So happy together Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 That's a whole different ball of wax. Now you're talking about an expectation that the BS's should have known...regardless of the fact that they were deliberately and intentionally lied to, misled, and deceived. And there are any number of BS's out there that struggle with wrapping their head around that fact as well...myself included. I suspected for several weeks...but didn't WANT to believe it until it was so obvious I could no longer ignore it. And that is the cusp of the betrayal...and one of the greatest sources of pain for a BS to cope with. Why DIDN'T we see it sooner, act sooner, take action to put an end to it sooner? What was wrong with ME that I didn't do these things? I try not to be rude or disrespectful, even when I disagree with someone's viewpoint. I'm not always right...just usually! :) JUST KIDDING! I don't think I have ever seen you be disrespectful. And my point to you was not to blame BS, for their partner's affair, I'm certainly not. I was just saying that you can never really know somebody. You see what they want you to see. I feel, personally, that I know my bf more deeply than I have ever known anyone and I share everything with him. We are very close. I trust him implicitely and I know he trusts me. I'm just tired of sitting over here feeling like I am swatting away the flies from my face all day. Why can't we have this place where we as ow can commiserate and share. Support and be supported? We can't because we are too busy defending our relationships. I'm sorry, but it's true. Ask any one of them. I'm just not afraid to say it. You know, I came here a long time ago, in the beginning of my A. I was treated SO horribly I left. Thankfully I found other sites that were a little kinder. Now that I am very secure in my R I came back because someone needs to not be afraid to defend their relationship. I'm not afraid to. I am sorry if BS's don't like what I have to say, but if they don't, please PLEASE just go back to the BS forum and let us talk with eachother openly about the things we feel need to be discussed. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 Cannot like your post enough times, so happy together!!! Bravo! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
So happy together Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 I had a feeling my WH was having an A because of his personality change. he was being very emotionally cold and abusive at times to me and the kids. I didn't understand why he was being so mean. My therapist has the date in her journal me saying "I wouldn't be surprised if he is having an A." Then I had a very vivid dream of him with another woman and he could not give a rats ass about me. It turned out to be my reality 2 weeks later. I looked at his phone...boom...busted. In my case my gut was exploding, my WH kept explaining it away as work and I believed him. Hey, I think that is good! You know him! That was my point. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 I agree with So Happy. It's to the point that most times, I don't even want to post here any more. It's a totally gang up on OW/OM too much lately. I don't post on the infidelity board b/c I don't want to upset them by posting there, even if I actually had good input. I feel like that's their place to talk, process, etc. So they come over here to attack, downplay our relationships and criticize us, almost like WE are their OW/OM so they take it out on us. Not cool. I know when I first joined, I was told to block the mean spirited bitter ones, but they seem to be increasing. (I never did block, btw. LOL) With all due respect, OW are an easy mark...They all seem to whine and complain, yet almost none want to accept any responsiblility for anything..I just dont get it?? Perhaps if there was more contrition, there might my more compassion..just a thought.. TFY 2 Link to post Share on other sites
So happy together Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 With all due respect, OW are an easy mark...They all seem to whine and complain, yet almost none want to accept any responsiblility for anything..I just dont get it?? Perhaps if there was more contrition, there might my more compassion..just a thought.. TFY We do not come to this forum to be contrite! We are here to support one another in our time of need, or to give support if we are not in need of it. Trust me, the last thing I am is whiny. Perhaps if we weren't being attacked constantly we would whine less? Or better, if you don't like hearing a bunch of whining, hang out where there is less of it? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 With all due respect, OW are an easy mark...They all seem to whine and complain, yet almost none want to accept any responsiblility for anything..I just dont get it?? Perhaps if there was more contrition, there might my more compassion..just a thought.. TFY Just curious, did you pick on the nerds on the playground at school b/c they were an easy mark, too? I cannot say anything else that I'm thinking without likely getting in trouble for it so I'll leave it at that. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 Okay, what do you have to say to OW here that is positive? Bentley's pretty cool and funny, and SoHappy can type like nobody's business. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
So happy together Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 Just curious, did you pick on the nerds on the playground at school b/c they were an easy mark, too? I cannot say anything else that I'm thinking without likely getting in trouble for it so I'll leave it at that. Well, I was going to bring up the 'bully' thing, but was afraid to for sounding 'whiny'. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 I actually didn't realize that. Is that a rule or just a general given type of thing? It's not a rule, just general. Some threads are individuals posting for support and input on their situation and a specific issue they are having. I agree that those threads should not be about debating with other members, but threads, like this, are discussion threads on a general affair related topic, and will naturally be people giving their take on the topic and not a person's situation. Of course if you throw your situation out as an example, people will discuss it and as a discussion goes there will be agreement and disagreements and opposing views. Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 so happy, huh?? I agreed with you* you should be "happy" about that. If I to be Dishonest, I'd say A's are wonderfully, happy "real" relationships where the AP doesn't have to do laundry... that never cause anyone involved heartache& to push to lie & betray and the relationship is happy and healthy for All affected. I don't think Anyone here would agree with that, otherwise they wouldn't Be here. I'm sorry I can't give you what you want but GEEZ I met you on topic* ((smile)) Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 I was just saying that you can never really no somebody. You see what they want you to see. I feel, personally, that I know my bf more deeply than I have ever known anyone and I share everything with him. We are very close. I trust him implicitely and I know he trusts me. Two contrasting thoughts in one paragraph...which one is it? Do we only see what they want us to see or is it how one" feels" is the truth? Link to post Share on other sites
So happy together Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 Bentley's pretty cool and funny, and SoHappy can type like nobody's business. Gorilla has an awesome avatar! See? We CAN get along! Yay! World peace! Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 Bentley's pretty cool and funny, and SoHappy can type like nobody's business. Thanks. I am trying to control myself so I do not get seriously spanked by the LS gods. Link to post Share on other sites
So happy together Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 I was just saying that you can never really no somebody. You see what they want you to see. I feel, personally, that I know my bf more deeply than I have ever known anyone and I share everything with him. We are very close. I trust him implicitely and I know he trusts me. Two contrasting thoughts in one paragraph...which one is it? Do we only see what they want us to see or is it how one" feels" is the truth? Both. My point was this: BS's have said that OW don't 'know' their MM, that it's not a 'real' relationship. My point was, that we can never FULLY know someone. We ALL have our secrets, but I think that to just lump all affairs together like that and say that we don't 'know' them because we have not lived 25 years with them is a fallacy that you would do well not to subscribe to. I know my bf better than his wife EVER will. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 The original post of this thread, started by an OW, introduces the topic of why people don't consider affairs "real" relationships. Is it attacking to respond to the topic and explain why people feel that way? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
So happy together Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 so happy, huh?? I agreed with you* you should be "happy" about that. If I to be Dishonest, I'd say A's are wonderfully, happy "real" relationships where the AP doesn't have to do laundry... that never cause anyone involved heartache& to push to lie & betray and the relationship is happy and healthy for All affected. I don't think Anyone here would agree with that, otherwise they wouldn't Be here. I'm sorry I can't give you what you want but GEEZ I met you on topic* ((smile)) My point wasn't what you said, it was the manner in which you said it. It was nearly cruel. You KNOW the company you are in. Do you think that would go over well? Shall I hop over to the BS forum and tell all of the BS's that they don't know thing one about their WS? Because that would be hurtful and make them feel they had to defend their reconciliation status. Do you see the parallel? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 I know my bf better than his wife EVER will. An this is a fact how? Because you say so? Link to post Share on other sites
So happy together Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 I know my bf better than his wife EVER will. An this is a fact how? Because you say so? HE says so. Go ahead, call him a liar. I know you will. I don't care. He is wonderful. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 Just curious, did you pick on the nerds on the playground at school b/c they were an easy mark, too? I cannot say anything else that I'm thinking without likely getting in trouble for it so I'll leave it at that. You obviously missed the whole point.... There is nothing anyone can say to me that would ever cause me to even bat an eye, let alone lose any sleep over. Instead of childishly attacking me. ..Take a look at the threads...All it consists of is a bunch of people who knowingly(for the most part) entered into a dysfunctional relationship and want sympathy or a cookie for their efforts.. My point being, if there was more owning of their part, perhaps their wouldnt be the type of vitril that YOU are complaining about... YOU complained..I gave you the reason why..YOU dont like it..No one gets more lambasted then MM, yet youll never hear me complain about it...I owned my part and have no one to blame but myself.. Yep, makes all the sense in the world... Sheesh... TFY 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 HE says so. Go ahead, call him a liar. I know you will. I don't care. He is wonderful. LOL As I said, mine says the same thing. I told him it was bull, but he still swears it. I think that's one of those things that is just as subjective as who loves whom more. There's no way to measure it. I've tried. I KNOW his W knows things about him that I don't and vice versa (and I don't mean just A related) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 HE says so. Go ahead, call him a liar. I know you will. I don't care. He is wonderful. I was just saying that you can never really no somebody. You see what they want you to see. See the negative loop you are in. Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 want sympathy or a cookie for their efforts.. Do you truly think that's why OW/OM come here? If so and it irritates you so badly, why do you continue visiting this board? FTR, as I have said all along, I feel that MM and I are both equally culpable. I do not think he holds any more blame for our relationship than I do. Link to post Share on other sites
So happy together Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 HE says so. Go ahead, call him a liar. I know you will. I don't care. He is wonderful. I was just saying that you can never really no somebody. You see what they want you to see. See the negative loop you are in. Not in the least. I see you trying to put me in one. Lol! He's a beautiful man. Truly. And he loves me. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 The original post of this thread, started by an OW, introduces the topic of why people don't consider affairs "real" relationships. Is it attacking to respond to the topic and explain why people feel that way? I think the problem is that some are incapable of having a discussion without making it about them or their relationship, so even though people are discussing this general question, they start defending their own relationship, as though that is the benchmark or what people are really talking about. They see points that don't apply to them but get up in arms, as though anyone said it applied to them, so it's a slight of their own making and they feel attacked although people are not talking about them but an idea. If one can't have a discussion without making it about you or can't differentiate between a discussion of an idea vs. a person, then you will always be upset. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 I fully admit that I never was good at debate. :-p Especially when the subject hits close to home. Link to post Share on other sites
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