upsetgurl Posted November 10, 2004 Share Posted November 10, 2004 HI..I have a question for everyone. I have been off and on with my bf for the past 5 years. About a year ago, when we were technically not "dating" but we had slept together and told each other we loved each other, i found out from him that he had slept with one of his girl "friends" during this period and I told him it was over and we stopped talking. Eventually, he kept tryin to email me and we started talking again. I really love him and he really loves me, says that it didn't mean anything and he feels bad that he hurt me. Deep down I think about this and I have a very hard time trusting him.. we talk about gettin married someday and all but i can't get over this.. Does this mean our relationship is doomed? I am 21 and he is 22 if that helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted November 10, 2004 Share Posted November 10, 2004 If the relationship is doomed or not is entirely up to you. You said you were technically not "dating" at the time this happened. How would you actually classify it? If you were not in an exclusive relationship I am not sure you should hold this against the guy. That would almost be like getting upset if he had slept with someone before you met. Personally, I think that if you have had an on again off again relationship for the past 5 years you really need to sit down and ask yourself if this is something you want. At 21 you still have alot of life ahead of you. Are you looking for a serious, long term commited relationship at this point? If not, continue with things as they are. If you do want a serious relationship though you would probably be better off looking elsewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
bnakach Posted November 10, 2004 Share Posted November 10, 2004 Wow. I'm actually going through the same thing, except in this case it was me who met other people. He says he talked to a couple of girls but only to get me back. But keep in mind that he broke up with me. Well we got back and I realized how much I loved him and how all these other men I met while being away from him made me realize that we have more to our relationship. Now, I suspect him of cheating and everytime I bring the subject about me thinking he's cheating he'll flip things around. I think he really regrets what he did, and he really wants you back in his life, he doesn't consider it cheating because at the time you guys weren't together. Who broke up with who. Link to post Share on other sites
ltomlinson81 Posted November 10, 2004 Share Posted November 10, 2004 I was also in a relationship where infidelity and trust was a problem. My ex cheated on me and I tried to get over it. After a few months, I realized that I needed real time away. I needed to stop looking at him and always picturing him with another girl, or worrying every time he was out without me that he was cheating again. By breaking up with him, I am giving myself time away from the situation to get over what he did to me and possibly try to rebuild trust. However, I am fully aware of the fact that in the meantime, our feelings toward one another may change, and if that does happen, then we were not meant to be together. While your relationship itself may not be doomed, the question you need to ask yourself is: 'how long do you want to be with someone you can't trust?' Do you want to live every day being worried and tense and mistrusting. It will tear you apart and you will never get peace from it if you don't get time away, or at least some space. Be honest with one another. Figure out what you need to either move on together or separately, and do that. Separation will prove whether or not it was meant to be. Link to post Share on other sites
upsetgurl Posted November 11, 2004 Share Posted November 11, 2004 Hey everyone... thanks for the advice! I really do love him and I want to be with him in the future. We talk about getting a place together when we're both done with school/ military lives. I honestly think the only reason I have doubts is because we don't see each other often it's long distance and it makes it harder. We fight alot over the phone over stupid jealousy stuff, he's leaving for Iraq and its hard on both of us.. I think with time I can forget about it because I know how much he loves me and wouldn't want to hurt me... I think we all date around to know who is right for us and who isn't? Do you know what I mean.. I'm glad we can all relate to the same thing. Link to post Share on other sites
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