FateAwaits Posted August 22, 2013 Share Posted August 22, 2013 (edited) I recently left an abusive relationship. He choked me about 4 times in 2 years - the last time I finally called the police and he went to jail for the weekend and had to pay $30,000 to get his case dropped and record expunged. What's sick is he was proud to show me that 1 year later his record was finally expunged. Yes, I stayed with him 1 year after he choked me. He never chocked me again, but he did get 1 inch from my face during fights and did continue to hit my hat bill during fights occasionally. I'm sure he would have choked me again if I stayed long enough. Before me, he was married for 15 years. His ex wife was very nasty to me when she found out I was dating "her husband", since "her husband" lied to me about him being divorced. He was technically separated and it was a huge mess, his wife thought I was a whore, etc etc, when really if I had known he was not divorced like he said I wouldn't have dated him. I didn't figure out he was not really divorced until 6 months into dating him. He was a good liar. Now I am no longer with this man. I understand why his ex was so angry. I have a little desire to contact his ex wife and talk about him with her, I guess to compare notes. Did he choke her too? Did he abuse her too? Did he say all the great things and then call her a whore too? I wish I didn't have a desire to know these things but I do. Should I contact her or not? She is mentally unstable, she has been in and out of rehab about 6 times in the last 2 years, she recently got a DUI and tried to kill herself last week. I only know this because cops tracked down my ex to try and find out where his ex wife was because she turned off her phone after her phone call to 911, lots of drama. Would you have any desire or curiosity to compare notes with his ex? I guess it would give me closure, or make me feel less horrible, if I knew he acted this way with his ex. I'm almost certain he did, he's 46 years old, it's not like he turned into a demon with me, though he blamed his temper on me. Would you contact his ex or not? Edited August 23, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Author FateAwaits Posted August 22, 2013 Author Share Posted August 22, 2013 No. What purpose would it serve? If he's really and truly out of your life why on earth would you want to rehash past events to...compare notes? For what? What if you were the only woman he ever abused or ever will abuse, would it somehow change your abuse? What if you were just the latest out of a dozen...two dozen? What would it change? Nothing good would come of an inquiry. true. thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 22, 2013 Share Posted August 22, 2013 Would you contact his ex or not? Heck no! I would want to forget I was ever involved with such a fool. Link to post Share on other sites
nescafe1982 Posted August 22, 2013 Share Posted August 22, 2013 Glad you're out of that nightmare of a relationship. Abusers only escalate over time, so it is fortunate that you got out before he killed you! Please, for your safety and recovery from this horrible thing, do NOT initiate contact with him or anyone involved in his past unless there are legal reasons for doing so (in which case, have your lawyer/police officer handle it). If I were in your shoes, I would just stay very far away from him, his family, his ex, etc. Get some help if you need to recuperate after the abuse, and stick close to people who truly love you (friends, family, etc). Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted August 22, 2013 Share Posted August 22, 2013 Holy schmoly, I agree with previous posts. No need. Move forward and look towards the light. You are healing, don't disrupt that. Link to post Share on other sites
SantistaUSA Posted August 22, 2013 Share Posted August 22, 2013 Erased them from your life. I guarantee you he was just like that with his wife, why do you think she's going through all that stuff? Sorry you have to go through that, but I'm positive that it was not your fault! Link to post Share on other sites
waiting4u Posted August 23, 2013 Share Posted August 23, 2013 Don't do it. I was involved with a guy once who was verbally / psychologically abusive and I went sort of nutty after we broke up. I emailed his ex to see if she had the same experience. It's like you need affirmation or something. I never heard back from her - she probably forwarded it to him. In retrospect it was stupid. Be glad that it's over and concentrate on healing yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
lonegirl Posted August 23, 2013 Share Posted August 23, 2013 Omg follow the advices wisely given here and leave it alone. Heal yourself! I too am a victim of abuse, and I experienced several times a lot of curiosity in reaching any of my ex's ex to ask them Why they broke up. Even having a very small idea, as he is 40, never married and had 10 failed previous relationships, in his words "the other girls were all bad to me" I understand now it was the opposite. Anyways, move on and heal yourself, it makes no difference for you what happened before. You are more important right now and you should focus on yourself. On the other side, I worry for his next girlfriends. Will never reach any of them by myself but if I get asked in the future will be straight honest. Link to post Share on other sites
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