This Ones For The Dumpers

[Kimmie80]

Just wondering if any of you regret dumping the person? If so, when did you start to feel that way? Did you reach out and try to reconcile? If so, how long after? I keep reading about how the dumpees feel. Reading about their anxiety, depression, and how they have been coping. Thought it would be interesting to hear it from the other side

[barky2]

Yes.

 

Yes.

 

Yes.

 

I regretted it after honeymoon phase was over and realised who I actually loved.

 

After about a month I did everything I could to get her back.

 

She wanted no part of it.

 

Took me almost a year to get her back.

 

Stay strong.

 

If you need me pm me.

 

Barky

[Philosoraptor]

Sure, I've ended things with quite a few women. I regretted that I had to let them down, but not my decision at all. I ended it for mature reasons and did it in the most honest and kind way possible. Not easy looking into a womans eyes as she cries and begs, but it would have been more unfair to continue and take more of her time and let her live a lie.

 

At times I did miss them afterwards, but I knew I was missing them as people, not as a partner. It would have been unfair to contact them and give false hope, so I let them be and we all seem to have moved on in our lives.

[Kimmie80]

Thanks for the offer, Barky How long was the relationship?

[mcfcjay]

Yes, was with my ex for 3 years, got to the point where i made up excuses not to speak to her on the phone that i was busy, whenever i was home i didnt want to see her i wanted to be with my friends, basically cudnt be bothered with her. Finally grew the balls to end it and now shes meeting another guy 2 months on, and im crushed. Absolutely in bits, losing sleep... the lot.

[barky2]

10 years my dear.

 

In the end, I felt more pain than she did.

 

But it also opened my eyes.

 

 

 

Barky

[Kimmie80]

mcfcjay, that sucks Guess the saying is true, "You don't know what you got till its gone". I wonder if how long you are with someone matters on wether you come back or not? I know the longer you have with someone, the more history and memories you build with that person. Also the chemistry and feelings you had as well. The reason I ask is because my relationship was very short. But it was perfect during the time. We rushed into it too fast. Not long after, I allowed my insecurities and low self-esteem destroy us, and he was gone as quickly as he came. Its been 33 NC and I am still at the point of checking my phone and email all day, hoping to see something from him. Honestly, I just want him to check in to see if Im ok, that way I know that I am still on his mind. Now I have to live with not only losing him, but the guilt of what I have done

[barky2]

mcfcjay, that sucks Guess the saying is true, "You don't know what you got till its gone". I wonder if how long you are with someone matters on wether you come back or not? I know the longer you have with someone, the more history and memories you build with that person. Also the chemistry and feelings you had as well. The reason I ask is because my relationship was very short. But it was perfect during the time. We rushed into it too fast. Not long after, I allowed my insecurities and low self-esteem destroy us, and he was gone as quickly as he came. Its been 33 NC and I am still at the point of checking my phone and email all day, hoping to see something from him. Honestly, I just want him to check in to see if Im ok, that way I know that I am still on his mind. Now I have to live with not only losing him, but the guilt of what I have done

 

 

 

Time is building a strong bond....but i don't think it plays to much factor in if they come back.

 

Every single one of my exs have came back, and I'm sure a lot could agree.

 

Some was month relationship to a few months.

 

All said they made a mistake.

 

My ex of 10years came back, just like all the other did.

 

Kimmie, the more you want it to happen, the less likely it will.

 

From your avatar you look like a beautiful woman, get dolled up and dress to the nines and go get some attention for yourself.

 

Not saying to go get married or hookup, have a guy buy u a drink.

 

It will help.

 

Congrats on the long stint of nc...keep it up.

 

Barky

[Man-guy]

Hey Barky, I'm curious... how exactly did you pursue your ex for a year? We were together for 7 years and married for 2, she left. Gonna meet up to talk about filing after 3 months NC. Probably gonna block her social media connections and have email be our only form of contact after this, at least for a good while. Not that I even know I really want her back, but it would be nice to get perspective on something I may need to deal with 9 months down the road.

[barky2]

Hey Barky, I'm curious... how exactly did you pursue your ex for a year? We were together for 7 years and married for 2, she left. Gonna meet up to talk about filing after 3 months NC. Probably gonna block her social media connections and have email be our only form of contact after this, at least for a good while. Not that I even know I really want her back, but it would be nice to get perspective on something I may need to deal with 9 months down the road.

 

How did I pursue her? Lol.

 

I did everything imaginable wrong.

 

Every mistake that's talked about on Ls..bed plead cried flowers ect...kinda sad thinking about it.

 

It wasn't till after I let her go, and worked on myself I got her back.

 

I did NC and got me back.

 

Then I got her back.

 

I strongly advise this, if you want someone let them know, leave the ball in their court, walk away knowing its over and theyre not coming back, begin your journey of healing and reinventing yourself.

 

Then, by the time ( if) they reach out, you haven't been pining away form them, haven't sat in your house doing nothing.

 

But you've been living your life , got in better shape...and actually happy again...it actually works wonders.

 

If they don't come back....your welllllllll on your way to finding someone better.

 

 

Good luck with everything...it does get better. Start a thread and id be happy to give the best advice I can.

 

 

Barky

[Kimmie80]

Your so right, barky. Things usually happen when we least expect them too. I never, ever expected to meet him. It was actually weird how it happened. It was kinda scary how fast I fell for him as well. That is not like me at all. I am slowly picking up the pieces and rebuilding myself. I joined the gym, focusing more on my studies and trying to keep busy. Its so hard when every where I turn there are reminders of him everywhere. But hey, that feeling of overwhelming shall pass too. Thank you so much for your advice Maybe I will treat myself to a nice little party dress, put on some high heels and go out dancin' Just hope I dont clear the club

[Man-guy]

Thanks Barky. I got 2 threads on the divorce pages. Yeah, I intend this to really be the last intentional get together, and let her know that 1st order of business to REALLY moving on from my end is to file, then give her the last few remaining items and probably cutting her ability to contact me except via email. That said, I want to make it clear I'm doing this because it's her decision and I'm just helping speed the process along... I just can't have this cloud over me when I go out and may potentially meet someone new, this immediately comes to mind and I feel... disrespectful to the marriage? Doesn't make too much sense I know, but until things get going with this, I just can't really get myself out there. Other than that, yeah, WAY better than day 1, working out, moved out of parents place, seeing tons of friends, etc. Just taking each day as it comes and trying to enjoy it.

[barky2]

Your so right, barky. Things usually happen when we least expect them too. I never, ever expected to meet him. It was actually weird how it happened. It was kinda scary how fast I fell for him as well. That is not like me at all. I am slowly picking up the pieces and rebuilding myself. I joined the gym, focusing more on my studies and trying to keep busy. Its so hard when every where I turn there are reminders of him everywhere. But hey, that feeling of overwhelming shall pass too. Thank you so much for your advice Maybe I will treat myself to a nice little party dress, put on some high heels and go out dancin' Just hope I dont clear the club

 

Seeing reminders, movies , songs, food, drinks ect will hit you for a loooong time. Its not easy.

 

For 10 years we were next to each other and everything that I can remember had her in it. It was extremely hard.

 

But over time, instead of getting sad about seeing something, you smile..it brings back a funny memory.

 

Your doing everything right Kimmie....keep it up and ull be back to you very shortly.

 

Just do me one favor, if and when he reaches out, just make sure you do not awnser either a call or text right away...truly think about if its a road you want to revisit.

 

When my ex reached out to me all I could think of was she's calling me to tell me she's pregnant...lol sad but it worked. I calmed down, and either responded or not.

 

Put on that damn dress, go enjoy yourself.

 

After I tried for so long i said screw it I want to travel, went to Vegas by myself on my bday few months later me and 3 of my buddies went to Miami.

 

Treat yourself for holding strong in nc, put on that dress and go make the boys drool, it does help.

 

PFF...even I made some girls drool when I needed to feel better about myself

 

Always keep us posted, I have major faith in you.

 

 

Barky

[barky2]

Thanks Barky. I got 2 threads on the divorce pages. Yeah, I intend this to really be the last intentional get together, and let her know that 1st order of business to REALLY moving on from my end is to file, then give her the last few remaining items and probably cutting her ability to contact me except via email. That said, I want to make it clear I'm doing this because it's her decision and I'm just helping speed the process along... I just can't have this cloud over me when I go out and may potentially meet someone new, this immediately comes to mind and I feel... disrespectful to the marriage? Doesn't make too much sense I know, but until things get going with this, I just can't really get myself out there. Other than that, yeah, WAY better than day 1, working out, moved out of parents place, seeing tons of friends, etc. Just taking each day as it comes and trying to enjoy it.

 

 

Make a new thread itll be easier.

 

Listen man, I commend you for what your doing, cutting everything off ect to move on for HER.

 

What about you? What do you want?

 

I want you to think about that and start a new thread, give me details on length ect here in this section.

 

 

Barky

[Kimmie80]

Thanks for barky for that post. Cracked my first smile in days Will definitely follow your advice and keep you posted! Cheers to a new beginning!

[barky2]

Thanks for barky for that post. Cracked my first smile in days Will definitely follow your advice and keep you posted! Cheers to a new beginning!

 

I'm glad it made you smile.

 

New beginnings are a lot of fun, just you watch.

 

 

Barky

[templeofmax]

Seeing reminders, movies , songs, food, drinks ect will hit you for a loooong time. Its not easy.

 

For 10 years we were next to each other and everything that I can remember had her in it. It was extremely hard.

 

But over time, instead of getting sad about seeing something, you smile..it brings back a funny memory.

 

Your doing everything right Kimmie....keep it up and ull be back to you very shortly.

 

Just do me one favor, if and when he reaches out, just make sure you do not awnser either a call or text right away...truly think about if its a road you want to revisit.

 

When my ex reached out to me all I could think of was she's calling me to tell me she's pregnant...lol sad but it worked. I calmed down, and either responded or not.

 

Put on that damn dress, go enjoy yourself.

 

After I tried for so long i said screw it I want to travel, went to Vegas by myself on my bday few months later me and 3 of my buddies went to Miami.

 

Treat yourself for holding strong in nc, put on that dress and go make the boys drool, it does help.

 

PFF...even I made some girls drool when I needed to feel better about myself

 

Always keep us posted, I have major faith in you.

 

 

Barky

 

Funny you mention going alone to Vegas! I went for a convention 3 months post-breakup and was miserable for 5 days, all by myself, looking at all the couples, it was hot as hell, etc. To complete, I was siting at a bar at a restaurant, and these 3 guys were talking about a girl with the same name as my ex. I did got to one Cirque DuSoleil, but that was about it. Could not even pay attention to the damn conferences. A little more than a month later I am feeling muuuch better as I am not in a strange place and am starting to get busy with projects, but still think about her all day and still think of getting her back, but I am sticking to NC for now, 2 months and counting. Granted, that and the sertraline that my psych gave me has helped A LOT!!!

[Kimmie80]

Do you guys ever feel that you want to get back with them so bad, but you don't know how to contact them after walking away? The reason I asked is, we were doing great. It was actually scary how well it was going. We both went in it thinking it was for the long haul. I opened my big mouth said, said some things that were very hurtful to him, via email, and he was too hurt to continue. It was our first issue we had. But it was a bad one. We were both blindsided. Did not expect our last visit together, which was very special, to be our last. It caught us both off guard. I emailed him 3 emails expressing my sincere apology, as well as a phone call. He responded to all 3 emails, but the outcome was the same: I still care about you, I do forgive you, but everything happens for a reason, and Im sure our paths will cross again someday.

That was the last email I received. I did not respond. I stopped the fight to get him back. Now I have to live with the guilt of what I had done. Im just wondering if he is backing off because he knows how hurt I am and may not know what to say? How to approach me after that all went down? Or if he is done. Only time will tell I guess.

[barky2]

Do you guys ever feel that you want to get back with them so bad, but you don't know how to contact them after walking away? The reason I asked is, we were doing great. It was actually scary how well it was going. We both went in it thinking it was for the long haul. I opened my big mouth said, said some things that were very hurtful to him, via email, and he was too hurt to continue. It was our first issue we had. But it was a bad one. We were both blindsided. Did not expect our last visit together, which was very special, to be our last. It caught us both off guard. I emailed him 3 emails expressing my sincere apology, as well as a phone call. He responded to all 3 emails, but the outcome was the same: I still care about you, I do forgive you, but everything happens for a reason, and Im sure our paths will cross again someday.

That was the last email I received. I did not respond. I stopped the fight to get him back. Now I have to live with the guilt of what I had done. Im just wondering if he is backing off because he knows how hurt I am and may not know what to say? How to approach me after that all went down? Or if he is done. Only time will tell I guess.

 

Without knowing what was said...IMHO he's prob hurr and needs space. Give ur to him. Let him contact you.

 

Relax

 

 

BarkyBarky

[lonegirl]

To dump my ex was the hardest thing I did in my life, trust me, and it reflects in everything I do til today. Wasn't so long ago, but I could never be the same or feel totally happy, or "full". It was a complicated relationship, i believe full with love (at least from my side, as I still love him and will never feel this way about someone again), but he didn't respect me as a person, woman, etc. So i had to break up to rebuild my values, self esteem and to rediscover my qualities and fix my flaws without interferences.

 

It hurts!! Hard! I want to drop a "hi" to him and say how much he still means to me. How much he still occupies my heart and how much his face is still there, in my memories, most hours of the day. But... I can't. It would be a return to a toxic relationship and there's no way out for us anymore.

 

So no, i can't regret. But It was not what I wanted. I wanted to be with him... some things are just too complicated.

[Kimmie80]

Lonegirl, how many chances did u give him before walking away? In my case, it was only the first bad thing that happened. And it's hard to believe that he could he just as hurt as I am cause it was only a 2 month relationship. I cant even wrap my head around how hard im taking it! It's crazy. All I can think is because I went with 2 feet in and my whole heart. And I did not expect it to end in a blink of an eye. I just hope that hes missing me. As the days go by, im actually getting a bit worse because I feel he is starting to forget me. That im slowly becoming nothing but a distant memory. It hurts that he can just walk away and not look back. Not send a simple little message seeing how im doing. Nothing I can do to change that. Just have to keep on moving.

[nicolewest]

No, I don't regret it. I hate breakups and waited so long to get it done because I get anxious when I break bad news to someone. He chose not to believe the break-up even took place, the only thing that worked was absolutely no contact.

 

He wanted to be friends but I told him that can't work because I can't be friendly.

[lonegirl]

Lonegirl, how many chances did u give him before walking away? In my case, it was only the first bad thing that happened. And it's hard to believe that he could he just as hurt as I am cause it was only a 2 month relationship. I cant even wrap my head around how hard im taking it! It's crazy. All I can think is because I went with 2 feet in and my whole heart. And I did not expect it to end in a blink of an eye. I just hope that hes missing me. As the days go by, im actually getting a bit worse because I feel he is starting to forget me. That im slowly becoming nothing but a distant memory. It hurts that he can just walk away and not look back. Not send a simple little message seeing how im doing. Nothing I can do to change that. Just have to keep on moving.

 

Many... we dated 3 years, we were engaged. We never broke up and came back, and the biggest amount of time we went quiet at each other was actually after the very last fight, 2 days. I tried to wait so many times to make him come around, etc, but i was always the one to fix the fights, even the ones he caused. Except the last one, when he came because I convinced myself this time I wouldn't. Was then what led us to where we are now.

 

But, I'm living right now something similar as yours. I've met a guy 2 months ago and we started to chat, we weren't properly "commited" but we have a great connection... he ended up too a relationship recently and is feeling a lot of guilt, he is a very sensible person and even not being the "bad one" in the relationship (she was verbally abusive, and he dumped her), he takes a lot of guilt for himself. I wanted to step forward a bit but he was insecure, and being a bit emotional myself made me push him to question his feelings, and asked if he wanted me to leave him alone to work things out. I guess he understood I wasn't interested even tho i said it wasn't true, and after I asked him to forget that, because i truly wanted to try as I liked him very much, he wasn't so receptive. I don't know if this is a game he's playing or if he's being real as i don't know him enough... he warned me he would be without web this week and right now i don't speak to him since last sunday. I guess he's offline as he didn't update his facebook, didn't unfriend me (yet) and didn't show up on skype. Sent him a text today saying I didn't forget him, and was thinking of him, let's see what will happen next.

[barky2]

Many... we dated 3 years, we were engaged. We never broke up and came back, and the biggest amount of time we went quiet at each other was actually after the very last fight, 2 days. I tried to wait so many times to make him come around, etc, but i was always the one to fix the fights, even the ones he caused. Except the last one, when he came because I convinced myself this time I wouldn't. Was then what led us to where we are now.

 

But, I'm living right now something similar as yours. I've met a guy 2 months ago and we started to chat, we weren't properly "commited" but we have a great connection... he ended up too a relationship recently and is feeling a lot of guilt, he is a very sensible person and even not being the "bad one" in the relationship (she was verbally abusive, and he dumped her), he takes a lot of guilt for himself. I wanted to step forward a bit but he was insecure, and being a bit emotional myself made me push him to question his feelings, and asked if he wanted me to leave him alone to work things out. I guess he understood I wasn't interested even tho i said it wasn't true, and after I asked him to forget that, because i truly wanted to try as I liked him very much, he wasn't so receptive. I don't know if this is a game he's playing or if he's being real as i don't know him enough... he warned me he would be without web this week and right now i don't speak to him since last sunday. I guess he's offline as he didn't update his facebook, didn't unfriend me (yet) and didn't show up on skype. Sent him a text today saying I didn't forget him, and was thinking of him, let's see what will happen next.

 

 

Listen sweetheart, you guys are rebounding off each other.

 

This will END even worse then the prior breakups.

 

This guy hasn't reconciled his feelings for his last break up, and yes telling you that.

 

He needs some serious time.

 

I would cut that right off now, any communication is going to push him further.

 

Believe me, hell seek you out when he's ready.

 

But pls stop lonegirl.

 

 

 

Barky

[rubyruby]

How did I pursue her? Lol.

 

I did everything imaginable wrong.

 

Every mistake that's talked about on Ls..bed plead cried flowers ect...kinda sad thinking about it.

 

It wasn't till after I let her go, and worked on myself I got her back.

 

I did NC and got me back.

 

Then I got her back.

 

I strongly advise this, if you want someone let them know, leave the ball in their court, walk away knowing its over and theyre not coming back, begin your journey of healing and reinventing yourself.

 

Then, by the time ( if) they reach out, you haven't been pining away form them, haven't sat in your house doing nothing.

 

But you've been living your life , got in better shape...and actually happy again...it actually works wonders.

 

If they don't come back....your welllllllll on your way to finding someone better.

 

 

Good luck with everything...it does get better. Start a thread and id be happy to give the best advice I can.

 

 

Barky

I'm curious Barky... What did you say to her and how in a way do you let her know that you want them back?

 

I was thinking of writing a short note to my ex (currently 3rd week NC), just to inform him that I have accepted the end of the relationship and do enjoy whats been happening after the BU... And would like to continue to be in contact with him.