Short shy guy still want my ex + struggling to find someone new:/

[Viceyxo]

Hey guys, i'm 17 and from the UK (I only just registered on here now, but I did make an account around a year ago for advice on my ex I never posted and I regret thatD:) So im a short guy 5.3 and I'm very shy.

 

Ive had a lot of long distant relationships never had a close distance relationship and my last one was only 5months but the girl genuinally meant the world to me, she came and saw me once and possibly wasone of the best days of my life she sent me a really cute letter before we met which was expressing her love, and when we met she gave me a keyring which she had made I was 16 at the time she was 14 (We are both oldest in our years yet the smallest tehe) When we met I don't think ive ever been so nervous (first girl ive met up with ) but I could talk to her and kept the conversation going which I was shocked about I was expecting to stutter and all that and iloved cuddling /kissing her etc.

The relationship went on quite well but I never went to see her I think I was quite scared (she had 4 older brothers all quite tall but only one lived at home) we argued quite a bit and then one night I found out she'd been lieing about something and we had a massive argument little did I know that night a guy popped up to her and spent all night making her feel better. the next 2 days I was a beggy ****er I regret that now on the 3rd day we spent all day on the phone and webcam (first time ive ever been on webcam) day after that I went and saw her got the train told my family about her (id been to shy to before I wont make that mistake again) was akward but her mum apparently loved me we kissed cuddled etc but she just seemed off. We talked for another 2months then had a massive argument and didn't speak again for 8months she told me she had got with the guy a month after we split she got with him a day after which I found out quite recently. she lied about quite a lot to me and it hurt a lot yet I still adore her. at the start of theholidays she came back to me because she had split with her ex and he had been a total dick to her etc being cold not wanting her she found out he'd lied been chatting to other girls so I was there for her gave her advice cheered her up and it felt like old times on the phone about 30 hours of phone calls over 3 days. she told me she'd never go back to him and kept hinting that she liked me etc (one night I randomly brought up that I liked someone and she replied do you mind if I ask who? and I thought it was a bit fishy. After the 3 days she started to go weird we talked but it was mainly me doing the popping up the week after we only spoke when I talked then the week after she completely blanked me even though I texted her she finally admitted she'd got back with her ex. Even though he was completely cold with her and hes using her iknow it she told the girl he liked what he had done and she'd gone off him so he ran back to my ex..

 

I still miss her I think about her everyday even though I knew straight after we split I should leave it move on, but I don't think ill find someone like her again she ticked so many boxes for me and so did her family. I know that it was my fault we split I didn't put enough effort in,took her for granted and ive learn't from my mistakes its her birthday in 2 weeks mine to, im really tempted to send her a letter at first I was considering just a happybirthday if you ever need me ill be here but idk whether I should write her a passionate letter or not she kept telling me it had took her so long to move on from me that she missed me etc over the 3 days..

 

The funny thing is after we split now I realise what I lost .. I would genuinally do anything for her.. it would be hard for people to understand that as you don't know how I am but im a very shy self conscious type of guy. I keep getting vivid images in my head of her and him yanno and it crushes me. When we talked she talked so much about him and the things she did and I put up with it because iloved her I didn't show that I was jealous or anything. There is so much I could put good and bad that I could probably write a book about it.

 

 

 

Next bit of the waffle (more about me)

Im a short guy and im very shy in certain situations for e.g. I can never look a teacher in the eye or adults etc god help me in job interviews o.o.

Im shy in groups, cant do presentations etc my mates say im an unsociable **** because if theres more than 2 of them I just don't speak:P.

Im fine with a girl alone its just I cant go up to girls and all the girls in my year are probably weirded out by me due to how shy I am.

 

I realised I while ago that I excel at talking to people over text/phone calls its the only way I've been able to get girls to like me ive been told quite a lot that I have an amazing personality I tend to over compliment people and make them feel special I have a pretty good way with words e.g. im writing this now and not even thinking about what im writing.. which is great in some situations but it also could contribute to why I lost my ex.

Anyways in the past I've had plenty of girls to talk to mostly distanced now I don't for the past year ive literally talked to maybe 3 or 4 girls over text 2 are taken and I barely spoke to them and 1 I have spoke to all year she's given me so much advice about my ex and that and when we first started talking her and her friend actually liked me but shes also taken now.

I wouldn't say im terrible looking im quite sporty but a big gamer aswell^ I also don't do as many sports as I used to or go running even though I want to like an invisible wall preventing me. have more of a babyface and a lot of my mates think im the cutest thing ever.. grrr(not that I mind it to much)

Now I don't know how to find girls I have been told im funny mainly wittyhumour (love taking the piss out of myself^) Im not picky and I always prefer personality over looks lovelove cute sweet girls my ex was a tiny brunetee who was so wild and nawty and to think I missed out on the sex with her. I wouldn't mind dating someone taller but would prefer someone smaller just so it isn't as akward for the Girl.

 

I have had quite a tough life I do get a lot of banter which I don't mind but was bullied quite a bit in the first few years of secondary school.

 

One thing all the girls ive dated loved was how I said 'r' words basically rust would come out as wust. etc etc iloved the attention over it:D I also am turned to a lot for advice about so many different things I guess Im naturally good at giving it but I could never use my own advice. awks.

 

Sorry I have been rattling quite a bit glad there isn't a word count on this thing:D

If you want to know anything else about me then please ask, this is the first time ive done anything like this and it was pretty tough.