This Ones For The Dumpers

[barky2]

Kimmie, keep posting lol. You'll get there

 

 

And isn't it crazy so we all think we are so different in our situations?

 

Yes so g.d similar.

 

I remember a guy...same years as me.did the same things as me..ex did the same things TO THE MONTH..and we both got back together with our ex the same month...its crazy.

 

Listen guys, I know it sucks...Kimmie I've been following you the most since I've logged back on, and I constantly look for ur updates.

 

The thing about you Kimmie..is you know ull be fine.

 

That's the best part.

 

So much pain, I've yet to dive into your story or background yet but guess what....ull be just fine. I just started a thread, and I want you guys to read it...take two mins. Give me some feed back.

 

 

 

Barky

[Mcscooter]

I remember breaking a girls heart, she cried pretty bad and begged a little, but I was young and still wanted to explore. I felt a great relief leaving her. Years down the road we cross each others path. She's now model and living a real stable life. She looked pretty damn happy. I regretted her for a moment because we probably could of have something good honestly, but I chose to explore because I needed to. When we were over I'm sure she was having a hard time coping, but she got me real good. If you want to get back at your ex. Success is your best revenge. Moral of the story though. She's happy that she can live without me and I'm happy because I can too, but seeing her now just makes me say "damn, what was i thinking" i learned to laugh it off and continue my life. Your best bet is to move on and be better. Recently my ex left me because she wanted to explore more. I understood her completely. Hurt like hell, but i went to NC right away. So I know how you feel. I'm trying to move on still, eventually I'll get there. Just be mature about it

[rubyruby]

You are right Barky. He will know what I would say in the letter/email even if I don't say it. Same goes for him if he's writing to me. I'll probably just sit on his letter and probably not reply at all. And probably thinking if we are still worth the try despite I miss him so.

 

I had a great conversation with my friend (our mutual friend too) yesterday and I was telling him how much I wanted to share my breakthroughs during this NC with my ex too. The NC has been really doing me great, I have accepted the end of the r/s, my thoughts got mature, new stuffs happened and many more! My friend then tell me this,"You don't have to feel whole and complete by needing to tell everyone what good things you have received. You can be whole and complete just by yourself. :)"

 

My friend also informed me he actually went to check up on my ex after I have informed him about the BU. He assure me that my ex is in a good space too now. And that's all I need to know.

 

Though I know we have a good chance to get back together but now, its okay. I know I can still live my life w/o him! Nothing else matters! If we ever get back together, its good. If no, its good too!

 

For those who is going through a BU, I'm sorry it happened, but I believe it happened for s good reason just like it is to me. Stay strong!

[rubyruby]

Anyway, I have a good chance of meeting him as we still have stuffs at each other's place. I have no hurry to get mine back and it seems its like for him too. And our adopted pet is giving birth soon haha! Now I am more excited for my pet than thinking about him. LOL.

 

And to add on, my friend told me not to contact m ex. My ex will contact me when he's ready. Its so true, our ex will know how to get to us when they want to. In fact, after hearing this, I no longer going anxious in my head if its true he's gonna contact me blah blah, because I don't care now. Haha!

 

Enjoy being single now everyone! <3

[tooslowatlove]

I was the dumper in my last two relationships.

 

In the last one, I didn't want to break up. I was just at my wit's end from her stubbornness, selfishness and complete unwillingness to compromise. I know it had to be done, and that I can't and shouldn't want her back. BUt I'm still in love with her and miss her terribly. So I do regret dumping her, but I can't go back - it wouldn't be the right move for me.

 

The relationship before that, the problem was my gf wanted to be with me or in contact every waking moment. Not good when she calls too often at work, and definately not good when you get laid off and she's making it difficult to search for a new job. Besides, I never got any downtime from her - I had to be constantly in "boyfriend mode". No matter how much you care for someone, you sometimes need an evening off - guy's night out, or whatever you want to call it. Her I'm friends with again, but just friends. She contacted me a few months after we broke up, and I gave her a chance as friends, and have never regretted it. Now it' s been a few years and she's matured a bit since we dated, and is a wonderful person. But I don't want to go the dating route with her again.

[Kimmie80]

so.much.pain, the hardest time I am finding it is when I get home and my kids are at daycare. I am alone for a few hours in the afternoon, sitting there wondering, checking, reminiscing and feeling crappy. That is when I have my breakdowns. I hold it together in front of everyone, acting like I have my stuff together and everything is ok. Holding back every tear that just wants to burst through my eyes. Then I get home, and bomb. Down I go. The nights are also pretty bad. But usually I have one of my children up, so they are a good distractor. I have never had anxiety before, so I never understood people when they talked about it. Now I do. I do not wish this upon my worse enemy.

 

Honestly, I am starting to feel like I am a bit crazy. The relationship wasnt even that long, but he made such a huge impact. I had come out of a 15 year relationship prior to this one, and I am taking this way harder. I think its because with the 15 year RS, it was going down hill for a few years. After he had the affair in 2009. Where with this guy, he made me feel alive and in love. Feelings that I had not felt since I was 16 years old. And all because I opened my big mouth, he was gone as fast as he came. There was no fights, or signs that things were going to end. No preparation. Bang. He was gone

 

It makes it so much harder to deal with when we are the cause of them walking. I understand. And honestly, if the roles were reversed, I would have walked to. But it hurts because he knew why I acted the way I did. He knew about the affair in 2009 that has forever left me scarred. But I guess it was too much for him. One fault of mine and it was too much. I "apparently" hurt him. Now I have that to live with.

 

Barky, I hope I will be fine. I feel like I am slowly losing it. It can't be normal to feel the way I feel over someone who I have been seeing for such a short period of time. He filled a void that I have been lacking for many years. It didint take much. I really hope when he cools down he will return. I just want him to email me asking how I am. Thats all. At this point. Then I know he is thinking of me. Or at least feel a bit bad for walking when he knows how hurt and destroyed I am.

[rubyruby]

Kimmie, hang on there! You got our back too!

 

My r/s ended because I had a constant complaint of him not being caring and affectionate enough. I was really blindsided by anger and influenced by other people. During the NC, I saw a whole new different person of my ex, I saw a completely new vision of my complaint of him and etc. When we broke up, there was no fight at all, just sadness, tears and love knowing that its not working out for the two of us. This r/s impacted me alot as well and he was the first person who made me feel whole and complete.

 

You just need to come to the point to acknowledge that THAT r/s is dead, ended, no more! You will feel better after awhile.

 

And despite I'm the dumper, after 3 weeks of NC, and finally letting him go and not worrying about how he is feeling or feels about me, he came to my Facebook and like my current status. Irony. LOL.

[barky2]

Always happens that way, when you stop caring and finally moving on

 

 

Barky

[rubyruby]

Always happens that way, when you stop caring and finally moving on

 

 

Barky

 

Yep, focus on our self during the NC, only when we feel whole and complete, then we can also give and receive love from others.

 

Not sure what would happened next, at this moment, I just want to enjoy life.

[Kimmie80]

Thanks rubyruby! It's hard because I know what I have to do. Let go. I just don't know how to yet. Just time. Acceptance. And I need to stop holding onto the 'what ifs" and all the hope that I have. Life isn't always like the movies. Although, I wish it was

[lovesucks76]

so.much.pain, the hardest time I am finding it is when I get home and my kids are at daycare. I am alone for a few hours in the afternoon, sitting there wondering, checking, reminiscing and feeling crappy. That is when I have my breakdowns. I hold it together in front of everyone, acting like I have my stuff together and everything is ok. Holding back every tear that just wants to burst through my eyes. Then I get home, and bomb. Down I go. The nights are also pretty bad. But usually I have one of my children up, so they are a good distractor. I have never had anxiety before, so I never understood people when they talked about it. Now I do. I do not wish this upon my worse enemy.

 

Honestly, I am starting to feel like I am a bit crazy. The relationship wasnt even that long, but he made such a huge impact. I had come out of a 15 year relationship prior to this one, and I am taking this way harder. I think its because with the 15 year RS, it was going down hill for a few years. After he had the affair in 2009. Where with this guy, he made me feel alive and in love. Feelings that I had not felt since I was 16 years old. And all because I opened my big mouth, he was gone as fast as he came. There was no fights, or signs that things were going to end. No preparation. Bang. He was gone

 

It makes it so much harder to deal with when we are the cause of them walking. I understand. And honestly, if the roles were reversed, I would have walked to. But it hurts because he knew why I acted the way I did. He knew about the affair in 2009 that has forever left me scarred. But I guess it was too much for him. One fault of mine and it was too much. I "apparently" hurt him. Now I have that to live with.

 

Barky, I hope I will be fine. I feel like I am slowly losing it. It can't be normal to feel the way I feel over someone who I have been seeing for such a short period of time. He filled a void that I have been lacking for many years. It didint take much. I really hope when he cools down he will return. I just want him to email me asking how I am. Thats all. At this point. Then I know he is thinking of me. Or at least feel a bit bad for walking when he knows how hurt and destroyed I am.

 

Kimmie, hang in there. My RS with my ex was very intense and very short too. I broke up because I was wanting more time and commitment from her and she wasn't in a position to give me. I don't think I was too needy. WE texted each other maybe once or twice a day and would talk every other day and see each other twice a week. I was playing cool I thought.... but she was under a lot of pressure from work, family, etc...it was bad timing for the both of us. Not an excuse since I believe you make time and make a priority if you care for someone. We loved one another and there's a chance to go we get back but I'm not sure I want that either. I want someone who wants it as badly as I do. I deserve better and so do you.

 

I have a feeling your situation is different. It sounds like it was very sudden which makes you wonder what went wrong. I don't think the fight is the real reason...maybe an excuse. Something else is going on here that you may not yet know. It's pointless to guess now. It's outside your control now. My ex has texted me recently and she has attempted to talk too. I'm not ready to talk. I have a lot of work to do on me. I miss her like crazy and cried about her just 2-3 days ago but I decided then that it was enough. No more weeping. I'm standing tall and moving forward with or without her. Good luck to you and tr not to focus on your ex. You have children, family, friends, school, work, lots to keep you busy. You're also a very good looking woman and lots of men would love a chance to take you out and get to know you. I guarantee it!! It's worth opening up to new possibilities even if you have to fake until you make it!!

[Kimmie80]

Thank you so much for your input, lovesucks76! I really appreciate it! It's nice to hear it from the other side once in a while. And your right. There must have been more going on? I know I hurt him with what I said, and that I will never forgive myself for. But 35 days of NC, I really thought he would have come around by now. Once he cooled down. Guess not. I have do have a lot to focus on, so I am going to do just that! And thank you for the compliment! Hopefully Mr Right will be the next one to step up to the plate

[Kimmie80]

Ugh! Feeling really vulnerable this morning. Wanting to reach out to him and send him an email saying hi. I know I shouldn't. I am just scared that he will forget about me or remember me as the "crazy" girl. Had to post here to release some tension. Hope everyone else is doing ok!

[theonlyjuan]

Ugh! Feeling really vulnerable this morning. Wanting to reach out to him and send him an email saying hi. I know I shouldn't. I am just scared that he will forget about me or remember me as the "crazy" girl. Had to post here to release some tension. Hope everyone else is doing ok!

 

 

Don't do it! He won't forget you, silly. Don't be sitting around thinking about it all day, do something. Exercise! it will release some tension and make you feel better

[Kimmie80]

your right. I didn't end up doing it. I ended up going to the gym 3 times today so far lol. No, I didn't over do it. Can't wait to start feeling better Thanks for the post!

[northdevon]

Kimmie. i can relate so well to you! I initiated the break for space yet she ended up being the one to end it. i broke no contact twice and apparently her problem had been feeling smothered anyway. So it seems we both did things we regret. She has told a mutual friend she still loves me but feels single is the way to be right now that will make her happier. When they dangle the carrot of hope, it becomes so much harder doesnt it? The reason you and I cannot move on is we both are surronding the hurt with hope. From the wednesday she was talking about future plans including me in them, to Monday and already taken stuff back etc. Do you think if we didnt have hope we could move on?

[Kimmie80]

northdevon, I keep hearing that I have to "let go". I know that means something about giving up the hope that he will come back. I just don't know how? Everything was so perfect. We were talking all day, everyday. We met up as much as we could at a park on the lake that he referred to as 'our' park. And the last visit we had, he took me to a lake house. It was beautiful. He wa such a gentleman. We talked later that day. NExt thing you know, 24 hours goes by and I don't hear a word from him.

 

I jumped to conclusions, due to my low self-esteem and insecurities, and bashed him via email. It turns out, his phone was disconnected. Know I come across as this 'crazy' girlfriend and he wants nothing to do with girls like that. I completely agree, however, I wish he would just give me another chance. Tell me that he cannot have me do that again before walking out for good. He knew that my ex had an affair and all the crap that I went through. This is why I keep holding onto hope. Knowing that he knows what I went through, why I acted the way I did, and for the fact that this was the one and only "fight" we had.

 

I keep telling myself that there is no way he can just walk away and not look back. We had too much. But in the end, I guess it doesn't really matter what we had. When they are done, they are done.

 

So what I am learning from here, we have to SOMEHOW stop holding on to the "hope", pick ourselves up, brush off and get walking. I have been looking at it as, if he TRULY cares about me, he WILL come back. I just have to keep going NC, no matter how hard this is and how its KILLING me! Been since July 18th.

 

Good luck to you! We are all here for each other

[BigGirlPantiesOn]

Ugh! Feeling really vulnerable this morning. Wanting to reach out to him and send him an email saying hi. I know I shouldn't. I am just scared that he will forget about me or remember me as the "crazy" girl. Had to post here to release some tension. Hope everyone else is doing ok!

 

Stop trying to control what he remembers, does, feels, thinks...

 

Don't you get IT? You cannot control anything with another human. And even if he DOES forget you....it's clearly because you two weren't meant to be. Do you really want a man who you have to control to remember you?

 

Acceptance, girl....

[northdevon]

we are its hard when you dont have any answers. looking at it as its his loss is a good way to try to deal with it all, our break lasted between thursday and saturday and i didnt give her space during. she spent yesterday alone and today so far, and put up a facebook status with full and empty circles on it. I dont know what it means? Today is our first real no contact day since anything. I dont know how you have coped since July 18th but you sound stronger than I think you realise you are.

[Kimmie80]

BigGirlPantiesOn, You are so right. Thats why it sickens me that I have scooped so damn low! I still can't believe it myself. I have to stop dreaming of fairy tales and love movies and get my a** back to reality! He is NOT going to come running after me, expressing his sincere apology for making me leave. He is NOT going to show up at my door with flowers and tears down his face. My life is not a damn chick flick. Its true, it all about acceptance.

 

northdevon, you can be strong, too if you keep in mind that every time you reach out, it could potentially destroy your chances of getting her back. Thats what is getting me through each day. I want to reach out SOOOO bad, but I know that I will come across as a needy, pathetic girl, who he already thinks Im a crazy. He has never said it, but Im sure thats how he looks as me. So why make it worse for myself? I said all there is to say.

 

Keep posting here, and don't bottle up your emotions or feelings. Let them out. This is what this site is for

[lovesucks76]

BigGirlPantiesOn, You are so right. Thats why it sickens me that I have scooped so damn low! I still can't believe it myself. I have to stop dreaming of fairy tales and love movies and get my a** back to reality! He is NOT going to come running after me, expressing his sincere apology for making me leave. He is NOT going to show up at my door with flowers and tears down his face. My life is not a damn chick flick. Its true, it all about acceptance.

 

northdevon, you can be strong, too if you keep in mind that every time you reach out, it could potentially destroy your chances of getting her back. Thats what is getting me through each day. I want to reach out SOOOO bad, but I know that I will come across as a needy, pathetic girl, who he already thinks Im a crazy. He has never said it, but Im sure thats how he looks as me. So why make it worse for myself? I said all there is to say.

 

Keep posting here, and don't bottle up your emotions or feelings. Let them out. This is what this site is for

 

You know, I'm a guy and never liked chick flicks either but feel like I'm stuck in a long one. I really want to call her today but I'd rather be bitten by a rattlesnake right now....no way in hell! The only chance I have to fix this is by going NC. Either my situation will get better and won't miss her anymore or she'll come back asking for forgiveness. So NC is win/win for me and probably for you too. So stick to it!

 

I really think something else spooked him Kimmie. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone screws up once in a while. If you were my GF and you freaked out on me because my phone was disconnected I would think " what the hell" but I would not drop you like a bad habit either. Especially if I had feelings for you and this was our first fight. It sounds like he was very romantic about the relationship too taking you to the lake house and all which leads me to think he cared about you. So the BU doesn't make sense at ALL. It sounds like something else was happening that you may not be aware of. Silly to ask and forgive me but.... How much do you know about him? Have you been to his place? Have you met any of his friends? Has he shared his past with you? Something is missing here....not sure what it is but t doesn't add up. Do you know what I mean?

[Kimmie80]

I am starting to believe there was more also It seemed too perfect. What was I thinking to put my guard down? He knew about the affair that my ex had on our 10 year anniversary and I was pregnant with our daughter. So he knows that I have so issues to resolve. I should have never opened up my heart the way I did.

 

Yes, I have been to his house. He lives in a little one bedroom apt. Alone. He lives in a different town, but comes to my town everyday to pick up his boss and go to work together. He has been out of a relationship with his ex, who lives in the same town, almost 2 years ago. But he still sees her drive by everyday. But he also seemed like he was doing good with being over her.

 

The whole thing doesnt really make sense when I think about it. He wanted to do much more 2 weeks prior to our last meeting. But I told him I wasnt ready. Due to the fact that I was still sorting stuff out with my ex of 15 years. He was hurt and thats when he told me that I meant more to him than I will ever know. I think he was starting to feel guilty for some of the stuff that was going on with my ex and I. I don't know. Im too hurt right now to even think straight. I just wish I could turn back time and have done things different. I should have never took my wall down. Never. Maybe he was using me. I will never know.

 

All I know is, I have to more on. Somehow. I just wish I knew. I guess its just more time....

[barky2]

Hi Kimmie checking in on you.

 

How to move on?

 

The answers are within you.

 

You have to focus on you.

 

What can I do to make me happy today?

 

Ohh I love those shoes..ect.

 

Listen your single again, you have no ties.

 

Break free and splurge.

 

I told you before, go get dressed to the nines, go out get hit on and have some stud buy you a drink.

 

I promise its a start and you'll feel better and wake up with a smile on your face.

 

I told you, I did the exact same thing.

 

It was a start

 

Once you feel that way, you'll try everyday to match that high....for yourself.

 

That's moving on.

 

Put your hands up and say fk it

 

Look in the mirror and scream BRING IT ON.

 

Get it girl!

 

 

 

 

BarkyBarky

[mummyjonno]

BigGirlPantiesOn, You are so right. Thats why it sickens me that I have scooped so damn low! I still can't believe it myself. I have to stop dreaming of fairy tales and love movies and get my a** back to reality! He is NOT going to come running after me, expressing his sincere apology for making me leave. He is NOT going to show up at my door with flowers and tears down his face. My life is not a damn chick flick. Its true, it all about acceptance.

 

northdevon, you can be strong, too if you keep in mind that every time you reach out, it could potentially destroy your chances of getting her back. Thats what is getting me through each day. I want to reach out SOOOO bad, but I know that I will come across as a needy, pathetic girl, who he already thinks Im a crazy. He has never said it, but Im sure thats how he looks as me. So why make it worse for myself? I said all there is to say.

 

Keep posting here, and don't bottle up your emotions or feelings. Let them out. This is what this site is for

 

Ahmen to that Kimmie!!! I actually considered buying a diary today... I need some way to just say what's in my mind, how I feel but it can't be too him!

 

I will be using this site from now on because everyone can help and boost each other! We will all get through this. How I don't know but somehow.

 

Hope your doing better today x

[Kimmie80]

I actually bought a journal last week! Between that and this forum, it really helps me when Im feeling vulnerable!

 

Keep writing! Don't stop! I LOVE how awesome people are on this forum and how much it has helped me so far!

 

We are all here for each other No one is ever alone!!