Wife left out of state with my 2 kids. Refuses to come back.

[lulzpheonix]

So about 2 weeks ago my wife left with our 2 kids (5 yrs and 3 yrs) to go and visit her sister, who is in the Army, in Missouri. We live in Ohio. When she got there she informed me she has/had no intention of coming back and actually plans on moving to Washington state with her sister and wants me to go with her. For a few days I kind of mulled it over and decided I am totally 100% against the idea. I have a great job that gives us all 100% free healthcare, and I am not giving that up to start over in another state. Plus, our entire family is here and my girls finally have gotten to know their grandparents after 6 years in the USAF with me.

 

We have been married for 5 years and together for almost 10. I have been 100% financially responsible for the entire family our whole relationship. Any advice on what I can do or what to expect if she files out of state?

[Balzac]

First advice is seek legal counsel. In a preliminary consult you can gather many facts. You stand to lose access to your children in any meaningful way absent adequate income to pay for travel. Meet w a lawyer to find out your rights.

[lulzpheonix]

First advice is seek legal counsel. In a preliminary consult you can gather many facts. You stand to lose access to your children in any meaningful way absent adequate income to pay for travel. Meet w a lawyer to find out your rights.

 

I have a consult meeting tomorrow. I am just trying get an idea of what to expect. I want to go into this with real expectations.

[Balzac]

Most states have a residency requirement prior to filing a divorce petition. Your goal is to find out how/when to secure the jurisdiction in your home state. No court cares if she bolted and asked you to relocate.

 

One early consideration is what access you give her to money.

Credit cards, checking account and the like. The easier you make it for her to stay the longer her options look good.

 

Registering your children for school being one example.

I'm not suggesting you starve her or your children. What I'm telling you is don't be a fool.

 

Did she declare what her gripe is??

 

Your statement about family seems a bit misleading btw.

[lulzpheonix]

Most states have a residency requirement prior to filing a divorce petition. Your goal is to find out how/when to secure the jurisdiction in your home state. No court cares if she bolted and asked you to relocate.

 

One early consideration is what access you give her to money.

Credit cards, checking account and the like. The easier you make it for her to stay the longer her options look good.

 

Registering your children for school being one example.

I'm not suggesting you starve her or your children. What I'm telling you is don't be a fool.

 

Did she declare what her gripe is??

 

Your statement about family seems a bit misleading btw.

 

 

Her gripe was ever since I got out the USAF she has wanted to move. She 'hates' Ohio. The school thing has kind of had me confused. She had my oldest signed up to start late, but has no registered her in Missouri for school.

[Balzac]

Added clarity. Few divorce actions involving custody are actually litigated. The expense can be crippling. Make certain that your attorney is a seasoned, successful domestic law litigator. Many are not. Being exMilitary you can grasp the concept of negotiate until you need to declare war. A lawyer unwilling or incapable of going to the mat is impotent. Separating the finances is straightforward. Maintaining meaningful access to your children is the war.

My guess is your stbexW is lacking knowledge. It's not up to you to bring her along.

[Balzac]

Her gripe was ever since I got out the USAF she has wanted to move. She 'hates' Ohio. The school thing has kind of had me confused. She had my oldest signed up to start late, but has no registered her in Missouri for school.

 

Was OH the primary family residence prior to military career?

How long have you lived in OH current term?

 

Unless you allow this to continue she cannot bolt w your children to set up a new life. You'll be finding out and you may have to bite the petitioner bullet. Just remind yourself that a divorce petition can be halted. It's not a train out of your full control. Your children need you.

[lulzpheonix]

Was OH the primary family residence prior to military career?

How long have you lived in OH current term?

 

Unless you allow this to continue she cannot bolt w your children to set up a new life. You'll be finding out and you may have to bite the petitioner bullet. Just remind yourself that a divorce petition can be halted. It's not a train you out of your full control. Your children need you.

 

Ohio was my home of record while in the USAF and we both lived here our entire lives prior. My residence was in Texas while in uniform.

 

We have been back in Ohio for 2 years and 1 month now. That is what my family statement was about. My kids got to see other family members once a year for about 2 weeks. I have 4 angry grandparents in ohio with me, all of them pushing me to 'be a man' and get my kids. I am trying to sort myself out and not act rash.

[Balzac]

I am remiss in not thanking you first for your service. Thank You.

Now that the family dynamic as to home state is clear, it's easier to recommend to you.

 

Note; In all communications with all persons, please use the words "our children". Mad and filled w anxiety as you might be, these are shared children.

 

You can and very likely should make an emergency petition to the court for sole physical custody. This may happen ex parte. Your lawyer can act quickly. Your children will be back with you, even if you must go to collect them, court order in hand. She can then hire her own lawyer and seek to modify a temporary order of sole physical custody to you.

 

I do not see that as rash. In all issues involving children it is the best interest of the child rule and standard. Not what an innocent child wants or feels mommy wants. It's you demanding to provide stability for your shared children. She can visit them or take up her new life but your kids are deserving of stability.

[lulzpheonix]

I am remiss in not thanking you first for your service. Thank You.

Now that the family dynamic as to home state is clear, it's easier to recommend to you.

 

Note; In all communications with all persons, please use the words "our children". Mad and filled w anxiety as you might be, these are shared children.

 

You can and very likely should make an emergency petition to the court for sole physical custody. This may happen ex parte. Your lawyer can act quickly. Your children will be back with you, even if you must go to collect them, court order in hand. She can then hire her own lawyer and seek to modify a temporary order of sole physical custody to you.

 

I do not see that as rash. In all issues involving children it is the best interest of the child rule and standard. Not what an innocent child wants or feels mommy wants. It's you demanding to provide stability for your shared children. She can visit them or take up her new life but your kids are deserving of stability.

 

I am hoping when I meet with lawyer tomorrow he isn't a slouch. Thanks for you input!

[Balzac]

Lawyers are pros at reading a potential client. He will take his lead from you. Be direct about your goal. Don't be solely focused on what his hourly fee is. Ask about his experience litigating contested custody for fathers.

 

You'll be fine. At the moment you need to get your babies back into their home. Your only real decision is whether your stbexW needs a temporary housing for herself. Your lawyer can address your options.

 

You sound like a rational guy. Think of this as less about marriage than about parenting. The marital discord drama hurts but your kids need you to be with them and they need a stable primary home.