlfriend like s***. You say that her feelings are important to you but that is obviously untrue. You can say it till your blue in the face and it will still be untrue. THIS IS HURTING HER!!!!!! Plain and simple. She has told you in no uncertain terms that IT IS HURTING HER!!!!!! They way you are so focused on proving yourself right in this situation, and the fact that you are completely dismissing her feelings clearly proves BY ACTION THAT YOU DO NOT CARE ABOUT HER FEELINGS!!!!! There is a reason the saying actions speak louder then words is so often used and well known, because it's true. If you did care about her feelings at all you would do everything in your power to not only make her feel better and stop the pain this whole situation is inflicting on her. You would also do everything in your power to make sure it never happened in the future.

 

Another disturbing thing that you are doing is ignoring all the opinions you are getting in response to the 1 single person that has agreed with you. Seriously?!? Doesn't the fact that there is only 1 person that agrees with you and EVERYONE else doesn't clue you in on the fact that you are so obviously wrong.

 

Also even if your were right and your not. And even if you could prove you were right that still won't change the fact that it is hurting her. I predict your going to get dumped very soon unless you change your tune and realize what really is the most important thing... her feelings. In all relationships the most important thing is feelings not who is right and who is wrong.

 

Perhaps you're right, but I am not hurting her, I don't know what to do if having a friend she dislikes hurts her feelings, which seems to be the crux of the issue.

 

Right now I got my friend to call her & arrange dinner with her, my GF didn't even call to tell me that my friend called her, I want them to get along so that I don't feel guilty for having lunch with a friend, but my GF not calling me & telling me about their plans tells me that she has her mind set, I hope I'm wrong though.

[Star Gazer]

Right now I got my friend to call her & arrange dinner with her, my GF didn't even call to tell me that my friend called her, I want them to get along so that I don't feel guilty for having lunch with a friend, but my GF not calling me & telling me about their plans tells me that she has her mind set, I hope I'm wrong though.

 

Mind set about...what?

[Knoxpwns]

Mind set about...what?

 

I believe in the context of which he spoke, he means she already has her mind set on not liking/being friendly to his friend regardless of the dinners outcome.

 

I think this situation is asinine, but thought I'd take a stab at clearing that up.

[nescafe1982]

They're having dinner together tonight, my friend called my GF & asked her, hopefully something good will come out of it.

 

Thanks everyone for the posts.

 

<gets out the popcorn>

 

wow, this is going to be good. do report back.

 

Why are you making this issue about your GF and your friend? YOU are the one with the problem, but so far all you've done is expend a ****-ton of energy attempting to make the women in your life clean up after your troubling lack of boundaries.

 

In the very best case scenario, having the two of them go out without you is going to accomplish nothing. The more likely outcome is that it will make things worse.

 

Seriously, HOW did you think that was a good idea? Oh, right... because it's the one way you an avoid being accountable for your actions or taking responsibility for them.

 

But please, do let us know how it goes.

 

Also: the couch-crashing thing? I would have dumped you over that. It boggles the mind that you would think that's acceptable.

 

Edited to add: you DO realize that to your GF, this meet-up looks like you and your "friend" ganging up on her, right? Romantic relationships are not a democracy... and even if they were, your female friend doesn't get a vote.

[anna121]

I'll say it one more time, & I'll put it in bullet points to make it as clear as possible:

 

- My GF has no problem with the concept of male-female friendship, even very close ones that include sleepovers.

 

 

Do you have other close female friends with whom you sleep over, and see 1-3x per week?

 

If not, I think you can safely regard her toleration of such a friendship to be strictly theoretical at this point. Not to mention irrelevant.

 

Your GF MAY actually be ok with such friendships in certain circus, or she may just be saying this stuff so as not to appear unreasonable.

 

Yes, it would be nice if everyone meant everything they said, all the time.

 

Life doesn't work that way.

 

Her views on male-female friendship per se don't really matter to this particular problem, Summer.

[Star Gazer]

Wait - where did you say your girlfriend knows you slept with this girl?

 

She doesn't know. He claims he told her in that post; I call complete B.S.