husbandnotinterested Posted November 9, 2004 Share Posted November 9, 2004 I'm not quite sure what to do, I have read some posts about husbands who would prefer porns/masterbation but I would still like more specific input. My husband and I have been married for only 10 months. I am by no means unattractive. For the past 5 months though whenever I suggest we go have sex or offer to give him some pleasure 90% of the time he says he is to busy with something or that he doesn't feel good. I know he doesn't feel that great so no it isn't like I'm asking him and getting turned down nightly it is more like once every week or two. I know he isn't cheating on me since we are together 99% of the time (we work together). I can understand if he doesn't feel good, but then a couple weeks ago I offered to satisfy him 3 times in one day and none of the time were convenient and then the next morning I had an appointment for an hour, I was away for one hour, and he masterbates, now I have no problem with masterbating I do it whene I can't sleep or when there has been lack of sex for a while but why with me constantly offering does he spend the first sexual contact in a week or so with himself. So I told him I was upset that he could have at least let me do something for him and he said he was sorry and that he would start working on our sex life more and that it would be better when he wasn't feeling bad all the time anymore. Then same routine continued for a few weeks and I was leaving a day early to go out of town and he was following the next day. I made sure to satisfy him before I left with things he prefers the most, he told me he was to tired to do for me but that he would sometime next week, ok fine, no sex for me. Then I find out when we come home after the weekend that in the 24 hours I was gone he felt good enough and energy enough to pull out a porn and watch that. I just feel like I don't even turn him on enough anymore, that he has no desire for me. If we were having a normal sex life I would say great pull out the porn when you want and wack of nightly as long as you still have some desire for me on top of it. When I got upset and asked him about it he said it was easier and that if I would start making sex more convenient for him (i.e. starting things at a reasonable time and doing all the work for a while maybe he would be interested in sex and me again). I just feel so sick about it why is my husband visually interested in other women but not visually interested in me, I have made no reservations with our sex life and I have even pulled out the lingere on occassion but that never seems to interest him. When we first started dating we were having sex 3 or more times a day and that lasted for about 7 months (with maybe a few days a month to heal). I just don't understand why he doesn't feel good enough for me but he feels good enough by himself. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted November 9, 2004 Share Posted November 9, 2004 Please read The Sex-Starved Marriage by Michele Weiner-Davis. She addresses this issue very well, and has practical advice. A marriage cannot go on like this... Link to post Share on other sites
JackieQ Posted November 9, 2004 Share Posted November 9, 2004 You kept saying he didn't feel well. Is he sick? Link to post Share on other sites
BlueLP Posted November 10, 2004 Share Posted November 10, 2004 That's what caught my eye too, JackieQ. Any chance he's depressed or something? Has he become anxious about performing sexually with you? How are the other parts of your relationship, because often sex problems can be symptomatic of other relationship difficulties/hard times. Link to post Share on other sites
husb.notint. Posted November 12, 2004 Share Posted November 12, 2004 He has neck and jaw problems so he doesn't always feel very good. We have a great relationship otherwise we have fun together we talk all the time if I didn't care about sex it would be the perfect relationship...... Thank You! Link to post Share on other sites
JackieQ Posted November 12, 2004 Share Posted November 12, 2004 Jaw and Neck Problems as in TMJ? Link to post Share on other sites
snilljente Posted November 12, 2004 Share Posted November 12, 2004 I dealt with this for YEARS in my marriage...it not only ruined my marriage, but my self-esteem....he must be willing to do something about this or go for help....how many of the 10 months that you have been married has this been going on? Link to post Share on other sites
Nocturnalkitee Posted November 12, 2004 Share Posted November 12, 2004 Originally posted by husb.notint. He has neck and jaw problems so he doesn't always feel very good. Thank You! If your husband does have TMJ, I suggest that he see a orthodontist as soon as possible. If this is true(TMJ), I see why he is not feeling well. Link to post Share on other sites
snilljente Posted November 12, 2004 Share Posted November 12, 2004 I totally understand him not feeling well, but he needs to realize what he is doing to her...her pain is real as well, it is just emotional vs. his physical pain.... Link to post Share on other sites
Nocturnalkitee Posted November 12, 2004 Share Posted November 12, 2004 snilljente I understand your concern about her feelings, my mother had TMJ, not saying that this is what's wrong with him, but my mother was miserable for several months until (first the family doctor) she went to the dentist. I believe that Husb.notint. does not think her husband pain is real. I guess if I were her I would feel the same way. That why in my opinion he should see a dentist, to prevent future problems. Then in time he will be able to do what she want's him to do . Link to post Share on other sites
snilljente Posted November 12, 2004 Share Posted November 12, 2004 Yeah, we need more info to see when this started and what his medical problems are..more specifically.....to have a better understanding of the situation..... Link to post Share on other sites
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