if you've been broken up with / broken hearted

[erklat]

 

just because he is dating someone new doesn’t mean your chances are gone completely. Sometimes men need to go out with someone new to realize just how good they had it with you.

 

I threw up a bit in my mouth.

 

A man says, that if another man is into you, he will be with you.

 

Most man I know focus on one woman if they are chasing.

 

His leniency for intrusions in his private space speak volumes who is he into.

[barky2]

I appreciate your concern blake its been really hard i know im defensive about him its because i kept on understanding him.. and people kept on pulling down my positivity and faith of him getting back. im on nc for 3 months now

 

And Also he hasn't contacted me because his new girl likes to snoop around, checking his messages (even replying), accessing his facebook acct and changing his profile photo with the one shes in it, i never invaded his privacy when we were still dating. When i heard about that my ex texted me saying that "you know i do not use my facebook anymore and updating it" - which is true, he isnt the type who likes to post alot.

 

Istarted ignoring her mom and I havent talk to her, lately because i know im just hurting myself and i dont want my ex to be updated with my life, i would him like him to think that im dead or eaten by a flesh eating virus

 

after ignoring her mom, he started to get his friends to come by my place and ask me how i was. Im 23 and he is 25 years old i was his 1st gf and he was my 1st bf, also i assumed he would like to explore if the grass is greener on the other side, so i let him do his thing, but its hard. He is currently dating a single mom who likes to have one night stands with other guys, she practically lurking for my ex and i to break up, and even called me just to say that i should stay away from him. Hes not ex type, right now shes dragging him to bars getting drunk all night and smoking (he hates going to bars).

 

I wanted good things for him even though were not together, just to see him successful, healthy and being the best version of himself is fine for me... But NOOOoooo.. I heard that he is awfully thin and his cheekbones are protruding... He let himself go .. Is depression kicking in him?

 

 

Once again going to be blunt here so bare with me.

 

Fb and cell phone texts or calls CAN BE DELETED!!

 

If he wanted to write to you and delete them HE KNOWS HE CAN DO THIS!

 

You have to understand something, SHE is not DRAGGING him to bars!

 

He's going with HIS girlfriend TO bars and getting drunk.

 

HE is with WHO he wants to BE WITH!

 

I need to understand this!!!!

 

If he wanted you he'd leave her and be with you.

 

You need to hold him accountable for his actions!

 

I went to the end of the earth to try and get my ex back.

 

EVERY guy I know who wanted his ex back TRIED!!

 

He simply HASNT!

 

It's time for you to let go, or you'll never get out of this situation!

Hold him freakin accountable for leaving and starting a new relationship!!

 

Sorry to yell across the internet but I wish I could shake you right now.

 

 

 

Barky

[Never Again]

To just push Barky's point a bit more:

 

Stop being a doormat for this man. He's treating you like you're beneath him.

 

You don't need to be aloof or cuss him out, but you need to have enough self-respect and self-love to walk away from someone who's acting like an asshat.

 

He isn't worth your time, so stop giving it to him.

 

I empathize with people who've gone through rough breakups, who feel like they've been spun about and caught out of the blue...and I feel for people who think/know that their ex isn't with someone else.

 

If someone leaves you in a kind manner and does nothing wrong, I understand pining for them. You still shouldn't do it (like I did), but I understand.

 

But if someone's treating you like dirt, you shake them off and tell yourself that you're better. It can be hard because they'll make you believe that they're the best thing you'll ever get, but deep down I'm sure you know better.

 

He wanted you gone, so be gone. If he wants you back, he'll move mountains. Until then, he's a ghost.

[you.will.be.ok]

Barky, you're my inspiration and the main reason I'm ok now.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/466066-my-recovery-story-youll-all-ok-read-your-sake-barky-thank-you#post5578556

 

Here's my post and my dedication to you.

 

Thank you bro, with ALL my heart.

[Geekinthepinkx]

Thanks for the concern and advices... i am good friends with his mom.. and no were not talking about him when were together, should i still hang out with her? And no she doesnt tell his son that im still keeping intouch with her.

[jphcbpa]

Last night I cried tears of joy/peace/contentment and happiness. Such a beautiful place to be. It feels great to come home and be alone...just doing my thing (reading, sitting outside by my pool, talking with God, journaling, doing laundry, ect.) without a care in the world for a woman. Living life and being free feels amazing. My happiness is not going to come from another person. I am now investing in me and my relationship with my higher power.

 

It takes time and time takes time. NC is the key to healing and moving on, seeing the truth, learning about me, becoming happy, wishing her well, being thankful for our time together, being thankful for the break up, being grateful for the new things happening in my life.

 

IT IS ALL FALLING TOGETHER, NOT FALLING APART!!!!!!!

[barky2]

Thanks for the concern and advices... i am good friends with his mom.. and no were not talking about him when were together, should i still hang out with her? And no she doesnt tell his son that im still keeping intouch with her.

 

No no and no.

 

Focus on yourself.

 

Let her know you need time for yourself and you'll be in touch soon.

 

All you're doing is delaying the pain.

 

Cut loose and begin your healing.

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

[hudson701]

Am I allowed to date other women? I feel almost guilty for doing it for some reason. I'm worried she will see me on Tinder again and think 'that's it, I definitely don't want to contact him now!'. Or will it even work to my advantage?

 

I was dumped. Last saw her 4 weeks ago and have been NC for 8 days. Relationship for 3 months but very loving and intense. Ultimately I want her back as I'm devastated by this, but am worried she might presume I'm dating again, which will push her away even further.

 

What do you reckon Barky? Will dating actually help me move on with the eventual aim of getting her back, or will it be the final nail in the coffin so to speak? My confidence is rock bottom at the moment but normally I'm quite cocky with women and have a good body/looks. Just I can't see it now.

 

 

Great thread I've read it every single morning to get me through the day. I've only had one relationship before where I was in love, was dumped, went strict NC and my ex came back 8 weeks later. So I do have faith in the method but I think hope is a dangerous thing in this situation.

 

Your wisdom would be appreciated.

[barky2]

Am I allowed to date other women? I feel almost guilty for doing it for some reason. I'm worried she will see me on Tinder again and think 'that's it, I definitely don't want to contact him now!'. Or will it even work to my advantage?

 

I was dumped. Last saw her 4 weeks ago and have been NC for 8 days. Relationship for 3 months but very loving and intense. Ultimately I want her back as I'm devastated by this, but am worried she might presume I'm dating again, which will push her away even further.

 

What do you reckon Barky? Will dating actually help me move on with the eventual aim of getting her back, or will it be the final nail in the coffin so to speak? My confidence is rock bottom at the moment but normally I'm quite cocky with women and have a good body/looks. Just I can't see it now.

 

 

Great thread I've read it every single morning to get me through the day. I've only had one relationship before where I was in love, was dumped, went strict NC and my ex came back 8 weeks later. So I do have faith in the method but I think hope is a dangerous thing in this situation.

 

Your wisdom would be appreciated.

 

 

Hey man sorry you're going through all of this.

 

But listen and I want you to re read this.

 

No matter what you do will bring her back nor push her away.

 

Date , not date , will not bring her back.

 

If I was you?

 

And my recommendation?

 

Date.

 

Get your confidence back.

 

If you're not the same person you once were, focus on getting that back.

 

But believe me, women are a strange breed.

 

They notice when you no longer care about them / start to move on.

 

It's like they have esp.

 

But the thing is, move on for yourself.

 

Say she comes back in 2 years, and you did nothing with that time , how would you feel?

 

You'd get back into the relationship , find out that she lived her life for two years and you didn't. Then you'd get cold feet and want to go live your life.

 

My suggestion is to do just that, live your life.

 

Live yours exactly how you want without the thought about consequences of her.

 

Date.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[hudson701]

Ok I will date, cheers bro.

 

So from your experience it really doesn't matter if she finds out or not, because ultimately if she wants to reach out nothing will stop her getting in touch? And if she's doesn't then it means she can't really be bothered...

 

It's hurts knowing I've just seen her on tinder a few minutes ago, so obviously she's scouting for men/replying to messages. She would have bound to have seen my profile now and probably rejected it. It's really hard this ?. She is a bit of an attention whore I think, likes the compliments off men on tinder and being chatted up, it makes her feel validated. Although when we were together she said I was the best she's ever been with- looks, sex and especially connection. I hope if it's meant to be she'll date about and realise I wasn't so bad then come back. But obviously I will have to move on with my life in the meantime.

[barky2]

Ok I will date, cheers bro.

 

So from your experience it really doesn't matter if she finds out or not, because ultimately if she wants to reach out nothing will stop her getting in touch? And if she's doesn't then it means she can't really be bothered...

 

It's hurts knowing I've just seen her on tinder a few minutes ago, so obviously she's scouting for men/replying to messages. She would have bound to have seen my profile now and probably rejected it. It's really hard this ?. She is a bit of an attention whore I think, likes the compliments off men on tinder and being chatted up, it makes her feel validated. Although when we were together she said I was the best she's ever been with- looks, sex and especially connection. I hope if it's meant to be she'll date about and realise I wasn't so bad then come back. But obviously I will have to move on with my life in the meantime.

 

 

 

Nope, doesn't matter either way.

 

If they want you back they'll move mountains.

 

I can attest to how my ex acted, moved mountains.

 

And I'm sure anyone else who's ex came back did the same thing.

 

Also you have to realise, even know y'all broke up she still took some kind of emotional hit, and that's why she needs validation of random strangers online.

 

I'm sure her self confidence went down a little , and she's turning to them and the internet for a ego boost.

 

Kind of like " oh wonder how good looking I am and how many men will drool over me".

 

That's what it seems to me.

 

If she's on there stay off. Focus on yourself.

 

Barky

[barky2]

Bump per request

 

 

 

Barky

[bluegreen]

Always good to know that my screeching ahem I meant screaming

served its purpose.

Good for you sweetie its truly a amazing feeling to be part of someone's better tomorrow ...

[barky2]

It all depends what the reach out says.

 

If it's a simple hi how are you ya leave it be.

 

If it's baby I want you back, you decide whether or not you want to hear them out or just ignore them.

 

There's not a fool proof plan that works for everyone.

 

For me, I ignored for a little, let it sit , than replied.

 

Others have ignored flat out 100% and moved on.

 

My suggestion, if they text you, don't reply write back...never.

 

Post a thread and let us as a community decide ( with your approval of course) decide what to do.

 

My inbox is never full, and I check the site regularly, so if it does happen inbox me.

 

Some answers you get here might be jaded whether it be jealous or whatnot, but I'll always give you level headed advice.

 

But don't ever bank on them reaching out, sometimes it doesn't happen.

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

[johnson_j]

Be very wary of the ex's intentions. My ex who reached out repeatedly to me until I bit has now gone silent again because it's convenient for her to do so. Next time I won't be so understanding, hard as it is.

[kgreatie]

I could improve myself all I want, but I know my ex will never come back to me. He fell out of love with me and that's what kills me. I had never been so in love or cared about anyone so much. 2 months later and I'm still crying my eyes out. I have accepted that he is gone forever, I have accepted that he wants nothing to do with me all of a sudden, but what I cant get over is how he could be so cold.

 

Now, I crave affection and cuddles. Not having it anymore kills me. I want him back so bad. I want to show him what I could have done for him. But he doesn't want to try and he gave up on me. Found out he's talking to this girl I made him stop talking to because I hated her, he liked her prior to me and I'm so angry that he probably had liked her this whole time. I feel so empty and it's been 2 months and I still can't stop crying

[STM206]

Thoughts?

 

My boyfriend of 4 years decided to leave, he was crying and a mess when he did. 2 months later he moved across the country and is in a relationship with his ex. Did he rebound? I find it hard considering how much he invested into us... Financial, emotional, the works.

 

Will I ever hear from him again do you think?

[sooshi]

kgreatie, it sounds like you miss physical affection and companionship more than you miss your ex. It also sounds like you feel like you were lacking and are therefore desperately wishing you could show you much you could give if you had the chance.

 

What you need to do right now is to focus your self-esteem. The affection and companionship will come, but not with him. You deserve to be with someone who loves you, not who is just infatuated with you and then goes when he no longer feels butterflies and sparks.

 

Thoughts?

 

My boyfriend of 4 years decided to leave, he was crying and a mess when he did. 2 months later he moved across the country and is in a relationship with his ex. Did he rebound? I find it hard considering how much he invested into us... Financial, emotional, the works.

 

Will I ever hear from him again do you think?

 

STM, I'm sorry for what you're going through. This sounds so painful. His current relationship might be a rebound. It sounds like he was probably trying to fill a void, and he thought that moving away (maybe running away from his problems) would help. Having him go back to his ex... I'm sorry that you're going through this.

 

I don't know if you'll hear from him again... but would you really want to, if it's for any reason other than truly wanting to reconcile?

[barky2]

I could improve myself all I want, but I know my ex will never come back to me. He fell out of love with me and that's what kills me. I had never been so in love or cared about anyone so much. 2 months later and I'm still crying my eyes out. I have accepted that he is gone forever, I have accepted that he wants nothing to do with me all of a sudden, but what I cant get over is how he could be so cold.

 

Now, I crave affection and cuddles. Not having it anymore kills me. I want him back so bad. I want to show him what I could have done for him. But he doesn't want to try and he gave up on me. Found out he's talking to this girl I made him stop talking to because I hated her, he liked her prior to me and I'm so angry that he probably had liked her this whole time. I feel so empty and it's been 2 months and I still can't stop crying

 

 

It's absolutely normal to grieve.... To a point.

 

You're still early in the healing process, 2 months isn't that long.

 

My question is, what have you done for YOURSELF.

 

What have you improved or want to improve for YOU.

 

Screw him....this is your time now.

 

One day you'll wake up sick of being sad and down and out.

 

One day you'll just say screw it and get mad.

 

Thats what you should be looking to reach right now.

 

The missing of the affection is also normal, you crave attention, every human does.

 

You want to feel good enough, appreciated ect.

 

You'll only find someone doing that to you, when you find it within yourself.

 

 

 

Barky

[barky2]

Be very wary of the ex's intentions. My ex who reached out repeatedly to me until I bit has now gone silent again because it's convenient for her to do so. Next time I won't be so understanding, hard as it is.

 

Ditto.

 

Mine did it many times till she finally ment it.

 

 

 

Barky

[barky2]

Thoughts?

 

My boyfriend of 4 years decided to leave, he was crying and a mess when he did. 2 months later he moved across the country and is in a relationship with his ex. Did he rebound? I find it hard considering how much he invested into us... Financial, emotional, the works.

 

Will I ever hear from him again do you think?

 

Rebound, kind of not really.

 

He went back to what he knows, what he's comfortable with.

 

Rebounds could last forever, you'll never know.

 

The thing is, he's across the country, either way it won't work now.

 

But you also have that on your side that you won't run into him ect.

 

Focus this time on yourself.

 

Will you hear from him again?

 

Maybe.

 

I've alway heard from my exs sometimes 10+ years down the line.

 

But it's always when you don't care anymore, and when you stop thinkin about them.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[STM206]

kgreatie, it sounds like you miss physical affection and companionship more than you miss your ex. It also sounds like you feel like you were lacking and are therefore desperately wishing you could show you much you could give if you had the chance.

 

What you need to do right now is to focus your self-esteem. The affection and companionship will come, but not with him. You deserve to be with someone who loves you, not who is just infatuated with you and then goes when he no longer feels butterflies and sparks.

 

 

 

STM, I'm sorry for what you're going through. This sounds so painful. His current relationship might be a rebound. It sounds like he was probably trying to fill a void, and he thought that moving away (maybe running away from his problems) would help. Having him go back to his ex... I'm sorry that you're going through this.

 

I don't know if you'll hear from him again... but would you really want to, if it's for any reason other than truly wanting to reconcile?

 

Thank you.

 

It has been a hard few months - he was my first love. I even had I ASK him if he was breaking up with me. Of course I went bi polar on him the month after... Begging, calling him out on his crap, the works. Low and behold he ran into the arms of an ex... The fact that he was able to pack up so fast and move on left me shell shocked.

 

I do wish I would hear from him again, not once did he instigate a conversation... It was me reaching out to him. Even a "hey I hope you're doing well" would at least show me that he did care for me as a person he shared 4 wonderful years with.

 

How I wish life could be like the movies.

 

Thank you and barky for your words. I just have had the hardest time moving on, I can't stop thinking about him and keep holding onto hope that he'll realize he made a mistake... I was so good to him.

[Elle1975]

I like your post, I know it's true.

 

I am not going to wait around. If it happens, great. If he doesn't want to try again, I will be with someone else, because.. I am not waiting for him to decide. I decide.

[barky2]

I like your post, I know it's true.

 

I am not going to wait around. If it happens, great. If he doesn't want to try again, I will be with someone else, because.. I am not waiting for him to decide. I decide.

 

 

The last sentence you should put as your quote in your profile, and any time you get weak you read it.

 

 

Barky

[Jessicalo]

My ex and I were together for 5 years and broke up last June because he was emotionally cheating on me with our neighbor.

At this point, they are not 'exclusive' but I know they spend a lot of time together and I know that she at least is really into him.

 

Right after the breakup I was nc, and hurting really bad. I finally started to feel better, and somehow we came back in contact with texting almost everyday and seeing each other occasionally. He of course said he missed me and loved me and wanted to move home because he doesn't have any real friends where he lives(I moved home after the breakup, about two hours away from him)

 

He had told me he was not talking to this other girl anymore because he knew it hurt me and I wouldn't tolerate it. Well turns out he lied about that.

 

Anyways, his sister and brother in law opened a business right after I got home and asked me to work for them because they needed someone thy could trust and I needed a job, so I said yes. I fell in love with them and my job, they're my friends now and I make good money. His sister thinks he's being a complete ass in this stage in his life and thinks he made a mistake effing things up with me. So we have talked about him, but we dont regularly and I don't really connect him with them much in my mind because I never really got to know them while we were together. The relationship I have with them was forged completely on my own. I just can't help but wonder if this is detrimental to me though, even though I'm feeling pretty good about being single right now.

 

Sticky situation! I'd like your opinion...I am in nc with him again.