Dating to friends then back again?

[Simon Phoenix]

Two weeks isn't NC. Try two months, then another two months.

[gothicrose]

No I know two weeks isn't nc. I was going to give him this two weeks that he asked for, ask him round to have a friendly couple of hours to get things back on good terms and so he gets to see the 'real' me which he pretty much hasn't ever seen...give him something to miss, then go very limited contact, or nc like I said.

 

The thing is I've been single for six years,my children's dad was always waltzing off when we were together so i brought them up single handedly all this time...and been fine with it.

 

I have never had that longing for a relationship, which is why I have no idea why I've been behaving this way with this guy...its completely out of character for me.

[Simon Phoenix]

No I know two weeks isn't nc. I was going to give him this two weeks that he asked for, ask him round to have a friendly couple of hours to get things back on good terms and so he gets to see the 'real' me which he pretty much hasn't ever seen...give him something to miss, then go very limited contact, or nc like I said.

 

The thing is I've been single for six years,my children's dad was always waltzing off when we were together so i brought them up single handedly all this time...and been fine with it.

 

I have never had that longing for a relationship, which is why I have no idea why I've been behaving this way with this guy...its completely out of character for me.

 

If you really want to show him the real you, you are going to have to wait a lot longer than two weeks. You are just going to be clingy again in two weeks. It takes a lot longer to get that type of behavior out of your system, especially since it's become your way of operating with this man.

 

If you contact him in two weeks, you are going to act exactly like you have been acting, which is not conducive to a healthy relationship. You need to take real time off.

[Mariposa10]

You deserve something better, and there's something better for you out there!!!

[gothicrose]

Mariposa...as I said before, I've literally never been a relationship person; even as a teen I never saw myself being with anyone, I felt almost asexual. Its weird.

 

I don't think the 'feelings' I had for this guy were actually about this man at all to be honest...as all the way along I've simultaneously wanted him, and not. I've never 100% wanted him...despite the crazy seemingly obsessed way I've been acting.

 

Anyway...I'm posting this as more of a journal alternative, so I can look back on it in a couple of weeks and if I feel the same as I do now, then I'll know I didn't really have 'real' feelings at all.

 

You see...since I last spoke to him on Monday, I haven't wanted to. At all. I don't know whether its because I've been given a set time - two weeks - that he wanted a break for, but I do know that I haven't checked my phone once looking for texts from him (I used to...even when I knew he wasn't going to text me for a period), taking the children to school and knowing he is working in there hasn't bothered me like it used to, I havent asked or wanted to ask him to meet me at lunch or in the evening and I've thought about him twice, very fleetingly and just in a "I hope he has a good birthday at the weekend" type of way. I had bought him a little gift a few weeks back, it arrived the other day and I'm wearing it myself instead...its just a tigers eye stone bracelet and I decided to keep it myself as tigers eye helps with clarity, and I'm really into all that crystal healing stuff.

 

The past couple of days I've just been feeling calmer and more focused on myself and my kids...not that I wasn't focused on them before, I don't know I can't explain it...I still fuel like I'd like to see him in a couple of weeks to see if we get on, but also sort of feel there would be no point as its not going to go anywhere.

 

Might feel differently by next week though; who knows.

[BC1980]

You will cycle back and want to contact him again. It happens to everyone. Some days, I don't worry about my ex. Then, I will have a day where I start to reminisce and get a little sad that I am single. I have to shut those thoughts off immediately. Just remember that, so you be prepared to stay strong with NC.

[gothicrose]

OK so this is a silly, trivial thing to be asking but here goes anyway...

 

It's this guys birthday today. He forgot my birthday last month but when I mentioned it later on that day, he apologised for forgetting and said he hoped I had had a good day.

 

This guys birthday has stuck in my head as its the day before my stepdad's birthday.

 

Now I know he asked me not to contact him for two weeks, but would a simple happy birthday text hurt? Just that, nothing more.

 

Part of me hates ignoring birthdays, I even always post on Facebook friends wall as (people from school I haven't spoken to in years) to wish them a happy birthday...but the other part thinks what's the point as he might get annoyed that I 'ignored' his request, plus he will have plenty of other birthday wishes from friends and exes.

 

What do you think?

[Zahara]

Leave it alone. It's just a birthday. He'll live just like you did when he never wished you.

 

Besides, why don't you for once create some mystery and curiosity. Let him wonder why he didn't hear from you instead of being so darn predictable.

 

And yes, respect the NC. It will show you have some self-control.

Edited September 21, 2013 by Zahara

[BC1980]

Do not contact. Birthdays are not an exception. A death MIGHT be an exception. Not birthdays or holidays.

[Simon Phoenix]

OK so this is a silly, trivial thing to be asking but here goes anyway...

 

It's this guys birthday today. He forgot my birthday last month but when I mentioned it later on that day, he apologised for forgetting and said he hoped I had had a good day.

 

This guys birthday has stuck in my head as its the day before my stepdad's birthday.

 

Now I know he asked me not to contact him for two weeks, but would a simple happy birthday text hurt? Just that, nothing more.

 

Part of me hates ignoring birthdays, I even always post on Facebook friends wall as (people from school I haven't spoken to in years) to wish them a happy birthday...but the other part thinks what's the point as he might get annoyed that I 'ignored' his request, plus he will have plenty of other birthday wishes from friends and exes.

 

What do you think?

 

I think your desperation is shining through again. Don't contact. My ex's birthday was yesterday and I didn't send her sh*t and don't feel the least bit bad about it. Instead I donated some money to some inner-city kids looking to raise money for college.