if you've been broken up with / broken hearted

[Smarty Pants]

**** me I broke NC last night/today...

 

She asked me who was getting married and I stupidly responded, spent a few mins last night with small talk. Then today, she asked if one of her friends could buy a concert ticket that I have (that I'm not going too) off of me. We were playful throughout the entire convo, but I know as soon as I stopped emailing how I ****** up.

 

 

DAMMMITTTTT

 

Block her number until you can talk to her and not feel like this.

[newenglandkid]

I know I should have, I thought i had gotten to the indifference stage but I guess not :/

[erklat]

I know I should have, I thought i had gotten to the indifference stage but I guess not :/

 

What indifference? It is clear from your posts you are in such a bad place.

[newenglandkid]

I know, I thought I was doing better but clearly I haven't. No need to add on, I know I ****** up big time, it's my own fault. I just wish I didn't.

[BrokenHeartAndWings]

Posted my situation for Barky's assessment.

[newenglandkid]

So just getting back from the bar..I saw my ex with this dude she "met", and I was sort of indifferent about it because I had my own chick I was with.

 

Is it bad that I made out with her and **** with the possibility that my ex saw all this?

[Lalasita]

So just getting back from the bar..I saw my ex with this dude she "met", and I was sort of indifferent about it because I had my own chick I was with.

 

Is it bad that I made out with her and **** with the possibility that my ex saw all this?

 

Who cares what your ex thinks dude?

[emotionalMess]

Been with my guy for 4 years. It was love at first sight for him. After 1 year he told me he loved me and wanted exclusivity. After almost 2 years he proposed with a beautiful engagement ring.

 

We got along great, have similar goals, interests, likes and dislikes, I'm everything he's ever wanted in a woman (so he says), we loved each other, he did a lot for me physically emotionally, financially, because he offered, I respect and admire him and we are very affectionate and everyone says we're a beautiful couple. We get along great. First 3 years he was CRAZY about me, everyone saw it.

 

Beginning of this year he BU with me over nothing. It was a shock. I begged and pleaded (stupid), he wanted the ring back, I ignored him for a week to cool down, he called and called and came to my house, we got back together.

 

We had the most fun we've ever had this year, but he wasn't the same--he was more distracted, bored, grumpy, angry, had temper tantrums, wasn't as affectionate, wouldn't help me around the house anymore, had fits of rage over other men hitting on me or giving me attention (even though I was 100% faithful and devoted to him), but insisted on marrying me this year. He kept setting wedding dates and postponing over and over. But he still sent me gifts regularly and took me on amazing trips. He works out of town and we see each other every weekend (he lives with his family and won't move in with me). He wanted to find a job here locally and get a place so we could be together. I helped him with the job and property search. At one point he said he wasn't ready to get married, he only proposed to make me happy, so I said fine, let's unengage and see others, and he freaked out and changed his mind. He bought me a wedding ring, and I bought him one.

 

A couple of weeks ago he took me to a romantic restaurant and said he was ready to get married, he was serious and promised not to back out again (besides, marriage was HIS idea), and wanted to marry this month, we talked about the future, where we'd live and what we'd do, and he reserved and paid for the trip and hotel. I was excited and looked for wedding dresses.

 

Last week he was moody again, acting very strangely, hung up on me on the phone a couple of times, then texted me that he canceled the wedding trip cause he needed the money (which doesn't make sense because we are both debt-free, I have a nice house that's paid for, his expenses are low and he has very few responsibilities, andmthemtrip didn't cost much at all), and he was too depressed to talk about it, so I never had a say in this. I was so horrified that I didn't reply and left him alone for a week.

 

A week later he called me. He was VERY ANGRY that I ignored him. He said he was calling because he's leaving me, he's done, moving on, he's ready for a "new chapter" in his life, and he proceeded to blame me for all of his problems in his life, said he didn't love me anymore (even though a week before he loved me, adored me, I was his soul mate, couldn't wait to marry me, I'm the best thing that ever happened to him, he can't imagine life without me, we will be together forever, etc). He said his "feelings come and go" for me. He whined and complained that he paid for our dates and spent so much money. I told him I didn't care as much about the gifts and trips; I wanted HIM more than anything else. He made excuses about wanting to focus on his career (I've never stood in his way, I have actually helped him). I asked him if there was another woman, and he said no. He said we should date others (and this is a man who was always very possessive and jealous of other men giving me attention, even male friends). He also said he was coming to my house last weekend to get his "stuff" back--the wedding ring, engagement ring, and a few gifts he gave me. Same scenario as the BU at the beginning of the year. The entire conversation he was extremely pissed.

 

He's not a *classically handsome* man (according to others, although I think he is cause I love him), and I'm his tall, beautiful, exciting, worldly, smart, loving, outgoing, lots of friends and admirers, compassionate trophy who boosts his ego as he shows me off and people gravitate to me. When I met him he was socially awkward, had no life, no friends, nerdy, immature, sheltered, insecure, cried a lot, had a strange haircut, shy, sweet, loving, generous, kind, soft spoken, slow, not as driven as I. But we clicked and he was so kind to me so I fell for him after a while. Now he's acting cocky, arrogant, over-confident, mean, angry, only thinks about his own needs, tells me he wants to move away to a huge city so he can live it up and work out on the beach (he doesn't even know how to swim) and he said he wanted us to be FRIENDS, and told me to call him if I wanted to "hang out" or if I needed help or a ride somewhere out of town, and IF he had the time, he'd come over. He even offered to come over last weekend to help me with my home renovations. He said he bought me a gift and wanted to bring it to me. My head was spinning. I'd had enough so I tore into him because I was so sick of his mood swings, postponing the wedding dozens of times, whining, complaining, blaming me for his problems, and his appalling behavior. I've been a total angel this year cause of his freak out at the beginning of the year, bottling up my feelings and needs, and I couldn't hold it in anymore.

 

I told him over the phone what I wanted/needed in a man, that I wanted my sweet man back from the first 3 years and then some, I wasn't interested in being his friend and tossed breadcrumbs after 4 years and an engagement. I said I wanted a normal and healthy loving relationship with HIM, the loving man I met, or I wanted nothing more to do with him. He replied, then you will get nothing!

 

So I gave up and ignored him. He sent me an email a couple of days ago of pictures from a trip we went on this year and it melted my heart, cause I haven't seen them yet. A few hours later he texted and called that he was coming over to get his "stuff" and I ignored cause I wasn't home.

 

Yesterday he texted me again and asked why I wasn't home over the weekend. Apparently he came to my house. I haven't replied. Later in the day he called, I didn't answer. Then he texted me and asked if we could please have a conversation. He sent another text saying he wouldn't ignore my calls if I called him after what happened. But I don't know what else to say or do?

 

He's acting like a man who's been wronged, like I cheated on him or did something horrible, which I never have. There really isn't a valid reason for the break up. We had an amazing, magical, loving relationship. We didn't have issues that I could see. We got along great. We were very attracted to each other, loved each other, had fun, spent every weekend together, called and texted every day, went on many romantic getaways together.

 

I don't understand why he BU a beautiful relationship and why he continues to text me and why he wants to have a "conversation?" Is this all about getting the rings back? Is that all he cares about? I don't feel he's being completely honest with me. I don't know if I should reply to these calls and texts?

 

This isn't the first time he's backed off. He disappeared on me the first year we were together. He emailed me that he wanted to be more than friends, and vanished for a month. I was hurt. Then he came back and told me he loved me. But I don't know if he is gone for good this time?

 

Barky, what do I do? I started NC over a week ago. And what's your assessment of this erratic behavior?

 

 

 

Sounds to me like you believe you are responsible for his transformation from a nerdy lonesome dude into a person with a lot of confidence.

Do you ever remind him of this? If you do, that alone would be good enough reason for his behavior and resentment. Do you allow him to be his own person?

[BrokenHeartAndWings]

Latest developments:

 

He showed up at my house 2 days ago after 2 weeks of NC and him calling, texting, emailing. He called and I answered cause he's the type who will park himself and not leave until I answer. He said he wanted his "stuff" back again. I asked him why he wanted GIFTS that he gave me returned, and he said cause they're HIS. HUH? Eventually he calmed down, I stated my intentions AGAIN, what I wanted/needed from him or a relationship, didn't want to be friends. He told me he loves me like crazy, and wants to be that guy for me. He offered to start coming over more and helping me around the house, spending time with my family, etc. So he goes home.

 

That night he texted me a very sweet text that he was sorry for everything, he loves and missed me, wished he could go back in time and FIX THE ISSUES, we need to fix our own problems, he sees me as his solution to everything, that only I give him strength and love, he wants to look at the good things between us and what made us stronger, and that he loves me very much.

 

I replied the next day that his text was very sweet and That I want to believe it (considering his erratic behavior this year), that I need to hear it in person, and I'd love to see him fix the issues he mentioned.

 

He sent a snarky reply that I never mentioned fixing my own problems, that this is one sided like before. HUH?! He's the one who's been backing off, breaking up repeatedly, postponing the wedding dozens of times, blaming me for all his problems, doing zero self-improvement...meanwhile I've done non-stop self-improvement financially, physically, emotionally, spiritually, planning my wedding that keeps getting postponed, helping him with his job and property search. He's done a lot for me, too.

 

I tried to call him cause I'm sick of texting serious conversations. Again, he doesn't answer. I texted that I prefer to discuss these things over the phone and in person, that I'm confused with his texts.

 

He replies that there's no need to discuss anything, he told me to keep everything, and that HE DOESN'T CARE ANYMORE.

 

HUH?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

 

What is the meaning of this?! I haven't wronged him, I've been patient, supportive, loving, encouraging, loyal. I wish Barky or one of the men here would man-translate this tangled mess of confusing texts and calls and behavior for me please?

[newenglandkid]

I don't know what I'm feeling but it's still the feeling of me wanting my ex back.

 

The other night I went out to celebrate the holiday, ended up meeting a cool girl and was hooking up with her at the bar. Sounds fun right? Well midway through the night I see my ex and her new "guy" enter. Although we don't say anything, I try not to get distracted by her and her guy.

 

Next morning she asks if that was me with that girl, and I said it was.

 

Ever since then I have realized that I truly love my ex and want her back in my life. On one hand I think it was good that she saw me with another girl, like Barky said, it could make her jealous and show her I'm not hung up on the BU. But part of me is scared that I may have given her the green light to pursue a relationship with this guy.

 

I'm so confused guys, please help me out.

[erklat]

 

I'm so confused guys, please help me out.

 

Do you feel okay with this girl ?

[newenglandkid]

She was cool, cute. But have no real interest now, all it did was reassure that I want my ex :-/

[realfriends]

Hey Barky,

 

For those who dont know, I'm 7 months NC ( besides me saying thank you twice by responding to her text, one including today for my birthday).

 

I think I know your opinion on this but I thought Id shoot it by you.

 

For some reason, I feel as though she thinks its in my court. I technically broke up with her but was forced to by her actions at the end. I just almost want to tell her that the ball is in her court, to have the final weight almost lifted off of my shoulder.

 

Is it something I should do? If so how do I approach it. Should I talk to my friends about it. Im in a good place and didn't feel anything from her text today, and as much as I tell myself I dont love her, I always will.

 

I feel like this question get asked a lot and I feel like I shouldn't even be asking it because I'm far down the road but its something on my mind.

 

Thanks

RealFriends

[barky2]

Latest developments:

 

He showed up at my house 2 days ago after 2 weeks of NC and him calling, texting, emailing. He called and I answered cause he's the type who will park himself and not leave until I answer. He said he wanted his "stuff" back again. I asked him why he wanted GIFTS that he gave me returned, and he said cause they're HIS. HUH? Eventually he calmed down, I stated my intentions AGAIN, what I wanted/needed from him or a relationship, didn't want to be friends. He told me he loves me like crazy, and wants to be that guy for me. He offered to start coming over more and helping me around the house, spending time with my family, etc. So he goes home.

 

That night he texted me a very sweet text that he was sorry for everything, he loves and missed me, wished he could go back in time and FIX THE ISSUES, we need to fix our own problems, he sees me as his solution to everything, that only I give him strength and love, he wants to look at the good things between us and what made us stronger, and that he loves me very much.

 

I replied the next day that his text was very sweet and That I want to believe it (considering his erratic behavior this year), that I need to hear it in person, and I'd love to see him fix the issues he mentioned.

 

He sent a snarky reply that I never mentioned fixing my own problems, that this is one sided like before. HUH?! He's the one who's been backing off, breaking up repeatedly, postponing the wedding dozens of times, blaming me for all his problems, doing zero self-improvement...meanwhile I've done non-stop self-improvement financially, physically, emotionally, spiritually, planning my wedding that keeps getting postponed, helping him with his job and property search. He's done a lot for me, too.

 

I tried to call him cause I'm sick of texting serious conversations. Again, he doesn't answer. I texted that I prefer to discuss these things over the phone and in person, that I'm confused with his texts.

 

He replies that there's no need to discuss anything, he told me to keep everything, and that HE DOESN'T CARE ANYMORE.

 

HUH?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

 

What is the meaning of this?! I haven't wronged him, I've been patient, supportive, loving, encouraging, loyal. I wish Barky or one of the men here would man-translate this tangled mess of confusing texts and calls and behavior for me please?

 

 

 

 

Hey sorry it's taken so long to respond, this week has been crazy.. Plus side is...I asked my gf to marry me this weekend as she said yes

 

Sorry might not want to hear that, but figured I'd share because I'm over the moon.

 

Now to you.

 

This guy is wishy washy.

 

And will always be that way.

 

He is not the same guy from 3 years ago.

 

That guy is dead and gone.

 

He's there when he wants, then he's gone when he wants.

 

He feels you pullin away, so he tries to pull you back in.

 

It's written on the wall, you re read your story, what would you tell your friend if that was them telling you that story?

 

You already know.

 

It sucks, you thought you had the right guy, but he's a damn flake man.

 

Cut this dude off, completely.

 

Start the healing process and find someone who you deserve..this guy doesn't deserve you.

 

Idk if it was a trip he went on and met someone, or did something wrong or went out one night and had fun pretending to be single, I don't know.

 

But something's up.

 

Maybe I'm wrong...

 

But. He's a flake.

 

And until he finds what it is he's looking for or why he's that way, that's how he's going to be.

 

Give him back his crap, tell him to leave you alone.

 

Don't get sucked back in.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[barky2]

Hey Barky,

 

For those who dont know, I'm 7 months NC ( besides me saying thank you twice by responding to her text, one including today for my birthday).

 

I think I know your opinion on this but I thought Id shoot it by you.

 

For some reason, I feel as though she thinks its in my court. I technically broke up with her but was forced to by her actions at the end. I just almost want to tell her that the ball is in her court, to have the final weight almost lifted off of my shoulder.

 

Is it something I should do? If so how do I approach it. Should I talk to my friends about it. Im in a good place and didn't feel anything from her text today, and as much as I tell myself I dont love her, I always will.

 

I feel like this question get asked a lot and I feel like I shouldn't even be asking it because I'm far down the road but its something on my mind.

 

Thanks

RealFriends

 

Technically if you're the dumper it is in your court, technically.

 

2 texts in 7 months doesn't show me that she wants you back, it's more of a friendship thing id say.

 

Stay nc.

 

If she had something to say, you'd be the first to know.

 

Believe me, you'd know.

 

Stay right where you are.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

[sugarlove]

Hey sorry it's taken so long to respond, this week has been crazy.. Plus side is...I asked my gf to marry me this weekend as she said yes

 

Barky

 

Haha, I almost missed that! Congratulations!! This need a thread of its own :love::laugh::D

[Sadspork]

I don't even want to "get back" with my ex. Our relationship was dysfunctional and unhappy and its not something worth saving anymore. But the thought of losing him from my life is so painful. I still want to be friends. More then anything. In fact I wish I'd just been friends with him from the beginning. Because I really love him in a true authentic way I know that we are better off not together but not being anything at all and not talking is what hurts the most.

[erklat]

Technically if you're the dumper it is in your court, technically.

 

2 texts in 7 months doesn't show me that she wants you back, it's more of a friendship thing id say.

 

Stay nc.

 

If she had something to say, you'd be the first to know.

 

Believe me, you'd know.

 

Stay right where you are.

 

Barky

 

 

He dumped her. She is breaking nc to acknowledge his special days.

 

He is the one who should bring the reconciliation up.

 

Congrats for your engagement.

Edited July 7, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[barky2]

That's what I ment, it's in his court.

 

But even if, she hasn't shown she wants him back.

 

Most if not ALL dumpers show they want the rs back.

 

2 texts doesn't tell me that.

 

That's all I was saying, op if you can reach out and get rejected and be ok and really want her back then go for it.

 

If not leave it be.

 

I was also under the impression op was unsure if he wants her back.

 

 

 

 

Barky

Edited July 7, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[realfriends]

He dumped her. She is breaking nc to acknowledge his special days.

 

He is the one who should bring the reconciliation up.

 

Congrats for your engagement.

 

 

Technically I am the dumper but was forced to when I found out that she cheated.

 

For the first month before NC I talked to her a few times to see if I could change her mind but I could not.

 

Anyways, about a month or two ago when she broke NC for the first time ( not for a birthday or a holiday just out of the blue) she said something along the lines of

 

"I respect your decision living without me in your life but I hope if our paths ever cross again that you'd be open to talking to me"

 

I took it as a friendly gesture but I could be wrong.

Edited July 7, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[William]

Looks like some stray non-standard characters in a post tripped our anti-spam software so some posts which quoted the post were shunted to our queue. I fixed them up and deleted the duplicates. Carry on!

[shoegal4]

Congrats Barkyyyy!!!!!!!!

[barky2]

Congrats Barkyyyy!!!!!!!!

 

Thank you :) :bunny:

 

 

 

 

Barky

[furby58]

Congrats barky!!!!

[newenglandkid]

congrats barky!