A Perfect Storm

[mcsugar]

I am 21 and he is 23. He and I met in early May and had been together until yesterday. We had a lot of small fights, but we always found a way to get back together. The last fight was different, although we did fight about this same issue for a few times. I brought up a problem of he and I may not be sexually compatible in bed, because I always initiated sex and wanted sex more than he did, which made me question his attraction to be. It happened again - where I felt bad that he wouldn't put out and kept saying that "he just wanted to lay and relax with my girlfriend." That escalated to a bigger argument this time; he kept saying that he "can't believe that we are fighting and breaking up over sex - something so trivial in relationship. For what's it worth, he loves me more than just sex" then stormed out of my apartment. That was Sunday.

 

That night I tried calling him and it turned into another fight - he hung up, said we'd talk again tomorrow because it wasn't going anywhere. Monday came around, I called him up having hearing nothing from him at all throughout the day. He was cold, didn't want to talk at all. I came to find out that his grandpa died last night, so I gave him some space because our conversation was dead silence.

 

Last night was probably the worst night - it broke my heart to think about it again. I called him up, and he kept saying that "he can't handle this anymore. His grandpa died, his dad tried to kill himself over it, and his mom is back in the hospital again (I think she's terminally ill - in and out of the extensive care). This relationship is weighing him down and if I keep pushing him, he will kill himself." He also said that he loves me, but this is the best for both of us because we kept fighting, and that he has absolutely no strength to carry on right now. He wants to be alone and can't be with anybody at the moment, and if I truly love him, I'd let him go and that is over, so stop calling him. It was a long whole hour of me being so dumbfounded not knowing what is going on, and that he hung up times because "he can't keep hurting me or hearing me cry, but he can't deal with this anymore." I want to be there for him, yet, he refused all my help. He's flying to Texas tomorrow to mourn the death of his grandma, look after his family, and he doesn't know when he's coming back. I asked him to call me when he gets back, but he blurted "No, no need to drag this on anymore. It will hurt more."

 

I am left just broken and not knowing exactly where to start or to go from here. Why is me trying to be there for me causing so much stress? He doesn't want any sight of me around or hearing from me at all, and that's the part that is upsetting the most. Especially last week, he told me that he's really in love with me, and that he's getting out of the Marines next March, and he wants me to move out of DC with him, and that he's going to marry me when the time's right. Little did I know, our relationship was only one fight away from ending forever. It was all a perfect storm. What am I to do?

 

I sent him a text later said "I am sincerely sorry for all that happened to your family. I am here if you need me." But that's all I could do... and it saddens me by the moment. I need some perspectives desperately

[Cup-of-Jo]

Sounds like to me this guy has a lot on his plate right now. If his mom is terminally ill he is probably thinking about that a lot which wouldn't really make a guy want to have sex.

 

Best thing you can do is to send him one last text infoming him that you understand what he is going through. Apologize for putting more stress on him and it will be your last text to him unless you hear from him. Wish him the best of luck and let him know that you will be there for him if he contacts you. This leaves the door open on a nice note. When things in his life calm down maybe you will hear from him. If not, move one.

 

Good luck to you

[mcsugar]

I guess I am just a little bit surprised and shock, unsure of what to do because last week we were planning to move in together to another state. He even said he wanted to fly me to Texas to see his family next month. I didn't know that our relationship was one fight away from being over. And he was pretty adamant about wanting to deal with everything himself and not wanting me to be there for him. He told me that he's seen me and he knows I am capable of moving on because "this is the best for both of us - he doesn't want it to end this way, he loves me, but this has to end."

 

I feel somewhat lost. My coworkers said send him a card to his house (in Texas - where he is now for the funeral) to share the condolences and wish him luck with all the family's loss/drama all at once. But I am not sure if that is a good idea. Your thoughts?