Orije Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 SO I am dating this girl who i have been with for a few months now and we are very close to each other and like each other alot. The thing is I began hearing more about some guy and I didn't really know the details on him, but i was fine with it. Some time goes by and i began to hear more about this guy and she talks about him. So i confront her and ask about this guy and she says he is a good guy from her past and he is returning home and will move in near her and she as a bit happy and i thought to myself wtf? Like i promised to not talk/flirt with other girls as long as i am dating her and she agreed the same because she hates cheaters. So im like maybe this is just a good friend. More time goes by and she says how he is a marriage partner and its fate and she says she is joking about it but brings it up every so often and it really does bother me and i told her about it. She told me the guy literally loves her and likes her alot and she said she likes him like emotionally attached but she doesnt "like like like like him" (that is what she said actually) like she likes me. So do you think i am over reacting about this and just ruining our relationship by being jealous of this good friend of hers or what? need some advice. I heard ignoring her for a bit cause she likes me alot will make her wanna connect with me more or miss me more but i am not sure? Link to post Share on other sites
BeyondtheClouds Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 She told me the guy literally loves her and likes her alot and she said she likes him like emotionally attached but she doesnt "like like like like him" (that is what she said actually) like she likes me. She is fantasising about him. It's best to leave her to it. Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 ...and i began to hear more about this guy and she talks about him...she says how he is a marriage partner and its fate ...brings it up every so often...She told me the guy literally loves her and likes her alot and she said she likes him like emotionally attached but she doesnt "like like like like him" (that is what she said actually) like she likes me. She is messing with your head intentionally. Whether she intends to cheat on you, or she is simply trying to make you insecure and jealous, it is still incredibly disrespectful, hurtful and unnecessary to be saying these things to you. This would be a deal breaker for me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
emva07 Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 She's not joking. Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 she says how he is a marriage partner and its fate and she says she is joking about it but brings it up every so often She just told you that she considers him he a viable romantic partner. She told me the guy literally loves her and likes her alot She just told you that he is pursuing her romantically and not as just a friend. she said she likes him like emotionally attached but she doesnt "like like like like him" (that is what she said actually) like she likes me. She just told you that she has strong feelings for him that have not yet surpassed her feelings for you. The fact that she is now even comparing her feelings for him to her feelings for you, means that he is gaining traction. Since he is openly pursuing a romantic relationship with her, her spending any time with him is dating. If you are in an exclusive relationship with her, her allowing another man (OM) who is in love with her to court her, is cheating. There is nothing wrong with being jealous when you have good reason to be jealous. There is nothing wrong with being controlling when both of you agreed to be controlled by an agreement of exclusiveness, that she is not following. Demand that she go full no contact (NC) with this OM now. Time is not on your side and it may already be too late, so the longer that you wait to take action the more likely that she will pick the OM when forced to choose. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
emva07 Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 I HIGHLY doubt she'll go NC with him, in her head he is a VERY suitable candidate, she won't throw that away. She already said she's "emotionally" attached. That in itself is already cheating. She's just waiting for him to come to confirm her feelings. If not she'll stay with you. Either way you should not let her keep you for *just in case* I don't feel the same for OM anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Orije Posted August 21, 2013 Author Share Posted August 21, 2013 I went on to talk to her about it and she said he was a guy who moved away and has been gone for 2 years and is soon returning. I asked do you like him like have feelings or do you like him as a friend? She responded no, but i wasn't sure to which question and she went on to say if i liked one of my friends, so i was like yea i like her cause she is my best friend, but there is no feelings of like between us and she was like yea thats how i feel with him. I was like so you are saying you like him as a good friend then. I did get a bit jealous too cause she left on vacation and when she returned she posted a picture that said she reminded it of the guy and i was like what the hell is up with that? I was like I don't mind if you post a friend in a picture but i was a bit jealous. The other day we were talking and she said that He likes her but she doesnt look at him that way he wants her too. So that made me see that maybe she doesnt like him as a relationship partner, but that he likes her and she only sees him as a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
emva07 Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 I guess you won't know until he gets here and see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 (edited) she went on to say if i liked one of my friends, so i was like yea i like her cause she is my best friend, but there is no feelings of like between us and she was like yea thats how i feel with him. The other day we were talking and she said that He likes her but she doesnt look at him that way he wants her too. Do you see the difference between your opposite sex friend (OSF) and her OSF? Your OSF friend wants a non-romantic friendship with you, while her OSF friend wants a romantic relationship with her. There is a big difference between the two, do not let her try to make them out to be the same. It is not just about how each of you feel about each of them. It is also about how each of them feel about each of you. No one is perfect, so eventually everyone makes a relationship mistake. When she makes one, your OSF will still be just a friend, but when you make one, her OSF will make a move on her. Additionally, although she may not look at him that way right now, her relationship with him is giving him the opportunity to change that. Google "how to steal a woman from her man" and you will see that there are many sites that tell men how to do this. The advice always given is to first be their friend and then use that friendship to let her vent about her man. These sites tell you that no one is perfect so no matter who her man is, there will be issues that they can exploit. For example, one site said "Cause/encourage the breakup. If you followed earlier steps, she should talk to you about the mistakes her boyfriend makes. If it's serious, let her know that what he does isn't right and she doesn't have to put up with it. Tell her you could never do that to her". Similarly, another site said "You want to make the girl you want to steal away feel like she can do a lot better than the guy she is currently with. How do you do this? It is quite easy. You want to wait for the perfect opportunity to get your jabs in. Sooner or later she will mention something negative about her boyfriend and when she does you need to agree with her and say something that suggests you would not do what her boyfriend did if you had a girlfriend.” Intentionally or unintentionally, your girlfriend is letting this other man (OM) get his foot in the door. She is giving herself the chance to get to know him better. As one site advised (and this is common advice) “She isn't going to leave her boyfriend for someone she doesn't know, or hasn't known for long. Most of the time, you'll be chasing her for a long while.” In other words, by befriending a guy that is romantically interested in her, she is in effect still shopping and still on the market. You need to set up boundaries on opposite sex friends (OSF) that require that neither of you can have an OSF that is not a friend of your relationship as a couple. Since this OM wants more than just a non-romantic friendship with her, he is by definition not a friend of your relationship, and thus not a candidate to be an OSF. Since he would like to replace you as her boyfriend, he is in fact an enemy of your relationship and of you. Demand full no contact now, or live to regret it the next time the two of you have a fight. Edited August 21, 2013 by Try Link to post Share on other sites
The Way I Am Posted August 22, 2013 Share Posted August 22, 2013 You're not over-reacting. Her friend has feelings for her and seeing how much she talks about him, she probably has feelings for him. Tell her your relationship with him makes you uncomfortable. Ask her to cut contact with him. If she won't move on. Wouldn't you give up your female friend if your girlfriend was uncomfortable with how much you talked about her? If you wouldn't, you probably don't love her that much, right? If she won't give him up to make you comfortable, she probably doesn't love you. Link to post Share on other sites
giblesp Posted August 22, 2013 Share Posted August 22, 2013 When a girl says that to you its time to get up, walk out the door and never look back with a big smile of freedom on your face. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted August 24, 2013 Share Posted August 24, 2013 ah the classic example of having her cake and eating it too. She wants you to follow her rules to the T, yet she is totally fine with not abiding by yours. It has been a few months. I would cut your losses now, before the relationship progresses and you devolop deeper feelings for her, and then WHAMM... she starts cheating on you with her old flame. Tell her you enjoyed your time together, but you believe she is not over this guy, so you feel it is best to part ways. She's not joking. She just told you that she considers him he a viable romantic partner. She just told you that he is pursuing her romantically and not as just a friend. She just told you that she has strong feelings for him that have not yet surpassed her feelings for you. The fact that she is now even comparing her feelings for him to her feelings for you, means that he is gaining traction. Since he is openly pursuing a romantic relationship with her, her spending any time with him is dating. If you are in an exclusive relationship with her, her allowing another man (OM) who is in love with her to court her, is cheating. There is nothing wrong with being jealous when you have good reason to be jealous. There is nothing wrong with being controlling when both of you agreed to be controlled by an agreement of exclusiveness, that she is not following. Demand that she go full no contact (NC) with this OM now. Time is not on your side and it may already be too late, so the longer that you wait to take action the more likely that she will pick the OM when forced to choose. I HIGHLY doubt she'll go NC with him, in her head he is a VERY suitable candidate, she won't throw that away. She already said she's "emotionally" attached. That in itself is already cheating. She's just waiting for him to come to confirm her feelings. If not she'll stay with you. Either way you should not let her keep you for *just in case* I don't feel the same for OM anymore. Run for the hills. Dating is the job interview for marriage. She failed. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted August 24, 2013 Share Posted August 24, 2013 I went on to talk to her about it and she said he was a guy who moved away and has been gone for 2 years and is soon returning. I asked do you like him like have feelings or do you like him as a friend? She responded no, but i wasn't sure to which question and she went on to say if i liked one of my friends, so i was like yea i like her cause she is my best friend, but there is no feelings of like between us and she was like yea thats how i feel with him. I was like so you are saying you like him as a good friend then. I did get a bit jealous too cause she left on vacation and when she returned she posted a picture that said she reminded it of the guy and i was like what the hell is up with that? I was like I don't mind if you post a friend in a picture but i was a bit jealous. The other day we were talking and she said that He likes her but she doesnt look at him that way he wants her too. So that made me see that maybe she doesnt like him as a relationship partner, but that he likes her and she only sees him as a friend. She is keeping you as plan back up man. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted August 24, 2013 Share Posted August 24, 2013 oh dear, firstly...ignoring someone to me is not the way to get them to like you more or want to be with you more...ignoring or avoiding someone is what you do when you dont want to b aroudn them or know them at all or they dont want to be around you or dont like you whatever the case maybe.....i dont understand the concept....when i have been datign soemoen and the relationship is new they have always been attentive and affectionate.it is how i know the dates are goign well and i continue to date them.i dotn know fi it is my history or what but straight up to em is always th ebest policy this goes for anyone....a lot less games and more getting to see how compatible you are. but then i dont talk about other guys when i am with a partner unless they ask specifics........it is a bit of a worry that she would talk often about this guy to you...i think you should talk to her and tell her exactly how it makes you feel.......be honest...because fi she is playign games with you it isnt fair ....and it isnt right....so you be honest and do the rigth thing.....and if she doesnt come clean or say ok i didnt know it upset you so much ill stop seeing him...i relalize he is madly in love with me and it isnt right...then she is not the right girl for you.................deb Link to post Share on other sites
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