caught off guard by a kiss, cuddled. should i tell?

[CrimsonEmber]

Background: Long distance relationship, he cheated(emotionally and physically) for a year and a half, I chose to forgive for my own reasons.

 

Dilemma: About a week after I chose to forgive, a drunk friend kissed me and caught me off guard. I let it continue for a moment (20 secs tops) then pushed him away and made it clear it wasnt to continue. It was the shock of physical contact after a couple months of intensely missing my boyfriend and his touch.

 

I'm not a touchy person unless I'm very comfortable with the other person.

A couple afterwards, I almost started crying while chilling with the same friend, because of a song that reminded me of my boyfriend. He cuddled me because I guess I looked like I needed it. That continued for about an hour or two.

 

Let me clarify that it wasn't the person it was with I enjoyed, it was the physical contact. The human comfort. My relationship is in a delicate stage, and I don't want to ruin it. I'm not sure as to whether or not I should feel guilty, but I do. I can whole heartedly tell you that I was confused, and did NOT want or expect what happened to happen. It isn't a future temptation either.

 

Should I tell my boyfriend? Or save him the stress and attempt to overcome this guilt I may/may not deserve?

[giblesp]

Sorry to be harsh but unless you and your BF have an open relationship, you've betrayed him, as he betrayed you. As for your friend, you say you kissed and hugged him because you enjoyed the physical contact, not because it was him. Most of us have done this, but it's actually disrespectful to your friend. It wouldn't make you feel special if a man kissed you because you just happened to be there. Especially if he had a girlfriend.

 

If you want a love relationship, maybe choose someone who gives you the loyalty you need, and want to give in return.

 

I'd guess you're quite young so so sorry to be so direct, its actually a common pattern to end up in someones arms after your partner has betrayed you, even if you've forgiven them.

[PegNosePete]

I let it continue for a moment (20 secs tops)

20 seconds??!?! That is not a moment. That is a long kiss. He did not do it to you; you were very much a willing party.

You cheated on your BF. He previously cheated on you.

I don't see much of a future for your relationship.

[crederer]

I've never understood LDR's either. He betrayed you, but that doesn't mean you should betray him. You either forgive or you don't. If not, then move on.

[CrimsonEmber]

I would like to point out that this was NOT intended or wanted. Yes I let it continue for longer than I should have, and I'm not absolving myself of that. I'm ashamed of that. However, doesn't it count for anything that I put a stop to it as soon as what was happening kicked in, and I realized? I hadn't had intimate physical contact for months(i barely even hug family), after wanting it from my bf so badly, and when someone all of the sudden surprised me...it took a moment to fully realize...WHAT THE **** AM I DOING?

 

The cuddling was innocent. It was because of what I had gone through, and because I missed my boyfriend. Anyone who has ever been in a LDR for extended periods of time will tell you how that gets to you. It was human comfort.

 

I suppose what I'm getting at is that I feel guilty, but i also feel as if i shouldnt. I feel as if my intentions were pure, but my actions may not have seemed that way. How do I resolve this feeling? I don't want anyone to misunderstand anything.

 

Also, the reason I forgave him is that this relationship is worth saving.

[giblesp]

It took you half a minute to realize you were kissing your friend? Honestly?

Cuddling a man you've just been intimately kissing is not innocent. And you don't cuddle men because you miss your boyfriend! I have been through a long LDR where there were problems, kissing and cuddling another woman was never on my agenda.

 

Look, maybe the LDR isn't for you right now. Either be loyal and make sure you know you can trust your partner to be the same, or break it off.

[PegNosePete]

I would like to point out that this was NOT intended or wanted.

I would like to point out that that is a steaming pile of horse sh*t.

You did not slap him in the face as soon as he tried to kiss you therefore you were a willing party and DID want it. Didn't realize what was happening? What a crock. Were you in a coma at the time? Passed out unconscious with alcohol? Did he force himself onto you while you were kicking and screaming for him to get off? Were you asleep, or had you been slipped a roofie? No? Then you realized perfectly well what was going on, you liked it, and you chose to carry on doing it.

When you stop lying to yourself, maybe you can take responsibility for your actions and choices.

[The Way I Am]

If you've got nothing to feel guilty about, why don't you tell your boyfriend all about it? Because no matter how much you try to justify your actions, you know that's not true.

 

Also, you really need to reconsider whether a long distance relationship is right for you.

[crederer]

You're looking for excuses. You were obviously giving him vibes if he thought he could kiss you and if you weren't you would have stopped it before he even had a chance to get his lips on yours. Then you cuddled after ward.

 

Seriously, you're trying to justify it. I understand you feel guilty, that is because you probably should feel guilty.