Old Age Virginity

[Pete]

Perhaps this forum can offer some help. I've exhausted every other source I can think off! My life long problem (at least since adolescence) has been a lack of any kind of a sexual relationship. In fact it goes deeper, a lack in general of any kind of a relationship with the opposite sex. From the start I have to tell you that I've heard, listened and tried all the advice well meaning friends, siblings, relatives, hangers on, advisors, agony columnists, analysts & so on have had to offer, gone on some blind dates arranged by friends, endured painful rejections, joined clubs, maintained the right attitude, taken up hobbies and other interests (sometimes as recommended for years at a time) and all those things that endless advice suggests.

 

But nothing happens.

 

Nobody has been able to tell me where I might be going wrong except that now I am still a virgin and have never had anything even remotely approaching a relationship.

 

There appears to be nothing abnormal about me, as far as I can figure I don't stand out at all and people (generally) usually now assume I have a family and grown children. Younger, I was (so my sister hints) more than attractive and am reasonably still so with no unpleasant habits as far as I can tell.

 

Most of the advice I read assumes that the reader has some relationship to build on. In my case this basically has me eliminated before I start as I have never reached that stage to begin with.

 

Over the years friends have consoled me with "Your time will come", "there is someone for you" & so on, but as I have grown older these have faded away or just plain moved away. Now I am more alone than ever.

 

Confiding in a a collegue some time ago about my difficulty seemed like a good idea at the time but I ended up basically having to leave my job and move to escape the derision of my coworkers and am not too keen on trying anything beyond anonymous contact now.

 

So, just what can change this? I am now approaching 50 and got basically nowhere at all. The thought of spending what remains of my life in a perpetual state of frustrated virginity scares the hell out of me. Take it from me, it is totally unacceptable and if I knew it would never change I would end it now. Has anybody got any way out?

[Tony T]

You have got some deep seated issues from your childhood that need to be explored by a professional counsellor. I have never, ever heard of any man, even an ugly one, who has gotten to your age without having been seduced by at least once woman with no effort at all on his part.

 

The best thing you can do is drum up some lady friends, platonic friends, as many of them as you can find. Through these friends, you can be introduced to dozens of nice ladies who would be great for you. Had you used this strategy 25 years ago, you would have been married with grandchildren by now. It's the best way I know of meeting great people and your friends will help things along.

 

I just have a strange idea there are things you are not saying here. I mean this is just bizarre. Just to cover our bases here, and absolutely no insult intended, see a dentist regularly, have your teeth cleaned, brush them often and use mouthwash. I have heard of great people who had breath problems that did not serve them well. Also use a great cologne.

 

Be sure to dress up and sportingly. Women tend to be attracted to a nice dresser, regardless of his looks.

 

With those things taken care of, and a new mindset on your part, you should be on your way.

 

Oh, yes, don't be so uptight about all this. As far as the sex thing goes, that will take care of itself. After you have seen someone for a while, you just work up to that. Don't be shy, they will expect it and be ready for it. And a mature woman will be absolutely honored to be your first. A really young lady may not know the difference.

 

Don't put a lot of pressure on yourself here. That may be your problem. When we are trying so hard to do something, it often won't happen. Just relax a bit.

 

Good luck and think positive!!!

[MegaB]

Interesting...you sound like my boyfriend, though you are much older than him. The thing is...my boyfriend was exactly like you. He was a virgin when I met him (when he was in his late 20s) and that put an enormous pressure on him when he met me. He would never never make a move and I had to do all the approaching. I basically hunt him down and seduced him, a thing most women would NOT do. I am not what most men get though...so I am assuming all the women you met were pretty old fashioned when it came to "making the move" (especially considering your age group).

 

My boyfriend had a wonderful lifestyle. He was independent, enjoyed his hobbies, and came across as extremely confident. People would never imagine him being a virgin at the time. This made it more difficult for women to approach him because he just seemed...unapproachable. Most of the women had huge crushes on him, but everybody thought that "there is no way he would be single". However, since he was a virgin, he built a more unrealistic ideas of romance and relationships and made it literally more difficult for women to approach. Also, since he was intimidated and insecure of his own inexperience, he would never show his emotions to women he was interested in, thus losing out on the opportunities. Women want to find the right ques when it comes to relationships, and if you have a hard time sending it out, then they will never know. I am assuming that you are much like my boyfriend, but are more set with your own way of dealing with women. Perhaps your insecurity on the matter is making you more uptight when meeting women, or even awkward. Again, my boyfriend is one of the handsomest men I have ever met in my entire life but he was always rejected by girls due to his awkwardness and insecurities...so you figure. If your sister said that you are an attractive man, then you are. Perhaps you doubt it due to your lack of experience, but trust me, if you don't believe in it, then the women won't either. Lack of sexual experience has nothing to do with who you are and it seems like you have a lot to feel confident about. Just don't talk about it to other people because then, it comes across as an insecurity. That's probably why your co-worker used it, which is a horrible thing to do. Anyway, go out and meet people--go to bars, dance clubs, social meetings...where ever there are people. Go up and flirt, talk, and laugh with women. Approach them like friends. And see how it goes...and don't think about "sex" at all when doing this. If you do...then women sense it and freak out. OK? Hope this helped.

[camille]

Hi there.....

 

Do you have any close female friends? Have you ever sat down and asked them their opinion on why you're having such difficulty finding a relationship? You need to find someone who is brutally honest......that's the only way you'll get to the truth. Ask them to critique your looks, the way you dress, ?problem with body odor/bad breath, any quirky little habits you might have, everything.

 

Also, is this something that you've possible consciously or SUBconsciously been dwelling on/obsessed with all these years? If so, it might be very apparent. Not saying you do, but if you come across as "toooooo eager" to meet someone/start a relationship, that can be an enormous turnoff to a woman. Nobody likes someone who seems desperate or too anxious. Know what I mean?

 

Also, a lot of women are turned off/freaked out by men who are "too eager to please"......men who really "aren't themselves"...but are putting on an act in order to be liked/wanted, etc. Speaking for myself, if I met a man who was trying to hard to please me, who hung on my every word, who spent too much of his showing me his feelings (eg....flowers every week, love notes every day, calling me 4 times a day, making a big deal out of opening doors for me, acting like I was the *only* woman in the world..to the point of him coming across as desperate/obsessed)...I'd probably run for the hills. Most women like a bit of a challenge....they like a man who exudes SOME degree of self confidence and security.

 

Do you ask women out a lot? Has there never been one who accepted a date offer?

 

If you're only ever experiencing rejection, have you sat back and analyzed the "kind" of women you're asking out? Ever thought that maybe you should consider a different kind of woman/women?

 

Some people get stuck in ruts as to who they want to date...eg) some women only want a man who's a certain height, certain weight, certain hair/eye color, has a certain type of career, has a certain look, makes a certain amount of $, certain type of personality, etc.

 

Maybe this 'certain group' of women, if this is applicable in your case, is just not the right group. Lots of times, people get too focused on a particular group of people. Sometimes you have to broaden your horizons when it comes to people who are best suited for you.

 

Sometimes we become too narrowminded in our pursuits. Could this be part of your problem?

 

When you meet a woman you're interested in, how do you approach her? Do you have a usual "method"? If that method's not working, have you tried something different?

 

How would you rate your sense of confidence, self esteem??

 

Please provide as much info as you can, then we can give you the best advice we can :-)

 

camille

[Rogue]

Well, I thinks it possible that there may be nothing wrong with you at all. In this day and age, you may seem like an oddity, but in many cultures you would considered normal even admirable.

 

I do have some questions for you. Has no woman ever tried to seduce you? And have you ever been close to someone you WANTED to sleep with?

 

To me these questions are more important than your sex symbol status. Anybody can sleep with a woman, it takes no great skill or intelligence. But if you've never met someone special enough that you wanted to sleep with them, then its understandable you are virgin.

[sweetness]

I am in the same boat except I am a little younger.

 

I have had relationships with men but I have not

 

had sex.(meaning intercourse) I was raised to have an oldfashioned view of sex. Don't do it until you are married. I was threatened as a teenager and young adult.

 

If I got pregnant I would be thrown out of the house.

 

I always had a fear I would end up pregnant, especially when I was younger. So I didn't want to take that risk.

 

If I wanted to go out and lose my virginity, I could

 

do it easily. I want it to be more than physical. Just like you could pick up some hooker or some whore and lose your virginity with her.

 

I want it to be with someone I know and someone I care

 

about. Many of the men I dated were more interested in

 

trying to have sex with me than anything else. I think

 

it made me even more careful.

 

At the same time, I feel under pressure as I get older.

 

Even in this day and age for a woman, it isn't the norm for someone my age to be a virgin. Even when I last went

 

to the doctor, she asked me about my sex life. I told her I never had sex before and she asked me why.She asked if I was gay or straight. I know I am not gay. I told her, I never felt the time was right. I was never with the right person.

 

I feel the same way you do and have for a while. I don't

 

like to tell people because they treat me like a freak.

 

I don't look like a freak or anything. I have tried to meet people. I seem to have mostly superficial relationships.

 

Hope everything works out for you.

Hi there..... Do you have any close female friends? Have you ever sat down and asked them their opinion on why you're having such difficulty finding a relationship? You need to find someone who is brutally honest......that's the only way you'll get to the truth. Ask them to critique your looks, the way you dress, ?problem with body odor/bad breath, any quirky little habits you might have, everything. Also, is this something that you've possible consciously or SUBconsciously been dwelling on/obsessed with all these years? If so, it might be very apparent. Not saying you do, but if you come across as "toooooo eager" to meet someone/start a relationship, that can be an enormous turnoff to a woman. Nobody likes someone who seems desperate or too anxious. Know what I mean? Also, a lot of women are turned off/freaked out by men who are "too eager to please"......men who really "aren't themselves"...but are putting on an act in order to be liked/wanted, etc. Speaking for myself, if I met a man who was trying to hard to please me, who hung on my every word, who spent too much of his showing me his feelings (eg....flowers every week, love notes every day, calling me 4 times a day, making a big deal out of opening doors for me, acting like I was the *only* woman in the world..to the point of him coming across as desperate/obsessed)...I'd probably run for the hills. Most women like a bit of a challenge....they like a man who exudes SOME degree of self confidence and security. Do you ask women out a lot? Has there never been one who accepted a date offer? If you're only ever experiencing rejection, have you sat back and analyzed the "kind" of women you're asking out? Ever thought that maybe you should consider a different kind of woman/women? Some people get stuck in ruts as to who they want to date...eg) some women only want a man who's a certain height, certain weight, certain hair/eye color, has a certain type of career, has a certain look, makes a certain amount of $, certain type of personality, etc. Maybe this 'certain group' of women, if this is applicable in your case, is just not the right group. Lots of times, people get too focused on a particular group of people. Sometimes you have to broaden your horizons when it comes to people who are best suited for you. Sometimes we become too narrowminded in our pursuits. Could this be part of your problem?

 

When you meet a woman you're interested in, how do you approach her? Do you have a usual "method"? If that method's not working, have you tried something different? How would you rate your sense of confidence, self esteem?? Please provide as much info as you can, then we can give you the best advice we can :-) camille

[Pete]

Interesting...you sound like my boyfriend, though you are much older than him. The thing is...my boyfriend was exactly like you. He was a virgin when I met him (when he was in his late 20s) and that put an enormous pressure on him when he met me. He would never never make a move and I had to do all the approaching.

I try to avoid reacting to the pressure but its true that I have felt increasing difficulty in approaching people over the years. I had supposed this was normal, but its hard to judge just what is normal sometimes I guess.

 

I basically

hunt him down and seduced him, a thing most women would NOT do. I am not what most men get though...so I am assuming all the women you met were pretty old fashioned when it came to "making the move" (especially considering your age group).

I guess so. I have this terrible suspicion that I may have been a little too inexperienced (or dense!) to have noticed if it did ever happen.

My boyfriend had a wonderful lifestyle. He was independent, enjoyed his hobbies, and came across as extremely confident. People would never imagine him being a virgin at the time. This made it more difficult for women to approach him because he just seemed...unapproachable. Most of the women had huge crushes on him, but everybody thought that "there is no way he would be single".

 

Of the responses given this seems close to the mark. My sister told me that there had been women who had wondered how to meet me when I was much younger. At the time I believed she was just trying to build my self esteem and felt embarassed by her comments. (I mean she was my sister!)

However, since he was a virgin, he built a more unrealistic ideas of romance and relationships and made it literally more difficult for women to approach. Also, since he was intimidated and insecure of his own inexperience, he would never show his emotions to women he was interested in, thus losing out on the opportunities.

 

I hope not but this rings true to me.

 

Women want

to find the right ques when it comes to relationships, and if you have a hard time sending it out, then they will never know. I am assuming that you are much like my boyfriend, but are more set with your own way of dealing with women.

 

I don't try to limit my self and have tried every way of dealing with women I can think off!

 

Perhaps your

insecurity on the matter is making you more uptight when meeting women, or even awkward. Again, my boyfriend is one of the handsomest men I have ever met in my entire life but he was always rejected by girls due to his awkwardness and insecurities...so you figure.

 

Hard for me to judge, I can't get reliable feed back usually and it is VERY rare now to get anything close to an honest helpfull comment.

 

If your sister said that you are an

attractive man, then you are. Perhaps you doubt it due to your lack of experience, but trust me, if you don't believe in it, then the women won't either. Lack of sexual experience has nothing to do with who you are and it seems like you have a lot to feel confident about. Just don't talk about it to other people because then, it comes across as an insecurity. That's probably why your co-worker used it, which is a horrible thing to do.

 

Yes, got that sorted out double quick.

 

Anyway, go out and meet people--go to bars,

dance clubs, social meetings...where ever there are people. Go up and flirt, talk, and laugh with women. Approach them like friends. And see how it goes...and don't think about "sex" at all when doing this. If you do...then women sense it and freak out. OK? Hope this helped.

That is (was) the usual advice, that and "just be yourself".

 

Thanks for your comments. Your comments seem to be as close as anyone has ever come so far. My advice to those in the same boat is to avoid paying for "professional" analysis. I spent a small fortune and no small number of years thinking this should help. In the end it was quite funny, I was told when I started to eventually question why nothing was changing in my life that I was now too old for much chance of change (after telling me the opposite when I started) and that statistically speaking I was in an insignificant minority anyway and would just have to live with it!

[Pete]

You have got some deep seated issues from your childhood that need to be explored by a professional counsellor. I have never, ever heard of any man, even an ugly one, who has gotten to your age without having been seduced by at least once woman with no effort at all on his part. The best thing you can do is drum up some lady friends, platonic friends, as many of them as you can find. Through these friends, you can be introduced to dozens of nice ladies who would be great for you. Had you used this strategy 25 years ago, you would have been married with grandchildren by now. It's the best way I know of meeting great people and your friends will help things along.

 

I just have a strange idea there are things you are not saying here. I mean this is just bizarre. Just to cover our bases here, and absolutely no insult intended, see a dentist regularly, have your teeth cleaned, brush them often and use mouthwash. I have heard of great people who had breath problems that did not serve them well. Also use a great cologne. Be sure to dress up and sportingly. Women tend to be attracted to a nice dresser, regardless of his looks. With those things taken care of, and a new mindset on your part, you should be on your way.

 

Oh, yes, don't be so uptight about all this. As far as the sex thing goes, that will take care of itself. After you have seen someone for a while, you just work up to that. Don't be shy, they will expect it and be ready for it. And a mature woman will be absolutely honored to be your first. A really young lady may not know the difference.

 

Don't put a lot of pressure on yourself here. That may be your problem. When we are trying so hard to do something, it often won't happen. Just relax a bit. Good luck and think positive!!!

Thanks for your feedback. I know you are genuine but I can't say that there is anything you suggest that I haven't been aware of since my teenage years. (I have to admit to an encyclopedic knowledge of advice. Its been a lifelong study.) Your comments about childhood problems generally come up. I can't say that I have had anything but what I assume is a normal childhood.

 

Thanks anyway.

[Tony T]

Your responses to these posts indicate to me that you have a very very strong resistance built up inside of you, almost an absolute psychic brick wall, that really doesn't want to meet anyone special. Perhaps you just plain have a fear of sexual intercourse.

 

Any human being with the normal psychological make up would be much more fluid and open to suggestions. It seems you came here looking for some magic forumla you could use, without doing the work.

 

As I said before, it is nearly impossible for a man, even a horrifyingly ugly one, to reach 40 without at least a few women trying to seduce him, I mean ripping his clothes off and dragging him to the nearest bed. I don't care what your councellors have said, your defeatist attitude tells me your resistance to having a sexual encounter is so high that unless you chill out and change your attitude in a major way, it will never happen.

 

Since you characterized most of the advice given here as being stuff you've already heard for a long time, the fact that you bothered to take the time to write it tells me you were using this board to cement more tightly the barriers you now hold inside of you.

 

Before ANYTHING will change in your physical life, changes have to take place in your MIND. Your mind is so resolved and locked up to the idea your life will remain sexless that it will take a heavy hammer to jolt it loose.

 

In a book by Richard Bach, "Jonathon Livingston Seagull," the character Jonathon said: "Your whole body is nothing more than your mind...in a form you can see. Break away the chains that bind your mind...and you break away the chains that bind your body too."

 

What the character was saying in your case is that if you can change your mind's attitude and loosen these notions you have about sex, life, and yourself, things will start going more your way in real life. Right now, your attitude is so poor, you almost don't have the will. I have to assume that by posting here, this issue really bothers you a lot...and I think it does. But your attitude is so engrained that you would be resistant to any advice that challenges the notions you have carried around for so many years.

 

So either loosen up and be receptive to any morsel of advice you may receive without diminishing it or just saying you've already heard it before or just stay exactly where you are.

 

I really don't think you have received counselling from highly competent people, and that's a shame. There is a shortage of psychologists who are really on their toes. Your case would take someone who is willing to be patient enough to take the time to break down your walls of resistance.

 

But the real work has to be done by you and it can only start to happen when you have a major attitude adjustment towards the positive.

 

And, by the way, when people tell you to just be yourself...they are NOT referring to the yourself that presently exists. They are referring to the yourself you can be when you change your attitude.

 

I am sorry to charge into you like this but I am really frustrated and you have no idea how much it would make me happy if we could get you laid. I mean my whole year would be fulfilled.

[MegaB]

What do you know about what Pete is going through? I freaking experienced it first hand and most of the difficulties with my b/f stemmed from the fact that he was a virgin when I met him. It is no wonder he agreed with me more than you and that pisses you off? What the hell is your problem? You are NOT god on this forum. So chill out man. You are NOT the absolute truth when it comes to relationships. Geesh...of course Pete has a defense mechanism...it is just so natural for a person to be like that if society has put so much pressure on him being a virgin.

 

Also, Pete...please don't worry because being a virgin doesn't mean anything. Seriously...it's only in YOUR head.

 

The only thing I can tell you is that my b/f was dense...I mean...DENSE. I think it was because he lacked self-esteem based on the fact that he was inexperienced. I mean, he knew that should not be the biggest aspect of a relationship, but it does influence people you know. His defense mechanism was so strong that even if a woman approached him...he would be like, there is no way she would be interested me. I literally had to knock him down, freaking yell at him that I liked him over and over for him to be "convinced" that I liked him. He was the MOST difficult person to get through in my entire 30 years of dating. Arghhh. But it was worth every second of it.

 

What Tony said has truth to it though...there was a very strong resistance when it came to relationships. He would date (once or twice) with women who would NOT work out...thus never leading to any physical intimacy. He would never make a move so the women faded away. It was his fear of being "inadequate", which is understandable. When I first kissed him, he was soooo relieved that I made the move. When I asked him if he ever wanted to kiss me first, he said..."yes, but I was afraid that I wasn't going to be a good kisser" so you figure what was going on in his mind. There was no way he was ever going to make the first move. I think this kind of mentality might exist in you too. That makes a person awkward when around women. You might not know it, but it shows through. I'm telling you...my b/f was so freaking awkward around me I didn't know what the hell to do when I first dated him. I mean, he didn't even know if he liked me enough, even when all his actions showed the opposite. Only after hearing that he was a virgin did I understand all his weird actions. I know for him...telling me that must have been the scariest thing, but he trusted me and liked me enough to tell me about it. I value that so much.

 

So you must be wondering where are women like me around you? Well, the one reason I was attracted to my b/f was that he came across as extremely confident. I have never met anybody who enjoyed his hobbies, lifestyle, and freinds as much as he did. It seemed like he didn't lack anything in his life. So when he was nice to me, it was pleasant and I started to get interested in him. So I think ooozing confidence is the key. Even if you feel that you lack experience...it doesn't matter. Because you can think of it as "selectively" being single and abstinent rather than "not being able to get laid". I think there is a big difference in such mental approach. Anyway, I think this got long and I babbled too much. But I hope you got my point. I don't know how much you agree or not, but I'm not trying to tell you how to feel, or think, but just giving you options of seeing things a bit differently. Trust me...sister's are the most accurate when it comes to your personlaity, attractiveness and "fashion". So trust what she said, polish it back up and go with the flow.

 

ALso, if you want to email me, write me at <e-mail address removed>

 

I could be a personal consultant for fashion and more tactful approaches. I acutally helped out a guy through email hook up with a girl through giving step by step advice.

 

Anyway, good luck!

[Tony T]

It is my absolute right to be pissed off if I choose...and since God would never get pissed off, I think that makes me pretty much the opposite of a God here or anywhere else.

 

I am sorry that you would want to take my emotions and my opinions away from me. I certainly think you are entitled to yours.

 

Also, I did not read other posts so I didn't know who agreed with who. I only put posts up with my feelings and takes on the situation and have absolutely no judgement whatsoever as to what will work or not work. My posts are my feelings and hopefully others posts are their feelings.

 

That way, the poster has a choice of options.

 

So democrasy works!!!

 

AND BOB STILL PISSES ME OFF!!!

[Tony T]

PETE STILL PISSES ME OFF TOO, as well as Bob, whoever he is!!!

[Bobby Dygytul]

WOW, sex is one of the best things ON EARTH!!!!!!! How can any normal person go through life without ever experiencing such a wonderful thing? I find it impossible, unless either (1)he has aides

 

(2)he has an EXTREMELY small penis. (which still shouldn't matter)

 

(3)he is mentally retarded

 

(4)this is just a joke

 

If this is for real, then i don't think he will EVER get laid. You know like some people are blind or deaf and they never get to expereince site or hearing? I got a friend who is extremely horrifing, (no kinda clothing styles, missing teeth, bad hair dew, eyes are crooked, bad hygene, weighs over 400lbs) and he has even been laid before. I think that Pete needs to be taken to some kinda lab. and have tests ran on him. THIS GUY CAN'T POSSIBLY BE NORMAL!!

PETE STILL PISSES ME OFF TOO, as well as Bob, whoever he is!!!

[Bobby Dygytul]

WOW, sex is one of the best things ON EARTH!!!!!!! How can any normal person go through life without ever experiencing such a wonderful thing? I find it impossible, unless either (1)he has aides (2)he has an EXTREMELY small penis. (which still shouldn't matter) (3)he is mentally retarded (4)this is just a joke If this is for real, then i don't think he will EVER get laid. You know like some people are blind or deaf and they never get to expereince site or hearing? I got a friend who is extremely horrifing, (no kinda clothing styles, missing teeth, bad hair dew, eyes are crooked, bad hygene, weighs over 400lbs) and he has even been laid before. I think that Pete needs to be taken to some kinda lab. and have tests ran on him. THIS GUY CAN'T POSSIBLY BE NORMAL!!

[Paulie]

 

Paulie will go out on the town with Pete, if Pete wants. Paulie will show Pete how to approach women, get their phone numbers, talk to them, and then have it not work out.

 

E-mail me at <e-mail address removed>

 

At least my strategies should get you started.

 

Bob, however, can go to hell!

[Tony T]

May I go along?

[Stargazer]

You are living in lala land if you can say this:

 

"My life long problem (at least since adolescence) has been a lack of any kind of a sexual relationship. In fact it goes deeper, a lack in general of any kind of a relationship with the opposite sex"

 

and then say this:

 

"I can't say that I have had anything but what I assume is a normal childhood"

 

You HAVE got some very deep rooted trauma and wounds from childhood that you aren't aware of. You are NOT aware of what happened because whatever it was was sooooo traumatic that your brain has locked up in a little box and thrown the key away. This is exactly what happens in the mind of a child who has experienced severe trauma, it's a survival mechanism.

 

I stongly recommend that you get psychological help here. Unless you bring these wound to your concious and heal them you will always have a deep rooted fear of becoming intimate with women. Examine your relationship with your mother, father or another caretaker. Your answers are all within you.

 

Thanks for your feedback. I know you are genuine but I can't say that there is anything you suggest that I haven't been aware of since my teenage years. (I have to admit to an encyclopedic knowledge of advice. Its been a lifelong study.) Your comments about childhood problems generally come up. My life long problem (at least since adolescence) has been a lack of any kind of a sexual relationship. In fact it goes deeper, a lack in general of any kind of a relationship with the opposite sex. Thanks anyway.

[Deejette]

Stargazer has a point here, one of the most falling-down drunk alcoholics I have ever known (I used to work with her and she couldn't even do her job--though it was no wonder, since she was continuously plastered) told me that she had a perfectly "normal, happy" childhood, most of which she could not remember.

You are living in lala land if you can say this: "My life long problem (at least since adolescence) has been a lack of any kind of a sexual relationship. In fact it goes deeper, a lack in general of any kind of a relationship with the opposite sex" and then say this: "I can't say that I have had anything but what I assume is a normal childhood"

 

You HAVE got some very deep rooted trauma and wounds from childhood that you aren't aware of. You are NOT aware of what happened because whatever it was was sooooo traumatic that your brain has locked up in a little box and thrown the key away. This is exactly what happens in the mind of a child who has experienced severe trauma, it's a survival mechanism. I stongly recommend that you get psychological help here. Unless you bring these wound to your concious and heal them you will always have a deep rooted fear of becoming intimate with women. Examine your relationship with your mother, father or another caretaker. Your answers are all within you.