if you've been broken up with / broken hearted

[newenglandkid]

Dammit guys I want her back so bad after last night. It really put things in perspective for me about what's truly important in this life. I miss my ex so freaking much I just want her back. She even told me (couple days ago) that this has made her out things in perspective and she sorry she gave up on us.

 

I texted her last night asking how she was doing with everything (she told me she's been a wreck since the passing) and of course she was a wreck. I then told her that if she needed anything that I'd be here for her.

 

Guys I really want her back, I miss being with her, seeing her, all the good times we had. I'm just sick thinking of her not in my life.

 

Sorry I'm rambling but if I didn't post here I would of emailed her something!

[shoegal4]

Newenglandkid - I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you went to the services and I'm glad you got through it withour your ex being there. I'm sure it made an already difficult situation a little easier, although the anxiety had to be in high gear.

 

The thing I keep telling myself is, if it were THAT wonderful - it wouldn't have ended. And it did. Maybe she will come to her senses and maybe she won't but I think you've made your feelings to her entirely clear. I do not doubt she cares for you and loves you but doing this feeds the dumpers ego. I learned this the hard way . When someone wants to be with you - they will BE with you. Or try as hard as they possibly can to get you back. Again, all things I've learned the hard way.

[barky2]

Dammit guys I want her back so bad after last night. It really put things in perspective for me about what's truly important in this life. I miss my ex so freaking much I just want her back. She even told me (couple days ago) that this has made her out things in perspective and she sorry she gave up on us.

 

I texted her last night asking how she was doing with everything (she told me she's been a wreck since the passing) and of course she was a wreck. I then told her that if she needed anything that I'd be here for her.

 

Guys I really want her back, I miss being with her, seeing her, all the good times we had. I'm just sick thinking of her not in my life.

 

Sorry I'm rambling but if I didn't post here I would of emailed her something!

 

 

 

I'm going to be blunt, because you need a kick in the ass.

 

You don't " miss her"

 

You hyped it up in your head that you'd see her, took the extra few mins to make yourself look good, just to be disappointed that she wasn't there.

 

Then you go home, your head is spinning, disappointment and then caved.

 

Don't tell me im wrong bc we both know it.

 

NOW

 

You texted her blah blah blah yadda yadda.

 

" if you need anything I'm here" aka " I'm still here waiting for you".

 

Granted I know a friend just passed, but when she walked out of your life, you shouldn't care how she fkin feels.

 

Did she text you asking how you were?

 

Because she doesn't care man.

 

Sorry to be blunt, not trying to be mean, just trying you to get your eyes open.

 

 

If she wants you back you'll know.

 

You left the ball in her court, she knows she can't contact you...now move the hell on and leave her alone, start your new life bro.

 

Barky

[newenglandkid]

I'm going to be blunt, because you need a kick in the ass.

 

You don't " miss her"

 

You hyped it up in your head that you'd see her, took the extra few mins to make yourself look good, just to be disappointed that she wasn't there.

 

Then you go home, your head is spinning, disappointment and then caved.

 

Don't tell me im wrong bc we both know it.

 

NOW

 

You texted her blah blah blah yadda yadda.

 

" if you need anything I'm here" aka " I'm still here waiting for you".

 

Granted I know a friend just passed, but when she walked out of your life, you shouldn't care how she fkin feels.

 

Did she text you asking how you were?

 

Because she doesn't care man.

 

Sorry to be blunt, not trying to be mean, just trying you to get your eyes open.

 

 

If she wants you back you'll know.

 

You left the ball in her court, she knows she can't contact you...now move the hell on and leave her alone, start your new life bro.

 

Barky

 

 

dammit barky, I wanna disagree with everything you're saying, but you're right. Everything you said is pretty spot on. I guess I'm having a real hard time coping with the fact that she's gone, she's like my first 'true' love and its just really hard. I'll let her live her life because you're right, she didn't ask how I was doing. In my eyes the ball is in her court, if she ever wants to try again. I'm sorry guys, just having trouble managing all this, its so tough.

 

Thanks Barky for that kick in the ass lol

[barky2]

dammit barky, I wanna disagree with everything you're saying, but you're right. Everything you said is pretty spot on. I guess I'm having a real hard time coping with the fact that she's gone, she's like my first 'true' love and its just really hard. I'll let her live her life because you're right, she didn't ask how I was doing. In my eyes the ball is in her court, if she ever wants to try again. I'm sorry guys, just having trouble managing all this, its so tough.

 

Thanks Barky for that kick in the ass lol

 

No dude you're not having a hard time.

 

You got your hopes up, and this is the consequence of doing so.

 

It's a minor speed bump.

 

In a few days you'll be back on track.

 

FOCUS.

 

Ps...I ment she knows she CAN contact you..not can't lol

 

Barky

[newenglandkid]

No dude you're not having a hard time.

 

You got your hopes up, and this is the consequence of doing so.

 

It's a minor speed bump.

 

In a few days you'll be back on track.

 

FOCUS.

 

Ps...I ment she knows she CAN contact you..not can't lol

 

Barky

 

 

yeah, I've had enough of this feeling like dog **** feeling. I've tried LC and it just makes things worse for me, Barky you're right the ONLY way to fully get over her is NC. Getting back into coaching has taken my mind off her a lot (games/practices 6 days a week), so I'm giving that all my attention from now on.

 

I'm going to visit my therapist which always helps me out, and then off to practice. This minor speed bump sucked, but now I know better.

 

Thanks Barky!

 

p.s. Yeah i kind of figured you misspelled that lol no worries though. Like you said, ball is in her court now.

[H245]

Barky, I always read your original post when feeling down about my recent breakup. The most recent days have been pretty hard as of late. When you have some time, feel free to read about my on and off stuff with my ex that date to last year. Would love to hear what your thoughts on it are.

[Smarty Pants]

yeah, I've had enough of this feeling like dog **** feeling. I've tried LC and it just makes things worse for me, Barky you're right the ONLY way to fully get over her is NC. Getting back into coaching has taken my mind off her a lot (games/practices 6 days a week), so I'm giving that all my attention from now on.

 

I'm going to visit my therapist which always helps me out, and then off to practice. This minor speed bump sucked, but now I know better.

 

Thanks Barky!

 

p.s. Yeah i kind of figured you misspelled that lol no worries though. Like you said, ball is in her court now.

 

That's great. But don't even say the ball is in her court. You've given her so many opportunities to make it work. Take control and get to a point where YOU don't want it anymore.

[newenglandkid]

Thanks all for the responses today, I have gotten a little bit more insight from my therapist on how toxic my relationship was.

 

She made me realize that I was codependent throughout the entire relationship, making sure her own needs/wants/desires/ etc were met before mine. And whenever I would get upset and argue with her it would be because I had enough of doing what SHE wanted and not what I wanted.

 

She recommended a book on codependency which I'm going to pick up at the library now.

 

It makes me feel good that I'm making the appropriate steps to heal and better myself, while she's out there just clinging onto the next guy that gives her attention.

[shoegal4]

I have my first therapist session at 5pm today. I'm a little nervous to say the least. What are your thoughts on therapy? Has it helped you at all? If you don't mind me asking. Just curious.

[Smarty Pants]

I have my first therapist session at 5pm today. I'm a little nervous to say the least. What are your thoughts on therapy? Has it helped you at all? If you don't mind me asking. Just curious.

 

I know you weren't asking me, but I'll tell you anyway.

 

I've been going to a counselor for a few months. It's helped tremendously, but you have to be open about it. They aren't going to judge you, so get everything out there and listen to what they have to say. It's well worth it.

 

Heck, there could be other things in your life that you want to talk about with them too.

[shoegal4]

I know you weren't asking me, but I'll tell you anyway.

 

I've been going to a counselor for a few months. It's helped tremendously, but you have to be open about it. They aren't going to judge you, so get everything out there and listen to what they have to say. It's well worth it.

 

Heck, there could be other things in your life that you want to talk about with them too.

 

Smarty - thanks for the reply. She (the therapist) seems very nice and I'm glad to hear you've had such a positive experience from it. I've never been before and for some reason I'm super nervous. I know I have nothing to really be nervous about but diving into these problems is something I never dealt with - but need to. I even dressed up for her LOL Figured even if I am a hot mess, I don't want to look like one

[newenglandkid]

I was skeptical when I first went (my parents convinced me to go). But I'll tell ya, it has made me view things in my relationship that I never even realized. It's going to feel good to let out all those feelings that I'm sure you've kept bottled in. And whoever your seeing will help explain why your feeling like that and give you some information as to why your relationship may of ended.

 

I've only been going for a few weeks, but it's helped me a ton!

[H245]

Thanks all for the responses today, I have gotten a little bit more insight from my therapist on how toxic my relationship was.

 

She made me realize that I was codependent throughout the entire relationship, making sure her own needs/wants/desires/ etc were met before mine. And whenever I would get upset and argue with her it would be because I had enough of doing what SHE wanted and not what I wanted.

 

She recommended a book on codependency which I'm going to pick up at the library now.

 

It makes me feel good that I'm making the appropriate steps to heal and better myself, while she's out there just clinging onto the next guy that gives her attention.

 

This is exactly like how I was a acting in my last relationship. Would you be able to let me know the name of the book you're getting? I believe it would help me as well.

[Smarty Pants]

Smarty - thanks for the reply. She (the therapist) seems very nice and I'm glad to hear you've had such a positive experience from it. I've never been before and for some reason I'm super nervous. I know I have nothing to really be nervous about but diving into these problems is something I never dealt with - but need to. I even dressed up for her LOL Figured even if I am a hot mess, I don't want to look like one

 

Yeah just make sure it's someone you get along with and feel comfortable around. Counselors themselves will tell you that is very important.

[erklat]

This is exactly like how I was a acting in my last relationship. Would you be able to let me know the name of the book you're getting? I believe it would help me as well.

 

Melody Beattie Codependent no more and Language of letting go.

[barky2]

I have my first therapist session at 5pm today. I'm a little nervous to say the least. What are your thoughts on therapy? Has it helped you at all? If you don't mind me asking. Just curious.

 

I think it's a great use, I mean friends and family only want to listen so much before you start to bother them, so why not talk to someone who you're paying for it?

 

I think it's good to get it off your chest, but take their advice with a grain of salt.

 

Me personally?

 

I bottle stuff up, then proceeded to party my you know what's off.

 

Granted it helped, but didn't solve anything.

 

All the answers you seek, are within yourself.

 

That I promise.

 

 

 

Barky

[erklat]

Tru. I nnagged for 8 months.

 

I was under impression that in the end they bashed me on purpose.

[shoegal4]

I have to say...I really enjoyed therapy. Very strange just sitting there talking about myself for an hour but I like what she had to say and the best thing was I was comfortable. Getting some of that out was hard but so far so good. I'm going back. Definitely recommend it.

 

Barky, I do agree the answers we need come from ourselves as well but sometimes we need a little push. I want to use this as a means to "finding myself" rather than go and just talk about the ex. Ya know?

[newenglandkid]

This is exactly like how I was a acting in my last relationship. Would you be able to let me know the name of the book you're getting? I believe it would help me as well.

 

 

It's called

 

Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives

 

I just ordered it off amazon, can't wait to start reading it!

[Smarty Pants]

Bump.

 

This thread deserves to be up there with the No Contact Guide and Realistic Tips. Three threads that have the best advice/guidance IMO. And no offense, but it should be up there instead of that GIGS nonsense.

[barky2]

I have to say...I really enjoyed therapy. Very strange just sitting there talking about myself for an hour but I like what she had to say and the best thing was I was comfortable. Getting some of that out was hard but so far so good. I'm going back. Definitely recommend it.

 

Barky, I do agree the answers we need come from ourselves as well but sometimes we need a little push. I want to use this as a means to "finding myself" rather than go and just talk about the ex. Ya know?

 

Only you can " find yourself".

 

I mean don't get me wrong, a professional can point out things about yourself that you didn't know.

 

But I don't think they can say " you are this, you are that".

 

I personally would recommend you go in there and get whatever is it off your chest, at that moment in time.

 

An ex, someone cutting you off in the grocery line, something to do with work..ect

 

You make it whatever you want to make it.

 

I completely encourage it if it's working for you.

 

 

 

Barky

[newenglandkid]

Only you can " find yourself".

 

I mean don't get me wrong, a professional can point out things about yourself that you didn't know.

 

But I don't think they can say " you are this, you are that".

 

I personally would recommend you go in there and get whatever is it off your chest, at that moment in time.

 

An ex, someone cutting you off in the grocery line, something to do with work..ect

 

You make it whatever you want to make it.

 

I completely encourage it if it's working for you.

 

 

 

Barky

 

I've been in therapy for a few weeks and last night, she suggested that I was codependent to my ex. I never really thought about that (or even knew what she meant). But after she read symptoms that people with codependency have, it was clear to me that I was codependent. So I've been reading up on that, and learning to be more independent.

 

I think your right Barky, therapy gives you a chance to vent to a person who is objective and they may even suggest some tips to help cope. But like you said only you can implement them into your everyday life, and find happiness.

[Heartbroken_84]

Hi Barky, I think your OP is amazing its so empowering and I really enjoyed reading it. i'm only on day 10 of NC and it sucks.

 

Please would you have a read at my thread, I would really appreciate your comments and advice.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/481807-lost-all-dignity-self-respect

 

Thanks!

[barky2]

I've been in therapy for a few weeks and last night, she suggested that I was codependent to my ex. I never really thought about that (or even knew what she meant). But after she read symptoms that people with codependency have, it was clear to me that I was codependent. So I've been reading up on that, and learning to be more independent.

 

I think your right Barky, therapy gives you a chance to vent to a person who is objective and they may even suggest some tips to help cope. But like you said only you can implement them into your everyday life, and find happiness.

 

Ya I mean I can agree with the dr, but I also think almost everyone gets codependent.

 

I also wouldn't say it's a horrible thing, granted you " should " keep your own happiness, life blah blah.

 

If you're really into someone, being around them makes you happy.

 

If they control your mood sadness anger then I think it's a problem.

 

But everyone is codependent.

 

And there's truly worse things that you could be.

 

 

Barky