Struggling and Looking for Support

[RavenWolf]

I've been lurking a bit and decided to finally post. I'm really in need of some support and not sure where to turn.

 

I am really struggling with my self esteem an have zero confidence. I have been married 12.5 years with two kids. My husband has had multiple affairs on me but we have managed to stay together with counseling.

 

During the affairs my self esteem plummeted an I turned to food for comfort, which means I gained a lot of weight, which made me feel worse and led to more eating and more weight gain...well you get it.

 

This year I have "finally" been able to lose weight and went from a size 22 in January to a size 10 now.... and I'm still working on improving. During the weight loss my husband kept saying I was going to lose weight and then leave him.

 

Well....recently I found he has been looking at sexual encounter ads online for our town and I'm crushed. It always takes so long for me to bounce back after his affairs. And I was feeling pretty pleased with my weight loss and how I was looking but now I feel awful.

 

I feel like no matter what, I will never be attractive enough or good enough. He will always have the need to look elsewhere.

 

So...I told him it's over and I'm done. I told him I'd rather be a single mom than married to a man who obviously doesn't love or respect me. He wants to fix it. I say it's not fixable.

 

But...I'm jobless. I have not been able to even land an interview. And with this new development and my confidence plunging into the abyss, I wouldn't be confident enough to even perform well at an interview should I get one.

 

I'm so sad and feel like a complete failure at my life. I don't know what to do to feel better about myself. Looking in the mirror just makes me cry.

 

If you made it this far, thanks for reading.

[random_guy]

I've been lurking a bit and decided to finally post. I'm really in need of some support and not sure where to turn.

 

I am really struggling with my self esteem an have zero confidence. I have been married 12.5 years with two kids. My husband has had multiple affairs on me but we have managed to stay together with counseling.

 

During the affairs my self esteem plummeted an I turned to food for comfort, which means I gained a lot of weight, which made me feel worse and led to more eating and more weight gain...well you get it.

 

This year I have "finally" been able to lose weight and went from a size 22 in January to a size 10 now.... and I'm still working on improving. During the weight loss my husband kept saying I was going to lose weight and then leave him.

 

Well....recently I found he has been looking at sexual encounter ads online for our town and I'm crushed. It always takes so long for me to bounce back after his affairs. And I was feeling pretty pleased with my weight loss and how I was looking but now I feel awful.

 

I feel like no matter what, I will never be attractive enough or good enough. He will always have the need to look elsewhere.

 

So...I told him it's over and I'm done. I told him I'd rather be a single mom than married to a man who obviously doesn't love or respect me. He wants to fix it. I say it's not fixable.

 

But...I'm jobless. I have not been able to even land an interview. And with this new development and my confidence plunging into the abyss, I wouldn't be confident enough to even perform well at an interview should I get one.

 

I'm so sad and feel like a complete failure at my life. I don't know what to do to feel better about myself. Looking in the mirror just makes me cry.

 

If you made it this far, thanks for reading.

I would suggest finding acceptance within yourself instead of others. This is difficult, but it pays off. Once you are done being so caught up with others' thoughts, you can focus on yourself

 

in fairness, I'm a 16 year old guy, so I'm not a huge expert, but I do know a guy who took this path and is very happy despite less-than-ideal circumstances. (never knew his father, his mother's a nut and money is always tight, but he's a perfectly happy guy. He's really shy too)

And as for myself, I stopped caring what others thought of me and grew to great popularity

 

also, the weight loss is very, very impressive

 

keep at it, pal

[StellaChic]

I've been lurking a bit and decided to finally post. I'm really in need of some support and not sure where to turn.

 

I am really struggling with my self esteem an have zero confidence. I have been married 12.5 years with two kids. My husband has had multiple affairs on me but we have managed to stay together with counseling.

 

During the affairs my self esteem plummeted an I turned to food for comfort, which means I gained a lot of weight, which made me feel worse and led to more eating and more weight gain...well you get it.

 

This year I have "finally" been able to lose weight and went from a size 22 in January to a size 10 now.... and I'm still working on improving. During the weight loss my husband kept saying I was going to lose weight and then leave him.

 

Well....recently I found he has been looking at sexual encounter ads online for our town and I'm crushed. It always takes so long for me to bounce back after his affairs. And I was feeling pretty pleased with my weight loss and how I was looking but now I feel awful.

 

I feel like no matter what, I will never be attractive enough or good enough. He will always have the need to look elsewhere.

 

So...I told him it's over and I'm done. I told him I'd rather be a single mom than married to a man who obviously doesn't love or respect me. He wants to fix it. I say it's not fixable.

 

But...I'm jobless. I have not been able to even land an interview. And with this new development and my confidence plunging into the abyss, I wouldn't be confident enough to even perform well at an interview should I get one.

 

I'm so sad and feel like a complete failure at my life. I don't know what to do to feel better about myself. Looking in the mirror just makes me cry.

 

If you made it this far, thanks for reading.

Hang in there! Don't give up--you are on your way! The first step was realizing that "you're done"! Everything else will take its natural course. I was married for 11 years and a stay at home mom. Once I was "done"--he was an addict AND I'd caught him on several "dating web sites"--everything thing else started falling into place. This is what I did first: I volunteered. Sign up on volunteermatch.org. This is how you gain experience. If you do a great job at something you feel passionate about--you may just get hired! The most important asset of volunteering is that it allows you to take the focus off of "your worries" and places it on others in need. Also, don't give up on the interviews. Apply for jobs that are even lower in pay than what you wanted...do a good job and move up--. Another thing that helped me was going to a resume service (cost about $100) and they fancied up my resume so well---I had several companies calling me for interviews! Good Luck and hang in there. You don't deserve HIM...You deserve Y O U.

[treezy]

I know, I've been feeling like a failure too. I think it's really impressive that you've managed to cut down so much weight there. I'm currently trying to cut down on my snacking and sweet food. I agree with the above poster, have you thought of relocating somewhere else and start over? I would if I could, but my current circumstances don't allow me to.

[D-Lish]

You know what? There comes a point in our lives when we hit our breaking point. It seems you've hit that point. Good for you girl.

 

You could be 300 lbs, or 120 lbs- your husband is still going to cheat. The mistake you are making is in thinking that changing YOU is going to change HIM.

 

His cheating has nothing to do with you- and everything to do with him. The sooner you reconcile with that, the sooner you can go on to meet a partner that is going to treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

[RavenWolf]

Move to Western North Dakota, you can have a job in less than a day, they will hire you on the spot. There is no reason or excuse for anyone that wants to work in this country not to have a job.

 

I am totally serious you can have any job you apply for in less than a day.

 

 

 

Good for you for leaving, you dont deserve to be treated like that.[/quote

 

Relocating has crosswd my mind but I have zero money

even for gas. I would love to move somewhere I can find work.