if you've been broken up with / broken hearted

[barky2]

My ex and I were together for 5 years and broke up last June because he was emotionally cheating on me with our neighbor.

At this point, they are not 'exclusive' but I know they spend a lot of time together and I know that she at least is really into him.

 

Right after the breakup I was nc, and hurting really bad. I finally started to feel better, and somehow we came back in contact with texting almost everyday and seeing each other occasionally. He of course said he missed me and loved me and wanted to move home because he doesn't have any real friends where he lives(I moved home after the breakup, about two hours away from him)

 

He had told me he was not talking to this other girl anymore because he knew it hurt me and I wouldn't tolerate it. Well turns out he lied about that.

 

Anyways, his sister and brother in law opened a business right after I got home and asked me to work for them because they needed someone thy could trust and I needed a job, so I said yes. I fell in love with them and my job, they're my friends now and I make good money. His sister thinks he's being a complete ass in this stage in his life and thinks he made a mistake effing things up with me. So we have talked about him, but we dont regularly and I don't really connect him with them much in my mind because I never really got to know them while we were together. The relationship I have with them was forged completely on my own. I just can't help but wonder if this is detrimental to me though, even though I'm feeling pretty good about being single right now.

 

Sticky situation! I'd like your opinion...I am in nc with him again.

 

 

The trust is gone.

 

Gone.

 

Not only did he emotionally cheat on you, but then he lied about still being in contact with her.

 

The job on the other hand, if you can separate your personal life with business than I don't see a problem with it, as long as you can do just that, seperate.

 

It'll take a long time to even begin to trust him again, and even if, you'd be constantly wondering everyday.

 

Can you get over it?

 

Sure of course you can.

 

It'll take a long time of him constantly proving himself ect

 

It won't be easy, so you need to take a step back and think about that before you even think about getting back together.

 

I've been down that road and it's not fun nor easy, when the newness wears off you'll be stuck in that rut of wondering if he's still talking to her, or another girl.

 

Me , I'd say be single for awhile.

 

I was single for awhile and I had the most fun I've ever had in my life.

 

But like I said about your job, if you can handle it, stay.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[Jessicalo]

Thanks for replying!

I feel like, at this point, I'm not really into the idea of taking him back.

Right now he doesn't want me, and maybe he never will again. Only time will tell.

But you're right about the trust, it no longer exists.

I've reached a certain level of acceptance of him not being in my life, he chose this other woman over me, who knows maybe they'll be together forever.

 

The main thing is my job, I've had doubts about my decision in working there but they treat me very well, and my input is always welcome and considered which is a nice feeling! I thoroughly enjoy working with them.

 

The other hurdle I'm jumping is 'why is she more special than me, we had 5 years together?!'

But it's not me! We got along well, not one day went by in 4 years of our relationship that I didn't see him or fall asleep with him.

We were one in the same.

We enjoyed each other's company so much we were together all of the time.

Things change, people change, and I'm trying to focus 100% on me.

Being my own person is wonderful for a change, I just miss his spirit in my life.

[sooshi]

You seem vary mature, Jessica. You understand that it wasn't YOU and you see that things and people change. I'm really proud of you for resolving to focusing on yourself! It's understandable to miss his spirit in your life, but I'm glad that you see that being your own person is wonderful. May your spirit soar during this challenging time.

[barky2]

Thanks for replying!

I feel like, at this point, I'm not really into the idea of taking him back.

Right now he doesn't want me, and maybe he never will again. Only time will tell.

But you're right about the trust, it no longer exists.

I've reached a certain level of acceptance of him not being in my life, he chose this other woman over me, who knows maybe they'll be together forever.

 

The main thing is my job, I've had doubts about my decision in working there but they treat me very well, and my input is always welcome and considered which is a nice feeling! I thoroughly enjoy working with them.

 

The other hurdle I'm jumping is 'why is she more special than me, we had 5 years together?!'

But it's not me! We got along well, not one day went by in 4 years of our relationship that I didn't see him or fall asleep with him.

We were one in the same.

We enjoyed each other's company so much we were together all of the time.

Things change, people change, and I'm trying to focus 100% on me.

Being my own person is wonderful for a change, I just miss his spirit in my life.

 

If you're not having any problems working there, stay.

 

If you ever feel over whelmed than you have to rethink your options.

 

The hardest part of a breakup especially when you were with eachother everyday is being alone.

 

Give it a little more time and you'll begin to love being alone.

 

Stay at work, but if detrimental to your healing, than leave.

 

Chin up!

 

 

 

Barky

[Jessicalo]

Thanks for the support guys.

I just broke nc unfortunately and found out he is thinking of moving in with her next month(according to her social media).

 

I wonder if she knows the things he said to me over the last few months.

They haven't even known each other a whole year yet!

I guess this just means he is 100% over it, he has just been feeding me lies.

[Elle1975]

The last sentence you should put as your quote in your profile, and any time you get weak you read it.

 

 

Barky

 

Thanks That's the way I handle life. I lost my sister two years ago, that's what pain is for me now. Not to say that I don't feel sad over my break up, just saying "I decide".

[barky2]

Thanks for the support guys.

I just broke nc unfortunately and found out he is thinking of moving in with her next month(according to her social media).

 

I wonder if she knows the things he said to me over the last few months.

They haven't even known each other a whole year yet!

I guess this just means he is 100% over it, he has just been feeding me lies.

 

More of the reason to completely cut ties and continue with your healing process.

 

It could blow up in their faces, or it could last forever.

 

One doesn't truly no another person until you live with them.

 

But do yourself a favor and don't stick around.

 

If he reaches out, ignore.

 

I promise you'll be just fine.

 

 

Barky

[barky2]

Thanks That's the way I handle life. I lost my sister two years ago, that's what pain is for me now. Not to say that I don't feel sad over my break up, just saying "I decide".

 

I'm so sorry to hear that, you have a great outlook, don't let anyone ever change that.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[nutcheesy]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/473722-win-her-back-nc

 

 

Give me some advise...

[barky2]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/473722-win-her-back-nc

 

 

Give me some advise...

 

Is that an order? Lol

 

 

Barky

[nutcheesy]

Thanks Barky. Really appreciate the help i am getting from the forum. :p

 

I told her that i'm not going to contact her anymore, which is going well. I dont have the urge to text her anymore but i cant stop thinking about her? Every hour i catch myself thinking about her.. about us.. about she and the new guy. Everyday i tell myself, ok i am not going to check out her facebook, i am not going to check out the new guy's tumblr/instagram. Next minute, i find myself doing the exact same thing. It's like im just waiting for him or her to upload their photo tgt. Her facebook profile pic is still ours tho. I want to move on badly, but i dnt know why i am still holdng back! I have even started reading the secret. LOL. ARGHHH. so so so tough. Any more ideas?

[barky2]

Thanks Barky. Really appreciate the help i am getting from the forum. :p

 

I told her that i'm not going to contact her anymore, which is going well. I dont have the urge to text her anymore but i cant stop thinking about her? Every hour i catch myself thinking about her.. about us.. about she and the new guy. Everyday i tell myself, ok i am not going to check out her facebook, i am not going to check out the new guy's tumblr/instagram. Next minute, i find myself doing the exact same thing. It's like im just waiting for him or her to upload their photo tgt. Her facebook profile pic is still ours tho. I want to move on badly, but i dnt know why i am still holdng back! I have even started reading the secret. LOL. ARGHHH. so so so tough. Any more ideas?

 

 

She'll be on your mind for quite a good time, it's just what you do when she pops in your head, makes the difference.

 

Don't think of her 6 months ago when she was all cute and cuddly in your arms, think of the girl now that has a boyfriend.

 

Soon enough you'll start tricking your mind and you get mad instead of sad.

 

And for the fb instagram stuff, listen man I'll be real with you, everyone can tell you to stop, but you won't, only until one thing happens.

 

You see something you didn't want to see, and it crushes you.

 

That's when you stop.

 

Can I warn you to stop before that happens?

 

Sure can.

 

Will you stop?

 

Nope.

 

Might not be tomorrow you see something, could be a few months, but you will...that's a crappy promise to tell someone.

 

 

Chin up, you'll come out of this a better person you went in as.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[chris9210]

Hello, this is a great thread! I intend on putting this advice into practice, in fact I already have done, I've not contacted her since yesterday (I know that's not long at all but I've just come across this thread!) this part isn't too bad, although it is difficult, its the getting over her and moving on part of this plan that is difficult for me. This seems like an important part of this plan but I just can't seem to get her out of my mind, even when I try she surfaces without me meaning to think about her! I will probably post a more in depth post on my situation so that I can get the help but I just wanted to ask a question about this thread. You say that if your ex moves on not to give a crap, because its "just sex" and "they don't have the emotional bond you guys do". Now I realize that this isn't always the case but is there any way of knowing? Or is it just a case of wait and see? The reason I ask is because her new relationship seems perfect, she seems to adore him and she is always telling me how amazing he is, how she's never felt this way about anyone etc (she said the same exact thing to me when I first got with her) so it would seem to be more serious than a rebound? I would appreciate any help, I can provide more details if necessary but I am going to create a thread anyway so it will all be in there. Thanks in advance!

[Youngy952]

Hello, this is a great thread! I intend on putting this advice into practice, in fact I already have done, I've not contacted her since yesterday (I know that's not long at all but I've just come across this thread!) this part isn't too bad, although it is difficult, its the getting over her and moving on part of this plan that is difficult for me. This seems like an important part of this plan but I just can't seem to get her out of my mind, even when I try she surfaces without me meaning to think about her! I will probably post a more in depth post on my situation so that I can get the help but I just wanted to ask a question about this thread. You say that if your ex moves on not to give a crap, because its "just sex" and "they don't have the emotional bond you guys do". Now I realize that this isn't always the case but is there any way of knowing? Or is it just a case of wait and see? The reason I ask is because her new relationship seems perfect, she seems to adore him and she is always telling me how amazing he is, how she's never felt this way about anyone etc (she said the same exact thing to me when I first got with her) so it would seem to be more serious than a rebound? I would appreciate any help, I can provide more details if necessary but I am going to create a thread anyway so it will all be in there. Thanks in advance!

 

The highlighted parts should answer your question.

 

Happy people don't have to tell you they are happy.

[chris9210]

The highlighted parts should answer your question.

 

Happy people don't have to tell you they are happy.

 

Hello thank you for your reply! So what you're saying is the fact she keeps telling me how happy she is would actually indicate the opposite? Interesting if this is what you meant.

[barky2]

Thanks Barky. Really appreciate the help i am getting from the forum. :p

 

I told her that i'm not going to contact her anymore, which is going well. I dont have the urge to text her anymore but i cant stop thinking about her? Every hour i catch myself thinking about her.. about us.. about she and the new guy. Everyday i tell myself, ok i am not going to check out her facebook, i am not going to check out the new guy's tumblr/instagram. Next minute, i find myself doing the exact same thing. It's like im just waiting for him or her to upload their photo tgt. Her facebook profile pic is still ours tho. I want to move on badly, but i dnt know why i am still holdng back! I have even started reading the secret. LOL. ARGHHH. so so so tough. Any more ideas?

 

Hello, this is a great thread! I intend on putting this advice into practice, in fact I already have done, I've not contacted her since yesterday (I know that's not long at all but I've just come across this thread!) this part isn't too bad, although it is difficult, its the getting over her and moving on part of this plan that is difficult for me. This seems like an important part of this plan but I just can't seem to get her out of my mind, even when I try she surfaces without me meaning to think about her! I will probably post a more in depth post on my situation so that I can get the help but I just wanted to ask a question about this thread. You say that if your ex moves on not to give a crap, because its "just sex" and "they don't have the emotional bond you guys do". Now I realize that this isn't always the case but is there any way of knowing? Or is it just a case of wait and see? The reason I ask is because her new relationship seems perfect, she seems to adore him and she is always telling me how amazing he is, how she's never felt this way about anyone etc (she said the same exact thing to me when I first got with her) so it would seem to be more serious than a rebound? I would appreciate any help, I can provide more details if necessary but I am going to create a thread anyway so it will all be in there. Thanks in advance!

 

 

Sorry to hear you're going through this.

 

First off, there's many variables that go into what I said, length of time y'all were together, how long have they ect.

 

But in the way I ment it, if y'all were together and best friends, than what I said applies.

 

No there's no way knowing.

 

And there's also a saying, " people try and paint poop gold"

 

She very well maybe happy, but she may not.

 

Usually if people are happy it shows, they don't have to paint it gold.

 

Best thing to do is cut he's 100% and complete.

 

Focus on moving on.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[chris9210]

Sorry to hear you're going through this.

 

First off, there's many variables that go into what I said, length of time y'all were together, how long have they ect.

 

But in the way I ment it, if y'all were together and best friends, than what I said applies.

 

No there's no way knowing.

 

And there's also a saying, " people try and paint poop gold"

 

She very well maybe happy, but she may not.

 

Usually if people are happy it shows, they don't have to paint it gold.

 

Best thing to do is cut he's 100% and complete.

 

Focus on moving on.

 

 

 

 

Barky

 

Hello Barky, I appreciate the reply! Just to add, we were together 5 years, have two kids and a house together, they have been together around 3 weeks based on the information provided by her, although I have since found out she was speaking to him before she left, so if we take this as their "anniversary" then its been about 6 weeks. Signs seem to point to a rebound, its just a few things make me think otherwise, such as the fact they went on a weekend away together last week and she tells me she's never felt like this before etc. I've posted a thread with all the details if you wanted to know more: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/473986-newly-broken-hearted#post5665020

 

Also the fact she doesn't want anything to do with me makes me think that she is happy with her new man, I feel like this breakup hasn't affected her like it has me. Once again thank you for your reply!

 

Edit: the guy she is with now is her ex from about 6 years ago, probably makes no difference but I feel it is quite key to the story!

Edited April 25, 2014 by chris9210
added info

[barky2]

Hello Barky, I appreciate the reply! Just to add, we were together 5 years, have two kids and a house together, they have been together around 3 weeks based on the information provided by her, although I have since found out she was speaking to him before she left, so if we take this as their "anniversary" then its been about 6 weeks. Signs seem to point to a rebound, its just a few things make me think otherwise, such as the fact they went on a weekend away together last week and she tells me she's never felt like this before etc. I've posted a thread with all the details if you wanted to know more: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/473986-newly-broken-hearted#post5665020

 

Also the fact she doesn't want anything to do with me makes me think that she is happy with her new man, I feel like this breakup hasn't affected her like it has me. Once again thank you for your reply!

 

Edit: the guy she is with now is her ex from about 6 years ago, probably makes no difference but I feel it is quite key to the story!

 

 

 

Listen, doesn't matter if she's with someone she knows or not, it's still the butterflies and all happy crap.

 

She turned to someone she's comfortable with.

 

Vacations, date night, it's all apart of the newness.

 

The less you do the more right now.

 

You have to 100% cut contact right now.

 

If you talk to her you feed into their relationship.

 

Take a damn breath,lol

 

 

Barky

[chris9210]

Listen, doesn't matter if she's with someone she knows or not, it's still the butterflies and all happy crap.

 

She turned to someone she's comfortable with.

 

Vacations, date night, it's all apart of the newness.

 

The less you do the more right now.

 

You have to 100% cut contact right now.

 

If you talk to her you feed into their relationship.

 

Take a damn breath,lol

 

 

Barky

 

This makes so much sense! I will cut off all contact (besides the necessary stuff, we have kids) and just let their relationship run its course, there's nothing I can do now besides focus on myself and the future. I take it by feeding into their relationship you mean by me interacting with her, trying to convince her she should be with me etc, that I'm not only damaging any chances (however remote) but also pushing her further towards him, therefore making their relationship stronger? If you're not already, you should maybe consider counselling as your next career path! Thank you once again for the brilliant advice!

[barky2]

This makes so much sense! I will cut off all contact (besides the necessary stuff, we have kids) and just let their relationship run its course, there's nothing I can do now besides focus on myself and the future. I take it by feeding into their relationship you mean by me interacting with her, trying to convince her she should be with me etc, that I'm not only damaging any chances (however remote) but also pushing her further towards him, therefore making their relationship stronger? If you're not already, you should maybe consider counselling as your next career path! Thank you once again for the brilliant advice!

 

Sometimes it's just a outsiders pov that makes it click.

 

Yes think of it like that, everytime you beg plead ect you push her more.

 

There's a push pull theory, look it up.

 

The less you do, the more she comes.

 

More you do, the further she goes.

 

Glad it clicked, just keep posting here if you have any weak times, keep yourself busy... And for god sakes dude your single... Go be a newly single guy.. I'm telling you what, I was single for almost a year with causal dating ... But I had the time of my life.

 

 

 

Barky

[chris9210]

So I keep being tempted to look on both of their Facebook pages! I don't have them as friends but I can still see her pictures and his status updates. I've deactivated my account but its too easy to just reactivate it and check what's new. The last time I checked she commented on his status telling him she loved him, and there was also a picture of her in what I suspect is his bedroom. This was enough to make me stop but I still keep getting these urges to check on her, I hate not being able to see her, we were always together over our five year relationship, we would share everything and now she wants nothing to do with me, all her time is devoted to him and it kills me. I won't check her Facebook again, instead I will post on here so people can talk me out of it! The hardest part of this is knowing I will never get her back no matter what I try

[barky2]

So I keep being tempted to look on both of their Facebook pages! I don't have them as friends but I can still see her pictures and his status updates. I've deactivated my account but its too easy to just reactivate it and check what's new. The last time I checked she commented on his status telling him she loved him, and there was also a picture of her in what I suspect is his bedroom. This was enough to make me stop but I still keep getting these urges to check on her, I hate not being able to see her, we were always together over our five year relationship, we would share everything and now she wants nothing to do with me, all her time is devoted to him and it kills me. I won't check her Facebook again, instead I will post on here so people can talk me out of it! The hardest part of this is knowing I will never get her back no matter what I try

 

 

 

 

I've said it a million times.

 

You will continue to check his and her Facebook until you see something that Really hurts you to the core.

 

I can tell you the fire is hot, but until you feel it, you won't learn.

 

I promise you , maybe not today, maybe not in a month, but one day you'll check it and you'll see something you wish you didn't see.

 

 

Barky

[chris9210]

I've said it a million times.

 

You will continue to check his and her Facebook until you see something that Really hurts you to the core.

 

I can tell you the fire is hot, but until you feel it, you won't learn.

 

I promise you , maybe not today, maybe not in a month, but one day you'll check it and you'll see something you wish you didn't see.

 

 

Barky

 

Yea you're right, I think I already did see a few things that make me not want to go on there again, I saw one of his statuses and she told him she loved him on it, also the picture of her in his bedroom hurt me so I won't be going there again. You being right about this gives me more faith in everything else you've said so I will be putting it all into practice and hopefully getting some results!

[barky2]

Yea you're right, I think I already did see a few things that make me not want to go on there again, I saw one of his statuses and she told him she loved him on it, also the picture of her in his bedroom hurt me so I won't be going there again. You being right about this gives me more faith in everything else you've said so I will be putting it all into practice and hopefully getting some results!

 

Lol ya unfortunately I've been there done that.

 

Barky

[chris9210]

I've just blocked her from whatsapp, which is usually our main form of communication, besides emails. I'm not sure what good this will do as she initiated no contact with me first by blocking me, won't me blocking her now lose the effect of no contact? I know that's not what its for anyway, its for me to heal, but sometimes it drives people crazy if you ignore them, or so I've heard. I also feel like this would destroy any hope (no matter how remote) of reconciliation in the future? Or will she find any way to contact me if this is what she ends up wanting? Unlikely, but you never know. Either way I will be using this time to heal and try to move on while not speaking to her, I suppose it can only do good I just don't want her forgetting me if she hasn't already, and push her further into his arms, since she will have more time now she's not speaking to me, to spend developing their relationship.