if you've been broken up with / broken hearted

[erklat]

You shouldn't make anything.

 

You're pining over someone who is apparently fncking multiple guys

over short time span.

 

Do you want someone like that to raise your offspring and be an example to them?

[barky2]

hope you can help barky2

 

my ex dumped me..we were together for a year...she ended it because she wasn't wanting to commit and wanted to focus on school and her family

 

she ended up sleping with a few guys and i was hurt and felt betrayed even though we werent together but she kept in contact with me an di felt like she was leading me on...

 

i went nc and she has tried reaching out to me

 

what should i make of this?

 

 

You should make of it for what it is... She wanted to go out and bang other dudes.

 

Meanwhile leaving you hanging and trying to string you along, and or slowly talking to you to get over you.

 

Also she's doing it to see if you're still there.

 

Do you want a chick like this dude??

 

She unleashed her inner ho, you do what you want but, if you take her back anytime soon, she'll do it again.

 

It's summer time man, go have some damn fun.

 

Don't respond to her.

 

She needs more than just a few quickies to get this party phase out of her system.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[redbaron005]

So ex went to trivia night (like we used to do) and she ended up texting me asking a question about education (I have a degree in that). Felt good to ignore it! I'm not some lifeline on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire!

 

I'm excited to see how this ends up going!

 

Hope everyone is staying positive today!

 

Wow lame, did you know the answer?

[newenglandkid]

@redbarron...no I didn't but again funny that she thought of me.

 

 

@barky and everyone else.

 

So after a few days of mixed signals from the ex (snapchats of her on vacation) last night I finally gave her two choices either be with me or not. She said although she still loves me and cares about me she can't be with me right now. So I told her we shouldn't talk/or anything for a while until I'm ready. She understood.

 

Definitely feeling down today, even though I know what I did was right.

[newenglandkid]

@redbarron...no I didn't but again funny that she thought of me.

 

 

@barky and everyone else.

 

So after a few days of mixed signals from the ex (snapchats of her on vacation) last night I finally gave her two choices either be with me or not. She said although she still loves me and cares about me she can't be with me right now. So I told her we shouldn't talk/or anything for a while until I'm ready. She understood.

 

Definitely feeling down today, even though I know what I did was right.

 

 

 

Ok ex just asked me if I met anyone I said no and asked her if she had, AND SHE DID! A WEEK AGO!!! Not dating yet but still. I know reading this guide says just to move on but I just can't believe how quick (3 weeks post BU she met this guy) she has moved on. Sounds like a rebound but right now I'm just floored...

[seminoles84]

Hate to break it to you but she likely was at least already talking to this guy in the last stages of your relationship.. she didn't meet him after the BU.

[BigGirlPantiesOn]

@newenglandkid...

 

 

WHY are you speaking to her?

 

Didn't you commit to yourself to go NC?

 

Does it hurt bad enough now for you to stop?

 

Just curious.

[newenglandkid]

Yeah I wouldn't be surprised if she was at least talking to this guy right before we broke up.

 

And yeah I think I've seen enough now where I know that NC is the ONLY way to go.

[newenglandkid]

I'm just feeling so down right now, I barely slept last night and all I could think about is how she left me and wants to be with this other guy.

 

Guys this sucks I hate feeling like this. Why would she do this, what did I do to her that made her want to leave and be with this other guy??

[ProcessingThisBU]

Same happened to me bro. I know what you're feeling. (Anger, sadness, shock, denial) She started seeing this other guy, and a month and half post BU she was on a trip with him to NYC, after a relationship of 2 years with me. It sucks, and I used to question myself exactly like that, what did I do?... With time I think we have to understand that is not about us, is about them. Maybe the excitement of someone new right away... I don't know. Only thing I can say is go strict NC to start healing and also to remove any kind of emotional support she had on you.

[jphcbpa]

Never take anything personally.

 

This is the cause of all wars and all personal conflict. People’s actions are always telling a story about them, not you. Whenever you are feeling victimized, ask the person to stop, remove yourself, or lovingly accept your situation in peace. In most situations, you are a volunteer, not victim. If you can change the situation, do something. If you can’t, accept it as one of life’s learning experiences - Glover

[newenglandkid]

Same happened to me bro. I know what you're feeling. (Anger, sadness, shock, denial) She started seeing this other guy, and a month and half post BU she was on a trip with him to NYC, after a relationship of 2 years with me. It sucks, and I used to question myself exactly like that, what did I do?... With time I think we have to understand that is not about us, is about them. Maybe the excitement of someone new right away... I don't know. Only thing I can say is go strict NC to start healing and also to remove any kind of emotional support she had on you.

 

 

Thanks man it feels good to hear other peoples stories. What happened with your ex? Did she try to come back? How long did her relationship last?

 

Just sucks because even though were both in our early 20s, she would constantly talk about getting married to me one day and moving into an apartment together this year. Then all of the sudden just drops me...

[shoegal4]

Wow. Can't believe I've found this! Couldn't have found this thread at a better time. You've truly made me feel better by writing that down for all of us. There's something so honest and refreshing about this whole thread so for that, I thank you all.

 

Barky, like you, I've also dated someone for a hell of a long time. From age 14-26 and it's been a roller coaster ride to say the least. It's been years of back and forth. Years of good times and bad. I've taken him back, he's taken me back and each time is the same. The first few weeks are amazing and we're high off of the reconciliation but then it slowly deteriorates as the days go by and were back to our normal routine. The break up happens again, the tears, the heartache, the whole bit until one of us caves and we're back to the same unhealthy cycle.

 

It got so unhealthy that I developed terrible anxiety from the constant back and forth (not to mention incredibly low self-esteem). At the end of the relationship it was such a blow to my ego and self worth. I wanted a life with him and children and he....didn't want any of that. At least, not with me. For a while we continued contact until one day, I was shut off. Blocked from it all with out any warning. I've known this man almost half my life. It shocked me to the core to say the least and there were days I felt I couldn't get out of bed. Some days, I still can't. I never know how I'm going to feel when I wake up in the morning.

 

The supressed appetite, the anxiety, the fear of him moving on to someone else is all so overwhelming. I'm upset that he cut me out of his life, especially after all the times he's hurt me. I have such unconditional love for this person but the weird part? I am so angry that even if he were to come back (again) I don't know if I'd be all for it. I have not and will not contact him but the thing i struggle with is...how do you cope with being with someone for that long and have absolutely nothing to show for it? I'm at a point now where I have to start telling people. Why do I feel so embarrassed?

[barky2]

Wow. Can't believe I've found this! Couldn't have found this thread at a better time. You've truly made me feel better by writing that down for all of us. There's something so honest and refreshing about this whole thread so for that, I thank you all.

 

Barky, like you, I've also dated someone for a hell of a long time. From age 14-26 and it's been a roller coaster ride to say the least. It's been years of back and forth. Years of good times and bad. I've taken him back, he's taken me back and each time is the same. The first few weeks are amazing and we're high off of the reconciliation but then it slowly deteriorates as the days go by and were back to our normal routine. The break up happens again, the tears, the heartache, the whole bit until one of us caves and we're back to the same unhealthy cycle.

 

It got so unhealthy that I developed terrible anxiety from the constant back and forth (not to mention incredibly low self-esteem). At the end of the relationship it was such a blow to my ego and self worth. I wanted a life with him and children and he....didn't want any of that. At least, not with me. For a while we continued contact until one day, I was shut off. Blocked from it all with out any warning. I've known this man almost half my life. It shocked me to the core to say the least and there were days I felt I couldn't get out of bed. Some days, I still can't. I never know how I'm going to feel when I wake up in the morning.

 

The supressed appetite, the anxiety, the fear of him moving on to someone else is all so overwhelming. I'm upset that he cut me out of his life, especially after all the times he's hurt me. I have such unconditional love for this person but the weird part? I am so angry that even if he were to come back (again) I don't know if I'd be all for it. I have not and will not contact him but the thing i struggle with is...how do you cope with being with someone for that long and have absolutely nothing to show for it? I'm at a point now where I have to start telling people. Why do I feel so embarrassed?

 

You do have something to show for it.

 

A scar.

 

A scar that will heal, yet will always be there.

 

You also learned how so deep you can be involved with someone else.

 

So what do you do now?

 

Put a nice dress on, go out with some girls.

 

Yes it sucks, I know it all too well.

 

But I'm also proof after a 10 year relationship that there is life.

 

It didn't work for a reason, and that reason is a higher power.

 

Something guided you off that path for a reason.

 

After I tucked in my bottom lip, realized I needed to go live my life..was the day I truly began to live.

 

For the year and a half I was single, I truly had the most fun of my life.

 

Partied, saw places I would've never seen while with my ex, and also did things she wouldn't ever want to do.

 

Yes I had my ex begging multiple times for me back, but nothing ever changed.

 

Like you just said, you don't know if you'd be back in it whole heartedly...

 

That's exactly how I felt after we got back together..I was numb, it was the same routine...yet I wanted and deserved more.

 

Harsh reality is this, he will be with someone else.

 

But the happy side is this, so will you.

 

I can tell you one thing, my love for my ex ( the one I was with for 10 years) is a different love then the girl I'm with now.

 

But it's not a bad different.

 

I grew up with my ex..we were children.

 

Now I have a MATURE healthy relationship with someone..it's picture perfect.

 

Granted one day you just may get back with your ex...sure I never ruled out I'd never get back with mine.

 

But until then live your life, see where it goes.

 

Take it day by day.

 

But it's summer for Christ sakes lol go throw on a bathing suit and grab a 12 pack and head to the beach.

 

Chin up.

 

 

 

Barky

[ProcessingThisBU]

@newenglandkid

 

Have been 4 months since BU and 1 month strict NC. She has not called me or texted or nothing. Some days I'm better and somedays I wish she call me. Of what I've heard, her new relationship was going bad, 'cause the new bf is a jealous guy and got mad with her because of a text message or something like that, and broke up with her. But she is begging him and went with him on another trip two weeks ago, on her birthday. I learned about this because some stupid guy came and told me, and it set me back on day 1 on recovering. That's why I decided to go strict NC. I had to ask people to not give me any information about her .

[shoegal4]

Barky,

 

Thanks for the reply. I knew having gone through something similar your words would help me feel better, and they did. Already I'm doing things I wouldn't usually do while I was in a relationship w my ex so I guess that's a start right?

 

Anyways thanks again and hopefully my story ends similarly to yours: happy.

[irresolute]

You do have something to show for it.

 

A scar.

 

A scar that will heal, yet will always be there.

 

You also learned how so deep you can be involved with someone else.

 

So what do you do now?

 

Put a nice dress on, go out with some girls.

 

Yes it sucks, I know it all too well.

 

But I'm also proof after a 10 year relationship that there is life.

 

It didn't work for a reason, and that reason is a higher power.

 

Something guided you off that path for a reason.

 

After I tucked in my bottom lip, realized I needed to go live my life..was the day I truly began to live.

 

For the year and a half I was single, I truly had the most fun of my life.

 

Partied, saw places I would've never seen while with my ex, and also did things she wouldn't ever want to do.

 

Yes I had my ex begging multiple times for me back, but nothing ever changed.

 

Like you just said, you don't know if you'd be back in it whole heartedly...

 

That's exactly how I felt after we got back together..I was numb, it was the same routine...yet I wanted and deserved more.

 

Harsh reality is this, he will be with someone else.

 

But the happy side is this, so will you.

 

I can tell you one thing, my love for my ex ( the one I was with for 10 years) is a different love then the girl I'm with now.

 

But it's not a bad different.

 

I grew up with my ex..we were children.

 

Now I have a MATURE healthy relationship with someone..it's picture perfect.

 

Granted one day you just may get back with your ex...sure I never ruled out I'd never get back with mine.

 

But until then live your life, see where it goes.

 

Take it day by day.

 

But it's summer for Christ sakes lol go throw on a bathing suit and grab a 12 pack and head to the beach.

 

Chin up.

 

 

 

Barky

 

 

I don't want to gave a scar forever. I don't want to

I want to forget about him forever.

[barky2]

Barky,

 

Thanks for the reply. I knew having gone through something similar your words would help me feel better, and they did. Already I'm doing things I wouldn't usually do while I was in a relationship w my ex so I guess that's a start right?

 

Anyways thanks again and hopefully my story ends similarly to yours: happy.

 

Anytime.

 

I'm about 2 years ahead of you, but I can tell you one thing.

 

Life is what you make of it, I know a lot of people (family members) that never really truly move on from a past love...and it is kind of sad.

 

You choose your path, you choose your fate.

 

I chose happy, after a long road of demise.

 

I'm sure you'll pick the right path, just put in the time and effort of healing, and you'll be just fine.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[barky2]

I don't want to gave a scar forever. I don't want to

I want to forget about him forever.

 

Lol I know you don't, but cut heals, and become scars.

 

If he ment anything to you, you'll always carry him with you.

 

Once and awhile you'll think of him, how he's doing where is he ect

 

But it won't hurt.

 

It'll just be huh, I wonder.

 

Anyone who tells you that you'll never think of them is a damn liar.

 

Christ, I think of my first girlfriend.

 

14+ years later.

 

Not hurt or omg I'm jealous, just hey how did their life end up?

 

When you say you want to forget about him forever, that's coming out of anger and hurt....completely understandable.

 

But you will heal. You will move on.

 

And sorry but once and awhile you'll think about them.

 

It's summer y'all...there's a beach party with your name all over it.

 

Throw on a bathing suit grab a 30pack and head out.

 

Wishing and wondering is a waste of life.

 

What will happen, will happen.

 

What's ment to be...will.

 

There's a bigger picture y'all ain't seeing, and that's ok.

 

Just trust and believe...everything happens for a reason.

 

#Fact.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[newenglandkid]

Man today started off really rough, wanting to text her and what not..but I had a tournament all day (and won) that really took my mind off her. Even now back in bed, I'm not really caring about what she is doing or who she may be with. I'm kinda scared and proud, proud that I've gotten this far, but also scared because I do still have intense feelings for her but I feel like I'm not depending on her every text or whatever.

[barky2]

Man today started off really rough, wanting to text her and what not..but I had a tournament all day (and won) that really took my mind off her. Even now back in bed, I'm not really caring about what she is doing or who she may be with. I'm kinda scared and proud, proud that I've gotten this far, but also scared because I do still have intense feelings for her but I feel like I'm not depending on her every text or whatever.

 

Don't be scared.

 

Completely normal.

 

It's still fresh.

 

But do you see how you're " really not caring"?

 

There's more of that to come.

 

Just keep moving forward...and you'll be just fine.

 

 

 

Barky

[shoegal4]

Man today started off really rough, wanting to text her and what not..but I had a tournament all day (and won) that really took my mind off her. Even now back in bed, I'm not really caring about what she is doing or who she may be with. I'm kinda scared and proud, proud that I've gotten this far, but also scared because I do still have intense feelings for her but I feel like I'm not depending on her every text or whatever.

 

I'm right there with you but I refuse to cave. At least you got your mind off of it. I find that with time alone and not keeping busy, all I do is think, think, think. My mom said something really enlightening today: Time is both your enemy and your friend. Which is so true! I'm glad you are beginning to not care. That's progress

[newenglandkid]

Guys I need some help. While me and my ex were dating we would meet with this couple from time to time (our age early 20s). Unfortunately last week the bf passed away in a tragic car accident. His wake is today and I feel the need to pay my respects but that also means I possibly will run into my ex. I am probably going to go and run the risk, do you guys think this is the right idea. I'd feel horrible not going, but I'm not gonna lie I'm getting anxious at the thought of running into her.

[barky2]

Guys I need some help. While me and my ex were dating we would meet with this couple from time to time (our age early 20s). Unfortunately last week the bf passed away in a tragic car accident. His wake is today and I feel the need to pay my respects but that also means I possibly will run into my ex. I am probably going to go and run the risk, do you guys think this is the right idea. I'd feel horrible not going, but I'm not gonna lie I'm getting anxious at the thought of running into her.

 

Sorry for your loss.

 

Go there, pay your respects to the gf of the guy who died, his family, and a few friends then leave.

 

Just keep in mind why you're there.

 

If it's too much you can pay your respect from your house by saying a prayer.

 

If you happen to see her just keep in mind why you're there.

 

If she comes up to you, just say hi be causal and walk away.

 

But if I was you, I'd only be there for 20-30mins.

 

 

You're there to pay respects, not to mingle.

 

 

 

Barky

[newenglandkid]

So I'm just getting back from it now, did not run into the ex which I guess is a good thing, although I was looking over my shoulder from time to time. I did see the gf who lost her bf (and who is also friends with my ex) and I gave her a hug and sympathies which she really appreciated.

 

All in all I'm glad I went.

 

 

Thanks Barky for the response.