I was cheated on by my husband

[misleadwife]

I have been married for 4 years with my husband and we are highschool swethearts. We know each other very good to the last detail. I tought we knew each other good.

 

2 wks ago i found out he cheated on me. bare with me this is a difficult subject for me. a girl called me to work and said that she was tired of his lies and that she wanted me to know. she said that she loves him alot and he loves her. that was a slap to the face for me. she said that they had been in an affair for over 1 yr. she also said that he was even trying to get her pregnant. i have never been so shocked yet i gave him the benifit of the doubt even though i knew in my heart it was true because of all the info she gave.

 

when i got home we ate and i casually brought this up. of course he denied it and turned things around and got mad at me because i accused him of such a thing. i have never been one to go through his stuff because he never gave me a reason but i decided that there was a first to everything. the girl gave me the name he had her as under his cell. there it was i called it and she answered. at that moment i told him that someone was calling him on the cell and he says hello. all his color went away.

 

immediately after that i threw him out. he went to his brothers house. he keeps coming back to me and asking to see our daughter but right now i cant allow that. not now.

 

i have never been so hurt. ive never felt so lonely. through all these years he has been my strength. we rarely had any real big problems. he was never late and always kept his word. weekends were for us three. never any weird phone calls. never any strange signs. he was laways the same.

 

now he comes crying that he wants me back. it does not work like that. he said he made a mistake. he even badmouths the other girl. i dont hold much against her. i hold more towards him because he owed me respect. not just me but our daughter. she owed me nothing. she did not however that he was married and that was wrong. but life will take care of that.

[Karlise13]

I think your letter is a heartfelt warning to OW out there:

 

Many men tell lies to the OW and lies to the wife.

 

The OW hears "Our marriage is over. We're on the brink of divorce. I just need to get a few things in order..."

 

While the wife believes the marriage is just fine.

 

Then when the man is busted he begs the wife for forgiveness and blames the OW "She was nothing....it was just sex....she threw herself at me...."

ad nauseaum.

 

Many times after a blowout, the man will resume his affair with the OW and continue to lie to both women.

 

It happens SO OFTEN YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE IT!

 

 

 

Poster, I am sorry to hear that you had to learn about your husband's infidelity from the OW.

 

I'm not sure what the OW's motive was in calling you. She probably wants to hurt your husband....she probably fell in love with him, waited for him to leave you and when he didn't, decided to lash out at him.

 

He probably lied to her about a lot of things.

 

Your husband got busted and now has liar's remorse.

 

I suspect he's more SORRY HE GOT CAUGHT than he is sorry for cheating on you.

 

Obviously, he found ways to justify his behavior.

 

In my early twenties, I behaved very similarly to your husband and I know liar's remorse quite well; when you get busted, you really do feel awful. However, it's more about "****, now I've got nothing!" than it is about "****, I really hurt this other person,"

Liars tend to be very self-centered people who place their own satisfaction above other people's feelings and needs.

 

 

It takes a lot of loss and some deep soul searching to change these behaviors.

 

I'd be strong if I were you. Don't go back to him for a long time (if you do go back). He really needs therapy.

 

Good luck

[Naive]

I had always wanted to read a post from the wife's point of view and see what she goes through. I know that all cases are different but it's a big eye opener.

[whydoyouwanttoknow?]

misleadwife, I'm truly sorry for your pain, and for the fact that you're married to an a**h***.

 

Unfortunately, you won't get sympathy from many of the more defensive OW here. The ones who believe that their MM's wives are all evil, won't have sex with their husbands, are only out for their money, got pregnant to trap him, etc. Or the ones who don't care whose fault it is, and somehow believe it's their "duty" to be with the MM and do what FEELS GOOD as opposed to what is actually right, even though he's already taken. Then again, there are some who will feel badly for you, and these are the ones who I hope will take heed and leave their MM.

 

Let him be with the girl. Find someone better. Chances are he'll cheat on her, too.

[misleadwife]

i canttake it anymore. he keeps coming back to try to talk and he does not understand that i dont want to talk. i want to be left alone. i want to think. i did not ask to be brought into this drama. the girl keeps calling me and telling me to let him go. that's what i did.he can go with her. i have my daughter and that's all i need. she gives me strength to face this.

 

it's a hard blow to realize that my life was a charade and it was full of lies. he was always like baby here sugar there. we had our fights like all couples but nothing else. always home. never one sign. we went in our family vacations and went on trips. he was even talking about getting married again but now in Virginia like that his family could be there and witness it. sex life? exceptional. all this gets to me. i tought we were happy. i tought he loved me.

 

now this woman does not leave me alone. i told her to stay with him. i told her he is all hers. i vale myself more than that. i don't even tell her all the things he says about her. he blames it on her. yeah right. it takes two to tango. he is my husband not her. he had to care not her. but she is getting me mad. she should leave me alone. and to top it off i have him in my ear whimpering all the time. i can honestly say that he hurt me too much to forgive.

[SadAndLonely]

Start recording her calls to you. Then get a restraining order. If you decide to get divorced, this should also help with getting you a bigger settlement.

 

Good luck!

[2Confuzed]

Misleadwife,

I am truly sorry to hear what you are going through. But at the same time, I am glad that you posted your story. It's nice to hear from an intelligent woman who realizes that it DOES take two to tango. He obviously wasn't honest with either one of you.

 

I think you need to tell the OW to leave you alone, block her number if you have to. The damage is already done, it sounds like she is just trying to make sure he isn't going back to you (and that's only b/c you won't let him - which I'm sure he doesn't tell her).

 

Be strong and fight for what's yours. Don't let him sneak back in if you're not ready. I swear, stories like this make me never want to get married. I know as a OW and you as a wife, we are supposed to be "enemies" but we all hurt just the same. We all have been hurt by men who we think love us, no matter what the circumstances are. I truly feel your pain and I'm sorry for what you are going through. Take care and be strong.