if you've been broken up with / broken hearted

[Pa76]

You said it yourSelf, you weren't the most happiest person with her.

 

So you were content.

 

That's no way to live.

 

So once again, be excited for the next chapter, because the person you'll end up with, you will be the happiest person in the world.

 

 

 

Barky

 

 

Explains how I was with my ex....was content. Glad it's over and looking forward to next chapter in my life.

[Never Again]

Explains how I was with my ex....was content. Glad it's over and looking forward to next chapter in my life.

 

Being glad it's over is great.

 

However, I'm a little surprised at people dismissing being "content".

 

Um.

 

Content is a good thing. It shouldn't be the only thing you feel in a relationship, but being the "happiest" you can be all the time is exhausting.

 

Yes, at some points they should make you the happiest person alive. But, if at the end of the day you can't handle being "just happy" or "content" for a majority of the time, you're going to end up chasing a fantasy. Being content is not being complacent - it's a mildly positive state. It's not "happiest", but it is "happy".

 

Not the point of this thread, but still an important thing to remember. This is why many of us are better off without our ex - they couldn't handle being generally happy. Cut those unsatisfied people loose. They're too much work, and trying to make them "the happiest" will make you miserable.

[Kevin_D]

Not the point of this thread, but still an important thing to remember. This is why many of us are better off without our ex - they couldn't handle being generally happy. Cut those unsatisfied people loose. They're too much work, and trying to make them "the happiest" will make you miserable.

 

Word. I think this is a huge problem. People dream about these Hollywood style lifes. Facebook doesn't help here. So they start chasing dreams instead.

[barky2]

Being glad it's over is great.

 

However, I'm a little surprised at people dismissing being "content".

 

Um.

 

Content is a good thing. It shouldn't be the only thing you feel in a relationship, but being the "happiest" you can be all the time is exhausting.

 

Yes, at some points they should make you the happiest person alive. But, if at the end of the day you can't handle being "just happy" or "content" for a majority of the time, you're going to end up chasing a fantasy. Being content is not being complacent - it's a mildly positive state. It's not "happiest", but it is "happy".

 

Not the point of this thread, but still an important thing to remember. This is why many of us are better off without our ex - they couldn't handle being generally happy. Cut those unsatisfied people loose. They're too much work, and trying to make them "the happiest" will make you miserable.

 

Lol I won't get in a battle with you, what and how I'll end this is this.

 

You go ahead and live content.

 

I'll live happy.

 

That's the bottom line.

 

That's like someone coming up and asking you " how are you" and your response is " ok"

 

And then the same person asking me, and my response is " excellent "

 

Make any sense?

 

I don't want to live being content on where I'm at, or who I'm with, or how I feel.

 

What I've learned, if something isn't making the happiest I've been, cut it off and try again.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[Never Again]

Lol I won't get in a battle with you, what and how I'll end this is this.

 

You go ahead and live content.

 

I'll live happy.

 

That's the bottom line.

 

That's like someone coming up and asking you " how are you" and your response is " ok"

 

And then the same person asking me, and my response is " excellent "

 

Make any sense?

 

I don't want to live being content on where I'm at, or who I'm with, or how I feel.

 

What I've learned, if something isn't making the happiest I've been, cut it off and try again.

 

 

 

 

Barky

 

From Google:

 

Content (adjective):

 

1.) in a state of peaceful happiness.

 

2.) satisfied with a certain level of achievement, good fortune, etc., and not wishing for more.

 

 

Perhaps we're looking at it differently, but living content IS living happy.

 

Nothing will always make you the happiest you've ever been. As long as it has, has the potential to, and there's something to work towards, where's the harm in being temporarily content.

 

Saying that "content" and "happy" are different, and refusing to deal with the former at all, is a very black and white way of looking at the world.

 

If you're arguing against being complacent and comfortable, which is totally different, then I agree with you.

Edited November 28, 2013 by Pfenixphire

[headinthecloud]

Bump...for laddie. While NC is not possible for him, barky's concepts about how your ex feels about you are helpful in moving on. Good luck, laddie!

[burrito]

Hey barky,

 

So I accidentally broke no contact with my ex, and I feel like I gave her "the upper hand". She was the last to initiate contact before I accidentally contacted her. I feel also feel I have to start from square one of no contact again ...

 

Your opinion would be great

[barky2]

Stop your head spinning.

 

That's first and foremost.

 

Believe me I was the worst at nc...and the only time I stuck to it was when I was ready.

 

So who cares, you did a little bump in the road.

 

Hide back in your nc cave where it's safe.

 

Youll get threw it, just hibernate for awhile, as much as you don't want to hear it...someday soon, I promise you, you'll be over it and back happy again.

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

[barky2]

Happy thanksgiving to you.

 

I take content differently then how google or you may take it.

 

My thread won't turn into a battleground of google words.

 

If rather be genuinely happy, than content.

 

Have a blessed day.

 

 

 

 

Barky

 

 

 

Content (adjective):

 

1.) in a state of peaceful happiness.

 

2.) satisfied with a certain level of achievement, good fortune, etc., and not wishing for more.

 

 

Perhaps we're looking at it differently, but living content IS living happy.

 

Nothing will always make you the happiest you've ever been. As long as it has, has the potential to, and there's something to work towards, where's the harm in being temporarily content.

 

Saying that "content" and "happy" are different, and refusing to deal with the former at all, is a very black and white way of looking at the world.

 

If you're arguing against being complacent and comfortable, which is totally different, then I agree with you.

[Just smile]

Profound very profound,

[headinthecloud]

Bump for miffymars and new members.

[headinthecloud]

Bump for solostman.

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

Barky2 u talk such sense!... your GF is a lucky lady... do u have a brother! lol x

[barky2]

Barky2 u talk such sense!... your GF is a lucky lady... do u have a brother! lol x

 

Lol I just blushed

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

[headinthecloud]

Bump for those who are on the first couple weeks of NC.

[organizedchaos]

I read Barky's first post in this thread about once a week.

 

You drop off the face of the earth

 

This is the part that really spoke to me and I think is important for people to understand the importance and impact of doing.

[EuTuBrute]

Yes drop of the face of the earth... Like i posted earlier in thread, my ex contacted me and wanted to get coffee and then blew me off.... and now im back to square one.

 

GO NC! GO NC! GO NC! GO NC!

 

However now i have learned, in the future when my ex will contact me (They always do) i sit and do nothing till i hear the magic words, "i want you back, i made a mistake." <---everything else is bull****. --->

 

To add to barkys original post... everything he said is spot on... plus id like to add while doing nothing and going into deep NC... take them off the damn pedestal!!!! They are not that special

[laddie]

Bump...for laddie. While NC is not possible for him, barky's concepts about how your ex feels about you are helpful in moving on. Good luck, laddie!

 

Just noticed this, thanks for caring!

[Daisy2013]

Thank you for this. I am going to do this starting today. My only problem is I will see him once per week and it can't be helped. I hope I make it through this, I've loved him like no other, I dont think my heart will ever heal. He loves me also and wants to continue to call me and be my friend. I can't be his friend. Circumstances are such we cannot be together.

 

Selfishly, I wish I could go to sleep and not wake up.

[Trapp-er]

Barky, I would appreciate your thoughts on my situation. Thanks.

[mutualove]

A little bump for the broken hearted and a Q for barky,I think you mentioned you got back together with a former GF in your first post here so how are things going if you don't mind my asking because I'm beginning to think second chances don't exist and don't work.Not that I gave anyone a second chance or they came back.Just wondering...

[barky2]

I answered the same question on another thread, but I'll update since that was a long time ago.

 

The reconciliation happened over jeez, 16-18 months ago?

 

I got what every dumpee wanted.

 

The return with open arms.

 

We spent a long time apart, so I listened.

 

During my time single, I changed, big time, for the better.

 

I grew confident, independent, fun loving , back to who I was prior to the relationship.

 

During us broken up I met someone that I casually dated. She was just like me. She was in all aspects better than my ex. She was perfect for me. We were never really official , just kept it light and had fun.

 

After my ex came back, we after a week fell back into the same routine.

 

And I yearned for the girl I was dating.

 

I never played them both, it actually happened quite weird, she girl I was "seeing" but " not really" more like a friendship, with a physical relationship if that makes any sense had to go out of town for a few weeks.

 

I saw thing clearly that my ex and I wouldn't ever work, at least not for awhile.

 

We were together for 10 years and being apart for about 8 months, I grew, she didn't.

 

The same old fights, the same old routine.

 

I wanted no part of it.

 

Now almost a year later, and my ex completely out of my head, I'm still with the girl I was " kinda seeing" although now we are a couple, she found out she was pregnant the day after Christmas, and I'm looking now for a ring.

 

So it wasn't until I realised my ex and I wouldn't work, got her out of my head, wished her the best, it wasn't until then, I saw my new girl in a new light.

 

I fell for her....hard.

 

As she did for me.

 

She's perfect in every way shape and form, and we both want the same thing out of life.

 

I took the almost year of being single to travel, be "single ;)" , casually date.

 

Because I originally left the relationship bc of "gigs"

 

I wanted more. I wanted to see more. I wanted to party and hookup because I never got to do anything like that before because I was always in a relationship.

 

I never thought I'd love anyone like I loved my ex.

 

We went thru a lot, more than any couple should.

 

I wish her the best, I truly do.

 

But I love my girl now, more than I've ever loved my ex.

 

So just a note to everyone reading this, life does go on after a breakup.

 

You'll find someone else who you just may love more.

 

The thing is, take the time to be single.

 

If I didn't I wouldn't be in anyway shape or form ready for a new relationship.

 

I'd run away again.

 

But I'm ready to start my life.

 

I have a child on the way, with the most amazing women I've ever met, and it was so unexpected....the relationship , we both said we never woulda thought it would've led to this.

 

Be neither one of us regret anything.

 

Maybe one day me and the ex could get back together, maybe not.

 

I'm a family man now, and I don't believe in divorces, it ruined my childhood.

 

And my ex has to grow up, she's still a 27year old child.

 

So who knows, that's the best part of life.

 

But what I have now, I turned down my ex to see it out, and one day you might get that chance too.

 

 

They always come back, but most of the time, it's too late.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[JDPT]

Congrats Barky, you are certainly heading in the right directions. I read everyone how you ex eventually "comes back" every time I read this line I fee as if it does not apply to me, hope that's a good thing. I subliminally may not want her to come back or perhaps I've lost all hope, or maybe I just don't want her to ever come back, whatever it is, it helps me move forward. I view my past relationship as one big mistake but hey it's what we do after we make a mistake what counts yes? I'm gradually learning more and more about myself. I'm learning to hold myself at much higher regards and know what I'm willing to tolerate and what I'm not. I don't mean to be particular with the next girl but it certainly helps me sort out what I'm truly looking for in life.

[conf]

You were one of the few who had a successful second chance in this forum. You were the living truth about GIGS and second chances that can be successful and with your last post you will shatter the hopes of many dumpees in this forum. Maybe this is a proof that second chances dont work and that GIGS break ups hide some unresolved issues or incompatibilities issues between the two partners. As a result GIGS break ups dont differ to any other break up :S

[barky2]

I think you look at it the wrong way.

 

I think you should look at it as if both parties involved mature and grow away from each other , second chances can work.

 

My ex got gigs, I got gigs, end of the day at this moment in time we weren't compatible.

 

My story shouldn't shatter anyone's.

 

My life is no reflection on anyone else's.

 

My life shouldn't hold hope to anyone's.

 

That's not moving on and letting go.

 

End of the day we weren't ment for each other.

 

I expressed and opened up about my life today, I don't need criticism from you or anyone else, and if I shattered your dreams I'm sorry.

 

I've been thru a lot in 2 years, I pass what I've been thru with the pain and suffering and coming out of it a better person and moving on.

 

I got my second chance, I've had 5 of then with her.

 

After the dust settled and we got back together, I wasn't happy.

 

It was the same old routine.

 

I wanted no part of it.

 

I chose to go down another route, because I deserve to be happy.

 

Right now, I wouldn't have Been happy with my ex.

 

Sorry to burst your bubble.

 

Second third forth fifth million chances happen, but your missing my point IF BOTH PARTIES DONT GROW WITH THE TIME APART IT WONT WORK.

 

 

 

 

Barky