Financial Support from MM

[bentleychic]

By the skin of my teeth, scrimping, scrounging, selling stuff that I didn't absolutely NEED. Searching the couch cushions for change so we could buy a roll of toilet paper. LOL I'm not proud of that time in my life at all, though I did everything that I possibly could, but I'm so much better off now that I am in control of my money and know when the bills are paid and where my money goes. Meanwhile, exH lost the house b/c he didn't pay the mortgage after I left.

 

I honestly think there are some people that go through life expecting everyone else to "save" them without doing their absolute best to try to save themselves. I've known too many people like that and I'll be darned if I become that or ever teach my kids that it's okay.

[wanting more]

I agree with the 2nd part of your post.

 

But maybe she's done everything she can do. Obviously shes never asked MM for money before and is not really wanting to do it now. She doesn't sound like she's just looking for a handout.

 

I too will never depend on anyone ever for financial support. My BSO controlled me, the money (which included my check) the entire household. I stayed for years and years like that not knowing how to get out. (even with physical abuse). But I did years later. And at one point I needed help financially. And my family helped me. I got on my feet. And I've done very good since that time.

 

 

Sometimes people really do need help. I'm assuming OP friend is at that point. Let MM help her if he can

[bentleychic]

I agree with the 2nd part of your post.

 

But maybe she's done everything she can do. Obviously shes never asked MM for money before and is not really wanting to do it now. She doesn't sound like she's just looking for a handout.

 

I too will never depend on anyone ever for financial support. My BSO controlled me, the money (which included my check) the entire household. I stayed for years and years like that not knowing how to get out. (even with physical abuse). But I did years later. And at one point I needed help financially. And my family helped me. I got on my feet. And I've done very good since that time.

 

 

Sometimes people really do need help. I'm assuming OP friend is at that point. Let MM help her if he can

 

Our past lives sound too similar. I'm sorry to hear that.

 

I do realize some people really, truly do need help and I would help anyone that I know that needed it in a heart beat (and often help those I don't know as well). I just have a hard time taking it myself.

[wanting more]

Our lives do sound similar. past and present. Which thankfully present is better than past

[georgia girl]

Here's my take... .

 

No, she should not ask for money from him. I feel badly that she's struggling (and she should get SSI benefits for the kids if they're minors and they're father's deceased). But, I agree with Bentley Chick, as a partner in a relationship you can't expect financial reward for being in the relationship. Fundamentally, it destroys the relationship by upsetting the balance of power. One needs to provide for himself/herself in a relationship, at least until they become legally enjoined. And then at that time, determining how you allocate family assets to support family goals becomes the determining decision.

 

However, if a man saw any woman - but especially a woman for whom he has professed great love - and she was struggling and he DIDN'T offer help, well then, I'm just appalled. That's not about chivalry. That's compassion and being a man. I find it shocking that he can see she's in abject pain and simply do nothing. I hope that she considers this when she is making decisions about continuing the relationship. Any man who lacks generosity in her situation is flat out mean.

 

Finally, as a spouse and I hope I don't always respond as one, I have to say I would have a huge issue with marital assets being disposed of by my partner in a way that would bring great pain to me. Of course, the mere act of betraying my trust in such an abjectly harmful manner would crush me. But to compound that by taking assets we worked for together and distributing them in a way that would further harm me? Gosh, that puts you in the category of finding your burning clothes on the front lawn and dead fish in your SUV.

 

2Sure, I don't think I gave you any definitive answers, except for I think one always needs to be able to provide for oneself, you always have to choose a partner that will be good to you and once that partner is chosen, treat that person fairly.

 

As a total threadjack, Bentley Chick, I'm impressed. You and Coming In Hot make my list of all-time posters who advocate for their position, but are reasonable, empathetic and candid.

[bentleychic]

Awww, thank you!

[thefooloftheyear]

I'm of the same exact opinion.

 

Quite honestly, in my opinion, married men have precious little to offer, and they have absolutly NOTHING to offer me. Sounds as though he's giving her a whole lot of lip service about how much he 'loves' her and wants to spend his life with her - yet he seems to have ZERO concern for her welfare.

 

Back when I first started dating the guy I'm living with, I had hurt my back and had a lot of trouble getting around. I'd known him for maybe 2 or 3 weeks when he showed up at my apartment with a bunch of groceries for me because he knew I simply couldn't go food shopping. That's someone who actually gives a damn about someone's welfare.

 

This isn't about 'supporting' another adult as has been mentioned here. It's about caring enough about the one you supposedly love by trying to ease her struggle if you have the ability to DO so. Her ex-husband's death was unfortunate and not every mother with primary custody of her kids went to law school or is a CPA and can afford to live comfortably without child support. That's just a simple reality of life.

 

This guy just sounds like a selfish horse's ass whose only in this affair to serve himself. While that doesn't surprise me in the least, what does surprise me is that she's still wasting her time with someone whose clearly PROVED to her that her welfare means precious little to him as he books his next ski package in Aspen.

 

I hope she smartens up. Six years wasted. Jesus.

 

With all due respect, your guy sounds like a great guy, but do you really think a MM doesn't have the capacity to do the same thing for you(or more), if the same situation arose? You are only implying, (and its patently false) that all MM just sponge off weak women for whats between their legs and dont do anything else....Nonsense(not in all cases, anyway- and quite frankly you can just as easily wind up with a single "average Joe off the street" who will use a woman for sex)..A MM can, just as easily care for an OW welfare in a way that ANY man could-time limited of not..

 

Ill agree with the second part of your post..I would help her...Heck, if she PMed me on here Id probably help her even though I dont even know her..Her MM should lift her here..Its only the right thing to do as a human being..

 

Affairs are wrong...Thats an absolute..But some people are selfish D-bags and some arent..Thats NOT an absolute...

 

TFY

[thefooloftheyear]

Here's my take... .

 

No, she should not ask for money from him. I feel badly that she's struggling (and she should get SSI benefits for the kids if they're minors and they're father's deceased). But, I agree with Bentley Chick, as a partner in a relationship you can't expect financial reward for being in the relationship. Fundamentally, it destroys the relationship by upsetting the balance of power. One needs to provide for himself/herself in a relationship, at least until they become legally enjoined. And then at that time, determining how you allocate family assets to support family goals becomes the determining decision.

 

However, if a man saw any woman - but especially a woman for whom he has professed great love - and she was struggling and he DIDN'T offer help, well then, I'm just appalled. That's not about chivalry. That's compassion and being a man. I find it shocking that he can see she's in abject pain and simply do nothing. I hope that she considers this when she is making decisions about continuing the relationship. Any man who lacks generosity in her situation is flat out mean.

 

Finally, as a spouse and I hope I don't always respond as one, I have to say I would have a huge issue with marital assets being disposed of by my partner in a way that would bring great pain to me. Of course, the mere act of betraying my trust in such an abjectly harmful manner would crush me. But to compound that by taking assets we worked for together and distributing them in a way that would further harm me? Gosh, that puts you in the category of finding your burning clothes on the front lawn and dead fish in your SUV.

 

2Sure, I don't think I gave you any definitive answers, except for I think one always needs to be able to provide for oneself, you always have to choose a partner that will be good to you and once that partner is chosen, treat that person fairly.

 

As a total threadjack, Bentley Chick, I'm impressed. You and Coming In Hot make my list of all-time posters who advocate for their position, but are reasonable, empathetic and candid.

 

 

Good post and I agree....However you do realize you are making a huge contradiction...

 

On the one hand you say that any man should help a woman in need, that its the right thing to do as a man, but that rule goes out the window if its an OW,...She should get tossed out on the street..Huh??

 

Like I have stated before..If the marital assets are very tight and there is no room to give anyone anything, then yes, unfortunately the OW is probably SOL...But if there is significant means and the money given to the OW isnt for a boob job or a first class trip to Tahiti, but to pay basic bills, then I cant see that as being such a horrible thing...The A in itself is horrible..Helping someone within it that is down, well,, I dont see it as you do-lets leave it at that...

 

TFY

[wanting more]

No one knows what's going on inside her home when he's there. A few people have said he should know she's struggling. If he cared he'd give/loan her some money.

 

So she doesn't live in a huge 3 story home. So she doesn't drive a nice new BMW. I'm assuming her lights are still on. Assuming there is food in her pantry. Assuming she doesn't "poor mouth" whenever he's around because she didn't want him to know how hard it is on her right now. Why would he think she needs help right now. There's a lot of strong willed women on here, maybe he thinks she's one and would be insulted if he offered her money.

 

If someone offered me help just because they assumed Im struggling I'd be very offended.

 

I still thinks she just needs to ask.

[velvette]

Not everyone who is living large has a ton of cash to spread around. 2sure and maybe the friend are assuming that he can afford to give OW money. He's got 2 kids in college and for all they know he's shelling out over a 100,000 per year for their tuition.

 

So, lets say he has to cut the kids spending money this money or tell his Wife she has to limit her clothes shopping in order to come up with cash for OW. Its not taking food off the table, but is that ok?

 

This thread is disturbing on many levels.

 

I agree if a man really cares about a woman he will offer help if she needs it. However, its telling that after a six year R and having a "solid gameplan" they apparently don't know anything about each others finances. He knows her kids have no father now. Wouldn't the discussion of how they are going to go to college have come up if he cared?

 

The thing that is most disturbing though is that she doesn't care enough about herself(or her kids) to ensure her own financial well being. 2sure said she's frequently in this situation because of her own poor decisions.

[thefooloftheyear]

Agree with this and I agree with Bentley Chick. When I was a young single mother I was dirt poor. Like can't make it through the month poor and sometimes we did have our gas or our electricity cut off. So I know very well the misery of living like that but I never ask men for money. Never ever. I did have a bf or two offer to help me financially but I declined. I would turn to my good friends or family first. I couldn't stand the thought of relying on a man financially. I felt like it would upset the balance of our relationship in some way. I'm sure some of my worries existed solely in my head in that I was afraid that it would give him some power over me or I would become dependent, but I don't regret that I never let a man financially support me. It made me learn to believe in myself and to be self sufficient.

 

Solostand is being financially helped by her MM and it doesn't sound like it's really a positive thing for her. Sounds like her financial dependence on him is sucking even more of her self esteem and self respect from her than the affair is. That's why I don't think it's ever a good idea. It's hard to be poor and hurting financially, I really do get that, but once one takes money from a man, then it become too easy to take money from him again and again and again and soon you feel helpless without him. Better to toughen up and make a plan for how you are going to dig yourself out. Sometimes we just have to be freaking broke and poor for a while. It's not the end of the world although I know it can feel like it at the time. I remember those dirt poor years and the feelings of hopelessness that sometimes engulfed me. I don't wish that on anyone but I do believe there are solutions other than just taking money from a man.

 

Reading your post got me thinking of something else at hand here....

 

if you really think about an affair, its got a lot of similarities to a FWB arrangement..Most OW/OM can usually date other people while in the affair and the MM/MW is going back home to their spouse..There is no solid "comittment" at hand.

 

And you hear of many OW/OM talk about their AP as their "best friend"

 

Does that, then make it somewhat easier to give/ask for money? I mean, even in your post, you speak of going to a good friend for the money..Does this friend always have to be of the same gender?

 

Just throwing that out there as a possible theory...At the end of the day, some people like to help others..there is no expectation of anything in return-unless there was a payback plan in place. If you were in a jam and felt funny taking the money, thats understandable...But if you make definitive arrangements to pay it back when you get on your feet...I cant see how you can still feel bad or guilty about it...

 

TFY

[velvette]

Good points Alexandria.

 

On a practical note, I hope any woman reading this who is planning to divorce and will be dependent on child support ensures that her divorce agreement includes provisions for term life insurance on her ex that would replace that support if he dies while the children are minors.

 

Those who are already divorced or cant negotiate that for some reason should look into whether or not they can buy a policy themselves on the ex spouse. Its relatively cheap.

[MissBee]

For those saying, yes ask MM for financial support, would you expect the same thing of a boyfriend?

 

I could not even imagine asking someone for financial support that I was not married to or living with (and I'm actually not sure how I'd feel about the latter, either).

 

I'm personally not of the mind she should ask...

 

My stance is: if you have a boyfriend who is wealthy and you're struggling and it has NEVER occurred to him to help alleviate your burden, even by way of a loan, or picking up some groceries for you or something of the sort....then what kind of relationship is it really.

 

Even friends do that for friends...heck, I do it for people I don't know. So there is just no excuse I can think of how you can be with a wealthy man for 6 years and "asking" becomes even a discussion. If he offered and she decided to turn him down because of pride, I'd understand, as I probably would too...but the fact that he has NEVER offered and seems oblivious to it all is the completely strange and telling aspect for me.

 

As for those asking how would he know? Well if you're dating someone supposedly and you're supposedly in love and together for 6 years and you don't know that about them, but 2sure, her friend, does...welll again...what kind of "relationship" is it??? And also again, maybe in an affair context things are different, where things are more compartmentalized and people aren't sure of the proper protocol of things so that level of partnership doesn't exist in the same way it would in conventional circumstances. But by nature of being intimate and knowing someone deeply for years, I'd know their struggles...if 2sure knows it...how come he doesn't and he is allegedly her man of 6 years??? When I was in the A he'd mention things he was struggling with, the off limits stuff he didn't discuss was their relationship, thankfully, but otherwise other stuff in his life, he told me about them. At the time he was just starting up his business and didn't know if it was gonna float or sink and would mention having to tighten his belt a bit. In other relationships, my partners would mention financial stuff, as well as being around them and deeply involved in their lives I could see certain things for myself; it was just par for the course of being together and being friends and lovers, talking about highs, lows, what was going well, what wasn't etc. Likewise, I did the same. I never needed their money or asked for it, but if I was having any trouble, money or otherwise, I'd mention it to them because they were people I confided in or they noticed because they knew me very well and knew my life and if I was in a position where I needed help, they knew me enough to be able to see it...so him not knowing really speaks to the quality of this relationship. What on earth do they share and talk about in 6 years if he can be oblivious to this, yet 2sure knows? It goes along with my theory that although it has been years, for him it is a side tryst and not a relationship he is invested in in the same way he is with his wife, so he may enjoy her company, conversation and sex, but isn't that in tune with her life otherwise.

Edited August 25, 2013 by MissBee

[solostand]

My MM first gave me money when he noticed, on his own accord, that I was eating cookies instead of real food.

 

I did not expect him to notice such a thing - I was shocked really. And so low emotionally that I thought he was a knight in shining armor for peeling off forty bucks and telling me to buy real food.

 

Later he took me grocery shopping on some pretense that he had to pick up something, then pointed to the cart and said "Get whatever you need. It's on me".

 

Later, when he tried to call me and realized I was out of phone minutes, he started giving me money to buy phone cards. He figured it was only fair since he wanted to talk to me on the phone. Then he would call from the store saying he was buying smokes and did I want a pack?

 

That's how it started.

 

Anyway, people are not stupid. If her MM opened his eyes, he would would see.

[thefooloftheyear]

Nice rant.

 

However, I'm assuming you missed the first 5 words in my post that you quoted above your answer, so I'll repeat those 5 words here: "Quite honestly, in my opinion..."

 

But as long as you asked me about what a married man's 'capacity' is to do right by his OW (good lord, the irony), I'll answer. No, I feel MM have absolutely nothing of value at ALL to offer me - regardless of how magic they may think their manhood is (which it is NOT). Nor do I find ANY value at all in the 13 minute phone call I'd receive on his way home from work (before he hangs up on me as he pulls into his driveway), nor would I feel privileged to secretly chat on the computer with him while the wife clears away the dinner dishes. Ugh. I just can't imagine anything less appealing or gratifying.

 

I feel the only 'right' a married man can do by his OW is to quit latching onto her like a leech and sucking her dry of all she has to offer, just to satisfy himself.

 

I'd honestly rather have my gums set on fire than waste time with a married man. And now, you have my answer.

 

 

Good!! Live long and prosper..(two thumbs up)

[thefooloftheyear]

I only read through the first 5 or 6 pages, and there was so much I wanted to comment on I stopped reading, so maybe someone else covered my responses but here goes.

 

Not all financial setups are the same, but yes, inheritances aren't joint, neither are some military pensions nor businesses that may have been started independently of the marriage (particularly with funds from an inheritances, gift to the individual or before the marriage was in existence)

 

It is sad... As a complete aside I'm going to say though, that from a fiscally responsible standpoint, there is nothing wrong with using coupons when you go to dinner. Especially after 6 years. Unless you think it's not ok for anyone to use coupons, but I prefer my debt free lifestyle and if that means using a coupon for my local burger place then I'm all in, no matter who's paying.

 

 

I am also not like most but I agree. While I wasn't looking for him to support me, I've always expected that he treat me as any single guy would and that does mean going out, birthday and holiday gifts, vacations, etc.

 

 

I agree. When Alex's wife mishandled funds, I offered it so that plans wouldn't have to change for his children. It was offered as a loan, but in my mind it's always been a gift, and if he never gave me back a dime I'd have been fine with it, but because I love and care about him, I couldn't ignore what was going on.

 

Heh.. I'm going to respectfully disagree. While there may be some truth to what you said about previous financial expectations with his spouse, it IS a guide on how much he cares if he's ignoring actual needs. Even if he can't financially help, he can address it and perhaps offer some guidance, sounds like he's a successful businessman, surely he has some contacts, some budgeting tips, business savvy he could offer, something that could help make her life easier even if he can't help with the rent/whatnot.

And if he loves her he can find a way to help out with that at least once or twice. I'm sure that as a businessman he's made loans to friends/family, etc throughout the years.

 

 

You had me with the part I bolded.. then lost me with your highly offensive second sentence.

That isn't exclusive to women in affairs, it's equally prevalent in wives and more traditional girlfriends... and plenty of loser men as well, and yes it's crazy but to tack it to the OW is offensive and short sighted.

 

How long were you together? And just a little note. Life's not fair. Don't expect him to continue this long term. Start making plans to NOT have to count on that.

 

A lot of people made comments about how wrong and twisted what's going on is there but it's exactly the same as alimony, so I don't see why... except you have nothing to base the concept of it continuing on.

 

 

As far as how she should ask, I know that was one of the posts I'd THOUGHT I'd multiquoted, she should ask straight out.

"Hey, I'm having a really rough time and I need to talk to you about it. I'm struggling financially, I know that we are looking towards a future, and I understand you still have a lot of encumbrances to worth through, but can we talk about this? Is this something you might be able to help me with short term, or help me make a financial plan or <insert other suggestions here>"

 

I wish her luck.

 

 

Did you even bother to read what I put in parentheses? I guess not...Sometimes the truth is offensive..

 

So sorry.

[thefooloftheyear]

I actually read your whole post, but it's been edited, so maybe part of it was removed? I'm not sure?

But yes, I saw you said it's isn't all but your meaning came through pretty clear. I know it does happen I don't disagree, but it happens EVERYWHERE and it isn't an "OW trait" it's a human failing that many suffer from. I see it more in marriages than affairs. Your comment about spreading her legs was offensive and crass. That's like me saying well look at all the wives who have great jobs til 3 months after marriage and then quit to stay home have children that she lets run wild and neglect all while cashing in her "sahm card" while she spends her days playing farmville and candy crush and expecting her husband to support her.

See? That's offensive. And while it's very few that are like that, some are but they aren't a proper representation of "wife" anymore than implying someone is a golddigger is a representation of the OW.

 

Its in your very quote that YOU posted. My post you qouted stated quite clearly

 

"(and even in regular relationships)"

 

How much more clear can I be?

 

And no, I dont find anything in your commentary nor do I find anything any nameless faceless person says on the internet to be offensive..I find someone stealing my car or hurting my family to be offensive..We're adults, I think we can all handle it....I guess not though.,,

 

Sorry if I have offended you, if you want Ill pay for a therapy session..

 

TFY

[jan2012]

I've had to try to put some of my personal experience and my opinions aside to help a friend work something out.

 

She is OW and came to me for some advice. She came to me because she is one of the few people who know that I was OW in my past. Honestly, I'm so far removed and my thoughts so different now, I'm having too much conflict to offer her anything she can actually USE.

 

I know that most, if not all of the regular posters here, both OW and BS feel that OW accepting financial support from MM is out of the question. My opinion? It's not . I mean, i think the whole Affair is a bad idea, a betrayal...but I don't think financial support, especially if it isn't hurting MMs family...makes the betrayal worse or any different at all. In my personal experience, MM paid my rent and bought me a car and I accepted because he was doing what he could to show he cared, whereas there were many other ways he was restricted from because he was married.

 

But, you know, I've often been surprised by how many people think differently than I do.

 

So, my friend. She and MM have been together for six years. She divorced two years ago. He is still married, but they have what she feels is a solid gameplan. I'm not going to debate that with her ATM. She has two children 12 and 14. He has two, in college. She has always been lower income, the divorce wasn't easy, but with child support she was making it. Her XH died almost a year ago. No more child support, splitting sports costs, extras, etc. So, she is hurting, really hurting. Have to move hurting.

 

MM is financially very well off as far as I can tell. I googled him, then did some more digging (it's a small city) and I am confident he is much better off than OW knows. Again, I appreciate than some will have issue with my finding this out.

 

I am positive, having been to her home , that MM is fully aware that she is struggling. I asked her if he was helping her and she said "No , and I can't ask"

 

I understand that she can't ask, what I can't understand is why she would have to?? It must be really hard for her to hope her car makes it to work each day while MM is on the phone wishing her well while he is in Aspen for a week with his wife.

 

WTF? Why is she part of some future gameplan but not today's?

 

Shouldn't he be helping her, since she clearly needs it through no fault of her own?

 

Being emotionally or financially dependent on a married man is an awful idea!

 

You are making yourself dependent on somebody who isn't available. Do the math, that adds up to nothing! Ask yourself, why am I comfortable setting myself up for a let down in life? It must have something to do with growing up with parents that let me down! Time to stop identifying with that feeling you learned growing up, otherwise you will continue to repeat this throughout your life!

 

Better off only enjoying the fun and the sex, and not depending on any of it. Keep yourself available for a real relationship with somebody who is available for you!

[cocorico]

Being emotionally or financially dependent on a married man is an awful idea!

 

You are making yourself dependent on somebody who isn't available. Do the math, that adds up to nothing! Ask yourself, why am I comfortable setting myself up for a let down in life? It must have something to do with growing up with parents that let me down! Time to stop identifying with that feeling you learned growing up, otherwise you will continue to repeat this throughout your life!

 

Better off only enjoying the fun and the sex, and not depending on any of it. Keep yourself available for a real relationship with somebody who is available for you!

 

Being emotionally or financially dependent on *anyone* is a bad idea - whether they are your H, your MM, your BF or your parent. That support could vanish in an instant due to circumstances beyond your control. And I don't believe that that is any more inevitable with a BF who happens to be M than it is with a man who happens to be M to you.

 

On the more specific issue of the OP, I would say that her expectations of her M BF should be the same as her expectations of any other BF, single or M. If she would turn to a single BF to help her out, she should feel free to do the same to him. It is not her issue that he is M, it is his, and unless they have explicitly negotiated parameters to exclude things she would consider "normal" in any other R, then she should consider those to be part of the package. IMO, it's a R like any other, and she should behave accordingly.

[Hazyhead]

I have always been one for needing to be financially independent but I find it very hard to understand how someone who cares for another (in any type of relationship: family, friends, whatever) wouldn't offer help to someone clearly struggling, especially when so readily available.

[cocorico]

OW should be very careful with this kind of thing. In some places in the U.S., the wife can sue to make the OW pay back the money that was given by the MM. I live in one of those states. It happens more often than people would like to believe so I won't be taking any chances!

 

Fair enough. If they are M in community of property, then the W likely has a claim on the H's assets, and vice versa. But I imagine the BW would only be able to claim half of the value, not the full amount, since half would "belong" to the H and would be his to dispose of as he chose.

 

However, elsewhere, in cases where spouses are M out of community of property, that would not apply.

 

Either way, if she would ask a guy who was single, she should feel as free to ask a BF who is M. If he is constrained - say, by living in one of those US states that has that rule - he is at liberty to explain that to her. Understanding the limitations of the R, should there be any such, would no doubt help her to focus realistically on what the longer-term prospects of such a R might be.

[wrinkledforhead]

I'm of the same exact opinion.

 

Quite honestly, in my opinion, married men have precious little to offer, and they have absolutly NOTHING to offer me. Sounds as though he's giving her a whole lot of lip service about how much he 'loves' her and wants to spend his life with her - yet he seems to have ZERO concern for her welfare.

 

Back when I first started dating the guy I'm living with, I had hurt my back and had a lot of trouble getting around. I'd known him for maybe 2 or 3 weeks when he showed up at my apartment with a bunch of groceries for me because he knew I simply couldn't go food shopping. That's someone who actually gives a damn about someone's welfare.

 

This isn't about 'supporting' another adult as has been mentioned here. It's about caring enough about the one you supposedly love by trying to ease her struggle if you have the ability to DO so. Her ex-husband's death was unfortunate and not every mother with primary custody of her kids went to law school or is a CPA and can afford to live comfortably without child support. That's just a simple reality of life.

 

This guy just sounds like a selfish horse's ass whose only in this affair to serve himself. While that doesn't surprise me in the least, what does surprise me is that she's still wasting her time with someone whose clearly PROVED to her that her welfare means precious little to him as he books his next ski package in Aspen.

 

I hope she smartens up. Six years wasted. Jesus.

 

I agree with so much of what you wrote. My MM recognized I was struggling financially (with mostly childcare costs) and offered to help me. I resisted for some time but I did give in after he explained that it really would be no burden to him. He knows how much effort I put forth going to school FT, busting my ass working, and raising two kids on my own. I never asked for it but he offers because he cares and knows that it helps relieve some of my financial stress.

[2sure]

So, the update. I encouraged my friend to let her MM know that she needed some financial help. ( I also gave her an excellent job lead that I think will set her straight. Hope so, because I'm done.)

 

She asked him to loan her about two grand, to add to the down payment she needs for a better car. He said he would consider it and wanted to car shop with her. So, he met us at the dealership. That's right, I went.

 

He is a complete baffoon, let me just preface everything with that. He started with not liking the dealership. Which is the largest dealership in our city, and we were being treated really well by my friend , the owner. I figured, that's cool maybe he is going to take care of this himself and wants to keep it on the down low. Off to three other dealerships, all of whom were trying to rip him off. Meanwhile, he is flirting with me and bragging about his vacations, his cars, his job, his freaking shoes. Now you guys know I background checked him, that's why I figured he could help her financially. I know what cars he owns , where he lives. He does well, but he lied anyway. Ok, what do I care. Let's get a car.

 

He takes us to dinner, to a place he described as " five stars" , that he goes to on business all the time. Out of the way, but I know it's nice because my Sisters father in law owns it. I see no need to mention this, even during dinner, when Mr. Big Swingin Dick explains how the place is "all mobbed up." The owners are Polish and they are honestly the furthest thing from Cosa Nostra.

 

We're leaving, and my friend is not happy because , she needs a car This Week. He said he would help her.

 

She called me today, he came by and dropped her off 500 dollars.

I feel so robbed of my time, just by having to spend a day with this wannabe, I don't know how she can stomach it. Do what you say you're going to do!

He was never going to come up with the loan, let alone buy her a car, he just wanted to play big shot for a day.

 

I'm tempted, really tempted.

[2sure]

According to him, he "hasn't bought shoes in years for less than a grand"

 

And you know, I can picture him in Crocs.

[eleanorrigby]

Wow what a douche. It sounds as if $2K would be pocket change to him but he can't even us-ass that little bit of money.

smh