A great read on No Contact...and wondering if I should do it

[Babolat]

Don't forget that you broke up with her because YOU were not getting what you needed from HER. I don't think you should give in to the urge to "fix" her or "be her friend" and distract yourself from your own healing and progress.

 

I talked to my counselor today, and he summarized that my ex has made it pretty clear all along that he will pretty much always be open to getting back with me. As a good friend of mine pointed out a long time ago, I meet all of his needs. But he doesn't meet mine. So of course he wouldn't want it to end.

 

I think this is the common thread between your relationship with your ex and mine. Her drinking with other men, spending the night in hotel rooms with other men, posting revealing pictures to get attention on Facebook, and all those related incidents crossed a line that wasn't OK for you in a relationship. She did and did not do certain things you needed. My ex was the same way. He did and did not do certain things that I needed, things that made me feel unloved and unappreciated.

 

She was cool with things the way they were, and just like my ex, her only real problem with you is that you wouldn't accept those things that felt wrong to you. But it was right for you not to accept them, because those things weren't right for you.

 

I said that if I were to speak to my ex again, he'd have to make a very convincing case for why I should. But with reflection, I think that's just wishful thinking. Nothing he can say would change the core differences, our very different views on love and what it means, how it's expressed, what you do and do not do to nurture it.

 

What's in it for YOU to see her? Completely remove what's in it for HER. What's in it for you?

 

She got a lot from you that she needed - attention, validation, various forms of support. But you never fully got what you needed from her.

 

My counselor also pointed out that 3 months really isn't long enough to reflect, or for either person to make any substantive changes.

 

I also don't like that she's throwing out this teaser - "it's more than that, though". I think she knows how to push your buttons, and knows this will pique your curiosity and reel you in again. She'll only reveal this magical "secret" if you give in to her request to meet. Why can't she reveal it now? Probably because she knows it won't have any real impact and won't further her agenda.

 

Obviously you can do what you want. But I don't think seeing her right now is going to be beneficial to you in any way.

 

Ruby, well said, I agree, and thank you.

 

I woke up this morning realizing with 100% conviction I have no desire to get back with my ex. I have been feeling it, I guess this recent round of texts confirmed it. I am loving my life.

 

I have a FWB, it's incredible, though some emotions are creeping in for both of us. I am dating, nothing serious, not ready for serious. I have made a few new female friends, which are developing into good friends. I have made a few new male friends.

 

Youa re 100% right, my needs were not met, hers were. She told me all the time I was everything she wanted in a man, except for what she felt was judgement from me. She use to ask me, tell me all the time, accept me the way I am, or don't.

 

I will add, it's been 8 months since we broke up, with 5 or so 1-2 days seeing each other tossed in post break up. It's been almost 3 months since I last saw her, when we met to agree to NC. She has sent me 2-3 simple texts since then, and I sent acknowledgment replies. One of those texts was related to a MeetUp she signed up for, which I was already signed up for. I cancelled once I saw she had signed up. Post MeetUp event she texted me to say she was sorry, she was not aware I had signed up until after she had paid..which was BS to me.

 

I am 50/50 on meeting her.

Edited November 14, 2013 by Babolat

[Niezz]

It sounds like to me that you have a physical, sexual addiction to her. You don't want to go NC b/c you enjoy the SEX you have together.

 

Totally agreed with you:o

[Babolat]

Totally agreed with you:o

 

At the time of your post, I would agree. THAT has gone away, 100%. I have no desire to have sex with her at this point.

 

Dating, having sex with another woman since, has helped me move past that.

[Ruby Slippers]

I woke up this morning realizing with 100% conviction I have no desire to get back with my ex. I have been feeling it, I guess this recent round of texts confirmed it. I am loving my life.

That's great!

 

Youa re 100% right, my needs were not met, hers were. She told me all the time I was everything she wanted in a man, except for what she felt was judgement from me. She use to ask me, tell me all the time, accept me the way I am, or don't.

Yes, total parallel. My ex used to say, "I'm happy with you 100% of the time - except when you're complaining about me" and "Why can't you accept me the way I am?" My answer to that was, "Because the way you treat me sometimes makes me feel unloved and unappreciated, and that's no way to live."

 

I will add, it's been 8 months since we broke up, with 5 or so 1-2 days seeing each other tossed in post break up. It's been almost 3 months since I last saw her, when we met to agree to NC. She has sent me 2-3 simple texts since then, and I sent acknowledgment replies. One of those texts was related to a MeetUp she signed up for, which I was already signed up for. I cancelled once I saw she had signed up. Post MeetUp event she texted me to say she was sorry, she was not aware I had signed up until after she had paid..which was BS to me.

 

I am 50/50 on meeting her.

So you haven't had true NC at all, really. She seems to be trying to keep you on her hook, at least a little.

 

Again I ask you, what's in it for YOU to see her right now?

[Babolat]

Again I ask you, what's in it for YOU to see her right now?

 

Nothing

 

When I think on it, there is almost a part of me that wants her to deliver her message, assuming it's some kind of "I have changed" message, and reply "Great, too late".

 

Then there is a part of me that thinks I am way off, and it's something else, unrelated to an "us" again, and, I am curious to know what that is. She always thought highly of my opinion, said I was her best friend, the one she turns to for advice, and part of me thinks she just wants me to see that she has changed, like a child needs to show their parents "Look at what I did".

 

I thought about sending her this text:

 

"I am now dating someone, do you still want to meet?". If she replied "No", then, I would not meet her. I am not dating, it would tell me where her head is though.

[Ruby Slippers]

Nothing

 

When I think on it, there is almost a part of me that wants her to deliver her message, assuming it's some kind of "I have changed" message, and reply "Great, too late".

This tells me there's still some bitterness and feelings there. Even if my ex came back around now and said he had changed, I don't imagine I'd want to be haughty toward him.

 

part of me thinks she just wants me to see that she has changed, like a child needs to show their parents "Look at what I did".

Yes, more validation.

 

I thought about sending her this text:

 

"I am now dating someone, do you still want to meet?". If she replied "No", then, I would not meet her. I am not dating, it would tell me where her head is though.

Why leave the choice up to her? She's already invited you - the choice is yours. It seems like curiosity is driving you. But I detect some lingering feelings and bitterness as well. Be careful with that.

[Babolat]

But I detect some lingering feelings and bitterness as well. Be careful with that.

Agreed, of course I still care about her, and I do think about her. Honestly, no other woman in my life affected me like she did.

 

The bitterness is over "what could have been if she was not such a wild child and was more responsible".

 

And yeah, I guess i am curious to "see" what her message is; though, unlike months ago, I feel like I have the strength to not be mislead or confused "this time", and walk away.

[Ruby Slippers]

Agreed, of course I still care about her, and I do think about her. Honestly, no other woman in my life affected me like she did.

I hear you, man!

 

The bitterness is over "what could have been if she was not such a wild child and was more responsible".

I think this is also where the "danger" comes in, where you are susceptible to her persuasion. She might try to convince you that she's made a lot of progress, reformed, blah blah. When my ex came back to me, at first he was a flowing fountain of emotion and expression (compared to how he normally is). It was amazing! But guess what? Within a few months, he reverted back to who he is.

 

Our relationships were so similar, though you're the conservative and I'm the free spirit Do you know how many times I've asked myself the same kinds of questions? What could have been if only he wasn't so conservative, repressed, afraid to lose control, rigid, formal, stiff, unromantic, unexpressive, and on and on and on.

 

But he IS all those things. And your ex IS a wild child, and you know it. And we also both know that those qualities attracted us as much as they repelled us.

 

And yeah, I guess i am curious to "see" what her message is; though, unlike months ago, I feel like I have the strength to not be mislead or confused "this time", and walk away.

Whatever you do, don't have sex with her! Obviously that's your choice - but I think it's when y'all get into bed that the trouble and emotional roller coaster begin all over again.

[Babolat]

Saw my counselor yesterday for a previously scheduled appt.

 

Talked about the recent texts from the ex. Ironically I had not seen him in 3 months, about the time I last saw her.

 

He first said "go ahead and meet with her, just hear what she has to say"

 

Then I explained how good I feel right now, that I have moved forward, etc.

 

He said he understood, and can see why I would not want to meet her. Though he said if I am curious, i should meet her to hear what she has to say.

 

She sent me some more texts last night. She suggested we meet at a place 2 blocks from my house for dinner and we go go for a walk afterwards. Ironically, she will be in the area for work, the day she suggested we meet. We use to do this when we dated. Makes me think she is up to something, to meet so close to my house. I suggested meeting somewhere further away from my house.

 

I was looking over her texts this morning as she mentioned in text last night the name of a band playing tnite I might like. I was looking for the name to Google them.

 

I have a new phone and somehow accidentally dialed her. I could not figure out how to End Call. She answered, I told her it was an accident. Small talk for about a minute than goodbye. I can tell you, it was amazing to hear her voice. She immediately texted me stating she did not think it was a mistake, things happen for a reason, and it was good to hear my voice.

[MidwestUSA]

I'm a bit surprised your counselor suggested going ahead.

 

Oh boy, 'things happen for a reason', eh? She does have something up her sleeve. Am betting she wants to prove to you that she's changed, settled down. Proceed with caution.

[Ruby Slippers]

I think she definitely wants you back. I think she's also going to convince you she's changed her ways - but you'll find out eventually that she really hasn't, and you'll be back to the "why can't you just accept me the way I am?" from her.

 

But I get it. I had to give my ex a second chance. And I'm not sorry I did. He didn't change, but he tried hard to give me what I needed, and I do appreciate that, as well as our time together.

 

You'll be fine. The one bit of advice I will give you is to be true to yourself, and don't just let things that are not OK with you slide, assuming they'll get better. Stand up for yourself and what you want, in every moment. If you don't, you're setting yourself up for conflict later.

 

I read a good piece of advice recently: What you want is not a great guy/gal, but a great relationship. The point was - don't get hung up on this one person. Get focused about having a great relationship that works for you, and don't bend on that because you're fixated on this one particular person.

 

Good luck!

[Babolat]

"What could have been if only he wasn't so conservative, repressed, afraid to lose control, rigid, formal, stiff, unromantic, unexpressive, and on and on and on.

"

 

I'm conservative, though not repressed, afraid to lose control, not rigid, formal, unromatic, unexpressive....so we do differ there. I love to let lose often actually.

 

Regarding meeting her, no, in no way shape or form will there be sex nor am I taking her back. I am strong enough now for that.

 

Ironically, I lost my FWB last night. She said she can no longer continue to just have sex as she is feeling emotions. I am too, and. I am frustrated as I like this girl. I am not sure she is ready to be exclusive, nor am I. I know how much I like her and I was "pretending" to be Mr Cool, like it was just sex for me. She read that and said she can no longer do it. I was doing that for her as she is the one who initiated the "just sex" relationship, though we have been doing more than just sex, dinners, going out, etc.

 

And, I had a 2nd date with a woman this weekend that went well. We have plans to see each other this weekend. And, on top of all that, I hate a date with a woman Friday night.

 

So, I am dating, putting myself out there, just not getting exclusive yet. Having all of "this" is making me a stronger person, and helping me realize I don't have to need someone to change for thing sto work, like with the ex. She will alwasy have friends tugging at her to party, get crazy, be irresponsible.

 

It goes sooo much deeper than partying for her too. It's a life of drama and being irresponsible, something I don't want in my life.

 

 

 

 

So, I am keeping other things going, the ex cannot convince me to come back, no interest, no desire.

[MidwestUSA]

Well you really think that we're going to thrive without any good scoop/gossip? We are womenz, after all!

 

Seriously, good for you. Stand your ground, expand your horizons. You've got another 47 years to enjoy! (More or less).

[Babolat]

Well you really think that we're going to thrive without any good scoop/gossip? We are womenz, after all!

 

Seriously, good for you. Stand your ground, expand your horizons. You've got another 47 years to enjoy! (More or less).

 

We are meeting Wednesday for dinner. I'll try to remember to up all of ya when I get home!

[Babolat]

We met for dinner last night.

 

I felt very angry when I first saw her, like why are you bothering me.

 

We talked for a bit, small talk, she told me she was nervous, anxious and uncomfortable (I could not tell, she seemed the same to me). She kept looking at her phone as she took notes about what she wanted to say, which I liked. She asked me if that was OK to do.

 

Yes, she wants to try again. She realizes she was going thru a transition when she met me, coming out of a 7 year relationship/engagement, moving back to her home town where all of her good friends were, no home, no job, 13 year old daughter, no money, and, then we met. She was weening herself off of a heavy does of anti-anxiety medication at the same time to without a dr's care.

 

She kept using the word committment. She said she was and is very much in love with me, she now realizes she was not as committed to the relationship as she needed to be. She was trying to reconnect with all of her friends, not putting me first. She felt at times I was not comitted (because of my concerns with her drinking) so she put those friends first, the long term friends she was reconnectioning with, life friends since she was a teen, friends that pretty much raised her.

 

I told her how I felt about her male best friend, the one who would come into town and she would stay with him in his hotel room. I told her though I always trusted her, her actions, behaviors and perception caused trust issues for me. She agreed and understands now. She said she has not spoken to him in a long time, as, he made an inappropriate sexual comment to one of their mutual female best friends, that female friend shared the comment with her. She says she always saw him as a brother, still does, but now understands she "missed" the male whore in him, as it related to her. She called him, told him this, told him his comment was inappropriate, and that she needed to be away from him for a while. She said she always knew he was the type to brag about the females in his life, for attention, but never knew he did it with her. That really upset her. And, she now understands what I saw when I met him. She said should she decide to let him back into her life, if he were to come into town, and we were dating, she would 1) not see him or 2) see him, but only with me and come home with me.

 

Regarding the drinking, she said she has not been drinking for over 6 months, at least not to get drunk or crazy. She does not want that. She said she needed this time to do this by herself, without me in her life, to make sure, she was doing it for her.

 

She has made a lot of major changes recently, including her diet, her health, exercise, going back to school, her job is taking off, so much so someone recently reached out to her to discuss a big opportunity with his company. She looked amazing, very healthy, almost glowing.

 

Yes, we went back to my house after our talk, and yes, we had sex. It was somewhat important to me to see if the "flame" was still there before I decide what I want to do. This time though, we had the talk, first.

 

I don't know how I feel. I talked a lot last night about how angry and mad I was with her when we dated, and, for now coming to me with this message. She said "Maybe this is the closure you need". I don't know. I asked her who's to say in 3 months she does not go right back to the way she was. She said she has made these changes for her, not for me, and that's all she can guarantee.

 

She said, she is ready to make a committment, a full committment, and, as she put it, if we do, be warned, as she will be even more affectionate and loving then she was before

 

I saw a different woman, a humble woman, a more grounded woman, someone who lost something, me, realized what it meant to her, realized regardless of me, she needed to make some changes, finish her transition if you will. I reminded her that I talked about her transiton a lot while we dated, and that, I did not think she was ready. She remembered and said I was right.

 

I don't know how I feel or what I want to do. I'm not ready to do anything right away, and I told her that, and she is OK with that. She said she has been thinking about this for a while, has been too scared to contact me, woke up one morning and realized she would regret it for the rest of her life if she did not share this with me now.

 

She said, a lot, how good we are for each other, that we help each other grow, that we communicate well, that I listen to her, and I let her talk. She misses how I made her laugh, how she felt when I touched her, how I made her stronger, etc. And though, sometimes it may take a day or two, we communicate well. She thinks we share the same values, the same moral, goals, etc. She even said her daughter misses me and has been asking about me.

 

So, there we are.....

Edited November 21, 2013 by Babolat

[MidwestUSA]

Well, I wished for gossip, you delivered. So, is there some sort of time frame for you to think about it? Are you completely done with your FWB?

[Babolat]

Well, I wished for gossip, you delivered. So, is there some sort of time frame for you to think about it? Are you completely done with your FWB?

 

I asked her what her expectation was, she said she did not have one. No timeframe set.

 

She texted me this morning asking me if I had plans Saturday. I do, a 3rd date with an OLD gal I am not 100% into but I like her and wanted to see how I feklt after a 3rd date. Though, I think I should keep the date. Just not sure how much I should share with my ex gf. Part of me wants to tell her as it feels like the honest thing to do. Another parts says No, as really, I don't know if she has dated, my guess is not knowing her, and, if she did, it does not bother me.

 

FWB, yeah that has to be done, especially if I plan to move forward with the ex. FWB actually texted me last night stating she wants to talk. Not sure what about. FWB, for both of us, was turning into more than FWB, emotions and feelings were creeping in. Not sure if she is LTR for me though.

 

I think it's ironic, 3 days before having dinner with the ex, the FWB says she can't anymore and I actually "ended" another thing last week (no romance, just a few dates) before hearing from the ex gf. I probably think about things too much..feels like things happened for a reason though.

 

There is an amazing connection between the ex and I..I cannot deny that and it mostly came back last night. I am approaching this a lot differently than I did in the past though. I am not rushing into anything.

 

She said she is ready to give it her all, 110% comittment to me, to us, as she feels she did not do that before and she feels she is ready for that now.

[Ruby Slippers]

Called it!

 

I'm sure you'll be fine. You've got women everywhere and are basically spoiled for choice

 

If you want some more of my dime store fortune telling... I predict you'll get back together, and things will be amazing at first. She'll seem to be a changed woman - and maybe she is.

 

I think eventually you'll have some of the same disagreements you did before, but what is unpredictable is how seriously she'll take her new-found commitment. That will be clear in her actions, and I'm sure you'll know what to do.

[Babolat]

Called it!

 

I'm sure you'll be fine. You've got women everywhere and are basically spoiled for choice

 

If you want some more of my dime store fortune telling... I predict you'll get back together, and things will be amazing at first. She'll seem to be a changed woman - and maybe she is.

 

I think eventually you'll have some of the same disagreements you did before, but what is unpredictable is how seriously she'll take her new-found commitment. That will be clear in her actions, and I'm sure you'll know what to do.

 

Ha!

 

Spoiled for choice..I like that term. And, ironcially, I think it's a good thing, as it helps me realize I don't have to get back with her for companionship, for sex, for all the things I was afraid to lose by breaking things off with her. I have also seen things in other women I am attracted to, and now know what some of my deal breakers are, better defined I guess.

 

Last night I told her if we do anything, we have to define boundaries. She understood and agreed.

 

And, should we try again, I can tell you, if I see something I saw in the past, i am gone, that second. I am not going to try to work thru it.

 

Right now, I am leaning towards No, yet I am curious. I told her over and over last night how mad and angry I am with her, and was, while we dated. She got it, I think, for the first time ever.

Edited November 21, 2013 by Babolat

[Ruby Slippers]

And, should we try again, I can tell you, if I see something I saw in the past, i am gone, that second. I am not going to try to work thru it.

If you go for it, I hope your second chance goes better than mine did. It was terrific for a while, while the pain of being without me was fresh in his mind - then once he got comfortable, the "old him" came back around. I tried to work through it for a while, because hey, we were going to all the trouble of giving it a second chance, so I figured I should give it my all. I think it's very easy to slip back into the old dynamics and patterns, and it takes a lot of conscious effort to do something different.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Babolat,

 

I am not sure why you are thinking or delaying the inevitable. Ever since you started posting, nearly every thread was relating to your ex. You are so tied up in your ex that you are completely emotionally unavailable to other women. I don't think it's fair to string them along.

 

Your second try with the ex won't work because people don't change and old patterns will emerge soon enough. You still need to give this a go, see it for yourself and then bury it once and for all.

 

The way I see it, the sooner you get back with her, the sooner this whole cycle will be over.

[Babolat]

you are completely emotionally unavailable to other women. I don't think it's fair to string them along..

I agree with this, which is why I cut something off last week before it got more serious, it's why I am debating seeing this other girl for a 3rd date Saturday and, it's why the FWB worked well for me (my first FWB), though I was developing feelings for her and she was for me. It's also why I disabled my OLD profile recenlty.

 

I do see all of this. And I felt it while on dates with others. So, you are right.

 

I do feel like I have made a lot of progress though. It's difficult to explain "on paper", but, last night was a lot different than previous times we saw each other post break up. I saw her more as a friend, a past lover, than someone in my present or future. I even told her I picture her with a different man than me. Oddly, over the past 3 months I was emotionally moving on, and I felt it last night. That strangely is one reason I wanted to have sex (other than the obvious reasons); to see if the "magic" was still there. I am not sure it was. Time apart has helped me a lot. She's off the pedestal. Amazing things I saw before, and saw last night, were not so amazing anymore. I even said to her, why me, why now. I was mad, angry, pissed off. Enough to not leap forward. And, the conversation wa smore like friends, versus lovers, a partner. Strange to describe.

 

I am not sure giving the ex another try is the right thing to do. I feel anxious already thinking about what was, how I felt in the relationship, scared to see the "old" her again.

 

Thus why I am not acting on it yet. She just texted me about having dinner tomorrow night. I replied stating I need to think about it, that I am not sure I am ready for this.

Edited November 21, 2013 by Babolat

[myothernic2]

I agree with this, which is why I cut something off last week before it got more serious, it's why I am debating seeing this other girl for a 3rd date Saturday and, it's why the FWB worked well for me (my first FWB), though I was developing feelings for her and she was for me. It's also why I disabled my OLD profile recenlty.

 

I do see all of this. And I felt it while on dates with others. So, you are right.

 

I do feel like I have made a lot of progress though. It's difficult to explain "on paper", but, last night was a lot different than previous times we saw each other post break up. I saw her more as a friend, a past lover, than someone in my present or future. I even told her I picture her with a different man than me. Oddly, over the past 3 months I was emotionally moving on, and I felt it last night. That strangely is one reason I wanted to have sex (other than the obvious reasons); to see if the "magic" was still there. I am not sure it was. Time apart has helped me a lot. She's off the pedestal. Amazing things I saw before, and saw last night, were not so amazing anymore. I even said to her, why me, why now. I was mad, angry, pissed off. Enough to not leap forward. And, the conversation wa smore like friends, versus lovers, a partner. Strange to describe.

 

I am not sure giving the ex another try is the right thing to do. I feel anxious already thinking about what was, how I felt in the relationship, scared to see the "old" her again.

 

Thus why I am not acting on it yet. She just texted me about having dinner tomorrow night. I replied stating I need to think about it, that I am not sure I am ready for this.

 

ES is so right. You are completely emotionally unavailable to other women due to your feelings for the ex (which is one of my worse night mares in a guy, but I digress). You might as well give it another try because you will not allow yourself to move on unless you do. You have all of these reasons why you can't proceed with other women that seem great for you, but it comes down to your emotionally unavailability. Go for it!

[Babolat]

ES is so right. You are completely emotionally unavailable to other women due to your feelings for the ex (which is one of my worse night mares in a guy, but I digress). You might as well give it another try because you will not allow yourself to move on unless you do. You have all of these reasons why you can't proceed with other women that seem great for you, but it comes down to your emotionally unavailability. Go for it!

 

I hear you, I do. Something IS different, this time, though. I am not feeling it. Not sure if that is a good thing, a bad thing, or, just indifference.

 

Last night was fun, I enjoyed seeing her. But, honestly, I don't feel like I need to see her again. I spent a lot of time last night almost, studying her. The things I saw as amazing, her beauty, her charm, her spirt, her intelligence, the way she looks at me, touches me, they were all there. But, I was not obsessed with them, this time. I cannot explain this on paper, electronically, it was just different. During sex she kept saying how much she has missed me, how long it has been (since sex, last time with me I assume), how great it was...and, I thought to myself "I just had sex 7 days ago with my FWB". I also could not say back to her "I have missed you too". She did her usual things that drive me crazy and turn me on, things I have missed, but, it was strange, it was like "OK" almost "meh". Months ago, I would not have felt this way.

 

She has already asked about seeing me tomorrow night and/or Sunday. I don't feel it. I'm not jumping to reply "Yes". I think she is also trying to get me to tell her what I am doing Saturday, as I told her I had plans, she has texted twice stating she wants to do dinner then and go see a band we use to go see, let her know if my plans change. I am tempted to tell her I have a date then, just not sure if it matters.

 

The only curiousity I think I have is to see her again to see if this indifference is still there.

 

I am not 100% sure about the emotionally unavailable comments, though I do agree I probably have some of this. I think some of it is better radar if you will. Seeing red flags a lot sooner, and knowing, it makes no sense to continue with a 2nd date. The woman I have been on dates with from OLD, well, there were things that I saw right away that would be issues ahead for me. And, unlike my last relationship, where I did, move ahead knowing this, I told myself No. It's like Ruby's gyno comment in another thread; she went on a lot of dates to find the right one. I kind of feel like that is where I am, probably for the first time in my life. I want a relationship, though I don't feel like I need one. I like being alone now.

 

In the past I would settle and commit too quick I think.

Edited November 21, 2013 by Babolat

[myothernic2]

I hear you, I do. Something IS different, this time, though. I am not feeling it. Not sure if that is a good thing, a bad thing, or, just indifference.

 

Last night was fun, I enjoyed seeing her. But, honestly, I don't feel like I need to see her again. I spent a lot of time last night almost, studying her. The things I saw as amazing, her beauty, her charm, her spirt, her intelligence, the way she looks at me, touches me, they were all there. But, I was not obsessed with them, this time. I cannot explain this on paper, electronically, it was just different. During sex she kept saying how much she has missed me, how long it has been (since sex, last time with me I assume), how great it was...and, I thought to myself "I just had sex 7 days ago with my FWB". I also could not say back to her "I have missed you too". She did her usual things that drive me crazy and turn me on, things I have missed, but, it was strange, it was like "OK" almost "meh". Months ago, I would not have felt this way.

 

She has already asked about seeing me tomorrow night and/or Sunday. I don't feel it. I'm not jumping to reply "Yes". I think she is also trying to get me to tell her what I am doing Saturday, as I told her I had plans, she has texted twice stating she wants to do dinner then and go see a band we use to go see, let her know if my plans change. I am tempted to tell her I have a date then, just not sure if it matters.

 

The only curiousity I think I have is to see her again to see if this indifference is still there.

 

I am not 100% sure about the emotionally unavailable comments, though I do agree I probably have some of this. I think some of it is better radar if you will. Seeing red flags a lot sooner, and knowing, it makes no sense to continue with a 2nd date. The woman I have been on dates with from OLD, well, there were things that I saw right away that would be issues ahead for me. And, unlike my last relationship, where I did, move ahead knowing this, I told myself No. It's like Ruby's gyno comment in another thread; she went on a lot of dates to find the right one. I kind of feel like that is where I am, probably for the first time in my life. I want a relationship, though I don't feel like I need one. I like being alone now.

 

In the past I would settle and commit too quick I think.

 

It just seems like no matter what these other women bring, it always comes back to they're missing something your ex had that you seem to compare. I believe that on some of your prospects you have stated that there is nothing glaringly wrong with them, unless I missed you point out some big red flags. But, *for some reason* you just never see it fit to proceed. Just seems like you have yet to get her out of your system and you will always look for a reason to not proceed with anyone else until that happens.