if you've been broken up with / broken hearted

[chris9210]

Something happened recently while I was speaking to my ex that I would like some thoughts on. We were talking on the phone and somehow it came up that I was speaking to this girl, I told her we were just friends for now but my ex thought we were seeing each other. Anyway, a few days passed and I ended up having a phone call with my ex again and this girl came up again, my ex started calling her names and putting her down, just generally bad mouthing her. Now, I know why I would do this about her new boyfriend but why would she be calling her names like this? Is it just to hurt me or what? I just thought I would share as the only reason I bad mouth her new boyfriend is because I'm jealous of the fact he stole her from me, I know she isn't jealous of me with another girl but I would just like some thoughts on this?

[FredJones80]

Today is particularly awful for me...I had a dream we got back together and I kissed her, then I was back in my painful reality.

 

I'm still so confused with so many questions and I don't think i was given a fair deal in the break-up at all. The sad fact is that i sensed something was wrong for a couple of weeks, I was making my mistakes, I was too smothering at the end because I lost trust and I was afraid she would cheat on me, and I wasn't supportive enough of her, but she basically refused to give me any straight communication.

 

I even attempted to discuss it with her, why her body language was different, why she hardly wanted to have sex, and all I could get was "I don't know why I'm changing". So instead of discussing anything with me and trying to work through any problem she just ****ing jumps ship at the first hurdle. I don't understand how someone can say things like "I can't imagine my life without you" or "I'll probably never leave you unless you cheated on me(which I did not)", then turn around a few weeks later and dump everything. Some days/weeks it feels like I'm moving on, but honestly I don't think I will ever not love her and somewhere deep down I will always hope she will give me another chance.

 

Wow, your story sounds pretty similar to me... women huh.

[jbelle6]

Today is particularly awful for me...I had a dream we got back together and I kissed her, then I was back in my painful reality.

 

I'm still so confused with so many questions and I don't think i was given a fair deal in the break-up at all. The sad fact is that i sensed something was wrong for a couple of weeks, I was making my mistakes, I was too smothering at the end because I lost trust and I was afraid she would cheat on me, and I wasn't supportive enough of her, but she basically refused to give me any straight communication.

 

I even attempted to discuss it with her, why her body language was different, why she hardly wanted to have sex, and all I could get was "I don't know why I'm changing". So instead of discussing anything with me and trying to work through any problem she just ****ing jumps ship at the first hurdle. I don't understand how someone can say things like "I can't imagine my life without you" or "I'll probably never leave you unless you cheated on me(which I did not)", then turn around a few weeks later and dump everything. Some days/weeks it feels like I'm moving on, but honestly I don't think I will ever not love her and somewhere deep down I will always hope she will give me another chance.

 

 

 

Uggg, mine was saying he wanted to marry me a few days before he broke up with me. I don't get that either. I too sensed things were wrong weeks before and tried to cling to him even more which just made it worse. I am so sorry you are going through this too. The sex thing I think is because us women have a hard time separating sex from our feelings so if she was starting to feel different, she would not want sex as much with you as she had in the past. I have been the same at the end of a relationship before. I stop wanting to kiss him first then I don't want anything.

[FredJones80]

The sex thing I think is because us women have a hard time separating sex from our feelings so if she was starting to feel different, she would not want sex as much with you as she had in the past. I have been the same at the end of a relationship before. I stop wanting to kiss him first then I don't want anything.

 

I think that is totally correct. However the reason is definitely emotions, ie; happy more sex, unhappy less or no sex. It depends on the reasons for the emotions, ie; whats causing them to change and if something can change them back.

[johnson_j]

The day we broke up I noticed my ex would keep dropping my hand and wasn't too affectionate. So yeah that kind of lack of physical intimacy says a lot.

 

 

But we had a bad discussion this weekend. I found out she had been legally married the entire time we were together, and presumably tried to reconcile with this guy in the past month. So it was him, me, him, me, and now him again. I told her I wasn't being played and how I found out about her marriage and she accused me of being a stalker and such and says is not my concern. Isn't information like that important to share? Especially to a partner with whom you have entered into a committed relationship?

 

 

Never thought this would happen to me. The warning signs were there (phone blown up with text msgs for a guy - she claimed just a friend, etc)

[Zing]

Thanks for the kind words guys. I also realized today that she accepted her previous ex before me's friend request on facebook a few weeks ago. Doesn't really say much I guess, I don't think they're back together, guess it doesn't really matter since I've been with other girls, but it is messing with me head a lot that I know she hated the guy and yet she won't talk to me, let alone accept me on facebook.

 

As for the sex, yeah I understood why it was happening, I think for certain guys sex can be pretty emotional too. It makes me feel connected anyway, with the right person. But the thing that irritates me is that I tried to fix it and somehow THAT became the main reason it ended, she could not give me an answer so just decided on a bunch of utter bull**** like "we're just too different people" and "I need to date myself right now"

[jbelle6]

Hey Zing, maybe she hated him because he wasn't into her at the time? I am not sure.

 

My advice is to block her, I did that immediately, I questioned if it was an immature move but decided that it would be more immature to add guys to make him jealous and make peppy status updates as if my life is fantastic without him. I am not the game playing type. I also don't want to see his pics or friends list or comments on pics and in groups we both belong to, all of which I would still see if I just deleted him. BLOCK asap.

 

I'm doing ok, still sad and still drinking too much wine, but hey, it helps me get at least 6 ours of sleep instead of zero so I'll give myself a full week of that then back to normal. I am not doing no contact to get him back as I really don't think he will miss me or want me back, I am doing it to feel at least a bit less pathetic, I'm pretty embarrassed of my behavior in the relationship.

[chris9210]

And if anyone needs convincing that snooping on your ex is a VERY bad idea, I would like to share what I've learnt from my investigating. I've found out for one that she was cheating on me (if not physically then definitely emotionally) for a while, before she even met this new guy she's with now. I kinda hacked into a couple of her accounts she uses for online shopping and I discovered she was buying gifts for some guy she has slept with (wasn't even in a relationship with him and apparently meant nothing to her) as well as other things. This was at the same time she was seemingly happy with me, around Christmas when I thought everything was going so well. Just goes to show that you never really know a person, no matter how well you think you do, its made me lose all trust and faith in women and relationships in general and I hate myself for stooping to spying on her. Definitely NOT recommended.

[this2shallpass]

Thanks Barky, reading your first post here really made me feel better, and made me understand why it is soo important that i keep the NC!! Thank you

[barky2]

Hey everyone, just hoping for a bit of advice here.

I was broken up with just this Wednesday past so only a few days now. I know I made many mistakes in the relationship being just too needy and clingy with him, we were together a year and a half and I made him my life basically. I would have done anything he asked. Not very exciting or attractive to a man, and I am getting help for those issues so my next relationship will be more healthy.

 

He told me he needs to do this and work on himself, I cried a little bit but said ok, no hard feelings, and there aren't, he's a very kind man. I asked if he was still in love with me and he said "I don't know" (I take that as no). I asked if there was anything I could do to change his mind, he said no, he has to do this, but he still wants me in his life. I just said sorry but that's not going to be possible for me. I thanked him for calling and that was that. I didn't want to be desperate and clingy anymore, I won't beg someone to be with me.

 

So, I went downstairs after the call, made my relationship status private and blocked (deleting is NOT enough) him from Facebook. I don't get why people find that part difficult, I don't want to watch him add women or tell them how hot they are or posting pics, and it's none of his business what I'm up to or who I am dating now.

 

 

This morning I woke up to an email. It was a picture he has of me with this message:

 

"You are beautiful. You always have been. I have felt all messed up and lost the last few days. I keep wanting to cry all the time. I passed my test. I don't know how but I did. I want you to know that I will ALWAYS think you are the most gorgeous girl in the world. I miss talking to you."

 

 

 

I'm not sure how to respond to that if at all? Do I ignore it or do I do the quick don't contact me unless you want to work things out message. I think I should ignore it for at least the weekend so he doesn't think I was sitting at home all weekend pining over him. I also should add this was sent after 4am so he could have just been drinking.

 

 

 

 

Hey sorry it's taken so long to respond.

 

Read the story, and honestly could've told you that email was coming.

 

What he's doing is keeping you close, while " something " else is going on in the backround.

 

Work school friends another girl who knows.

 

I hope you didn't respond, as if you read my initial post, this is exactly when you dont give them an inch.

 

If he keeps writing just say hey were broken up, and there's no need to talk.

 

Give me an update!

 

 

 

 

Barky

[Elle1975]

Talking about snooping, I had a conversation with my friend. It all started because her 48 y old son has a password on his phone. She says it's because he does his banking on his phone. I said ok, let me ask him if his gf has the code. He came back to the table, and I asked. His reply? "hell no, too many incriminating stuff on my phone", with a smirk.

 

She maintains it's only for privacy, in case he loses his phone. Oh btw.. he has a different phone for work.

 

While I don't like snooping, or doing the snooping, if I have been dating you for a while, I'll leave my phone anywhere in your house. Nothing to hide.

[FredJones80]

While I don't like snooping, or doing the snooping, if I have been dating you for a while, I'll leave my phone anywhere in your house. Nothing to hide.

 

Definitely. A sign of a cheater is they never leave their phone laying about. Always on their person, more than not on silent.

[John manning]

Me and my ex have been broken up for two weeks now, with small amounts of contact here and there. When we talk theres no begging on either side about getting back together, she came over and we both admitted that we still cared a great deal about the other but it wasnt the right time (due to family problems on her side and a lot of exam stress on both parts)

 

Should I initiate NC , I dont want her to think I dont care. Ideally we would get back together but if not I need to get over her , Ive moped around and broken down too many times, been up and down , hugely incosistant.

 

I've tried not texting her but it hurts too much

[jbelle6]

Hey sorry it's taken so long to respond.

 

Read the story, and honestly could've told you that email was coming.

 

What he's doing is keeping you close, while " something " else is going on in the backround.

 

Work school friends another girl who knows.

 

I hope you didn't respond, as if you read my initial post, this is exactly when you dont give them an inch.

 

If he keeps writing just say hey were broken up, and there's no need to talk.

 

Give me an update!

 

 

 

 

Barky

 

 

Hi Barky!

 

I did read all the posts on this thread, that's how I knew to bring the message here first. No, I did not message him back at all for a couple of reasons, the advice I got here, and I know I would feel worse if I gave that tiny scrap of power I do have away for so little. Everyone should bring their messages here or to a sensible friend, we are not objective when we are in pain. The only thing I saw when I read his message was "I miss talking to you" which my heart read as "I miss you", but he didn't say he misses or loves me.

 

I'm pretty sure I know why this happened. My gut felt it coming for months now, he would pull away to get some space but wouldn't tell me that's what he needed so I'd get so terrified of him leaving me that I'd cling even more. I just felt him slipping away since after Christmas. He almost broke up with me then actually. I wish I knew then what I know now so I could've perhaps tried the low contact back then while there was still hope rather than now that there is no chance and not much feelings left on his part. He cried when he broke it off but I think at this point he is relieved.

 

I have a feeling that message will be the last I get but if I get more I will post them before I act on them.

 

Thanks much for reading and the advice!!!

[jbelle6]

Oh, and I would not be surprised if he did have someone else, possibly from 3-4 weeks before we broke up at all. Either online or in person not sure. I felt something then. Beauty is, I'll never have to know because he's blocked so I never stalk his Facebook. I swear some of you are masochists.

[Zing]

Hey Zing, maybe she hated him because he wasn't into her at the time? I am not sure.

 

My advice is to block her, I did that immediately, I questioned if it was an immature move but decided that it would be more immature to add guys to make him jealous and make peppy status updates as if my life is fantastic without him. I am not the game playing type. I also don't want to see his pics or friends list or comments on pics and in groups we both belong to, all of which I would still see if I just deleted him. BLOCK asap.

 

I'm doing ok, still sad and still drinking too much wine, but hey, it helps me get at least 6 ours of sleep instead of zero so I'll give myself a full week of that then back to normal. I am not doing no contact to get him back as I really don't think he will miss me or want me back, I am doing it to feel at least a bit less pathetic, I'm pretty embarrassed of my behavior in the relationship.

 

I don't really know the nature of their break-up other than she said he was really controlling.

 

But anyways, it doesn't even matter anymore, I don't need to block her because I don't care anymore, I don't check her facebook and don't really feel the compulsion to and I'm feeling like I'm turning a corner, in reality it was only a 7 month relationship. It was my first serious relationship and we definitely had a deep connection so it hurt, but I'm over it. I recently hit it off with a girl I met on tinder, and even though she just got out of a 5 year relationship 2 months ago(so I'm taking it super slow and protecting myself in case it's a rebound) I still am hugely relieved to find a connection with a normal person, it's given me hope. Even if it doesn't work out with her, I know I have a chance with someone out there.

 

Funnily enough I broke NC only a few days ago to send my ex an email, but it was more of a "stuff I need to get off my chest because I don't give a **** if we get back together anymore". Nothing nasty or anything, I just had to let her know how unfair she was and how disrespectfully she treated me.

 

Don't give up hope people, doesn't matter how unique or weird you are(of which I am both ), there's someone out there you'll connect with.

Edited May 13, 2014 by Zing

[barky2]

Hi Barky!

 

I did read all the posts on this thread, that's how I knew to bring the message here first. No, I did not message him back at all for a couple of reasons, the advice I got here, and I know I would feel worse if I gave that tiny scrap of power I do have away for so little. Everyone should bring their messages here or to a sensible friend, we are not objective when we are in pain. The only thing I saw when I read his message was "I miss talking to you" which my heart read as "I miss you", but he didn't say he misses or loves me.

 

I'm pretty sure I know why this happened. My gut felt it coming for months now, he would pull away to get some space but wouldn't tell me that's what he needed so I'd get so terrified of him leaving me that I'd cling even more. I just felt him slipping away since after Christmas. He almost broke up with me then actually. I wish I knew then what I know now so I could've perhaps tried the low contact back then while there was still hope rather than now that there is no chance and not much feelings left on his part. He cried when he broke it off but I think at this point he is relieved.

 

I have a feeling that message will be the last I get but if I get more I will post them before I act on them.

 

Thanks much for reading and the advice!!!

 

 

 

Excellent job on not responding, it doesn't something weird to you, and to him for not responding.

 

You get power, you feel a little better... And you gain respect back in yourself.

 

Him, well hey... I'm sure he's been wondering why you never responded and I'm sure he's played every scenario in his head on why.

 

I hate to say it but I'm sure there's more.

 

But you deserve better than this crap.

 

Take the time to heal and keep moving forward.

 

People like this I call them wishy washy...one day here next day here...one day left next day right.

 

You catch my drift.

 

But the thing is with these people, they never change. You want someone who will always be there.

 

He just won't, it sucks but I hope it's an eye opener.

 

Keep posting with any updates!

 

 

 

Barky

[jbelle6]

Thought I'd update!

 

It's been a week and I am feeling soooooooo much better. The first day I got on here and saw people hurting for months I was scared it had to be like that, and some of my past ones were as well. Nope, I sleep fine, diet is great, have passing thoughts of him but not the sinking feeling that went with them before.

 

I also find that while I don't have it in me to go through much hate or anger, I no longer blame myself fully for the break up, if anyone read my earlier posts you'd see I did. Sure I got crazy and clingy because I felt he was going to leave, but truth is HE WAS. He treated me like crap the last bit and should have broken up with me sooner. I take blame for my clingy behavior and next time I feel a relationship go south I will go low contact and if nothing changes I won't wait around, I'll end it myself.

 

Days 1/2 I felt like someone died.

3/4 I came to my senses and realized that while it hurts, no one has a terminal disease and my little boy is healthy and happy so it's not that bad.

5/6 I realized that the only thing I lost is someone who doesn't love me, and that really is no loss at all.

7 I didn't wake up with "that" feeling, that was the worst! I can concentrate to read a book, watch a movie these past few days, I couldn't at first.

 

 

 

I think what is helping me get over this quickly is first of all, I KNOW he's not coming back. I know when I break up with someone after my feelings waned that I don't look back or think of them AT ALL so it's easy for me to put myself in his shoes and know that. They most likely are NOT coming back, give a week to mope and grieve while knowing that. It hurts more short term but it hurts way less long term to acknowledge that.

 

I also feel that blocking him on social media and not just deleting him helped a ton too. Out of sight out of mind. No contact has been the best thing for me. Got me some self esteem and pride back to not respond to his last email.

 

I made a list of all the ways we are incompatible and all the things I dislike about him, and now that I don't have him on a pedestal anymore the list was A LOT longer than I thought.

 

Something shallow that helped, I have a HORRIBLE pic of him that I have opened at all times lol.

 

We were planning a trip so I had a large chunk of cash saved which I will use on the spa and salon days I booked and a new wardrobe instead.

 

Last I can think of, I did some Facebook stalking, but good Facebook stalking of my exes, not this last one, but all the ones before from junior high till now! It was fun and brought up good memories and also memories of all the ones that broke up with me or the ones I had an unrequited crush on, and how I felt like I would just DIE because they didn't like me back!!!!!!!!!!!! Some I pined over for years! Do it, it will show you that you can and will get over this set back.

 

 

Some of my techniques might be cliche but I thought I would tell anyone hurting what helped me a bit. Would I like to get a message saying he loves and misses me? Yes!!! But at this point I'm not so sure if it would be out of love or just my ego.

 

Thank you Barky and anyone else for the sound advice. I don't think I will hear from him anymore but if I do I will let you all know!!!

Edited May 14, 2014 by jbelle6

[barky2]

Thought I'd update!

 

It's been a week and I am feeling soooooooo much better. The first day I got on here and saw people hurting for months I was scared it had to be like that, and some of my past ones were as well. Nope, I sleep fine, diet is great, have passing thoughts of him but not the sinking feeling that went with them before.

 

I also find that while I don't have it in me to go through much hate or anger, I no longer blame myself fully for the break up, if anyone read my earlier posts you'd see I did. Sure I got crazy and clingy because I felt he was going to leave, but truth is HE WAS. He treated me like crap the last bit and should have broken up with me sooner. I take blame for my clingy behavior and next time I feel a relationship go south I will go low contact and if nothing changes I won't wait around, I'll end it myself.

 

Days 1/2 I felt like someone died.

3/4 I came to my senses and realized that while it hurts, no one has a terminal disease and my little boy is healthy and happy so it's not that bad.

5/6 I realized that the only thing I lost is someone who doesn't love me, and that really is no loss at all.

7 I didn't wake up with "that" feeling, that was the worst! I can concentrate to read a book, watch a movie these past few days, I couldn't at first.

 

 

 

I think what is helping me get over this quickly is first of all, I KNOW he's not coming back. I know when I break up with someone after my feelings waned that I don't look back or think of them AT ALL so it's easy for me to put myself in his shoes and know that. They most likely are NOT coming back, give a week to mope and grieve while knowing that. It hurts more short term but it hurts way less long term to acknowledge that.

 

I also feel that blocking him on social media and not just deleting him helped a ton too. Out of sight out of mind. No contact has been the best thing for me. Got me some self esteem and pride back to not respond to his last email.

 

I made a list of all the ways we are incompatible and all the things I dislike about him, and now that I don't have him on a pedestal anymore the list was A LOT longer than I thought.

 

Something shallow that helped, I have a HORRIBLE pic of him that I have opened at all times lol.

 

We were planning a trip so I had a large chunk of cash saved which I will use on the spa and salon days I booked and a new wardrobe instead.

 

Last I can think of, I did some Facebook stalking, but good Facebook stalking of my exes, not this last one, but all the ones before from junior high till now! It was fun and brought up good memories and also memories of all the ones that broke up with me or the ones I had an unrequited crush on, and how I felt like I would just DIE because they didn't like me back!!!!!!!!!!!! Some I pined over for years! Do it, it will show you that you can and will get over this set back.

 

 

Some of my techniques might be cliche but I thought I would tell anyone hurting what helped me a bit. Would I like to get a message saying he loves and misses me? Yes!!! But at this point I'm not so sure if it would be out of love or just my ego.

 

Thank you Barky and anyone else for the sound advice. I don't think I will hear from him anymore but if I do I will let you all know!!!

 

 

 

 

Glad you're doing better!

 

You'll have good and bad days, just be prepared for the bad.

 

Might be a few weeks or months away, but somethin will trigger it, just keep pushing forward.

 

If you need me just continue to post, it's great therapy!

 

 

 

Barky

[jbelle6]

I'm sure I will get bad ones!

I am just glad they won't feel like that first day, that was horrible!!!

I do think I'm lucky that we have no mutual friends and we won't ever run into each other so if I NEVER want to see him again I don't have to, at least that way I don't have to hear about what he's doing or who he's doing it with. I can literally Eternal Sunshine him. lol

 

Used to hate when I'd break up and my gossipy girlfriends would come tell me all my exes news!!!

[awesome0]

Hey Barky,

 

 

I love this thread, it's great advice for everyone and should stick to it. I'm not new to break up territory, I'm in my early thirties been through several relationships and have always realized they are not the end of the world. My most recent BU I just cant seem to get over. I was dumped right after the holidays in a relationship that only lasted 8 months but it was someone I never felt that way before about. I went no contact immediately and she kept texting me for weeks, sometimes daily after. I ignored as long as I could but broke finally when it appeared to me she wanted to reconcile. We didn't I went NC for 2 more months and she broke it again for no other reason than to tell me she had a new exclusive friend, so after the anger it caused, I killed it, I mean I told her that I loved her like no one else and wanted her to be happy, that was it the last thing I said to her. Well this weekend I'm attending a party and I know she will be there, so NC is going to broken because of circumstances. Just need a little advice here from the man who seems to have the plan. My brain does not want her back on any level but my heart is different. Any advice on how to handle the inevitable here? And thanks didn't mean to hijack the thread here

[jbelle6]

Hey Barky,

 

 

I love this thread, it's great advice for everyone and should stick to it. I'm not new to break up territory, I'm in my early thirties been through several relationships and have always realized they are not the end of the world. My most recent BU I just cant seem to get over. I was dumped right after the holidays in a relationship that only lasted 8 months but it was someone I never felt that way before about. I went no contact immediately and she kept texting me for weeks, sometimes daily after. I ignored as long as I could but broke finally when it appeared to me she wanted to reconcile. We didn't I went NC for 2 more months and she broke it again for no other reason than to tell me she had a new exclusive friend, so after the anger it caused, I killed it, I mean I told her that I loved her like no one else and wanted her to be happy, that was it the last thing I said to her. Well this weekend I'm attending a party and I know she will be there, so NC is going to broken because of circumstances. Just need a little advice here from the man who seems to have the plan. My brain does not want her back on any level but my heart is different. Any advice on how to handle the inevitable here? And thanks didn't mean to hijack the thread here

 

 

Barky does give the best advice! Just wanted to say I'm sorry you are going through this. And I agree, the length of the relationship doesn't always determine the amount of hurt.

I also just wrote above you that I am lucky I will never have to run into my ex, not sure what I'd do in your position, I might not go...

[awesome0]

Barky does give the best advice! Just wanted to say I'm sorry you are going through this. And I agree, the length of the relationship doesn't always determine the amount of hurt.

I also just wrote above you that I am lucky I will never have to run into my ex, not sure what I'd do in your position, I might not go...

 

 

 

Thanks. Yeah I have to go, I'm not a believer in putting my happiness and good time on hold because of someone who "can't see themselves being with you forever", and for what it's worth I would recommend you try to keep on doing your things for you as well. Life doesn't stop for someone who decides they don't want you in theirs. This is just uncharted territory for me. I'm sorry you are going through a rough patch also. Thanks for your response and outlook though. keep your head up.

[barky2]

Hey Barky,

 

 

I love this thread, it's great advice for everyone and should stick to it. I'm not new to break up territory, I'm in my early thirties been through several relationships and have always realized they are not the end of the world. My most recent BU I just cant seem to get over. I was dumped right after the holidays in a relationship that only lasted 8 months but it was someone I never felt that way before about. I went no contact immediately and she kept texting me for weeks, sometimes daily after. I ignored as long as I could but broke finally when it appeared to me she wanted to reconcile. We didn't I went NC for 2 more months and she broke it again for no other reason than to tell me she had a new exclusive friend, so after the anger it caused, I killed it, I mean I told her that I loved her like no one else and wanted her to be happy, that was it the last thing I said to her. Well this weekend I'm attending a party and I know she will be there, so NC is going to broken because of circumstances. Just need a little advice here from the man who seems to have the plan. My brain does not want her back on any level but my heart is different. Any advice on how to handle the inevitable here? And thanks didn't mean to hijack the thread here

 

 

 

First and foremost, sorry this happened, you will get along just fine in time.

 

I'd like to tell you to not go if it will interupt your healing, but you'll go anyway so I'll just give you advice for that.

 

You can't let her being around Shake you.

 

This means, be the life of the party if it's only for a close couple of friends...

 

What I mean is this, don't make the whole party about you, but the few people you're with, make sure they have a great time.

 

Don't fake it, but be laughing joking and have a good time.

 

Go around, mingle, say hi to friends or people you know.

 

You want to seem care free about the break up.

 

Do not go to her.

 

If you make eye contact give the little heads up nod, acknowledge her, and carry on your business, toast your drink to her and just carry on laughing.

 

If she comes up, " hi ya I'm good, I'll be back though I have to get another beer" and go get one. And once you get it start talking to another group of friends.

 

The facade you want to give is that you're ok, you're loving life without a care.

 

Now if you were, you wouldn't need advice.

 

Don't make it obvious that ur faking, and just be cool.

 

If she comes back up to you or something engage in the conversation, kind of half heartedly.

 

She's expecting you to be all over her, if you give her space and actually enjoy yourself, she'll scratch her head like huh?

 

Game playing sucks...but it's part of first getting the girl, and after.

 

If you feel like you're getting worked up or sad, go to the bathroom or go to your car... Or just walk away like you're on the phone.

 

I used the phone trick a lot, anytime my ex looked at me when I was at a party I was laughing and having a good time, then when I knew she was looking I'd grab my phone and pretend to answer it with a big smile and Hangup and engage right back into laughter with my friends.

 

Granted I was like 15 lol but she later asked who I was talking to all jealous blah blah lol.

 

One word you want to go in with...be ALOOF.

 

And you'll be straight.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[jbelle6]

I think it's funny how it goes. I lived with my ex husband through our whole separation and he's my very very best friend, was with him WAY longer than this last ex, but I just don't want to see this last one again. I know it's hard to avoid them when you are in the same social circle.