if you've been broken up with / broken hearted

[barky2]

Appreciate the wisdom bro. So despite the fact I took her for granted and basically pushed her feelings to fade away, she might be like the others and come back in a years time once I'm over it? Women are something I just can't process then!

 

Can't bank on anything in life besides death bro.

 

She may come back, she may not.

 

Don't sit wasting your life away for something that may never happen.

 

What's ment to be, will.

 

 

 

Barky

[erklat]

I wouldn't ever give a ex the satisfaction of knowing I'm hurting without them

 

What when ex's say and show they are hurting without you but would rather die than swallow some pride? :/

[barky2]

What when ex's say and show they are hurting without you but would rather die than swallow some pride? :/

 

I woulda rather died than crawl to my ex and say I was hurting without her.

 

But look at all the threads saying they broke nc to tell them they missed their ex or just wanted to tell them.

 

It's all in the person and how they deal with the breakup.

 

They can miss you but not tell you.

 

They can love you and not tell you.

 

They can want zero to do with you and not tell you.

 

Catch my drift?

 

 

Barky

[thefear]

One thing still doesn't add up here. If we're completely no contact, how will she know I've improved/grown/matured? Will she not just think of me as the same complacent guy that took her for granted who she broke up with?

Edited February 27, 2014 by thefear

[barky2]

One thing still doesn't add up here. If we're completely no contact, how will she know I've improved/grown/matured? Will she not just think of me as the same complacent guy that took her for granted who she broke up with?

 

It doesn't matter.

 

Let her mind wonder.

 

No contact is not for you to show how good you're doing.

 

It adds just just fine.

 

No contact is used for you to get your happiness back and to get over the relationship.

 

Who cares what she thinks.

 

In time you'll see.

 

And just too add, if you treated her wrong, there's nothing you can do right now.

 

I'm sure you've asked for a second chance, if she said no, you left the ball in her court anyway.

 

 

Its up to her to come back, you literally can do nothing more but push her further away.

 

 

Barky

[Grumbles]

I'm sure you've asked for a second chance, if she said no, you left the ball in her court anyway.

 

 

Its up to her to come back, you literally can do nothing more but push her further away.

 

I've got to do my best to keep these things in mind.

 

I accidentally put my ex on a pedestal for the last two months we were together due to depression so she lost respect/attraction for me.

 

I'm working to get myself and my happiness back and it helps to know that anything I do will just hurt any chances I have of getting her back. More importantly, it'll hold me back.

 

We had our super emotional breakup where we both cried (not exactly manly or attractive on my part) and I've been NC since.

 

Until then I'm gonna "fake it 'til I make it".

[jphcbpa]

We had our super emotional breakup where we both cried (not exactly manly or attractive on my part) and I've been NC since.

 

 

it is very manly to cry, it shows you loved/cared and were vulnerable and did not want the BU. they are liquid prayers. nothing wrong with being emotional in front of her. if you were not, there would be a problem. do not beat yourself up.

[barky2]

I've got to do my best to keep these things in mind.

 

I accidentally put my ex on a pedestal for the last two months we were together due to depression so she lost respect/attraction for me.

 

I'm working to get myself and my happiness back and it helps to know that anything I do will just hurt any chances I have of getting her back. More importantly, it'll hold me back.

 

We had our super emotional breakup where we both cried (not exactly manly or attractive on my part) and I've been NC since.

 

Until then I'm gonna "fake it 'til I make it".

 

You got a good head on your shoulders and I think you're finally seeing the big picture.

 

There's only one place you can go from here, up.

 

Start to get excited about it.

 

I tell people all the time, if you don't end up with your ex you'll end up marrying and having kids with someone else, who you'll fall in love with just as much if not more than your ex.

 

So regain your happiness so you can attract the one you're suppose to be with.

 

 

 

Barky

[Jatli]

Hi Barky,

 

I have an issue I am dealing with right now. A couple of weeks ago out of the blue my man who I have been living with for 4 years tells me he needs to find out if he really wants to be with me. He said he needs to miss me to see if this is what he wants. Now I have to move out.

 

We never fought, got along really well, enjoyed spending time together and our sex life was great.

 

 

He is getting me an apartment across the street but it won't be for another month. IN the meantime, we are still living together, still sleeping together, he still kisses me goodbye every morning. We are still not fighting, we still laugh, although I have been crying almost every day.

 

I am devasted by this. He says he needs to do this. When we first talked about it he started to cry saying he didn't know if what he was doing was the right thing. Now he says he has to do this and although it may not be permanent we are to think of it as permanent for now. He says he is going to try hard not to miss me. Then last night I asked him while we were lying in bed if there are moments when he thinks he is doing the wrong thing and he said yes.

 

HELP!

[barky2]

Hi Barky,

 

I have an issue I am dealing with right now. A couple of weeks ago out of the blue my man who I have been living with for 4 years tells me he needs to find out if he really wants to be with me. He said he needs to miss me to see if this is what he wants. Now I have to move out.

 

We never fought, got along really well, enjoyed spending time together and our sex life was great.

 

 

He is getting me an apartment across the street but it won't be for another month. IN the meantime, we are still living together, still sleeping together, he still kisses me goodbye every morning. We are still not fighting, we still laugh, although I have been crying almost every day.

 

I am devasted by this. He says he needs to do this. When we first talked about it he started to cry saying he didn't know if what he was doing was the right thing. Now he says he has to do this and although it may not be permanent we are to think of it as permanent for now. He says he is going to try hard not to miss me. Then last night I asked him while we were lying in bed if there are moments when he thinks he is doing the wrong thing and he said yes.

 

HELP!

 

 

Im so sorry you're going through this right now.

 

My first gut instinct is...there's someone else.

 

Don't quote me I'm not ALWAYS right...but this seems awfully suspicious.

 

For you and your heart, I would prepare for the worst.

 

Technically you're breaking up, and he's free to do what he wants after you move out.

 

The " apartment across the street" in my eyes is for him

 

A) to keep a eye on you

 

B) to be able to get a quickie when he wants.

 

IMHO he either met someone at work, online or in life general.

 

Seems like he wants to get to see if it'll work between them, yet dangling you there in limbo.

 

Like I said, this is just based on my opinion and how " out of the blue it is".

 

 

Something stinks of cheater.

 

Like I said before prepare your heart, start the healing process now.

 

ZERO affection. ZERO! No quickies or nothing. Start sleeping in the spare room or on the couch.

 

Right now ( if there's someone else) he has the emotional side of you, and fun new car smell physical side from the other.

 

Confide in friends and let them know what's going on.

 

I would HIGHLY suggest you not move across the street.

 

If there's friends or family you could stay with that would be better, just till you get on your feet.

 

If everything I'm sayings true, sleeping across the street will be by far the worst thing you could do.

 

Chin up.

 

 

 

Barky

[jphcbpa]

My first thought was DO NOT move across the street

[Grumbles]

You got a good head on your shoulders and I think you're finally seeing the big picture.

 

There's only one place you can go from here, up.

 

Start to get excited about it.

 

I tell people all the time, if you don't end up with your ex you'll end up marrying and having kids with someone else, who you'll fall in love with just as much if not more than your ex.

 

So regain your happiness so you can attract the one you're suppose to be with.

 

 

 

Barky

 

Thanks. I was down and out when the breakup came, which is probably why it happened. It threw me for a loop. I didn't know I'd been so bad that she'd give up on me...but I wasn't being much of a man for a few weeks.

 

Sometimes you've got to hit rock bottom before you can really improve.

[barky2]

Thanks. I was down and out when the breakup came, which is probably why it happened. It threw me for a loop. I didn't know I'd been so bad that she'd give up on me...but I wasn't being much of a man for a few weeks.

 

Sometimes you've got to hit rock bottom before you can really improve.

 

Glad you've taken some time to think things through throughly.

 

Only one way to go, and that's up.

 

 

Barky

[Geekinthepinkx]

Hi i hope people will read post Barky2!

 

my ex bf and i had a great relationship for 4 years, he is my clyde and i was his bonnie my partner in crime. We broke up and he started dating his co worker, after 3days of the break up.. I didn't curse him, yell at him bad mouth him from other people i just isolated the problem because i don't want people thinking that he cheated, he's a **** etc. i keep understanding his situation on why he did it, i forgiven him i told that. . 1 week after the break i made efforts to get him back, gave him the anniversary gift i was saving up for him. A scarp book of us and lastly a video of me about 100 reasons why i love him

 

After he watched the video he started to blame me, practically telling me it was my fault.. I never argue back. He said maybe he was just confused, regret the idea of courting her without healing first or trying to fix us, saying he's not into her, that i should hive him time and thats what he wants from me, and he cannot break up with her..

 

After our confrontation i started doing NC and keep on communicating with his mom, which he always ask me to her

 

Do you guys think i have great chance getting him back after i made the efforts and practically dropping form the face of the earth after? Is he in a rebound? There already 4months together

[mus]

So i met this girl awhile back online chatted via text and met her once briefly and got on fine, things went silent for about 2 months as prior to her going back overseas to finish up her final year at college she had an anxiety attack and she subsequently shelved her studies.

 

So she contacts me again 2 months later, things just move really fast meeting each other frequently and texting each other a lot. Things seemed fine i treated her really well, showered her with so much attention, care and concern.

 

Especially with her down moments, worrying about her illness (she was still under medication due to the anxiety attacks, some anti-depressants as well), the situation with school with her having a year to finish, her future in getting a job due to her current condition her weight gain from the medication that she was on, she was just pretty negative at times even spoke about suicide. But i always tried to be there for her to cheer her up and to get her to be positive.

 

All this while there was another guy that was pursuing her at the same time. And he didn't seem to make much of an effort when they went out he never sent her home, once made her travel a long distance just to have dinner and even told her she looks fat in a picture of hers.

 

So she was adamant about not getting a relationship with me even though we were so close that the next step would be just be in a relationship with each other. It came to a point where i accepted her decision and said that i would wait (did say to her how long though i don't know).

 

In mid Jan i went on holiday for a week, did text while i was away and had a Skype session as well but things slowly got cold after a few days. She was gonna be away as well once i had got back, so while she was on her short getaway she had this epiphany that she saw no future whatsoever with me and she shouldn't be in a relationship anytime soon. Told her we'll talk once she's back.

 

When she got back she became really rude and cold towards me saying things such as "when are you free to come and take your stuff i don't want them lying about my house", and that she wasn't comfortable meeting me at all. I had previously planned to go to a place with her after she got back and while i was still on leave from work so with things like that obviously it didn't happen.

 

Lo and behold that very weekend she went out with that other guy to the place that i had been planning to take her to and he posted a picture online of them smiling and she replied with a smiley face and a heart. I was livid and pissed off! But amazingly i still did not confront or get angry with her over it.

 

She mentioned a few days later that the guy had asked her to make it official between them and that she hadn't given a reply yet. They drove me nuts that fact that she was actually considering it while being so adamant to saying no to being in a relationship. She also said something that blew my mind her exact words "you know me so well it scares me", i just couldn't logically comprehend that she would rather be with someone that doesn't know her that well as to someone who knows her well?!

 

She said the other guy was also sorry for not making enough of an effort because he was hesitant, which is ridiculous if you ask me.

 

So fast forward a week things are semi cold and she was gonna go on a family holiday as well as to visit her sister overseas. Things were still cordial wished her well for her trip and exchanged pleasantries with each other. A few days into her trip she decided while on holiday to actually make the effort to quietly delete me from facebook and instagram, and she would text me the next day just to say she got together with the other guy at the end of Jan.

 

In a space of about 31/2 weeks we went from being close to things falling apart to me being erased from her life.

 

Its been a month since she texted me about her getting together with the other guy and i have not replied to it and probably should never. But part of me still cares and misses the times together the temptation to text a reply has been there been common sense prevailed and i didn't give in into doing it.

 

Its just weird trying so hard, being so nice to someone you really care about and they treat you like crap and blatantly want you out of their lives.

 

Sorry about the long essay just needed to get it out.

[beyond]

Hi Barky,

 

I have an issue I am dealing with right now. A couple of weeks ago out of the blue my man who I have been living with for 4 years tells me he needs to find out if he really wants to be with me. He said he needs to miss me to see if this is what he wants. Now I have to move out.

 

We never fought, got along really well, enjoyed spending time together and our sex life was great.

 

 

He is getting me an apartment across the street but it won't be for another month. IN the meantime, we are still living together, still sleeping together, he still kisses me goodbye every morning. We are still not fighting, we still laugh, although I have been crying almost every day.

 

I am devasted by this. He says he needs to do this. When we first talked about it he started to cry saying he didn't know if what he was doing was the right thing. Now he says he has to do this and although it may not be permanent we are to think of it as permanent for now. He says he is going to try hard not to miss me. Then last night I asked him while we were lying in bed if there are moments when he thinks he is doing the wrong thing and he said yes.

 

HELP!

 

This is so wrong on many levels.

 

He doesn't want you, but wants you on some kind of lead 'across the street' from him, so he can yank you back for a short time if he is feeling a bit lonely.

 

Please don't put up with this. Why is HE looking for a place for you to live anyway? Why aren't you using all your energy and spare time finding somewhere instead of making him feel better and cuddling up to him in bed. Ewww, this makes me feel angry on your behalf!

 

So, you are just passively waiting around until he finds this nearby apartment for you and turfs you out???

 

If he wants to see what it's like to miss you, then give him that chance. Grab your dignity and pride back and walk out that door.

[barky2]

Hi i hope people will read post Barky2!

 

my ex bf and i had a great relationship for 4 years, he is my clyde and i was his bonnie my partner in crime. We broke up and he started dating his co worker, after 3days of the break up.. I didn't curse him, yell at him bad mouth him from other people i just isolated the problem because i don't want people thinking that he cheated, he's a **** etc. i keep understanding his situation on why he did it, i forgiven him i told that. . 1 week after the break i made efforts to get him back, gave him the anniversary gift i was saving up for him. A scarp book of us and lastly a video of me about 100 reasons why i love him

 

After he watched the video he started to blame me, practically telling me it was my fault.. I never argue back. He said maybe he was just confused, regret the idea of courting her without healing first or trying to fix us, saying he's not into her, that i should hive him time and thats what he wants from me, and he cannot break up with her..

 

After our confrontation i started doing NC and keep on communicating with his mom, which he always ask me to her

 

Do you guys think i have great chance getting him back after i made the efforts and practically dropping form the face of the earth after? Is he in a rebound? There already 4months together

 

 

 

He checked out awhile ago, this little fling has been going on a lot longer than you think.

 

You don't want people to think he cheated?

 

Or do you not want to face the facts that he Atleast emotionally cheated?

 

Why would you want someone back like this is my question to you.

 

Sure you had my great years, fact is dude cheated on you, now is with someone else.

 

You need to move on.

 

You want to be a backup?

 

He chose her over you.

 

That's more than enough reason to find someone better!!

 

Sorry to be harsh, I just want your eyes open and to come to terms with what he's done.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[barky2]

So i met this girl awhile back online chatted via text and met her once briefly and got on fine, things went silent for about 2 months as prior to her going back overseas to finish up her final year at college she had an anxiety attack and she subsequently shelved her studies.

 

So she contacts me again 2 months later, things just move really fast meeting each other frequently and texting each other a lot. Things seemed fine i treated her really well, showered her with so much attention, care and concern.

 

Especially with her down moments, worrying about her illness (she was still under medication due to the anxiety attacks, some anti-depressants as well), the situation with school with her having a year to finish, her future in getting a job due to her current condition her weight gain from the medication that she was on, she was just pretty negative at times even spoke about suicide. But i always tried to be there for her to cheer her up and to get her to be positive.

 

All this while there was another guy that was pursuing her at the same time. And he didn't seem to make much of an effort when they went out he never sent her home, once made her travel a long distance just to have dinner and even told her she looks fat in a picture of hers.

 

So she was adamant about not getting a relationship with me even though we were so close that the next step would be just be in a relationship with each other. It came to a point where i accepted her decision and said that i would wait (did say to her how long though i don't know).

 

In mid Jan i went on holiday for a week, did text while i was away and had a Skype session as well but things slowly got cold after a few days. She was gonna be away as well once i had got back, so while she was on her short getaway she had this epiphany that she saw no future whatsoever with me and she shouldn't be in a relationship anytime soon. Told her we'll talk once she's back.

 

When she got back she became really rude and cold towards me saying things such as "when are you free to come and take your stuff i don't want them lying about my house", and that she wasn't comfortable meeting me at all. I had previously planned to go to a place with her after she got back and while i was still on leave from work so with things like that obviously it didn't happen.

 

Lo and behold that very weekend she went out with that other guy to the place that i had been planning to take her to and he posted a picture online of them smiling and she replied with a smiley face and a heart. I was livid and pissed off! But amazingly i still did not confront or get angry with her over it.

 

She mentioned a few days later that the guy had asked her to make it official between them and that she hadn't given a reply yet. They drove me nuts that fact that she was actually considering it while being so adamant to saying no to being in a relationship. She also said something that blew my mind her exact words "you know me so well it scares me", i just couldn't logically comprehend that she would rather be with someone that doesn't know her that well as to someone who knows her well?!

 

She said the other guy was also sorry for not making enough of an effort because he was hesitant, which is ridiculous if you ask me.

 

So fast forward a week things are semi cold and she was gonna go on a family holiday as well as to visit her sister overseas. Things were still cordial wished her well for her trip and exchanged pleasantries with each other. A few days into her trip she decided while on holiday to actually make the effort to quietly delete me from facebook and instagram, and she would text me the next day just to say she got together with the other guy at the end of Jan.

 

In a space of about 31/2 weeks we went from being close to things falling apart to me being erased from her life.

 

Its been a month since she texted me about her getting together with the other guy and i have not replied to it and probably should never. But part of me still cares and misses the times together the temptation to text a reply has been there been common sense prevailed and i didn't give in into doing it.

 

Its just weird trying so hard, being so nice to someone you really care about and they treat you like crap and blatantly want you out of their lives.

 

Sorry about the long essay just needed to get it out.

 

 

 

No worries.

 

You were technicaly never in a relationship.

 

I think you were a lot more emotionally invested than she was.

 

With all due respect, it seems like she wanted you around when she was bored.

 

And also, she said she didn't want a relationship, when clearly you did...welcome to the friendZone.

 

That shoulda been your exit point right there.

 

She's moved on, it's time for you not to waste another second of your life thinking about this.

 

Find someone who truly wants to be with you and not use you like a toy when she wants.

 

 

Barky

[Geekinthepinkx]

[quote=barky2;5556799

You don't want people to think he cheated?

Barky

 

Because hes not that type and he made a rash decisio n hooking up with his supervisor and shes not his type. It all started when he found out i was going away for 2 years for work abroad he wanted to come with me asking me if i can get him any job he even wanted to get married before i leave. Then he started being distant hanging out with friends who is bad influence and not his crowd, drinking alot and going to bars.. i understood what he was going through because its hard for him to see me going away. So i let him do his thing and this girl took advantage of his loneliness. She isnt his type, she lurks around his privacy, and even responding to his text messages acting shes my ex. And even changed his profile photo with the one shes in it.He rebel on his family also because of the woman. Last time i heard he never gave her anything or gift last christmas and on valentines.

 

just because he is dating someone new doesn’t mean your chances are gone completely. Sometimes men need to go out with someone new to realize just how good they had it with you.

[jphcbpa]

Because hes not that type and he made a rash decisio n hooking up with his supervisor and shes not his type. It all started when he found out i was going away for 2 years for work abroad he wanted to come with me asking me if i can get him any job he even wanted to get married before i leave. Then he started being distant hanging out with friends who is bad influence and not his crowd, drinking alot and going to bars.. i understood what he was going through because its hard for him to see me going away. So i let him do his thing and this girl took advantage of his loneliness. She isnt his type, she lurks around his privacy, and even responding to his text messages acting shes my ex. And even changed his profile photo with the one shes in it.He rebel on his family also because of the woman. Last time i heard he never gave her anything or gift last christmas and on valentines.

 

just because he is dating someone new doesn’t mean your chances are gone completely. Sometimes men need to go out with someone new to realize just how good they had it with you.

 

Stop making excuses for him and putting him on this pedestal. You should want more for yourself.

[barky2]

Because hes not that type and he made a rash decisio n hooking up with his supervisor and shes not his type. It all started when he found out i was going away for 2 years for work abroad he wanted to come with me asking me if i can get him any job he even wanted to get married before i leave. Then he started being distant hanging out with friends who is bad influence and not his crowd, drinking alot and going to bars.. i understood what he was going through because its hard for him to see me going away. So i let him do his thing and this girl took advantage of his loneliness. She isnt his type, she lurks around his privacy, and even responding to his text messages acting shes my ex. And even changed his profile photo with the one shes in it.He rebel on his family also because of the woman. Last time i heard he never gave her anything or gift last christmas and on valentines.

 

just because he is dating someone new doesn’t mean your chances are gone completely. Sometimes men need to go out with someone new to realize just how good they had it with you.

 

Don't you think you deserve more?

 

I'm going to be blunt, so bare with me.

 

If he wanted to be with you he would.

 

He's with her.

 

You're making excuses for him for him cheating on you.

 

I'm sorry but he did!!

 

You seriously need to re read what you wrote, and what would you say to that if a friend wrote it to you.

 

Please, I mean this with all due respect, please stop being nieve.

 

 

 

Barky

[Geekinthepinkx]

Anyhow thanks. But i know my ex more than you guys. And just because he is with her doesnt mean his happy we dont know whats going through his mind.every dog has its day

[barky2]

Anyhow thanks. But i know my ex more than you guys. And just because he is with her doesnt mean his happy we dont know whats going through his mind.every dog has its day

 

Listen, I'm not the bad guy, nor am I trying to upset you.

 

I'm simply a stranger over the internet giving you pov.

 

I've been around for awhile, I've seen a lot of the same stories, from all different ages,gender and race.

 

When I first came here, I was stubborn and hardheaded as can be.

 

No way I told everyone, I know her better than any of you!

 

So were a lot alike in that manner.

 

The thing is geekinthepink, I want you to really look up the steps and stages of a breakup.

 

You're in denial.

 

Where I once was.

 

Can I just ask you one question , friend to friend?

 

Why would he be with her if he's not happy and come back to you?

 

If a guy or girl wants to be with you, they will. Or they'll do their damnedest to try.

 

He's not.

 

He's with another girl day in and day out for what..almost 4 months now?

 

What happens if they end up getting married or pregnant?

 

And you sat around for all this time waiting to take him back when it may NEVER happen??

 

You need to let go of this guy.

 

You said they were together shortly after the break up.

 

What do you think they just happened to bump into eachother and boom they're in a relationship???

 

NO!!

 

This was planned geekinpink....I'm telling you.

 

You may not want to believe me or brush me off, that's fine I take zero disrespect in you doing so.

 

But one day I promise, you will see the bigger picture and think of me, and what I've said, and be like wow that random ass stranger was pretty close if not spot on just by me writing a few paragraphs on a forum.

 

Until then I'm here to help in anyway I can.

 

I've been in your shoes, I've overcome it, and moved on from it.

 

I'm only trying to help.

 

 

Barky

[Geekinthepinkx]

I appreciate your concern blake its been really hard i know im defensive about him its because i kept on understanding him.. and people kept on pulling down my positivity and faith of him getting back. im on nc for 3 months now

 

And Also he hasn't contacted me because his new girl likes to snoop around, checking his messages (even replying), accessing his facebook acct and changing his profile photo with the one shes in it, i never invaded his privacy when we were still dating. When i heard about that my ex texted me saying that "you know i do not use my facebook anymore and updating it" - which is true, he isnt the type who likes to post alot.

 

Istarted ignoring her mom and I havent talk to her, lately because i know im just hurting myself and i dont want my ex to be updated with my life, i would him like him to think that im dead or eaten by a flesh eating virus

 

after ignoring her mom, he started to get his friends to come by my place and ask me how i was. Im 23 and he is 25 years old i was his 1st gf and he was my 1st bf, also i assumed he would like to explore if the grass is greener on the other side, so i let him do his thing, but its hard. He is currently dating a single mom who likes to have one night stands with other guys, she practically lurking for my ex and i to break up, and even called me just to say that i should stay away from him. Hes not ex type, right now shes dragging him to bars getting drunk all night and smoking (he hates going to bars).

 

I wanted good things for him even though were not together, just to see him successful, healthy and being the best version of himself is fine for me... But NOOOoooo.. I heard that he is awfully thin and his cheekbones are protruding... He let himself go .. Is depression kicking in him?

[jphcbpa]

why would you want to be with someone who does not want to be with you?

 

keep asking yourself this question. It is DEAD! The R is OVER!

 

why would you want to be in this toxic chaos of him, his g/f and his mother?