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if you've been broken up with / broken hearted

barky2

By barky2,
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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nasc88

nasc88

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I actually did start my own thread earlier but was reading yours and it made me what to respond - you seem very much in touch and honest so I thought I'd ask. We have no contact. Other than me literally rolling over my phone and accidentally sending that "Like" message we have had no contact. I asked him to leave me alone and he has honored my request. He's a great guy but perhaps just a little emotionally immature. He seems content at home on his computer watching sports and not talking to anyone for a weekend rather than interacting with others. I guess no one but the universe will know what will happen and I need to forget about him and try to move on. So much easier said than done when you didn't end on "bad" terms and you really still care about the person.

No contact...trying to move on. Thanks.

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Frayedendofsanity

Frayedendofsanity

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Hey guys, if you post your own thread I'll be sure to give my 2 cents aswel as the rest of the community.

 

 

Barky

 

Hi Barky,

 

Can you please have a look at this, need your opinion?!

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/425512-desperate-need-some-clarity#post5216566

 

Cheers!

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headinthecloud

headinthecloud

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Barky2, you are wise beyond your years! Always excellent advice and practical.

 

Thank you for spending your time on here to share your wisdom, you're touching thousands of lives in a positive way. I'm a fan!

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organizedchaos

organizedchaos

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This was so nice to read, especially after I took the final step of disconnecting from my ex online by blocking her on Instagram. After two months of LC I am now completely dark to her. Told her last night I needed to do this to move on and let go. No more contact, nothing.

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Turnandcough

Turnandcough

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I see alot of the same things being said, alot of the same questions are being asked so I want everyone to read this thread if you've just been broken up with, desire your ex back ect

 

 

 

The first question everyone asks in a huge panic WHAT CAN I DO?!

 

The very simple answer and I want you to re read this after you read it

 

NOTHING!!!

 

There is NO magical cure.

 

You have to realise this, begging and pleading won't get you anywherw...OK wait maybe it will,maybe they do come back....OUT OF GUILT AND THEY WILL BE GONE AGAIN A SHORT TIME AFTER.

 

You need to face reality, that yes, your relationship has ended.

 

Its over.

 

OK. So now we get that down....please...if you have still any doubts I want you to re read it before reading on.

 

So now, what the heck do I do?

 

You drop off the face of the earth and you COMPLETELY focus every bit of your being into making yourself happy again.

 

No one can make you happy but yourself.

 

NOONE.

 

Go to the gym, hangout with family and friend...do not sit in the house

 

You have no idea how important that is to get ur buns off the couch or out of bed.

 

The world is beautiful.

 

Every single member on here, past and present has been thru a heart break....as have I. I know the pain. I fought it for so long. Until I saw the light that everyone on Ls was screaming at me.

 

LET GO. NOTHING YOU CAN DO WILL CHANGE THE SITUATION RIGHT NOW.

 

OK so pressing on.

 

Undoubtedly you've begged and pleaded and it didn't work.

 

Duh. Stop now. Pick up ur balls or boobs and face the demons fighting and haunting you....get mad! Go look in the mirror and say bring it on! Scream!! Cry!! Let it out!!!

 

So what happens if you've been dumped, they start seeing someone ect.

 

Big freakin deal.

 

Wait what?

 

Yea who gives a crap.

 

Sex is just that sex. They don't have a emotional bond like you guys who.

 

My ex came back, that was the first thing she said, it was better with you because we made love...just didn't knock skins.

 

Now I'm not saying to do what I did, ( I went out and got some the min I found out she was with someone just so i in my crazy head figured wed be even) but it did help later down the road.

 

You have to realise something, what they are now getting is the physical fun part of the relationship....they are missing the emotional aide that you've always provided.

 

The inevitable BREACRUMB.

 

HI how are you I miss u I love you blah blah blah SHUT IT.

 

Do not respond...its so critical you do not give them a damn inch on this.

 

Most people ask how long do rebounds last.

 

One person gave me the best answer..." could be the first burp or fart ...or 100years".

 

Don't sit down and wait on it, it could last forever.

 

My rebound lasted a month while my ex pulled nc on me...it drove me nuts. I realized who I really loved.

 

My (ex's) rebound lasted 3 months...BC I begged and sat around, she admitted to me if I left her alone she would have come back sooner.

 

You guys, you need to LEAVE THEM ALONE AND FOCUS ON YOURSELF.

 

I ONLY GOT MINE BACK AFTER LETTING GO, LEAVING IT TO A HIGHER POWER , GOT MYSELF HAPPY AGAIN.

 

Exs know when your pulling away, even when you haven't talked to them in a long time. They feel it. The MINUTE I walked out of a bar with my buddies and was truly happy, the minute I got in my car my phone rang....it HAPPENS like that.

 

So now...I want you to trust and believe me....the ONLY way to get them back is to leave them the hell alone, get out of your depression , get back that confident person they fell inlove with.

 

God someone should buy my ebook.

 

All kidding aside tho...that's the trick.

 

And you know what? Even if they don't come back, you are so close to healed ...someone you don't even know, you will love them just as much or MORE than your ex.

 

Don't worry....they always come back. But when?

 

Could be years man, so do what you want...but I sure as hell didn't wait.

 

 

 

 

The reason I posted this, is because I came back after awhile, to pay it forward to people who helped me when I was down.

 

But it seems like I'm saying the same thing over and over again.

Threads after thread.

 

LET THEM GO AND GET YOUR HAPPY SELF BACK.

 

ONE SIZE FITS ALL. DO NOT CONTACT THEM!

 

WHEN THEY ARE READY THEY WILL CONTACT YOU.

 

NOTHING IS SEXY ABOUT YOUR PHONE BLOWING UP AND NEEDYNESS. NOTHING.

 

 

In closing, I want you to take a deep breath, everything will be fine. I give you my word, from the bottom of my heart...you will be OK.

 

Go for a walk. Start a thread. Help out other members....LEAVE THEM ALONE!!! THEY WANT YOU GONE? GOOD BITE ME, YOU GOT YOUR WISH.

 

 

Thank you to everyone who's ever helped me here, and when people reply to your posts, don't take offense to it. They really are trying to help.

 

" THIS TOO SHALL PASS" I have it tattoo'd on me for a reason.

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

 

Hey Barky!

 

Thanks for the awesome post. You have helped me on my personal post before and I gotta tell you I am surely getting over her. Starting to smile everyday realizing the potential in the world. I had to stop depending upon her for happiness when it was never hers to begin with! I'm almost a month NC. Blocked her on twitter and it does feel empowering knowing she also can't keep tabs on me. I'm almost to the point were I could care less if she texts me. Of course we all would love to see that happen; I'm about to throw in the towel for good. A lot of readers see this and don't take it for the words written. All they see is when you move on THEY COME BACK. Which isn't the point at all and it's very releaving being able to finally understand the difference.

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JoelBarish

JoelBarish

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Wow Barky!

 

I wish I had seen this thread about 3 weeks ago right after my break up first occurred. This thread should be stickied. Some of the other threads that are stickied make some of the same points you do but you put it more directly then they did.

 

It makes me scratch my head when you say that EVERY ex you have ever had has always came back to you for another chance. Honestly I don't think any of my exes have ever come back. Okay maybe there was one or two who kind of did but not really.

 

I think the reason my exes never come back is because I always handle the break up so badly....you know....clingy...begging....too much contact....ect.

 

With my recent break up (just over 3 weeks back) I wasn't AS bad as I had been in the past. I texted way too much in the beginning and I thought she would think I was a stalker...but she came over a few days later and we talked about things in a dignified way. And then a few days later she texted me a bread crumb "early happy birthday" text and we texted back and forth and and I got emotional and itt ended with me telling her "It took a lot for me to trust you with my heart. You told me 'forever' and that 'you couldn't live without me' and I believed you. Then the last text I sent was "your ex is done venting for the day". That was the last I contacted her. I know, it's not perfect. But it's a huge step in the right direction for me. (I wish I had seen this thread sooner)

 

She and I had a good relationship. So maybe she will be back one day, maybe not.

 

I think the most important thing for people to get from this thread is that walking away with dignity and CHOOSING NC is a way to take back the power after being dumped.

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Fashiongal

Fashiongal

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That is a great post :) You are absolutely right. There is nothing sexy about neediness. The fear is just them ending up with some one else. What is NC?

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JoelBarish

JoelBarish

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That is a great post :) You are absolutely right. There is nothing sexy about neediness. The fear is just them ending up with some one else. What is NC?

 

No Contact

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barky2

barky2

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Hey Barky!

 

Thanks for the awesome post. You have helped me on my personal post before and I gotta tell you I am surely getting over her. Starting to smile everyday realizing the potential in the world. I had to stop depending upon her for happiness when it was never hers to begin with! I'm almost a month NC. Blocked her on twitter and it does feel empowering knowing she also can't keep tabs on me. I'm almost to the point were I could care less if she texts me. Of course we all would love to see that happen; I'm about to throw in the towel for good. A lot of readers see this and don't take it for the words written. All they see is when you move on THEY COME BACK. Which isn't the point at all and it's very releaving being able to finally understand the difference.

 

 

Im glad if I helped in anyway shape or form

 

 

Youre 100% right, everyone sees "they come back" when you move on.

 

So i push them to move on.

 

Funny part is theyll fake it saying i moved on...but why havent they came back yet?

 

Its only when you truly move on when things start to happen.

 

Continue on your journey..ull be just fine.

 

 

 

 

Barky

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AnyaNova

AnyaNova

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I think the most important thing for people to get from this thread is that walking away with dignity and CHOOSING NC is a way to take back the power after being dumped.

Yes. This. I wish I would have done this.

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Turnandcough

Turnandcough

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Im glad if I helped in anyway shape or form

 

 

Youre 100% right, everyone sees "they come back" when you move on.

 

So i push them to move on.

 

Funny part is theyll fake it saying i moved on...but why havent they came back yet?

 

Its only when you truly move on when things start to happen.

 

Continue on your journey..ull be just fine.

 

 

 

 

Barky

 

I do have a quick question for you. I am going to a concert pretty soon with a big group of buddies and I know she is gonna be there. It's been almost one month NC. I am already feeling pretty indifferent about her and my tickets are already purchased. How you think I should act? Just indifferent? I'm gonna have a blast because it's one of my favorite artist. I may even look for some hotties while I'm there =D.

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barky2

barky2

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I do have a quick question for you. I am going to a concert pretty soon with a big group of buddies and I know she is gonna be there. It's been almost one month NC. I am already feeling pretty indifferent about her and my tickets are already purchased. How you think I should act? Just indifferent? I'm gonna have a blast because it's one of my favorite artist. I may even look for some hotties while I'm there =D.

 

By no means are you even close to indifference.

 

If she walked by you kissing a dude would it bother you?

 

That's what I thought :)

 

How do you act?

 

You don't ACT.

 

You be yourself.

 

You enjoy your damn time there

 

You interact with your friends there.

 

If you happen to bump into her just simply say hi and continue on your buisness.

 

No need for a 20min catch up with her

 

Youre at a concert to have fun.

 

If she bothers you,tell her to contact you after the concert because you're trying to enjoy yourself.

 

And sure,chase as much tail as possible.

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

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Turnandcough

Turnandcough

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By no means are you even close to indifference.

 

If she walked by you kissing a dude would it bother you?

 

That's what I thought :)

 

How do you act?

 

You don't ACT.

 

You be yourself.

 

You enjoy your damn time there

 

You interact with your friends there.

 

If you happen to bump into her just simply say hi and continue on your buisness.

 

No need for a 20min catch up with her

 

Youre at a concert to have fun.

 

If she bothers you,tell her to contact you after the concert because you're trying to enjoy yourself.

 

And sure,chase as much tail as possible.

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

 

Alright you got me there, which she may try to do since 2 weeks after the BU she is already talking to another guy. I guess I should say I'm emotional stable lol. I don't think we would have the opportunity to bump into each other since she completely ignores me in public (I also have been). Yah it's going to be a blast! I'll make sure to post my feelings and the events after the concert. Thanks

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barky2

barky2

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My advice...avoid like the plague.

 

Doesn't mean to run away scared if you see her,just simply a head nod or something and continue walking.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

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Turnandcough

Turnandcough

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My advice...avoid like the plague.

 

Doesn't mean to run away scared if you see her,just simply a head nod or something and continue walking.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

 

I'm not to stressed over it. Just wanna make sure I'm doing the right steps for myself. It's crazy once you get out of your emotional state and realize I don't want the girl I used to love.

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organizedchaos

organizedchaos

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So now, what the heck do I do?

 

You drop off the face of the earth and you COMPLETELY focus every bit of your being into making yourself happy again.

 

Really glad I found this thread, Barky. Your post has really helped me. I've posted my story previously here.

 

Since that post I blocked her on Instagram this past Tuesday cutting the final connection. Seeing her name and photos pop up was not helping. So now, I'm completely dark to her. I did break my 2 weeks prior NC to text her I was blocking her so I could move on. Maybe I shouldn't have sent it, but I'm glad I did. We had a nice, short conversation, she explained herself a little more, but essentially, it's GIGS. She's turning 33 next week, I'm 42. We had an amazing relationship, and her ending it over not sure what she wants, wants to grow more, yadayadayada.

 

Anyway, this thread and the one in my sig have really helped me go completely dark. Maybe now with me completely gone she can really figure out what she wants, but I can also heal.

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barky2

barky2

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Good for you,taking that first leap isn't easy,but the best thing for you right now.

 

Glad my thread has helped you in some way shape or form

 

 

 

 

Barky

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iouaname

iouaname

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Just to kind of add to this...

 

I haven't posted in a while, but I had a rough breakup that consisted of a lot of breaking no contact on both ends and a lot of me not moving on. Anyway, at the end of August I found out that he had been sleeping with someone else and was wanting a relationship with her. Something clicked in me in that moment and I sort of stopped caring about him at all. I went to school the next week and got extremely busy with school, new friends, new activities, etc. To be honest, I sort of stopped thinking about him. And what do you know? He contacted me twice last month. I know that that doesn't sound too strange, but this guy actually stopped initiating contact with me in April, so to all of the sudden initiate contact with me was somewhat of a shock. It truly was as soon as I started moving on and stopped thinking about him.

 

Just wanted to throw that out there. Good luck everyone who is still struggling to move past an ex! You'll get there! :love:

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