This Ones For The Dumpers

[L1ght]

In all honesty when I dump a girl it means I didn't dig her enough to hold on the things we had and it's most probable that at that moment in time I had someone else in my life who meant more to me than she did. That's the truth....I don't really feel sorrow or regret in that situation cos I know I have something that is more fulfilling to me if I turn in a different direction and I realise that by staying I am basically being very disrespectful to them by pretending that I'm into it as much as they are when I'm not.

As far as the girls I do dig? I don't dump them and I'm in for the long hall because they satisfy my needs.

Think I've only ever dumped a girl I was totally into once......yes I realised I made a big mistake not long after but by then it was too late.

I don't give up on the women I believe in anymore...I ride it out and see how far I can get with them.

P.S. I will add that I find it quite easy to dump women who give me reason to doubt them even if I used to dig them. Once I feel like I can't trust them then that's it, I'm out. I certainly don't feel guilty after that

Edited September 1, 2013 by L1ght

[hurts2death]

you are so nice. you say sorry for a long answer,,, i mean you deserve the best,,,, just hang in there untill you feel free and believe me you will.... thanks for the post...

hurts2death, I made a reply to your post Sorry, its kinda long :/ Didnt mean to lol

[Kimmie80]

l1ght, thanks for the reply. Even when its not the best answer I want to hear, its good to hear it! I know he is not sitting around regretting his decision. Like you, Im sure if I was worth fighting for he would have came running back once he cooled off. I have heard that most guys don't like girls who have low self-esteem issues and insecurities. Once they find out they run. Guess thats him.

[L1ght]

l1ght, thanks for the reply. Even when its not the best answer I want to hear, its good to hear it! I know he is not sitting around regretting his decision. Like you, Im sure if I was worth fighting for he would have came running back once he cooled off. I have heard that most guys don't like girls who have low self-esteem issues and insecurities. Once they find out they run. Guess thats him.

Well done to you for accepting the truth. I know how guys think. If a guy gets over a girl easily it means he has other options and those options give him the confidence and belief he needs to keep moving in a certain direction that doesn't involve the girl who he is leaving behind.

It works both ways. Man and woman. If we can't make it work with the people we want to be with it hurts for all of us.......that truth alone is enough for me to believe that if someone really wanted us they would try to make it work. If they don't try to make it work then we have to accept the fact they don't believe in it like we do.

EQUAL......If they don't love you equally then move on otherwise you will get hurt.

[Kimmie80]

Its true: If they don't love you equally than move on, otherwise you will get hurt. Makes perfect sense. Just doesn't make sense in my situation because he was the one who wanted me from the beginning. He came on strong. It took me some time to look at him in that way. It seems like once I did, I guess I came on too strong. Or, it was all an act on his part. Either way, its done, and I can't spend anymore of my time trying to figure the whys, ifs, shouldas and couldas. I have come to the realization that it's done. I guess I am starting to let go. Lets hope I stay on this track lol! Thanks for your input!

[L1ght]

Its true: If they don't love you equally than move on, otherwise you will get hurt. Makes perfect sense. Just doesn't make sense in my situation because he was the one who wanted me from the beginning. He came on strong. It took me some time to look at him in that way. It seems like once I did, I guess I came on too strong. Or, it was all an act on his part. Either way, its done, and I can't spend anymore of my time trying to figure the whys, ifs, shouldas and couldas. I have come to the realization that it's done. I guess I am starting to let go. Lets hope I stay on this track lol! Thanks for your input!

Its a game in some ways......the way your ex came on strong and was persistent in his efforts to get you to feel the same way he did. Its that fear of rejection that drives people to push for something that perhaps they don't even want all that much but they would rather get it than be rejected. Once he got you to give yourself to him emotionally he most probably realised that currently he isn't capable of maintaining a deep intimate relationship with anyone so ditched you because he was simply afraid of who he is. Hes the one with issues. Not you.

Its not your fault that you fell for it though. Sometimes it just feels right when someone shows us love and affection but we can never predict how things are gonna turn out and if a person is gonna still be standing strong with us further down the line. Love is always a risk.

Anyway....good riddance to him, he failed and now you move on to a new chapter in your life.

[Dreamer100]

I dumped my boyfriend 2 months ago because I saw pictures that suggested he may have cheated. I later found out he didn't. By that time I had said some things I shouldn't have and gotten very angry. I acted hastily and impulsively.

 

We havn't been in touch in 4 weeks. I do miss him alot as we were so good together and he treated me so well (most of the time). He was always the keen one who would text and be emotional towards me so it's hard seeing him shut down and not reaching out to me.

 

What I would advise anyone to do is BE CALM. Don't act impulsively when it comes to ending relationships. Calm down, be rational, wait for an explanation, do no contact, THINK THINGS THROUGH.

 

I really wish I had done these things, I wouldn't be in this predicament if I had...

[Kimmie80]

dreamer100, you are pretty much in the same boat as me. I didn't over react about another girl, mine was over reacting thinking that maybe he wasnt interested in me after all just because I didnt hear from him in 1 day!! I have NEVER over reacted the way I did. I think its because I started to fall for him pretty hard and I allowed the fear to get the better of me.

 

I don't blame him at all for walking. What guy would want a girl like that, especially only after seeing each other for 9 weeks. I guarantee he thinks Im crazy lol.

 

But your right, be calm, try to relax and dont contact them. I said all I could say in the emails. He knows how sorry I am, he knows how much I care about him and he knows why I over reacted. Not that my previous ex's affair gives me any excuse to take it out on him.

 

How long were you guys together for?

[hurts2death]

you are not crazy he should be sensitive enough with with your love he should contact more of his life maybe put you more in his things he does not to make you feel like that? simple he did not take care of you enough

dreamer100, you are pretty much in the same boat as me. I didn't over react about another girl, mine was over reacting thinking that maybe he wasnt interested in me after all just because I didnt hear from him in 1 day!! I have NEVER over reacted the way I did. I think its because I started to fall for him pretty hard and I allowed the fear to get the better of me.

 

I don't blame him at all for walking. What guy would want a girl like that, especially only after seeing each other for 9 weeks. I guarantee he thinks Im crazy lol.

 

But your right, be calm, try to relax and dont contact them. I said all I could say in the emails. He knows how sorry I am, he knows how much I care about him and he knows why I over reacted. Not that my previous ex's affair gives me any excuse to take it out on him.

 

How long were you guys together for?

[Dreamer100]

Kimmie10, I get that. I felt because I had told him how sorry I was and that I love him/ still want to be with him, the best thing to do would be to leave it with him. If that isnt enough, there is nothing I can do. Although, I know he's going through some things at te moment.

 

We were together for nearly 9 months. I had some chances to get him back after we split but ruined them by going on about the cheating n stuff. Wish I had done no contact from the word go! But I suppose what's done is done.

[Kimmie80]

Thats kinda like me as well. I should have gone straight NC after that one email that explains all my feelings and apology. But instead, I bashed him before that final email because he wouldn't go for a beer on my birthday, which was 3 days after the initial email bashing. So he wasnt technically cooled off yet. I think I blew it for good.

 

I just look at it this way, if its meant to be, they will come back. We have done all we can do now. The ball is in their court. We will lose any chances we MAY get if we don't leave them alone. I can't help to think that because we were only together for 9 weeks that it's really too soon for him to care for me deeply enough to come back. Its not like we had the history and memories that he can't live without. Thats why its kinda of embarrassing for me that I am taking this break up as hard as I am. It was such a short relationship! This is crazy!

[Dreamer100]

True. If it's meant to be, they'll come back.

 

9 weeks, 9 months. If you loved each other, it's still pain and loss.

 

The no contact does help a hell of a lot though. A fortnight ago, I felt down and upset and like he had the power. The relationship was never like that, I always felt on top so I hated feeling pathetic. Feel more in control now thank god.

 

Do you plan on contacting him or are you going to wait it out until your past caring?

Edited September 2, 2013 by Dreamer100
Spelling mistake

[Kimmie80]

There are days that I am DYING to contact him! But I am trying really hard not to. Im not sure if there is anything else to say?? The last email I sent him was saying how sorry I am, how much I miss him and how I wish I didn't mess up something that could have been good. He wrote back saying: "I do forgive you, but everything happens for a reason. Im sure our paths will cross again someday".

That is probably just his way of letting me go gently. Some people say that that is his way of saying he is not closing the door completely. I wont know until sometime in the future, I guess

[Kimmie80]

And that email was on July 18th. I havent heard anything since.

[Dreamer100]

Right. The no contact was a good idea in that case. For all he knows, you may have completely forgotten about him and moved on, for he has given you nothing to go on. But time will tell. Just hope however things end, they end well.

[Kimmie80]

Just letting people know that Im still alive over here lol. Doing a little better. I have been getting dressed up and going out! I have been hit on numerous times, and even though I don't take it anywhere, it still makes me feel good

 

Im now at the point where I feel its his loss. Im a great person and I have a lot to offer. And if he doesn't want any part of that, than I will find someone who I can give my all. I have learned something very important out of this and my life has taken a completely different route than what I was originally on. Everything happens for a reason, and even though I was heartbroken, I see now see the light. I see what the whole reason why he was brought into my life. And it was actually for the better.

 

So, I am going to embrace this new chapter in my life and ensure that I make it the best I can. *You Held Me Down, But I Got Up, Already Brushing Off The Dust*. I am on my way to getting Kimmie back! Hope everyone out there is doing great!!

[lovesucks76]

Just letting people know that Im still alive over here lol. Doing a little better. I have been getting dressed up and going out! I have been hit on numerous times, and even though I don't take it anywhere, it still makes me feel good

 

Im now at the point where I feel its his loss. Im a great person and I have a lot to offer. And if he doesn't want any part of that, than I will find someone who I can give my all. I have learned something very important out of this and my life has taken a completely different route than what I was originally on. Everything happens for a reason, and even though I was heartbroken, I see now see the light. I see what the whole reason why he was brought into my life. And it was actually for the better.

 

So, I am going to embrace this new chapter in my life and ensure that I make it the best I can. *You Held Me Down, But I Got Up, Already Brushing Off The Dust*. I am on my way to getting Kimmie back! Hope everyone out there is doing great!!

 

Good for you Kimmie! I think you're making huge progress on your way to a happier life again. It's amazing that another person can cause us to be so miserable for so long! You will find someone who loves you and doesn't walk out on you after the first fight. That's not right!

 

I think we both ended our relationships around the same time. It has been 6 weeks for me and it's definitely getting better. I have days that I feel bummed but then I have days that I'm happy. I've learned a ton from it and feel better about myself going forward. You should read my latest update.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/424172-i-talked-my-ex-not-sure-how-i-feel

 

I'm sure It's probably not the correct way to handle things but its working for me and feel good again.

[hurts2death]

hi friends ...

 

regarding the dumpers psychology of a 3 y RL when you think they see they made a mistake? are they always no care and try to dig their past with telling lies to them?

 

i mean sometime they wont be curious of how we do? at all? even if they end up who someone that issss wwaaayyyy leessss greener lol.

[Kimmie80]

Lovesucks, its been since July 18th that the last email was sent. It's funny how I feel on top of the world some days and completely destroyed on others. Today was one of those days. But I am getting through it knowing how good my good days feels!

 

I read your latest update. It will be interesting to see what will happen. See how once you started letting go she reaches out. Its interesting. Im still in the place that of waiting for his emails. Still check every day, a few times a day. But its not as much as I had in the past, and Im not as disappointed when I see nothing from him.

 

Have you decided what your going to do with your ex yet?

[lovesucks76]

Lovesucks, its been since July 18th that the last email was sent. It's funny how I feel on top of the world some days and completely destroyed on others. Today was one of those days. But I am getting through it knowing how good my good days feels!

 

I read your latest update. It will be interesting to see what will happen. See how once you started letting go she reaches out. Its interesting. Im still in the place that of waiting for his emails. Still check every day, a few times a day. But its not as much as I had in the past, and Im not as disappointed when I see nothing from him.

 

Have you decided what your going to do with your ex yet?

 

I feel your pain. I really do. Hang in there!! I know how hard it is. Even now, whenever my phone 'dings' to alert me I got a new message I tend to stop everything and check it hoping is my ex but usually it's not her. It feels almost like torture. It's just habit now but it's difficult to break old habits. I do feel better lately but I still miss her and I'm sure you miss your ex too. Keeping busy helps a lot so I hope you have some plans for the weekend. If not, you still got time to make them.

 

Nt sure what I will do with ex to be 100% honest. Part of me wants to give it another try because I love her like I've never loved anyone in my life before. I will always love her, but another part of me wants to stay just friends. I've learned a lot about me during the past 6 weeks and I know what I want now and I'm settling for less. I don't want what we once had...it's not enough. I want us to grow from this and hopefully improve our RS. She has been hurt before and I know she has trust issues. She dated another guy for a few years who turned out to be a bit of a loser. So she's cautious now! When we first met she said "I'm not looking to fall in love anytime soon." Well, we met as friends, became great friends first and then lovers soon after. I think we were surprised how we both fell for each other. It freaked her out for sure, I know it did. I even tried to break up a month before saying "if you're not sure about us, let's call it cause I'm falling for you". Well.....too late.... bottom line is: we're not together anymore so I need to move on and act like we're not getting back together ever. I've also accepted the fact that we're both probably better apart. We'll see how it goes...but I'm not counting on it.