How do you ask for more romance.

[red4kat]

Hey guys, this is a little bit weird. It is something I can easily talk to other people's boyfriends with no problems but not mine.

 

So I have this great relationship with a slightly younger guy (only about 3 years yonger than me but in some areas I can really feel it). Everything is great and we love each other, except for one little thing that bugs me a little and I have no idea how to change. He doesn't understand much about women and how to treat them. I mean he is a great person, not an a**h*** but he treats me like I am one of the dudes, not his girlfriend. Examples, everything is equal and has to be, which is the american way, I know but some things about it is not nessesarily what I agree with. Also some of it isn't just American ways. He ended up taking into account who paid for dinner last time so to be fair the next person has to do it this time. It is fair I agree, but a bit annoying and takes away from romance quite a bit. Romance is what's missing. He has never given me flowers during the entire time of us being together, no gifts except for birthday which was kinda dry, as far as any piece of jewelry, I might as well forget those exist. I ended up buying a couple of necklaces myself and he loved it that I wore them.

 

Every now and then I came up with some creative ideas for how to spice our life: I gave him a surprize birthday party which he loved, I went to get his most favorite candies and mailed them to him from London when I was working there, got into books on how to spice up sex, lingeres and stuff. He's done nothing of the sort. I am afraid if I tell him he's gonna get really upset, actually I KNOW he will. Not only that, if I start talking about those things they might lose their value. I also know it's not such a big issue to break up with somebody, but how in the world do I tell him without him ending up thinking that I am unhappy with everything he does.

 

Any ideas out there?

[Sukotto]

Well I doubt he's a mind reader which some woman seem to think guys should be, your going to have to at least drop some sort of hint or even just come right out and tell him, as long as you do it gently and give him some ideas.

 

I guess the first thing you could do is do something really romantic for him and then when you reflect on it later that night or morning you could mention that he never does anything like that for you. Tell him that you feel like your the only person who does romantic things. If he tries to take offence or get upset you need to put him in his place right away before it gets out of hand. Tell him its just something that you wish he could improve on and that you feel constructive criticsim is good for a relationship and you'd expect him to tell you of anything you could improve on.

 

Though he could go over the top with the last part and start criticising you alot and that could be destructive.

 

I always paid when going out with my ex-girlfriend, i'd buy her jewelry at christmas and birthdays but not really at any other times and well I never bought her flowers in the whole 2.5 years, but she worked in a flower shop and It was the fact I'd feel stupid if I got her some lame flowers.

[bluechocolate]

He doesn't understand much about women and how to treat them.

 

It could just be the way he is with people in general & have little or nothing to do with how he treats women.

 

You failed to mention how long you two have been going out & I assume he's been like this since you've known him? If so, well you know some people are just the way they are & it can be a lifes time work with only failure at the end if we try to change them. You must be getting something from this relationship. What are the qualities he has that make you love him?

[JoL]

It's weird, my ex-boyfriend was a lot like your current bf.

 

We would take turns paying, or split evenly a lot of the time and it wouldnt really bother me!

he wouldnt really put a lot of thought into gifts which was a shame..he was just a bit clueless in that regard.

 

My current bf won't let me pay for ANYTHING! and he always surprises me with really thoughtful gifts and dates.

 

it was so weird coming from one extreme to the other but i just accept people for what they are.

its nice to have someone do nice things for yotu all the time, but if he doesnt, it doesnt mean hes careless..hes just a bit clueless! so drop hints! say stuff like "oh sarahs boyfriend did this really sweet thing for her, it was adorable! its so nice when guys do stuff like that!"

 

it seems like you ahve put in effort to please him, so perhaps he just needs a nudge in the right direction?